Last night, Mr. Jen and I were discussing fast food in Europe. He, having never been to Europe, established himself as the expert and I, having been on three occasions to various European countries, had to knock his ass down a peg or two. Here is the conversation in almost its entirety:
Jen: And there are no Taco Bells in Europe!
Mr. Jen: That must have been terrible in Amsterdam.
J: No, because you go to McDonald’s and they give you mayonnaise for your fries and you’re like, “Oh, wow, this tastes SOOOOO good right now.” So, I really didn’t miss Taco Bell.
MJ: I cant eat McDonald’s while I’m high. Burger King I could do. But I would really want Taco Bell.
J: No, there aren’t any Burger Kings, either.
MJ: Yes there are!
J: I didn’t see a single Burger King the whole time I was there. Not in England, not in Spain, not in France. Belgium. Holland. Nothing. No Burger Kings.
MJ: They were there, you just didn’t see them.
J: Now, how’re they gonna have a McDonald’s on practically every corner and I just don’t happen to see a Burger King?
MJ: Well, I know why they don’t have them in France. They rejected the burger monarchy a long time ago.
J: Yeah, like, there was a Burger King, but a bunch of Frenchmen stormed it and dragged the manager out and guillotined him and now it’s Burger Republique.
MJ: Right. They had to behead him, because the King just has a plastic head.
J: They tried, though. Like, they loaded him onto that little bench and strapped him all in, and then they tried to roll him forward and his head wouldn’t fit between the neck holder things.
MJ: Yeah, and they kept smashing his head into it, but he wouldn’t fit. And his arms are all flailing. That would be funny.
J: His arms wouldn’t be flailing. They strap you down.
MJ: No, seriously, I couldn’t get high without Taco Bell.
J: Suit yourself. That’s more for me, my friend.
MJ: Hey, we should go to Amsterdam for their festival of cannabis or whatever they call it.
J: I think they call it “Thursday”.
MJ: No, they have this thing, this celebration, and they do contests. Like one is a competition to see who can smoke the most weed.
J: And that was how Jen died.
One of my friends posted this video on her LiveJournal, and it’s hilarious. My favorite line is “Under my TurboHeather’s pretty, pretty dress is a tornado of power.” Clearly, TurboHeather is an EC heroine.