FADE IN:<\/p>\n
INT. BEDROOM, EVENING.<\/p>\n
JENNY TROUT, a paragon of beauty and grace, sits in bed beside her husband, MR. JEN, a heretofore unknown ogre of a human being.<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nI don’t know if…I think you probably already heard this before.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nUh…<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nAt Easter, I clogged the toilet twice, and I didn’t know what to do, so I just left.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nWhat?<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nI panicked. I didn’t know what to do, so I just left.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nTwice?<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nTwice.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nI don’t understand…was this last year?<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nNo, this was a long time ago. Years and years ago.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nWhy are you telling me this now?<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nI thought you would already know!<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nHow the hell would I know that? Was this…I mean, was it twice in the same year or\u2013<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nNo! God, no. It was two separate years.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nOh, thank god. I thought it was twice in the same year, and I couldn’t figure out how you pulled that off. I mean, physically, I don’t know how someone could do that twice in one day. The giant poops and the leaving. I can’t get my head around this. Why didn’t you say something?<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nWhat was I supposed to say?<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nI don’t know, why not, “I need a plunger?”<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nOh, okay. I’ll just go up to someone and say, “Can I have a plunger? I just destroyed your shitter. It’s choking on it real good.”<\/p>\n
Jenny reaches for her laptop.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nI need to do something.<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nDo not put that on Facebook! Do not!<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nNot Facebook! I’m putting it on the blog.<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nI swear to god, if you put that on Facebook, I will never go to another Easter ever again. Ever.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nChill out! I said I was putting on the blog.<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nOkay. Wait, no, because what if someone in your family reads it?<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nNobody in my family reads my blog.<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nBut what if Kari or somebody reads it?<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nWho the fuck cares if Kari reads it? You would finally be a part of the family! How many stories do we tell about who clogged the toilet on this vacation or which kid had the stinkiest diapers?<\/p>\n
MR. JEN
\nTrue.<\/p>\n
JENNY
\nYou would finally be a real Armintrout. Because you destroyed someone’s shitter.<\/p>\n
FADE OUT.<\/p>\n
THE END<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" FADE IN: INT. BEDROOM, EVENING. JENNY TROUT, a paragon of beauty and grace, sits in bed beside her husband, MR. JEN, a heretofore unknown ogre…<\/p>\n