{"id":10097,"date":"2016-02-14T13:11:31","date_gmt":"2016-02-14T18:11:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=10097"},"modified":"2016-02-14T13:11:31","modified_gmt":"2016-02-14T18:11:31","slug":"fifty-shades-of-friendship-and-raw-pounding-togetherness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=10097","title":{"rendered":"Fifty Shades of Friendship and Raw, Pounding Togetherness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Today is Valentine&#8217;s Day, the day when we celebrate love and romance and, if numerous shadowy complications hadn&#8217;t arisen for the embattled franchise, a day when we we should have been not enjoying ourselves at a hate screening of\u00a0<em>Fifty Shades Darker.<\/em>\u00a0But we live in a cruel world in which we were robbed of that outcome. What do we do in the meantime?<\/p>\n<p>We watch\u00a0<em>Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em> together.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s how it works:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dropbox.com\/s\/nsy5cqyw8aaaaxq\/50%20Shades%20of%20Togetherness.mp3?dl=0\"><strong>You download this MP3<\/strong><\/a>. It&#8217;s me, watching the movie and making frustrated, disbelieving comments about how stupid it is. To be absolutely clear: this is not a\u00a0<em>Wizard People, Dear Reader<\/em> version of\u00a0<em>Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>. It&#8217;s not a MST3K style parody. It&#8217;s just me, watching the movie, complaining, making snarky asides, and at one point rolling a j and toking up while doing those things. Think of it as a DVD commentary made by someone who not only was never involved with the project, but who also holds said project in the highest contempt.<\/p>\n<p><strong>You somehow procure the unrated version of\u00a0<em>Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em>.\u00a0<\/strong>You can either buy the DVD or the streaming video, or do that thing I&#8217;m never supposed advocate on my blog ever, because it makes me just as bad as a war criminal or something. But you know what I&#8217;m totally not driving at. Whatever method you choose, just make sure that you&#8217;re using the unrated, extended cut.<\/p>\n<p><b>Start the MP3 when when the Focus logo starts to fade.\u00a0<\/b>The Focus logo has a little two-chord tune, and as soon as it ends, the logo begins to dim. If you hit &#8220;play&#8221; on the MP3 right then, the movie and the MP3 should exist in beautiful harmony together.<\/p>\n<p>And that&#8217;s it. The experience of viewing\u00a0<em>Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em> as though I were in your home, loudly bitching about pretty much every scene (although there are times when I get caught up in actually watching it, because I&#8217;m trash).<\/p>\n<p>Have a happy Valentine&#8217;s Day, everybody!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today is Valentine&#8217;s Day, the day when we celebrate love and romance and, if numerous shadowy complications hadn&#8217;t arisen for the embattled franchise, a day&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"more-link-wrapper\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=10097\">Read more<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Fifty Shades of Friendship and Raw, Pounding Togetherness<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10097"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10097"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10097\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10098,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10097\/revisions\/10098"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10097"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10097"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10097"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}