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Barbie Girl: A Musical Interlude

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FADE IN

INT. JENNY’S BEDROOM – DAY

JENNY, an elegant woman of taste and distinction, eats chocolate pretzels pantsless beside her husband, MR. JEN, a strange man. They’re watching the “Top Ten Pop Songs from The ’90s” list on MsMojo. Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” plays in the background.

VOICE OVER
(on TV)
It’s doubtful it’s anyone’s favorite song…

Jenny looks pointedly at Mr. Jen, who grins.

JENNY
It’s doubtful, right?

Mr. Jen keeps on grinning.

JENNY
I just cannot believe that about you. I can’t believe that is your favorite song.

Mr. Jen is still grinning , unashamed.

JENNY
Like, it’s not in a funny way. It’s not in an ironic way. It is genuinely, and without sarcasm, your favorite song of all time.

MR. JEN
It’s a good song.

JENNY
Good?

MR. JEN
It’s the best song.

FADE OUT

THE END

25 Comments

  1. I think at this point, the only option you have is immediate divorce and cut off all his contact with the children.

    Do not let this evil spread.

    December 5, 2016
    |Reply
    • Casey
      Casey

      It’s funny how people can respond so differently to the same stimuli. I was thinking if I met a guy who unironically and unembarrassedly liked something that bubblegum cheesy, I’d marry them in a heartbeat. But maybe that’s because I’ve dated too many guys who like bands “you’ve probably never heard of” and go on diatribes about how much better music “used to be.”

      December 5, 2016
      |Reply
      • IfYouEverCome Back
        IfYouEverCome Back

        Ugh God! Have we dated the same guys?

        December 5, 2016
        |Reply
        • Casey
          Casey

          That depends: is the only rapper they deign to listen to Macklemore?

          (Slightly tangential: I’ve noticed an uncomfortable tendency of these guys to only listen to white musicians or traditionally white genres; no blues, but plenty of British classic rock that’s basically repackaged blues. No rap, Motown, or R&B, but plenty of alt-rock and some metal/Nu metal/other Angry White Boy music, or even country. I’m not calling all of my exes racist–though one of them certainly was–but it’s . . . definitely something they never really thought through.)

          December 6, 2016
          |Reply
          • @Casey — Maybe they just feel like they’re bad boys and want to punish themselves by refusing to listen to some of the best music ever made?

            December 6, 2016
          • JennyTrout
            JennyTrout

            I’ve noticed this with someone on my FB who “explains” at least once a month why rap is objectively horrible, juvenile, has bad grammar, isn’t “real” music, etc. I’ve just resigned myself to no longer arguing. They’re never going to see how blatant the signals they’re sending are, especially when they have such a clawing need to “explain” why any genre/style created or dominated by black artists is terrible over and over and over again.

            It’s the “I listen to everything…except rap” that “open-minded” white people do. They’ll listen to Meghan Trainor or Hailee Steinfeld singing pop in a “blaccent” and love it all day long, but Rihanna or Nicki Minaj make bad music because [paper thin justifications]. Then when you point out how coincidental it is that they only dislike black artists/genres, they become music theory experts whose ear is so much more refined than yours, and that’s why you don’t understand.

            December 6, 2016
      • ViolettaD
        ViolettaD

        Hipster Hell. They’re the ones who had to stop liking Arcade Fire as soon as everyone else started.

        December 5, 2016
        |Reply
        • Casey
          Casey

          Hipsters are bad, but the “music stopped existing after 1975” crowd is pretty annoying as well, and I’ve personally met more of them. Every time I hear Led Zeppelin or Cream I have a knee-jerk reaction to axe-kick my radio–a reaction that has nothing to do with the band itself, but they’ve been poisoned forever as the only “real music” in existence.

          December 6, 2016
          |Reply
    • IfYouEverCome Back
      IfYouEverCome Back

      Pssh, that is an awesome song! Mr Jen has good taste

      December 5, 2016
      |Reply
  2. Bunny
    Bunny

    Funny. I like that song because it reminds me of college but it’s not my favorite. My brother wants it played at his funeral. Must be a guy song.

    December 5, 2016
    |Reply
  3. Mel
    Mel

    I don’t think it’s his favourite song, but my husband loves that song too. Is there something going on here? I don’t get why guys seem to unapologetically love this song. Maybe they’re messing with us?

    December 5, 2016
    |Reply
    • Ange
      Ange

      I know my husband loves it too but no small part of that is because of how attractive the lead singer is.

      December 6, 2016
      |Reply
  4. I’ve always enjoyed that song and actually nearly kicked a guy in the face once (in HS) when he reacted so violently AGAINST IT. Like it came on at the school dance and he made this disgusted face and declared he’d go tell the DJ to turn it off because it was such a bad song and anyone who liked it was as empty-headed as Barbie. He was only saved from my kicking him by his girlfriend punching his arm and storming off (it was her fav song too).

    December 5, 2016
    |Reply
  5. Lia
    Lia

    It is definitely a guy song;)

    December 5, 2016
    |Reply
    • IfYouEverCome Back
      IfYouEverCome Back

      This is awesomeness!

      December 5, 2016
      |Reply
    • Bunny
      Bunny

      LOL

      December 6, 2016
      |Reply
  6. Jass
    Jass

    Just a little while ago a friend and I were talking about this song.

    We decided someone had to make a jukebox musical featuring only Aqua songs, in the vein of Mamma Mia.
    It would take place on the Las Vegas Strip, about someone who comes to make it big (Because it’s “Calling You”) but unexpected problems arise. Cue a run in with a “Barbie Girl”, a visit to “Doctor Jones”, memories made “In the Heat of the Night”, all finally culminating in “Happy Boys and Happy Girls”

    If this ever happens, I will happily give Mr. Jen complimentary tickets.

    December 6, 2016
    |Reply
    • Bunny
      Bunny

      Funny! Aqua reminds me of ABBA too. I really liked their first album. Can I get tickets to your musical too?

      December 6, 2016
      |Reply
      • Jass
        Jass

        Of course! 🙂

        December 7, 2016
        |Reply
  7. candy apple
    candy apple

    My little boy was attending school in Britain in 2003. They played this song at the Christmas play and all the little girls were dressed like Barbie dolls and danced to it.

    I was like: “…”

    December 6, 2016
    |Reply
  8. KC
    KC

    Whatever! I regularly do that song at karaoke and it kills every time!

    December 7, 2016
    |Reply
  9. Evelyn
    Evelyn

    Props to Mr Jen for being unashamed of the music that he likes 🙂

    I personally preferred Dr Jones, if we have to have an Aqua classic playing, but Barbie Girl is one of those catchy numbers where you learn all of the lyrics by osmosis (or some other magic), and end up grudgingly almost liking it.

    December 7, 2016
    |Reply
  10. =8)-DX
    =8)-DX

    Oh yes it’s the best, in a twisted part of the pop-musical scale which starts with Mika’s lollipop and ends with playing Gunther: Pleasureman on repeat (seriously, it has to be heard to be believed).
    My musical snobbery is reduced to “no brass-band folk songs please”, “original English lyrics versions” and “if I’m dancing, up the tempo!”
    Any true appreciator of music should be able to lose themselves in rap as well as rock, pop, country ballads or old&new classical. Especially the shitty music.

    December 9, 2016
    |Reply
  11. Vince
    Vince

    Lene from Aqua was the first woman I ever had proper tingles in my pants for. That bit in the Barbie Girl music video when she is singing from the pool and her hair is all wet…Hnnnng.

    January 5, 2017
    |Reply

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