{"id":192,"date":"2013-04-29T01:41:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-29T01:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.wordpress.com\/2013\/04\/29\/two-things-that-happened-that-involved-my-husband"},"modified":"2013-04-29T01:41:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-29T01:41:00","slug":"two-things-that-happened-that-involved-my-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=192","title":{"rendered":"Two Things That Happened That Involved My Husband."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Thing The First: <\/b>My grandparents brought over a box of those pre-made Rice Krispies treats for the kids. You know, I remember a time when my grandparent bought ME those pre-made Rice Krispies treats, but whatever. I bitterly digress.<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Anyway. I was trying to get the box open. If there is one thing I am not good with, it&#8217;s packaging. Even simple, non-window bearing envelopes give me troubles. And this box was glued shut. So, I asked my husband for help, and he just walked away. Sensing that I would perhaps exercise poor judgement in this situation, he returned to find me using one of those rounded-blade, metal icing spatulas to jimmy the box open. Picture Steve Martin in <i>Roxanne<\/i>\u00a0using the credit card to open Daryl Hannah&#8217;s front door, and but with a fat lady and a box of treats. Obviously, my husband had to stop this, because he didn&#8217;t want to drive me to the ER. He muscled me out of the way, manfully tore open the box, and lifted the lid so that I could gaze upon the bounty within.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>It was like looking into the Arc of The Covenant, but your face doesn&#8217;t melt off and there aren&#8217;t any Nazis standing around. Oh, and the Arc of the The Covenant is full of Rice Krispies treats.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I&#8217;m about to reach out and take one. My fingers are nearly inside the box. And that asshole slams the lid down and puts the entire stash where I can&#8217;t reach it. Not on the highest shelf in the cupboard, but on top of the very cupboard itself.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I have seen the face of true evil, my dear, dear readers. And his name is Joe.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I stood there, silently mouthing my screams of &#8220;Why! Why! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?&#8221; so that my anguish would not awaken our children and disturb them or alert them to the eating of Rice Krispies treats.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>And Joe said, &#8220;Why would I open the box and show it to you, like a treasure chest, then put it up on the highest spot, where you can&#8217;t reach it? For this. For this moment.&#8221;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>Thing The Second:<\/b>\u00a0As I explained the Ana-Steele-is-Mary-Bennet slam in my recent <i>50 Shades Freed<\/i>\u00a0recap:<\/div>\n<blockquote class=\"tr_bq\"><p>Jenny: &#8220;Trust me, you don&#8217;t get it because you&#8217;ve never read <i>Pride and Prejudice, <\/i>but that is a sick burn.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote class=\"tr_bq\"><p>Joe: &#8220;Oooh, yeah. Girl burn.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And yes, &#8220;girl burn&#8221; was said in admiration.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"tr_bq\"><p>\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Thing The First: My grandparents brought over a box of those pre-made Rice Krispies treats for the kids. You know, I remember a time when&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"more-link-wrapper\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=192\">Read more<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Two Things That Happened That Involved My Husband.<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/192"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=192"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/192\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=192"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=192"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=192"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}