{"id":7490,"date":"2014-04-24T09:00:45","date_gmt":"2014-04-24T13:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=7490"},"modified":"2014-04-24T09:14:36","modified_gmt":"2014-04-24T13:14:36","slug":"jenny-reads-after-chapters-1-3-or-the-best-girl-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/?p=7490","title":{"rendered":"Jenny Reads After, chapters 1 – 3, or “The Best Girl Ever”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi, this is Jen’s snark voice! Did you miss me?! I missed you. I missed you so much that I decided to scrap my earlier secret plans for a read-a-long of\u00a0Beautiful Disaster<\/em> in the fall in order to start this recap of Anna Todd’s\u00a0After<\/em> right now.
\n<\/i><\/p>\n

A few things are going to be different this time around. I will probably not be\u00a0as\u00a0<\/em>hateful and mentally destroyed, for a few reasons:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I believe there is a difference between RPF and fanfic, a difference we’ll discuss at length throughout these recaps.<\/li>\n
  2. Ms. Todd isn’t as obnoxious as E.L. “worship my expertise in shit I know nothing about” James.<\/li>\n
  3. I’ll be listening to One Direction exclusively while working on these recaps, and they’re pretty good, right? Everybody likes them, so what could go wrong?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Now, before we get started, you need to understand the author’s warning:<\/p>\n

    This book contains detailed sexual scenes and tons of explicit language. If that isn’t your thing, you shouldn’t continue on, but if it is then you’ll enjoy. \ud83d\ude42<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    This book is being touted as “the next\u00a050 Shades<\/em>” by a lot of people, so keep that in mind when considering the words “detailed sexual scenes.” We probably don’t have any problem with the explicit language, right? So we should be good.<\/p>\n

    Also, yes there are loads and loads of typos, be easy on me, this was an amazing and fun time for me and no one was reading it, I am fully aware of all the mistakes \ud83d\ude42 Thank you for reading \ud83d\ude42<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Don’t thank me just yet, Ms. Todd. Because as a long time fanfic devotee, I have a real issue with the “this was just for fun” defense. If it was just for fun, it would still be on your hard drive. And a lot of activities that are fun require some amount of attention to detail\u2013 go karting, tennis, rock climbing, trap shooting, that knife-between-the-fingers game pirates play when they’re bored, I guess\u2013 so that isn’t an excuse for not putting your fic’s best face out to the world. I am probably the least demanding person when it comes to typos and stuff like that, because I’m dyslexic and I understand. But if there are enough, I say nay. And this author has admitted to not editing her work for fear of ruining it. So we’ll see how this goes.<\/p>\n

    The good news is, this will give me more of a chance to point out to you guys stuff that will help you in your own writing. So everything here is paved with good intentions! I don’t remember how that saying goes, but I’m pretty sure it meant great stuff would happen.<\/p>\n

    So, let’s do this!<\/p>\n

    \"abbi<\/a><\/p>\n

    CHAPTER 1.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

    After<\/em> opens like a YA, with the heroine waking up:<\/p>\n

    “Tessa!!” I hear my mom’s voice call from downstairs.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Time for a writing tip? Already? That’s the first line. Okay, first off, gotta ding the “!!” for anyone who isn’t aware that “!!” isn’t cool to do. But the biggest thing about this line? “I hear my mom’s voice call from downstairs.” It’s so… removed. Tessa isn’t telling you what’s happening in the moment, she’s telling you how she experienced it. Try this:<\/p>\n

    “Tessa!” Mom calls from downstairs.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Granted, this isn’t the strongest opening line ever, but it’s pretty standard for a fanfic, so we can ease up.<\/p>\n

    Tessa gets up and makes her bed, thinking that it’s the last time she’s going to be doing this for months. And I’m like, okay, she must be having her hands amputated or she’s getting a hand transplant or something, right? But that’s not it.<\/p>\n

    Brace yourselves, dear reader:<\/p>\n

    I spent the last few years nervously anticipating college. My weekends were spent studying and preparing for this day while my peers were out getting drunk, wasting their time and jeopardizing their futures. The day my acceptance letter to Washington State University came I was thrilled, I expected it but that didn’t take any of the excitement away.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    I spent the last week nervously anticipating this recap. My weekend was spent studying and preparing for this project, and I kept reading all these glowing reviews comparing it to\u00a050 Shades of Grey<\/em>. And now I’m getting… more nervous.<\/p>\n

