{"id":12682,"date":"2019-05-24T09:54:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-24T13:54:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=12682"},"modified":"2019-05-24T09:54:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-24T13:54:00","slug":"jealous-haters-book-club-the-mister-chapter-eighteen-or-pussy-wreck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=12682","title":{"rendered":"Jealous Haters Book Club: The Mister, chapter eighteen or “Pussy Wreck”"},"content":{"rendered":"

I try to update these with news about\u00a0The Mister<\/em> or E.L. James…but this book has all but dropped off the face of the zeitgeist. The initial, desperate clamoring for hype has trickled out. A month after release, the book has fallen out of the Amazon top one hundred. It’s fallen off the top twenty-five releases on BookScan. It’s being beaten by\u00a0After<\/em>. In other words, while\u00a0The Mister<\/em> sold better than most authors can expect, it did not do the work the publisher had to have been expecting on the heels of blockbuster after blockbuster. Consider:\u00a0Grey<\/em> moved over a million copies in its first week.\u00a0The Mister<\/em> moved 68,500 copies upon debut, and the numbers have fallen by tens of thousands with each subsequent week.<\/p>\n

Hey, remember all that “a rising tide raises all boats” nonsense that romance authors touted to explain\u00a0why<\/em> it was okay for E.L. James to rip off someone else’s work and write hundreds of thousands of words glamorizing domestic abuse? You know, because it was bringing so many new readers into the genre and we were all going to make bank? Yeah, if those wonderful new readers had stuck around,\u00a0The Mister<\/em> would be doing comparable numbers. Instead, it seems that all\u00a0Fifty Shades of Grey<\/em> did was create a weird cottage industry of thin-skinned self-pubbers in an arms race for who can write the most disturbing books chock full of rape, stalking, abuse, and forced pregnancy, who crank out their 10k short stories every week with the help of underpaid ghostwriters so they can game the KU algorithm and make bank.<\/p>\n

How’s that rising tide, everybody? You drowning yet? Hope your allegiance was worth it.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My chest constricts as if I’ve been kicked in the solar plexus.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Oh my god, just say he got the wind knocked out of him. That’s literally what you’re describing.<\/p>\n

Betrothed?<\/em><\/p>\n

What medieval claptrap is this?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That’s what I’m wondering. Like, I’m not gonna crack on Demelssia for that word choice, but I’m sure going to crack on the author for it.<\/p>\n

She looks up at me. Her eyes wide, exposing her distress. Adrenaline pumps through my body; I’m ready for a fight.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Oh, are you now? That’s interesting. Very interesting. Because you know that around these parts, we\u00a0love<\/em> hearing about how the hero wants to fight the heroine when she looks afraid. That was like, our favorite part of\u00a0Fifty Shades\u00a0<\/em>Freed<\/em>, remember?<\/p>\n

“And you were going to tell me this…when?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

IDK, maybe when she thought it would be safe to tell you without you driving her back to London where she could get kidnapped again? Maybe she has had zero agency throughout this entire thing?<\/p>\n

Also, my dude, when are you going to tell her that you’re an earl? Because if we’re going to start arguing about lies of omission here…<\/p>\n

The pain is instant. Visceral. Shocking. I’m in free fall.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

“There,” said the author, sitting back with satisfaction. “The main character has told the reader exactly how he feels, so I needn’t do any of the work to show how he feels through his actions.” A knock on the door alerts her to the truckload of unearned money waiting in her driveway.<\/p>\n

My world has shifted. My ideas. My vague plans. Being with her…marrying her…<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Reader, the noise I made.<\/p>\n

“My vague plans.”<\/p>\n

Here’s a writing tip. If you want to show how totally into another character your POV character is? They should have\u00a0specific<\/em> plans. Even if they’re specific plans they didn’t realize they had. If Moss had been imagining Demelssia walking down the aisle in a white dress, or holding their child, or whatever, then his anguish would make more sense because either consciously or subconsciously, he’d been seriously planning a future. Written this way, it’s like, “Oh no! My entire being is pummeled by despair because, IDK, maybe I was gonna marry her or something? I didn’t really think about it any sort of detail. But woe! Woe! Suffering and woe!” It just doesn’t make sense to have a character have such an extreme reaction to something he apparently hasn’t thought much about.<\/p>\n

