{"id":5720,"date":"2013-07-12T20:01:59","date_gmt":"2013-07-13T00:01:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.wordpress.com\/?page_id=5720"},"modified":"2026-03-11T12:22:12","modified_gmt":"2026-03-11T16:22:12","slug":"jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?page_id=5720","title":{"rendered":"Jealous Hater Book Club"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Jenny<\/a><\/p>\n

Jenny reads books with a reputation for having problematic content, poor writing, or ethical \u00a0weirdness. Then she tells you about what’s in them so you don’t have to spend your money or time on them.<\/p>\n

MOST RECENT READ: A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES, SARAH J. MAAS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter One: “You’re starving because you suck at hunting.”<\/a>
\nChapter Two: “Woe is me.”<\/a>
\nChapter Three: “Girl, you’re gay.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Four: “The defendant will be remanded into NONSENSE.”<\/a>
\nChapter Five: “Make Prythian Great Again”
\n<\/a>Chapter Six: “Masquerade! Mediocrity on display!”
\n<\/a>Chapter Seven: “The Bold and The Beautiful”<\/a>
\nChapter Eight: “Dinner Vu”<\/a>
\nChapter Nine: “I don’t think I’m reading the same book you’re writing.”<\/a>
\nChapter Ten: “No, she didn\u2019t copy Harry Potter.<\/a>”
\nChapter Eleven: “When a couple of fae\/they were up to no good\/started makin’ trouble in the garden outside the castle where I am being held prisoner.”<\/a>
\nChapter Twelve: “Tale as old as Disney’s long history of issuing C&Ds.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirteen: “Nothing means anything anymore.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Fourteen: “Wait, did Feyre just shit her pants?”<\/a>
\nChapter Fifteen: “That scene in Beauty and The Beast with the wolves but now the wolves are racism.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Sixteen: “Forget what you read before, we’re doing this now.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Seventeen: “Did she take your wings? You never mentioned if she took your wings.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Eighteen: “Go to horny jail and\/or a national park, Sarah.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Nineteen: “Don’t worry. The paint has arrived.”<\/a>
\nChapter Twenty: “OR WORSE.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-One: “Zoo Tragedy”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Two: “The Joy of Painting”<\/a>
\nChapter Twenty-Three: “Handsome powers, powerfully activate!”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Four: “A Chapter of Night Court and Racism”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Five: “The Chapter That Didn’t Matter”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Six: “This shit is gay, dude.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Seven: “Fifty Shades of Fae”
\n<\/a>Chapter Twenty-Eight: Feyre-Man: No Way Home”<\/a>
\nChapter Twenty-Nine: “Feyre Delveigh”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty: “Look, darling\u2026paaaaaaaaahhhhhverty.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-One: “Extreme Urkel Vibes”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Two: “The entire plot of Sarah J. Maas\u2019s A Court of Thorns and Roses, performed by a minor character”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Three: “The selflessness of twu wuv”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Four: “Feyre gets her shit rocked and I experience true catharsis.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Five: “It’s love.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Six: “Lair of The Pinkish-Brown Worm”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Seven: “WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY?!”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Eight: “Padding”
\n<\/a>Chapter Thirty-Nine: “Watch your drink.”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty: “Reading is FUNdamental”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty-One: “Prythian Heating and Cooling”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty-Two: “The Incredible Vanishing Worldbuilding”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty-Three: “Feyre Everdeen”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty-Four: “Amarantha Chiropractic and Holistic Wellness Center”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty-Five: “Breaking Dawn”
\n<\/a>Chapter Forty-Six: “The end! But still, so much end.”<\/a>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

BEAUTIFUFL DISASTER, JAMIE MCGUIRE<\/strong><\/p>\n

The MAGA author was too flattered by the attention I was giving her, so I had to stop these.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Chapter 1, “Red Flag” or “No shit, ya think?”<\/a>
\nChapter 2, “Pig” or “Yes, still incredibly accurate.”<\/a>
\nChapter 3, “Cheap Shot,” or “It Doesn’t Stand For Students Against Drunk Dancing, You Irresponsible Fucks”<\/a>
\nChapter 4, “The Bet,” or “I hate these blurred lines. No. Seriously. I hate them.<\/a>”
\nChapter 5, “Parker Hayes” or “Obvious Foil”
\n<\/a><\/p>\n

