{"id":3923,"date":"2009-09-04T14:41:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-04T14:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.wordpress.com\/2009\/09\/04\/everything-i-need-to-know-i-learned-from-fantasy-movies"},"modified":"2009-09-04T14:41:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-04T14:41:00","slug":"everything-i-need-to-know-i-learned-from-fantasy-movies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=3923","title":{"rendered":"Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Fantasy Movies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s true.  Everything I ever need to know about life, I have learned from fantasy movies.  For example, without The Dark Crystal, I would never have known that birds are fucking evil.  And without Labyrinth, I would have taken a lot longer to realize how awesome David Bowie is.  So, without further ado, here is a list of things I have learned from Fantasy movies:<br \/><UL><br \/><LI>Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it, and then you&#8217;ll realize that you&#8217;re way too young to handle it and also it is probably just a tube sock. <I>(Labyrinth&gt;<\/I><br \/><LI>Never run from from anything immortal; it only attracts its attention. <I>(The Last Unicorn)<\/I><br \/><LI>You know that guy you think is so hot?  He&#8217;s going to grow up to be Tom Cruise crazy. <I>(Legend)<\/I><br \/><LI>Every situation can be fixed with a well-timed dance number and a chipper, upbeat song. <I>(Enchanted)<\/i><br \/><LI>Death is something you&#8217;re going to be able to pretty easily bargain your way out of.<I>(Darby O&#8217;Gil and The Little People)<\/I><br \/><LI>There is no way to make roller skating look cool.  <I>(Xanadu)<\/I><br \/><LI>Evictions are a bitch. <I>(The Secret of NIMH)<\/I><br \/><LI>When all else fails, pretend to be Swedish. <I>(Splash)<\/I><br \/><LI>When that fails, pretend there is an imminent gas main explosion. <I>(Ghostbusters 2)<\/i><br \/><LI>Don&#8217;t worry, no matter what you do, you&#8217;ll probably never fuck up as bad at anything as Disney did at this. <I>(The Black Cauldron)<\/I><br \/><LI>Your English teacher CLEARLY did not watch this movie before she brought it to class. <I>(Excalibur)<\/I><br \/><LI>True love really can conquer all, but you have to have a whole team of people working on it. <I>(Ladyhawke)<\/I><br \/><LI>Wolves, lions, it really doesn&#8217;t matter because both of them will eat you. <I>(Le Pact Des Loups)<\/I><br \/><LI>Fucking rabbits. <I>(Harvey\/Donnie Darko)<\/I><br \/><LI>No one will notice how racist your movies are if you make a Holocaust movie and a slave-mutiny movie back-to-back a few years later. <I>(Any of the original Indiana Jones movies)<\/I><br \/><LI>Wizards are just like bombs.  They even have remote detonators <I>(Dragonslayer)<\/I><br \/><LI>What is this I don&#8217;t even&#8230; <I>(Clash of The Titans)<\/I><br \/><LI>Just because you imagine yourself as the hero of a really exciting book doesn&#8217;t mean you aren&#8217;t still a total nerd in real life.  <I>(The Neverending Story)<\/I><br \/><LI>There can be only one.  Until later.  Then, there can be another one.  Possibly three or four. <I>(Highlander, the entire series and tv shows)<\/I><br \/><LI>The afterlife is going to be a lot like the DMV, so be sure to die with a magazine in your hand. <I>(Beetlejuice)<\/I><br \/><LI>Cary Elwes is a badass mother fucker, even if he does have a girl&#8217;s name. <I>(The Princess Bride)<\/I><br \/><LI>Size doesn&#8217;t matter, little people are capable of great things, whatever, what is up with Sorcha&#8217;s hair? <I>(Willow)<\/I><br \/><\/UL><\/p>\n<p>Feel free to add to this list, in the comments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s true. Everything I ever need to know about life, I have learned from fantasy movies. For example, without The Dark Crystal, I would never&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"more-link-wrapper\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=3923\">Read more<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Fantasy Movies<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3923"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3923"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3923\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3923"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3923"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3923"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}