    First of all, I have a message for Washington:<\/p>\n

    \"I'm<\/a><\/p>\n

    Why do people keep doing this to you guys? First, vampires invaded and sparkled your shit up. Then you were plagued by the most dysfunctional, annoying fictional couple of all time. And now, Tessa is on her way, being a judgmental bitch right out of the gate. It isn’t enough to know that she got into college, we need to know that no one in her peer group has her dedication. Also, this seems like shorthand for Anastasia Rose Steele already; too much studying, not enough life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great when these heroines are academically driven, but they don’t have to look down on plebs to get that point across. Also, she’s talking pretty good game for someone who’s going to a state university. It’s not like she got into Yale.<\/p>\n

    I had once considered leaving Washington for college but eventually decided against it.. I like familiarity and routines just like my mother.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    You know who else likes familiarity and routine? The\u00a0Twilight\/50 Shades of Grey\/<\/em>This\u00a0<\/em>readers.<\/p>\n

    The hot water loosens my strained muscles, how long have I been in here?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    She just got up and she’s this tense? I hope the sex scenes get here fast, for her sake.<\/p>\n

    We learn that Tessa has a boyfriend, Noah, who is equally brilliant, but a senior in high school. The plan is that he’ll go to WSU and they can be together. Awww. I had a high school boyfriend I planned to do that with. Then graduation was approaching, I fucked a college guy I met at the WMU open house and broke up with the poor kid on Valentine’s day. I have a feeling Noah is in for some of the same.<\/p>\n

    There’s a cast list for this book, by the way, and Noah will be played by this kid right here:<\/p>\n

    \"noah\"<\/a><\/p>\n

    It should definitely be noted that the role of Tessa is left uncast. If you did the\u00a050 Shades<\/em> read-a-long, you know what that means. You’re meant to put yourself\u2013 or the author\u2013 into the role.<\/p>\n

    Tessa gets out of the shower and apparently gets dressed, though we never see that happen so I just assume she comes downstairs to have breakfast with her mom and boyfriend in the towel she wrapped up in. Noah goes to put Tessa’s bags in the car, and Tessa’s critical mother tells her to go fix her hair:<\/p>\n

    I make my way to the mirror in the hallway and nod, she is right. My hair needs to be presentable for today, and of course she did not hesitate to remind me. She never does.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    I’m actually shocked that this is a fanfic and the heroine is standing in front of a mirror and not describing her you-don’t-know-you’re-beautiful-that’s-what-makes-you-beautiful looks. But earlier in the chapter, she describes herself as having dirty blonde hair, so we know that, at least.<\/p>\n

    All right. At the end of chapter one, let’s tally up our\u00a050 Shades\/Twilight<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>similarities:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Set in Washington<\/li>\n
    2. Heroine’s hair is unruly<\/li>\n
    3. Single parent<\/li>\n
    4. Heroine’s name phonetically similar to Ana\/Bella.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Random reader comment from this chapter:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      just saying, good luck to the first time readers. Once your in, their is no going out. You will be addicted. Good luck \ud83d\ude09 #rereading<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      CHAPTER 2.<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Tessa arrives at WSU, and we get a description of the place that’s vague-ish and seemingly based entirely on the website. Then, it’s orientation time!<\/p>\n

      The orientation is short and I sit alone, my usual forte.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      Sitting alone is your forte? I hope you put that in your admission essay. Don’t hide your light under a bushel, Tessa. But I draw the line at a description of a college orientation being “short.” That requires too much suspension of disbelief.<\/p>\n

      Tessa’s mom wants to see the dorm, and she has some motherly wisdom to impart:<\/p>\n

      “Now, just be sure you remember everything I told you, you don’t want to do anything to ruin your future,” she checks the time on her watch, a watch that she certainly couldn’t afford but purchased anyway.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      Is it just me, or is Tessa’s mom starting to sound a little like Renee and whatever Ana’s mom was named. Carla? I can’t remember. I tried to have that book Eternal Sunshined from my mind, but it didn’t totally take. Fucking Jim Carrey, am I right?<\/p>\n

      But no pressure, Tessa. If you just do everything your mom says, there is no way you’re going to ruin your future. Listen to the woman who can’t afford to buy a fucking watch.<\/p>\n

      In the dorm room, Tessa, her mother, and Noah meet Tessa’s new roommate:<\/p>\n

      The room is small, with two tiny beds and two desks. My eyes travel to the reason of my mother’s surprise. One side of the room is covered in music posters, mostly bands I have never heard of, the faces on them covered in piercings and tattoos. The girl laying across the bed has bright red hair, eyes lined with what looks like inches of black liner, and her arms are covered in tattoos.<\/p>\n