HANDBOOK FOR MORTALS, LANI SAREM<\/strong><\/p>\n

Introduction and Chapter 0, The Fool or “There Must Be Something More Than This Technicolor Dream Hair Life”<\/a>
\nChapter 1, The Magician or “That’s Not How Any Of This Works”<\/a>
\nChapter 2, The Hermit or “Cifnaf Annataz”<\/a>
\nChapter 3, The Hierophant or “Nothing Happened”<\/a>
\nChapter 4, The Empress or “Star Trek Season 1 Episode 14 \u2018Court Martial’\u201d<\/a>
\nChapter 5, The Emperor or “Dive And Blush And Blush And Dive And Blush And Blush And Blush.\u201d<\/a>
\nChapter 6, The Moon or “Total Drama High School”<\/a>
\nChapter 7, Strength (part one) or “Rebel Without A Clue”<\/a>
\nChapter 7, Strength (part two) or “Circus Of The Stars”<\/a>
\nChapter 8, The Star (part one) or “If you’re in love, show me! Show me!”<\/a>
\nChapter 8, The Star (part two) or \u201cHave you ever noticed how much I say \u2018um\u2019? YOU WILL TODAY.\u201d<\/a>
\nChapter 8, The Star (part three) or “Carrie,\u00a0But With Lemonade”<\/a>
\nChapter 9, Temperance, or “I’m sorry that people are jealous of me…but I can’t help it that I’m popular.”<\/a>
\nChapter 10, Internalized Misogyny, Rinse, Repeat”<\/a>
\nChapter 11, The Devil or “Readers’ Digest Condensed Boring Parts”<\/a>
\nChapter 12, The Sun or “Art Imitates Life”<\/a>
\nChapter 13, The High Priestess or “The Big Skew”<\/a>
\nChapter 14, Wheel Of Fortune or “Fifty Shades of Mac”<\/a>
\nChapter 15, The Tower (part one) or “The first time the card in the chapter title was actually applicable to what happens in the plot”<\/a>
\nChapter 15, The Tower (part two) or “This is the part where adapting the screenplay into a book got hard”<\/a>
\nChapter 16, Justice or “Girlfriend in a coma\/I know it’s serious”<\/a>
\nChapter 17, The Lovers or “Shot through the heart\/and you’re to blame\/darlin’ you give love a bad name”<\/a>
\nChapter 18, The Chariot (part one) or “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”<\/a>
\nChapter 18, The Chariot (part two) or “No One Is Responsible For Their Actions”<\/a>
\nChapter 19, Death (part one) or “Super easy, barely an inconvenience.”<\/a>
\nChapter 19, Death (part two) or “THAT’S IT I’M SETTING THIS BLOG AND THEN MYSELF ON FIRE.”<\/a>
\nChapter 20, Judgment or “Aptly named, considering what I’m about to do to it.”<\/a>
\nChapter 21, The World or “You’re never going to guess where the plot finally shows up.”<\/a>
\nBonus:<\/strong>\u00a0Jenny reads the HfM screenplay.<\/a><\/p>\n

JENNY READS FIFTY SHADES OF MIDNIGHT SUN:<\/b><\/p>\n

Incomplete due the book just being so incredibly disturbing.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Monday, May 9, 2011<\/strong>, or, \u201cReturn of The Chedward\u201d
\n<\/a>Saturday, May 14, 2011,<\/strong> or \u201cLack of situational awareness makes our hero look like a serial killer.\u201d
\n<\/a>Sunday, May 15, 2011<\/strong>, or \u201cThe impossible has occurred: Ana is suddenly tolerable\u201d
\n<\/a>Thursday May 19, 2011,<\/strong> or \u201cMisogylicious!\u201d
\n<\/a>Friday, May 20, 2011<\/strong> or \u201cThe Hero Portland Needs\u201d
\n<\/a>Saturday, May 21, <\/strong>2011<\/strong>\u00a0part one<\/a>, part two<\/a>, part three, <\/a>part four<\/a>
\n<\/a>Sunday, May 22, 2011 part one<\/a>, part two<\/a>, part three<\/a><\/p>\n

