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The Funniest Porn I Have Ever Seen

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Another from the “Jen’s True Stories” file: I saw the funniest porno, ever.

You know how when you make an order from Adam & Eve and they send you free videos? Don’t act all high and mighty, you and I both know that you are well aware of the free videos. But if you insist on keeping up this charade, when you buy something from Adam & Eve, they’ll usually send you a compilation DVD of little clips pulled from different full-length porno movies.

On one such disk, there was what appeared to be a three way with two girls and a guy in the great outdoors. There is also an outside observer, a man looking out a window and pleasuring himself as he watches the action on the lawn. It’s high concept, I know. But stick with me.

The action is pretty tame, kissing, fondling, blow jobbing, etc., and suddenly, one of the girls has this huge strap on. Except, she doesn’t use it on the other girl. She uses it on the dude. It’s a straight up, out of nowhere, hardcore pegging scene, and the dude in the house? He’s having none of it. He gets this disgusted face – I wish I could plug a camera into my mind and show you, because for the rest of my life I will never forget this guy’s face – and silently mouths (because of the glass, you dig?), “What the fuck?!”

To this day, I will never understand why that scene was included in the porno. It makes no sense. If you were a person who was into pegging, you’d be all, “Oh, yeah, it’s on!” as the scene starts, and then suddenly there’s Studly McJackoff, totally disgusted at your fetish. It’s so weird and judgmental. Unless that’s a really, really specific fetish, getting shamed for liking pegging by actors in pornos.

Still, as I’m sitting here, laughing with my husband over that hilarious porn, I’m so glad they included the scene. It’s become a part of the culture of our marriage. We’ll be laughing about that when we’re seventy. It will be a special memory, shared only by me, Joe, and the window guy.

And all of you, who also got that DVD, because you totally know about the free DVDs.

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The cover for Nightmare Born shows the silhouette of two teens facing each other, holding hands in front of a night sky. There's a scary dracula-looking castle on a hill in the background and a full moon in the clouds. The title and two logos for the Google Play and Apple App store show beneath my name.

8 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    Look, I went to that page and the very first thing I saw was a huge ad for Fifty Shades toys. I'm not going back anytime soon.

    May 17, 2013
    |Reply
  2. Anonymous
    Anonymous

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    June 4, 2013
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  3. Artemis
    Artemis

    I realize I’m commenting literally years after this was posted, but this was so funny that I was full-voice laughing out loud alone in my house because of it.

    Also the spam comment above mine is pretty amusing.

    December 11, 2014
    |Reply
    • ViolettaD
      ViolettaD

      Same. Neighbors must think I am on drugs.

      March 8, 2015
      |Reply
  4. Crystal
    Crystal

    And here I was just going and buying stuff directly from our local Adam & Eve store. Now that I know you get free porn I’m going to have to place some online orders.

    February 23, 2015
    |Reply
  5. Tiffany
    Tiffany

    Its 4 a.m. and I just woke by husband up by laughing too loudly at this. I need this porn.

    March 15, 2015
    |Reply

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