Have to use pepper spray on anyone.\u00a0<\/strong>I mean, I don’t carry pepper spray, but I’m really afraid that sometime, somehow, I’m going to have to pepper spray someone. I can see this going down one of two ways:<\/p>\n 1. I am in a horribly scary, life threatening situation in which the use of force is necessary to prevent injury and\/or death to my person.<\/p>\n 2. I am not in a scary, life threatening situation in which the use of force is necessary to prevent injury and\/or death to my person, and I have just maced somebody on accident.<\/p>\n Neither of these scenarios appeal to me, so I’m just gonna make like Bartleby in this situation and prefer the fuck not to.<\/p>\n Go into space.\u00a0<\/strong>I realize that I’m\u00a0already<\/em> in space, flying around on a little hunk of rock in an infinite, mysterious void. I don’t want to leave this little hunk of rock, because fuck that. Space is scary as hell. If The Doctor showed up in fifteen minutes and was like, “You wanna?” I would be like, “yeah!” But he’s the only person I would trust to take me into space. And I don’t care how brave Katrina was, I’m not blowing myself out an airlock for him. Space is out there. But back to my original point: space is freaky and I don’t like knowing it’s out there, so I’m not going to go there.<\/p>\n Swim next to a whale.<\/b> What the fuck is wrong with you people? Do you not see how big that thing is? Why would you? Why?<\/p>\n Age gracefully<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/strong>Because that’s just bullshit. It’s bullshit to expect women to not take advantage of the miracles medical science has provided us, while at the same time torturing us in a culture that prizes our beauty and youth above all. And then we deride women when they try to fulfill that cultural expectation through surgical means. That’s bullshit.\u00a0I speculate that by the time I am seventy, I will look something like this:<\/p>\n You know why? Because with all the tattoos I’ve put on my body, and all the holes I’ve punched in it (though I don’t wear my piercings anymore), I cannot be morally above becoming a bitchy trampoline in my golden years.<\/p>\n Have any kind of dangerous, life changing adventure.\u00a0<\/strong>You know what? If a bunch of dwarves start showing up at your house?\u00a0You don’t have to let them in.<\/em> You can sit in your safe, cozy hole, smoke your pipe leaf, and put your hairy little feet up. Which is exactly what I would do. Fuck you Bilbo. This ain’t amateur hour.<\/p>\n Tell me what you’d put on your anti-bucket list, and check out the lists from these Wednesday bloggers:<\/p>\n Bronwyn Green<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Jessica Jarman<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Kris Norris<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Gwendolyn Cease<\/a>\u00a0\u2022 Kellie St. James<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I haven’t Wednesday blogged in a long time, because I’m lazy. But also, because I have all sorts of other stuff I like to do…<\/p>\n![\"Lady_Cassandra\"](\"https:\/\/jennytrout.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/01\/Lady_Cassandra.jpg\")
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