      “Hey,” the stranger says, offering a smile. Her smile is quite intriguing, much to my surprise. “I’m Steph,” she says and sits up on her elbows.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      I like that it surprises Tessa that her roommate is intriguing. This tells us that she was rolling in with the assumption that whoever she was sharing this room with was going to be boring as fuck. But I’m confused. Usually the young character who has accrued a chronologically improbable selection of tattoos is the Mary Sue, not the Mary Sue’s best friend.<\/p>\n

      Can we discuss for a minute the fact that this chick is sitting on her elbows?<\/p>\n

      “Welcome to WSU, where the dorms are tiny and the parties are huge,” the crimson haired girl grins. Her head falls back into a fit of laughter.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      Just her head, though.<\/p>\n

      A knock sounds at the door as Noah drops my bags onto the floor and I can’t help but hope that this is all some sort of sick joke.<\/p>\n

      “Come in!” My new roommate yells, the door opens and two boys walk inside before she finishes her greeting.<\/p>\n

      Boys inside the female dorms on the first day? Maybe Washington State was a bad decision. I assume by the pained expression covering my mother’s face, she is thinking the same. The poor woman looks like she may pass out any moment. I wouldn’t blame her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      Okay, here is the weird thing. The author of this story is twenty-five. Twenty-five! That’s so close to college she should still have the bitter aftertaste at spending four hundred bucks on a virtual text book. Even when I was college-age, men in the women’s dorm wasn’t that big a deal. Actually, most of my friends went to colleges with co-ed dorms. It’s really not that big a deal. Also… isn’t Tessa’s boyfriend, a dude, standing right there? A guy in the girl’s dorms that\u00a0she<\/em> brought in?<\/p>\n

      “Hey, you Steph’s roomie?” The blonde boy asks. He doesn’t have as many tattoos as the other boy, but he has them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      This would be a totally relevant description, if we had any idea how many tattoos the other boy has. The blond guy is Niall, aka, this Niall dude from 1D:<\/p>\n

      \"Niall-Horan-2012-one-direction-32676643-1600-1198\"<\/a>
      I’m gonna call you “Baby Draco”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

      IS THIS WHAT COLLEGE GUYS LOOK LIKE NOW?! IS THIS WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE WHEN I WAS THAT AGE?<\/p>\n

      I have never felt so cripplingly old as I do right at this moment.<\/p>\n

      Contributing to that feeling of oldness, “Best Song Ever” just came on, and I was like, “Hey, isn’t that ‘Baba O’Riley’ in the background there?”<\/p>\n

      \"old-person\"<\/a>
      Pictured: Jenny Trout on April 23, 2014<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
      \n

      “You’ll love it here,” his smile is warm and inviting despite his harsh appearance.”<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

      \"Niall-Horan-2012-one-direction-32676643-1600-1198\"<\/a>
      Pictured: A harsh appearance?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

      My eyes shift to the tall brown haired boy leaning against the wall. His hair is a mop of waves on his head, pushed back off of his forehead and he has metal in his eyebrow and lip. My eyes travel down his black t-shirt to his arms which are covered in tattoos as well, not an inch of untouched skin is seen. I expect him to introduce himself but he doesn’t, instead he rolls his eyes in annoyance and pulls a cellphone from the pocket of his tight, black jeans. He definitely isn’t as friendly as his blonde friend.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      Where are these college kids getting the money for these tattoos? Tattoos\u2013 at least good ones\u2013 are expensive. And they take a long time to accrue, both in the actual studio time and in the healing between. How old are these college kids, that they’ve had this kind of time?<\/p>\n

      Anyway, since this is basically New Adult, the guy who is being super rude and has a bunch of body mods is clearly the hero. Even though he hasn’t introduced himself yet, I’m going to assume he’s:<\/p>\n

      \"harry<\/a>
      I’m gonna call you “The Bad Boy Who Lived”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

      Baby Draco and The Bad Boy Who Lived take off with Steph, and Tessa’s mom pops a rivet. She tells Tessa that she’s going to move to a different dorm. You know, that mythical college dorm where students of different genders never mingle. Tessa tries to calm her down by suggesting that Steph isn’t even going to be there that much, which is a shame, because so far she’s the most interesting character in this story. But momma bear ain’t having it:<\/p>\n

      “Absolutely not, we are going to switch now,” her long blonde hair is flipped to one shoulder, “you will not be in a room with someone who allows males into her room, those punks at that!” She shrieks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      \"Pictured:<\/a>
      Pictured: Tessa and her mom.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

      But Tessa is like, let’s see how this whole thing plays out, and her mom finally agrees.<\/p>\n

      “Fine.” she spits, much to my surprise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

      I’d be surprised if my mom just randomly spit on the floor of my dorm room, too.<\/p>\n

