I may have already told you all this story before. If I have, just nod and smile, as if I’m a forgetful old grandpa telling you the same story every year at Christmas time.
Once upon a time, I had this dream that I was going to be a big time Broadway star. But I could never commit to leaving Michigan, due to its awesomeness. Instead, I had this weird idea that I could live in Michigan and worry about relocating to the Big Apple if I ever actually got a job. In industries that are not “acting in a play in New York,” that’s a smart strategy. But I’ve already mentioned what industry I was interested in, so my plan bleeeeeeeeeeeeew.
So, anyway, I would fly into New York, audition for shit, then fly home either the same night or the next morning. On one such occasion, I was walking around and saw the marquee for a revival of The Iceman Cometh. I had heard that Tony Danza was in that. I thought it would be funny to wait at the stage door and meet him, and get his autograph on one of the brochures you get out of the back of taxis. Because he was on Taxi, get it? I’m hilarious.
I go over to a cab, I get one of the brochures from the guy, I go back and wait at the stage door. People start coming out, but nobody I really want to see. Then the dude next to me starts talking about how he’s the big Kevin Spacey fan, and he’s so into Kevin Spacey, and I’m like, “That’s nice, me too,” and thinking, “Wow, it’s weird that this guy just keeps talking about Kevin Spacey,” and then I realize, oh, Kevin Spacey is in this show, and just then, bam, out the stage door comes Kevin Spacey.
So, I got Kevin Spacey’s autograph on an index card, and it was pretty awesome. Except, I’m not really good at meeting celebrities (ask me about the time I puked in front of Tori Amos!) so I ended up pointing at his face when he was like, a foot away from me, and saying, “Hey! You’re Keyser Soze!”
Then I started pretty actively hardcore trolling on Kevin Spacey fan email lists, but that… is a story for another time.
Oh, also, Tony Danza never came out, otherwise this story would have been way cooler.