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I watched Breaking Dawn part 2

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And I tweeted it. [View the story “#BreakingJenny” on Storify]

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30 Comments

  1. zee
    zee

    It has the only watchable fifteen minutes of the entire franchise, but they couldn't leave it at that, could they? No, no, they have to Dallas that shit. Should've known when Bella was able to kick someone's ass. Still, I mini-orgasmed when Carlisle's head was dangling, first time I watched. And I like Peter Facinelli 😉

    Also, I can't be the only one who thinks this, but KStew chain-smoking much before her 'you called her Nessie?' scene? I want to cough for her, whenever I'm subjected to this shit.

    Also, this film shows her 'other face'. Which in England, you typically see on a chav a few seconds before they beat the shit out of you. A chav is like a hillbilly wearing sweatpants, fake bling and with major anger management problems, if you need help picturing the stereotype. I think she imagines it's her 'battle face' … yeeeaaahhhhhhh …

    May 23, 2013
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  2. Bella, stop making fuck me eyes at your father. That's my job
    Mine too. Oh, Billy Burke. You made watching these movies bearable. Sweet, sweet Mustache Dad.

    Why do they let Michael Sheen push them around? He's Tony Blair. Tony Blair isn't scary.
    Well, he was the best part about those Underworld movies. And sexy. He made a sexy, sexy werewolf.

    The most I did while watching this movie (with the RiffTrax) was boggle at WHY LEE PACE IS IN IT. Lee Pace is awesome. Seeing him in something like… Twilight… Just boggles the mind. I'm going to ignore the part of me that's making an exasperated face at Marmaduke.

    He was really hot all scruffy in this, though.

    Yeah, this movie wasn't nearly as bad as the rest, but the fake-out battle thing was such a weak thing to do. If they'd kept it real, I'd feel less like I'd just had even more of my time wasted.

    May 23, 2013
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  3. zee
    zee

    Ohhhhh, I would annoy Lee Pace with my British Invasion any time. I would British Invade his pants, like Aro on a bunch of tourists.

    Ahem. Sorry.

    May 23, 2013
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  4. Yup, I admit it, during the credit montage of BD Pt 2 I got weepy and when the pages turn and show Jacob a tear fell from my cheek.

    May 23, 2013
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  5. By Breaking Dawn, I was sick of the books. They just got worse with each one. Then the movies came along and continued the worsening trend from where the books left off. BD2 seemed more like a film student's good college try than a Hollywood Blockbuster. Seriously, it's just bloody awful! But the good new is there are plenty of talented people with skills to mock it. See for instance:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21Pjiaxz914

    May 23, 2013
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  6. Oh, this is hysterical! I love it!

    May 23, 2013
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  7. Lee Pace is the only reason TO watch the movie!! Thank God he's in it- it would be unwatchable without his hotness!!

    May 23, 2013
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  8. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    One small quibble. Tony Blair is terrifying. A bloodthirsty psychotic killer without conscience and with messianic delusions. I haven't seen the movie, although I've heard Sheen is camp as Christmas, but if he in any way channels his previous (excellent)performances as Blair I am sure he is nothing short of chilling.

    May 24, 2013
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  9. So I basically had no idea how to use Storify or even what it really was, though I'd seen it used before. Your post today inspired me to check it out, I joined it, and now I wish I'd known about it a year ago when I livetweeted my drunken watching of a SyFy original movie, because it would have been SO useful. (I did just try to create a story from those old tweets, but it won't load that far back.)

    Also you've inspired me to watch the last Twilight film. I've seen all the others (haven't read the books, though). Wasn't going to watch the last one because I was kind of /done/, but your tweets have changed my mind.

    May 24, 2013
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  10. ednaz
    ednaz

    Thank You, Paula! That was great! : D

    May 24, 2013
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  11. I thought the first two and a half were hilarious, absolutely hilarious. Then they started getting dull. The wedding could have been nice it it wasn't 25 minutes of the movie. Did you notice SMeyer's cameo? She was a guest, and the camera stayed on her smiling face for far too long. Others who've seen this movie say that the wedding is like her wet-dream come to life, which is why it took so long and Bella's every step is shown.

    BD 2 happened to be a great exercise in how NOT to write a book. Give me a break, the voice-over kept telling rather than letting is see what's happening, and in some scenes the voice-over recapped what we just saw or was just about to happen. It was padding.

    May 24, 2013
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  12. I live-Facebooked from the theater, and since I got to go to a pre-release showing, none of my friends who are actually fans knew what was going to happen (um…), and did have a heads-up. As soon as the fight scene started I said that it have better not be a dream sequence, but watch it be, and then it was. You know the books are dull when fight scenes that weren't in the books have to be added just so something happens.

    I really wanted that fight scene to have happened.

    May 24, 2013
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  13. @Alys Not only did the camera linger on Meyer for too long, but I swear I remember Bella offering up a tiny little nod. I may have imagined it, but the whole thing was far too much.

    God, that movie was so boring.

    May 24, 2013
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  14. >Why do they let Michael Sheen push them around? He's Tony Blair. Tony Blair isn't scary. #BreakingJenny< Thta hair line…those earlobes… I can't watch him and NOT thing Troll Doll. I loved the fake-out fight scene. We got the action, the OMG No! moments, and then the 'gotcha' moment when we realize that Alice's gift just trumped Aro's ability.
    I like that Alice got to be the hero.

    May 24, 2013
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  15. Olive
    Olive

    ednaz – that was too funny. Thanks for sharing the link.

    May 24, 2013
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  16. I'm so glad you posted this! I can't get into Twitter and it would have been a shame to miss such hilarity!

    May 24, 2013
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  17. I expected some real kickass comment on the two weird twins, because I think they were more ridiculous than anything else:-(

    May 24, 2013
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  18. You're right, Jenn. It was a scene meant to glorify SMeyer and her fantasy.

    I like the cameos where you wouldn't notice unless you look. Peter Jackson is usually a background extra. In Pollyana (yeah, I'm going back to the 60's because this is one of my favorites), the director was a fireman on a balcony and he said something like two words and wasn't the focus of the scene. You're doing cameo wrong when it's impossible for people to miss you. No other unnamed guest got such a close-up, making her stand out even more.

    May 25, 2013
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  19. Also about the wedding scene. Early on the designer stated that it was really hard making sure the gown had all the elements SMeyer wanted and to make it look good. Really the finished dress looked nothing like Anne of Green Gables (what Bella thought it looked like in the book) or something like out of a Jane Austen book (which is what her mother said), so I don't know what SMeyer thinks those two eras look like. They are nothing at all alike.

    May 25, 2013
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  20. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    Excellent blog entry for those of us not on Twitter. I love, love, love all the cheesiness of Twilight, including this movie, and your review is hilarious!

    May 25, 2013
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  21. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    Yeah, the fake fight scene was maybe the one thing I actually liked about the movies. It was a scene NOT ABOUT BELLA that hinged on ANOTHER CHARACTER using HER POWERS to solve problems that BELLA CAUSED.

    And it was probably the only way to have an awesome fight like that in such a milquetoast series.

    May 26, 2013
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    February 1, 2014
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  23. Steve the Fan
    Steve the Fan

    Tony Blair not terrifying? You clearly didn’t live in Britain at the time he was PM.

    May 30, 2015
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