Moss asks Demelssia if she loves the other guy and she’s like, no, I left Albania specifically so I wouldn’t have to marry him. And then, I must have missed something. I’ve read this excerpt and the page before it over and over and I still am not understanding something:<\/p>\n

“Yes. I was to be married in January. After my birthday.”<\/p>\n

It was her birthday?<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Okay, here’s what I don’t get: there’s no mention of her birthday before this. At all. January isn’t a day, it’s a whole month. She just mentions she was supposed to be married after her birthday and for some reason, Moss assumes that it means it’s now her birthday? I’m just not tracking this at all.<\/p>\n

I stand, and in one deliberate move, raise my hand to sweep my hair aside and gather my thoughts. Alessia recoils beside me. She cowers and claps her head in her hands as if she’s waiting\u2013<\/p>\n

What?<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You really can’t figure out why? You literally\u00a0just<\/em> had a conversation about this.<\/p>\n

“Fuck. Alessia! did you think I was going to hit you?” I exclaim, and step back, horrified at her reaction. Another piece of the puzzle that is Alessia Demachi falls into place. No wonder she always stood out of my reach. And I’m ready to kill the motherfucker. “Did he hit you? Did he?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now, wait a second. I get that he’s asking if her betrothed hit her. But how is flinching from a man who raises his hand while angry “another piece of the puzzle?” She already told you at lunch that she was afraid of what her father would do to her if she saw him again.<\/p>\n

He thinks that Demelssia looks ashamed.<\/p>\n

Or maybe she has some misplaced loyalty to the fucking arsehole from Buttfuck, Nowhere, who has a spurious claim on my girl.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That’s weird. In the last chapter, Albania was a quaint Eastern Block country with rich heritage and culture. Now, it’s “Buttfuck, Nowhere,” because Demelssia has any kind of history there.<\/p>\n

Hey, you know what’s really going to put this abuse survivor at ease?<\/p>\n

I clench my fists, my rage murderous.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well, E.L. James has officially confirmed my initial suspicions that she would veer right back into disgusting, abuse-glorifying territory. After reminding himself to calm down, Moss apologizes to Demelssia.<\/p>\n

Her head whips up. Her look direct and earnest. “You have done nothing wrong.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ehhhhhhhhhh didn’t he, though? He knows you’re a survivor of trafficking and abuse. He knows you’re afraid of men. And he didn’t stop for a moment to consider that your arranged marriage that caused you to flee your country might be more traumatic to you than to him? And that he needed to be supportive, not jealous and selfish?<\/p>\n

She watches me warily as I approach, and cautiously I crouch down beside her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m just shocked that somewhere out there you have a…suitor, and I have a rival for your affections.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yup. You read that right. He didn’t mean to scare her, but he just loves her so much that he couldn’t control his temper.<\/p>\n

Everything old is new again.<\/p>\n

She tells him that he has no rivals, and he’s like, oh good, there’s hope for us or whatever. Then he asks her if she chose the man she’s supposed to marry, and she’s like, no, my dad picked him. Then she says she can’t go home because she’ll be “forced” into marriage, and Moss asks her for a second time if she loves the guy. Look. She already said she doesn’t. And you should probably be able to pick up on context clues here when she’s saying shit like, you know, I can never go back home because I’m going to be forced, read: made to against my will, marry this dude.<\/p>\n

Perhaps he’s old. Or unnattractive. Or both.<\/p>\n

Or he hits her.<\/p>\n

Fuck.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dude, you\u00a0just<\/em> had this revelation that he might hit her just a page ago. You can’t suddenly realize it again with the same emotional punch. Plus, the first thing he thinks here is what if the fianc\u00e9 is old and ugly, even after thinking a page ago that the guy must hit her? Are these paragraphs out of order?<\/p>\n

I fold her against my body and hold her. And I don’t know if I’m comforting her or myself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I feel like you should probably be comforting\u00a0her<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The thought of her with someone else, someone who mistreats her, is horrifying. I bury my face in her fragrant hair, grateful that she’s here. With me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Here’s another fundamental problem with the way Moss interacts with and views Demelssia. When he learned she was trafficked and being chased by kidnappers, his primary concern was gosh, I hope nobody voided her warranty. The idea that she might have been raped horrified him but learning that she was still a virgin was a total relief. Now, the thought of her being “with something else, someone who mistreats her” is another case where Demelssia’s trauma is reduced to how it relates to Moss and her role in his life. There’s a sense that if Moss wasn’t interested in her romantically, the forced marriage thing wouldn’t be as tragic because it wouldn’t make\u00a0Moss<\/em> feel a way. This is another clue that James doesn’t really care all that much for the heroine of this book; Demelssia’s trauma exists only to give Moss even more man-pain, and that man-pain deserves more serious and careful examination than the effects her trauma has on her.<\/p>\n