JEALOUS HATER BOOK CLUB: APOLONIA<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

This is the only recap ever started out of sheer personal spite after the author took the side of a\u00a0shady scam of a publishing house for suing a blogger who’d written an expos\u00e9 on the company not paying its authors.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter 1\u00a0<\/a>\u2022 Chapter 2<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 3<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 4\u00a0<\/a>\u2022 Chapter 5<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 6<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0<\/a>\u2022\u00a0Chapter 7<\/a>\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u2022\u00a0Chapter\u00a08<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 9\u00a0<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 10\u00a0<\/a>\u2022 Chapter 11<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 12<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 13<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 14\u00a0<\/a>\u2022 Chapter 15<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 16<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 17<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 18<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 19<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapter 20<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Chapters 21 and 22<\/a><\/p>\n

JENNY READS AFTER.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

This recap was abandoned after I learned more of the circumstances surrounding the author and the acquisition\/publication of her book.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapters 1 – \u00a03, “The Best Girl Ever”\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n

Chapters 4 – 6, “You don’t know you’re beautiful\/that’s what makes you horrible.”<\/a><\/p>\n

Chapters 7 – 9, “Big ass party with a crowded kitchen\/people talk shh but it’s just Tessa’s internal monologue.”<\/a><\/p>\n

Chapters 10 – 12, “Don’t forget where you belong (at this party, forever).”<\/a><\/p>\n

Did you come here looking for my in-depth sporknalysis of 50 Shades of Grey? Allow me to provide you with handy links to all of it. At the bottom, you will find links to stand-alone posts about 50 Shades of Grey. Posts are imported from older blogs, hence the lack of comments when I address comments within posts.<\/b><\/p>\n

Audio recaps courtesy of Beneath The Hat<\/a>.<\/p>\n

JENNY READS 50 SHADES OF GREY<\/em>:<\/strong><\/p>\n

DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL, ALL OR MOST OF THE IMAGES IN THE 50 SHADES OF GREY RECAP ARE NOW GONE. THIS IS A SITUATION THAT I WILL TRY TO SLOWLY BUT SURELY RECTIFY, HOWEVER MOST ARE LOST FOREVER. SORRY ABOUT THAT. DON’T EVER DELETE A WORDPRESS BLOG.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Chapter 1: Ana is the shittiest friend ever.<\/a>\u00a0 \u00a0Audio<\/span><\/a>
\nChapter 2: Shopping for a serial killer’s birthday<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/span><\/a>
\nChapter 3: Bike accidents get me squirrely in the pants.<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/span><\/a>
\nChapter 4: Everybody wants Ana even though she’s terrible<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 5: Ian Sommerhalder, what are you doing?!\u00a0<\/a>Audio<\/span><\/a>
\nChapter 6: Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful helicopter and sex dungeon<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 7: I wish the whole book was as short as this chapter<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 8: This one time, I fucked a girl so hard she turned into a pirate<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 9: Back like a mysterious rash<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 10: Hot and cold running dick<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 11: Sign here. And here. Initial here. Are you getting hot yet?<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 12: Untitled, full of Wonka<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 13: That one time when Jen started drinking at seven in the morning to get through a recap<\/a>\u00a0Audio<\/a>
\nChapter 14: I’m pretty sure I’ve read this book before, but with vampires in it.<\/a>
\nChapter 15: I’m halfway done!<\/a>
\nChapter 16: Shit just got real<\/a>
\nChapter 17: Night of the moth<\/a>
\nChapter 18: “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up”<\/a>
\nChapter 19: Now with 100% more television references<\/a>
\nChapter 20: “Behind the boathouse\/I’ll show you my dark secret”<\/a>
\nChapter 21: She’s leaving on a first-class flight to Georgia<\/a>
\nChapter 22: Mrs. Robinson on my mind<\/a>
\nChapter 23: Red dawn<\/a>
\nChapter 24: Hipster Beethoven<\/a>
\nChapter 25: DTF<\/a>
\nChapter 26: I’m a survivor, I did not give up, I did not stop, I’m gonna drink now<\/a><\/p>\n

