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“Why didn’t we think of this before?”

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I kid you not, that is, if not a direct quote, a close approximation of what one of the vampires in 30 Days Of Night says while they’re hunting and killing the residents of a small Alaskan town.

This movie deserves some kind of award for most awesome vampires. I’m going to give it to them right now. “The Jennifer Armintrout Award For Excellence In The Field Of Spraying Blood And Vampires Being Thrown Into Giant Wood Chippers” is hereby presented to 30 Days Of Night. They also receive the lesser known, but just as prestigious, “Jennifer Armintrout Award For Best Film In Which An Enraged Mountain Man Resembling Hagrid Drives A Giant Saw Machine Through A Crowd Of Vampires”.

This was one of those movies where they would show some machine or vehicle and you’d be like, “Oh, I just know that is going to come into play later, and I cannot WAIT!” Like the huge wood chipper thing. I sat on the edge of my seat, wondering when, in a spray of blood and much flailing and screaming, a vampire was gonna get tossed into it. I was not disappointed.

I’m not even ruining key plot points here for you, because the thing is, the first fifteen minutes are like a road map to what is going to happen later. “Giant wood chipper? You know someone is getting thrown into that! Chainsaw you can drive? Oh man, that is going to be excellent.”

The only way this movie could have been better is if the vampires from it somehow got into the movie Across The Universe and they ate all of those stupid hippies. They’d be like, protesting the Vietnam War and giving a passing nod to the civil rights movement, holding hands and singing “All You Need Is Love” and BAM! Vampires. Eating them. Spraying their patchouli scented blood all over the psychedelic ground.

And during the previews, I almost wet my pants. Not because I sneezed too hard. Oh no. Because there is another Aliens Vs. Predator movie coming out this Christmas. Sorry, Johnny Depp, but the Yajuta top demon barbers every time. I know how my movie money is going to be spent this Christmas. Wisely.

That would be another good movie, if the vampires from 30 Days Of Night fought the Predators.

So, with all the tons of movies coming out in the next few months, what is everyone excited to see? My next must-see is “Enchanted”, the one where a Disney Princess gets sucked into real life.

Because, regardless of my enthusiasm for spraying blood and flying vampire chunks, I’m nothing if not a princess at heart.

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  1. I wanna see Enchanted.

    By the way, your infatuation with all things Alien vs. Predator has reached an alarming level. It's Johnny Depp, woman! Where are your priorities?

    November 7, 2007
  2. Went to see Eastern Promises, and also saw the preview for Across the Universe. Why would I want to see a movie inspired by The Beatles when I can just listen to their albums, and watch Hard Day's Night or whatever?

    *wonders if patchouli can be deadly*

    Have a lovely day! 🙂

    P.S. How was Melissa George's American accent – believable?

    November 8, 2007
  3. The Bee movie. Okay, that was a joke.
    Enchanted. Sweeney Todd. Beowulf, cause it's a graphic novel/movie like 300 and has Neil Gaimon as a writer.
    The Golden Compass.
    I am Legend.

    November 8, 2007
  4. Enchanted is on my must see list too.

    BTW, I loved your hippie fantasy. I think patchouli might kill vampires though…

    November 8, 2007
  5. Anonymous

    i cant wait to see sweeney todd and ps i love you
    lori from plainwell

    December 24, 2007
  6. Honestly, I liked 30 Days of Night myself but in my mind I ave never thought that vampires of any kind would CROW like birds of prey… That actually kind of startled me and made me laugh at the same time.

    December 24, 2007

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