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Wednesday Blogging: My Dream Yard.

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I’m pretty lucky to be renting a house that has a pretty awesome yard.

P1000843 P1000844P1000845b

Look at that. That is goddamn majestic. It’s pastoral as fuck. Our local government is a village, for god’s sake. I am a villager. My neighbor is a pony.

How, you ask, will Jenny write about her dream yard? When she clearly is already living the dream?

I have fucking allergies.

brady yard

This is my dream yard. No grass. No actual trees. None of that nature bullshit. Also, it should be indoors.

I never had allergies until like a few years ago. I turned thirty and it’s like, “Hey, your entire life is going to suck from April until December, is that cool? Awesome, enjoy hell!” The Bradys knew what they were doing.

But I’m pretty sure it’s also why they got rid of Tiger, because it cannot be fun cleaning dog shit out of turf.

Take a look at the other, probably more exciting and imaginative dream lawns people have come up with this week:

Bronwyn Green • Jessica Jarman • Kellie St. James • Leigh Jones
Kris Norris • Gwendolyn Cease

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15 Comments

  1. Elle Marie
    Elle Marie

    Oh man. Allergies SUCK.

    Last year, I suddenly developed an allergy to my beloved cats. I have three of them, and they all sleep on the bed with me, which is basically the worst thing you can do because you inhale the allergens all night long.

    Things that help a LOT:

    – Taking a daily over-the-counter 2nd generation allergy medication. I take Zyrtec, but my allergist said all of the 2nd generation meds work similarly (allegra, claritin, zyrtec are the big ones, generics work just as good as the name brand). Costco carries the generics for CHEAP. Like, pennies to the dollar cheap, compared to buying at a pharmacy. I was advised to take my daily medication at night, so it kicks in while sleeping.

    – Speaking of sleep habits, have an indoor air purifier with a HEPA filter in the bedroom. Attacking where you sleep is important because you’re inhaling the allergens all night long. Even if you have seasonal/outdoor allergies, the allergens get tracked inside on clothing/through air exchange. Just make sure you get the type of air purifier that has filters that get changed out – the ionic ones with washable filters don’t necessarily trap all of the fine particulates that you may be reacting to. Be sure to clean/change out the filters as directed by the manufacturer.

    – And, as a general measure, use a vacuum with a HEPA filter. Make sure you change the filter as needed! Most vacuums with disposable HEPA filters are supposed to be changed out every 6 months (maybe stretch this to once a year, if you are a “vacuum very sporadically” type of person). I have a Dyson with a washable HEPA filter, which has to be cleaned out every few months – if you get this type, make sure that you let the filters fully dry before reassembling the vacuum. The manufacturer’s instructions say to let it air dry for 48 hours but mine always take more like 4-5 full days, even during less humid times of year. Reinserting the filters when not fully dry can cause mold to grow in your vacuum (ew), which doesn’t exactly help with combating allergies.

    – Aside from this, I’ve been doing allergy shots. They do really help, but are a massive time commitment and are prohibitively expensive if insurance doesn’t cover them. One of my friends with outdoor allergies did the shots last year and describes them as “life-changing”.

    May 21, 2014
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  2. I *love* your yard. And your pony neighbor. And I always drug myself heavily with allergy meds before coming over. 😀

    May 21, 2014
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  3. Gwendolyn Cease
    Gwendolyn Cease

    LOL!!!!! You crack me up. Your real yard is beautiful, but I hear you about allergies. I live in Louisville which was named the #1 allergy ridden place in America. Wooo go us!!

    May 21, 2014
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  4. