{"id":13455,"date":"2022-11-21T14:11:15","date_gmt":"2022-11-21T19:11:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=13455"},"modified":"2022-11-21T14:11:24","modified_gmt":"2022-11-21T19:11:24","slug":"13455","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=13455","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"\n

cw: grief<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s been over a year since I saw my best friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The last time I saw her, she was at work. She worked the fabric counter at JoAnn’s. I try not to drive past JoAnn’s anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went in to look for planner stuff with my friend Jess. They never have any good planner stuff at JoAnn’s, but I went anyway because Jill was there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I left, I bought a decorative cowbell. I left it with one of her coworkers and said, “This is for Jill. Just keep it up here, okay?” The coworker didn’t really get it, but I knew Jill would. She knew that I knew that she had a fever and the only prescription was more cowbell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We were going to get together after the holidays because she worked retail, and her schedule was nuts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, I grabbed my planner and excitedly told Mr. Jen, “Just a few more weeks until I get to use my new planner!” I flipped back to the first week in it, which began December 27, 2021, and ended January 2nd, 2022. January 1st: “MIMOSAS ALL DAY!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I turned the page.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I turned it back. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

December 27, 2021 to January 2nd, 2022. The last week I remember feeling happy. I don’t remember what that feels like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t remember what it felt like to hug Jill that last time I saw her, the quick “stop in to say hello” that I didn’t know would be the last time. She gave great hugs, and I can’t remember them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The week of January 10, 2022, to January 16, 2022, have two days where there’s nothing but a black square with numbers beside them. Black square, 4 – 7. Black square, 11.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t want to write down what those events were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t know remember what happy is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I know that it’s now been over a year since I stopped into Jill’s work on the pretense that I wanted to look at the always-lacking planner section when I really just wanted an excuse to say “hi” while I was in town. It’s been over a year since she sent me a picture of what she did with that stupid cowbell: obviously, she taped a picture of Will Ferrel to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s been over a year since I’ve seen my best friend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ll never see her again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t remember what happy is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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cw: grief It’s been over a year since I saw my best friend. The last time I saw her, she was at work. She worked…<\/p>\n

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