My local RWA chapter, GRRRWA, had a fantastic guest speaker this weekend. A policeman. Not to sound like a five year old who just saw a fire truck parked at the neighbors house, but seriously, he was a real policeman with a gun and a taser and a badge and everything. No horse or motorcycle, but all the rest of the stuff.
Now, if you’re like me, you can sympathize with the urge to, when meeting someone in a profession you have very little knowledge of, ask as many questions as you possibly can, even if you sound incredibly stupid. I do this with the following people:
- Pilots
- Doctors
- Football players
- Members of our Armed Forces
- Senators, state or otherwise
- Meteorologists
- Policemen
- People who like to golf.
And I can’t stop the questions from flowing out my word hole. I asked him who cleans up murdered people. How much sweet, stinky weed you can get caught with before it becomes a felony. How they wrestle people down and handcuff them. What cops would think if Batman and Spiderman were real. I just barely restrained myself from asking if he’d ever been shot and if he would taser me so I could see what it was like.
Needless to say, I learned a lot. The most disappointing answer was that if Spiderman and Batman were real, they really wouldn’t be doing the police any favors, because the police couldn’t just pick up a guy wrapped up in a web and charge him with a crime they didn’t see. Which makes sense, I guess, but damn. I can’t believe I’ve lived my whole life as a lie.
Anyway, I was thinking. This is a golden opportunity to answer some burning questions I know people must have about being a writer. So, I’m going to attempt to do that right now:
Top Ten Answers To Questions Frequently Asked Of Writers:
- Not as much as you’d think, and certainly not enough to support my lifestyle, which is fabulous.
- You have to use stilts, because it’s up really high.
- Tomorrow.
- Yes, that does look infected.
- No, it would be foolish to remove the restraining bolt, as it is likely that your droid will just run away.
- Probably not more than six, just to be safe.
- A turkey sandwich, but then only with help.
- Family Feud reruns.
- Goal setting is EXTREMELY important.
- I say, tell the warden. Everyone loves a snitch.
I hope that helps clear up some of the mystery about what I do.