“I’m sorry that you’ve had to put up with so much shit,” I murmur.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Okay, but she didn’t “put up with so much shit.” Nobody dumped a bunch of paperwork on her desk at four p.m. on a Friday. Nobody waged a cold war against her over the church bake sale. This totally minimizes what Demelssia is going through after we’ve heard for pages about how horrible the situation makes\u00a0Moss<\/em> feel. It’s not “so much shit.” Horrible crimes have been committed against her. Her personal agency has been stripped away entirely. This is more than putting up with shit.<\/p>\n

Just when you thought Demelssia couldn’t be infantilized even further:<\/p>\n

Looking up at me, she brushes her index finger over my lips. “That is a bad word.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

He tells her, “I’ve got you,” because he tells her that in every dramatic scene. Then he asks her to dance with him and we end up heading straight into a sex scene. Because there are several in this chapter.<\/p>\n

Yes. I said “several” and “this chapter.”<\/p>\n

Her legs hold me in place, and her hands run over my back. Her nails etching her passion on my skin.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That is not a complete sentence. You can’t just break up a run-on by throwing a period in there and calling it a day. You’ve got two options here:<\/p>\n

“Her legs hold me in place, and her hands run over my back, her nails etching her passion on my skin.”<\/p>\n

or<\/p>\n

“Her legs hold me in place. Her hands run over my back, nail etching her passion on my skin.”<\/p>\n

That is how you make whatever the fuck you just tried to do there work, ma’am.<\/p>\n

Her eyes are wide and her pupils the darkest, most carnal espresso.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Carnal Espresso<\/em> is the title of my first smooth jazz album. Oh, and here’s another free tip from me to you: the colored part of your eye isn’t the pupil.<\/p>\n

They do it with her on top and I’m skimming a lot of it because it’s just so, so boring. It takes a true talent to write a sex scene that is so bad that it bores the reader to the point of actually reducing their libido, but not being bad enough to actually be funny.<\/p>\n

“Ah,” she calls out.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Moss’s deep dicking skills don’t even merit an exclamation point there.<\/p>\n

Head tipped back. Calling to the gods, she’s every inch a goddess.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Are these weird half-sentences supposed to make things seem more fast-paced and frantic? Because it’s not working. There are times a device like that\u00a0can<\/em> work, but you have to be better at writing to make it work in such a way that it doesn’t jar the reader or make them go back and reread instinctually to see if they’ve missed something. And the weird veer into paganism there is…I guess. I guess if that’s what you’re going with. It’s already printed. I can’t stop you.<\/p>\n

It’s enough to trigger my release, and I cry out, holding her to me as I come and come and come.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It’s repeated three times, so it officially happened.<\/p>\n

In Alessia’s POV (because again, anything happening during this very sudden sexual awakening must happen in Moss’s POV), she thinks about how her mom never told her that sex felt good, and maybe that was because her parents’ sex life is lacking, and then she’s like, ew, I’m not gonna think about my parents having sex.<\/p>\n

So, she thinks about her grandparents having sex, instead.<\/p>\n

[…] but her mind wanders, and she remembers her grandmother, Virginia. Now,\u00a0she<\/em> married for love. They were happy. Even when they were older, her grandparents would exchange looks that she hoped to emulate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

See? Way, way more normal.<\/p>\n

Demelssia compares the way Moss treats her to the way men treat women in Albania. This is going to come as a shock to everyone, but it’s not a favorable comparison. I know, it’s hard to believe, given the fair and even-handed treatment the country and culture has received in this book thus far.<\/p>\n

He wasn’t angry with her when she told him she was betrothed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH forever! FOREVER! You can’t write a scene in which the hero says he’s in the grips of murderous rage and the heroine cowers from him, then jump into her POV with, oh, he wasn’t\u00a0really<\/em> angry. Nobody is buying it! Not a damn person is buying any of this! You can’t just tell your reader that what they read isn’t what they read.<\/p>\n

\u00a0