FADE IN:
INT. BEDROOM, EVENING.
JENNY TROUT, a paragon of beauty and grace, sits in bed beside her husband, MR. JEN, a heretofore unknown ogre of a human being.
MR. JEN
I don’t know if…I think you probably already heard this before.
JENNY
Uh…
MR. JEN
At Easter, I clogged the toilet twice, and I didn’t know what to do, so I just left.
JENNY
What?
MR. JEN
I panicked. I didn’t know what to do, so I just left.
JENNY
Twice?
MR. JEN
Twice.
JENNY
I don’t understand…was this last year?
MR. JEN
No, this was a long time ago. Years and years ago.
JENNY
Why are you telling me this now?
MR. JEN
I thought you would already know!
JENNY
How the hell would I know that? Was this…I mean, was it twice in the same year or–
MR. JEN
No! God, no. It was two separate years.
JENNY
Oh, thank god. I thought it was twice in the same year, and I couldn’t figure out how you pulled that off. I mean, physically, I don’t know how someone could do that twice in one day. The giant poops and the leaving. I can’t get my head around this. Why didn’t you say something?
MR. JEN
What was I supposed to say?
JENNY
I don’t know, why not, “I need a plunger?”
MR. JEN
Oh, okay. I’ll just go up to someone and say, “Can I have a plunger? I just destroyed your shitter. It’s choking on it real good.”
Jenny reaches for her laptop.
JENNY
I need to do something.
MR. JEN
Do not put that on Facebook! Do not!
JENNY
Not Facebook! I’m putting it on the blog.
MR. JEN
I swear to god, if you put that on Facebook, I will never go to another Easter ever again. Ever.
JENNY
Chill out! I said I was putting on the blog.
MR. JEN
Okay. Wait, no, because what if someone in your family reads it?
JENNY
Nobody in my family reads my blog.
MR. JEN
But what if Kari or somebody reads it?
JENNY
Who the fuck cares if Kari reads it? You would finally be a part of the family! How many stories do we tell about who clogged the toilet on this vacation or which kid had the stinkiest diapers?
MR. JEN
True.
JENNY
You would finally be a real Armintrout. Because you destroyed someone’s shitter.
FADE OUT.
THE END