      50 Shades\/Twilight<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>similarities:<\/strong><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Set in Washington<\/li>\n
      2. Heroine’s hair is unruly<\/li>\n
      3. Single parent<\/li>\n
      4. Heroine’s name phonetically similar to Ana\/Bella.<\/li>\n
      5. Alice\/Mia character<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Random reader comment from this chapter:<\/strong><\/p>\n

        New readers are like ” who’s Steph ?! ”<\/p>\n

        Steph is your worst enemy \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

        That all I can tell you \ud83d\ude09<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        Chapter 3.<\/strong><\/p>\n

        After an hour of my mother warning me against parties and boys, she finally makes her move to leave.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        Tessa’s mom is the reason colleges have to force parents to leave after orientation.<\/p>\n

        With a Carol Young-style quick hug and kiss, she exits the dorm room, informing Noah that she will wait for him in the car.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        Is her mom’s name Carol Young? Or is Carol Young someone I should know from pop culture or something? At this point, I’m just surprised that Margaret White is going to let Noah say goodbye to Tessa without a double chain-link fence and razor wire between them.<\/p>\n

        Noah and Tessa have a tender parting, promising they will talk every day. Sorry, Noah, but her heart already belongs to The Bad Boy Who Lived. Then mom and Noah leave, and Tessa is all alone.<\/p>\n

        Loneliness is already creeping its way into me and it doesn’t help that my roommate is gone, no matter how uncomfortable her friends make me. I have a feeling she will be gone a lot, or worse, she may have company over too often.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        Nothing Steph will do in the course of this story will be “right” for Tessa. Brace yourselves; internalized misogyny is coming.<\/p>\n

        Tessa organizes her supplies and stuff, thinks about how shitty college is already, and goes to sleep. When she wakes up:<\/p>\n

        The next morning Steph is not in her bed. I would like to get to know her but I might as well not if she is the type of person that stays out all night.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        See what I said about the internalized misogyny? I guarantee that when Tessa inevitably bones The Bad Boy Who Lived and stays out all night, there will be some special circumstance that makes her not at all like that slut, Steph.
        \n<\/i><\/p>\n

        One of my least favorite things about dorm life so far is the showers, why can’t each room have it’s own instead of a community shower room? It’s awkward and I’m praying they aren’t co-ed. My hopes are squashed when I reach the door. Sure enough there are two stick figures printed on the sign, one male and one female. Ugh. Having males in the same shower room is sure to be very uncomfortable and \u00a0extremely awkward.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        What is this, Ally McBeal?<\/p>\n

        \"old-person\"<\/a><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

        If you’re reading this and thinking, “co-ed showering isn’t a thing, it’s a convenient plot device for later when they bone in the shower,” it’s actually a real thing colleges do in order to create a gender-neutral campus. This is totally cool and I can get behind that sentiment, except in the cases of dorms were the only bathing accommodation available to students is co-ed. Because that’s bullshit. Female nudity, both cis and transgender, is\u00a0always<\/em> going to be sexualized and fetishized, and women shouldn’t be forced to bare themselves physically and emotionally to the kind of bullshit harassment that this kind of shit can lead to.<\/p>\n

        But anyway, the real issue of plausibility here is… why is there a co-ed shower in the women’s<\/em> dorm?<\/p>\n

        Tessa clumsily knocks her clothes to the floor in the shower stall\u2013 why did she take her clothes into the stall with her?\u2013 and has to walk back to her room in just her towel. And of course:<\/span><\/p>\n

        I reach my room and shove the key in, instantly relaxing until I turn around to see the brown haired boy sprawled across Steph’s bed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

        50 Shades\/Twilight<\/em>\u00a0<\/em>similarities:<\/strong><\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Set in Washington<\/li>\n
        2. Heroine’s hair is unruly<\/li>\n
        3. Single parent<\/li>\n
        4. Heroine’s name phonetically similar to Ana\/Bella.<\/li>\n
        5. Alice\/Mia character<\/li>\n
        6. Clumsy heroine<\/li>\n
        7. Encouragement of internalized misogyny\/slut shaming<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Random reader comment from this chapter:<\/strong><\/p>\n

          Steph is so ratchet<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

          All right. That’s what we’ve got this time around. Catch you on the flip side.<\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          Hi, this is Jen’s snark voice! Did you miss me?! I missed you. I missed you so much that I decided to scrap my earlier<\/p>\n

          Read moreJenny Reads After, chapters 1 – 3, or “The Best Girl Ever”<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7490"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7490"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7490\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7510,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7490\/revisions\/7510"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7490"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7490"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7490"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}