JENNY READS 50 SHADES DARKER<\/em>:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter 1: This totally wasn’t one long fanfic cut into three parts in a desperate money grab.<\/a>
\nChapter 2: Kinky Fuckery<\/a>
\nChapter 3: All hail King Jerkface<\/a>
\nChapter 4: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson<\/a>
\nChapter 5: Everything is unrealistic, because it’s more dramatic that way.<\/a>
\nChapter 6: Party Poopers<\/a>
\nChapter 7: Nothing says romance like forced birth control<\/a>
\nChapter 8: I won’t participate in the plot and you can’t make me!<\/a>
\nChapter 9: Isn’t that how Natalie Wood died?<\/a>
\nChapter 10: So little conflict, so many words.<\/a>
\nChapter 11: Right makes might<\/a>
\nChapter 12: Piano for Dummies<\/a>
\nChapter 13: My precioussss<\/a>
\nChapter 14: Yes, but what about the Volturi?<\/a>
\nChapter 15: 50 Shades Derper<\/a>
\nChapter 16: A Treatise on Spreader Bars and Human Anatomy, with a Focus on Physics<\/a>
\nChapter 17: The One About The Car<\/a>
\nChapter 18: 50 Shades’s Greatest Hits<\/a>
\nChapter 19: 50’s Greatest Hits Vol. II<\/a>
\nChapter 20: I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with someone who doesn’t have a helicopter or a yacht.<\/a>
\nChapter 21: The shorty skirt catches the worm<\/a>
\nChapter 22: Every episode of Dynasty, ever.<\/a><\/p>\n

JENNY READS 50 SHADES FREED<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Chapter 1: MINE.<\/a>
\nChapter 2: The one where they almost do peeing stuff<\/a>
\nChapter 3: Wherein Jenny uses the fuck word nonstop for thirty pages<\/a>
\nChapter 4: Tickle-me Chedward<\/a>
\nChapter 5: False Tension Blowout! (ft. the most boring car chase of all time)<\/a>
\nChapter 6: In Praise of Vague Anal<\/a>
\nChapter 7: Are you fucking kidding me? Starring Kristen Wiig.<\/a>
\nChapter 8: Guys, you’re going to need a cigarette, for real.<\/a>
\nChapter 9: Fuck this, just fuck all of it.<\/a>
\nChapter 10:\u00a0Merlin<\/em> edition<\/a>
\nChapter 11: The chapter where there was nothing funny to say, because it was too fucking sad.<\/a>
\nChapter 12: How’s your Aspen?<\/a>
\nChapter 13: Ana is the only gay in the village.<\/a>
\nChapter 14: My god. My god, there is something correct in this book.<\/a>
\nChapter 15: Take the blue pill, it’s just better that way.<\/a>
\nChapter 16: Blind to Recursion<\/a>
\nChapter\u00a017: Grey’s Anatomy<\/a>
\nChapter 18: It wasn’t called “Jack & Karen, but it should have been.”<\/a>
\nChapter 19: I did not see that coming<\/a>
\nChapter 20: This is definitely not an abusive relationship.<\/a>
\nChapter 21:\u00a0Lysistrata<\/a>
\nChapter 22: A dumbass walks into a bank<\/a>
\nChapter 23: THE FOG<\/a>
\nChapter 24: How very dare you save my sister’s life!<\/a>
\nChapter 25: My race is almost run<\/a>
\nEpilogue:\u00a0: This is w<\/a>hat E.L. James has wrought, and we all have to live with it.<\/a><\/p>\n

JENNY BLOGS ABOUT 50 SHADES:<\/strong><\/p>\n

An open letter to 50 Shades of Grey fans and ardent defenders<\/a><\/p>\n

50 Shades and Abusive relationships<\/a><\/p>\n

Why BDSM doesn’t need 50 Shades defenders<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jenny reads books with a reputation for having problematic content, poor writing, or ethical \u00a0weirdness. Then she tells you about what’s in them so you…<\/p>\n

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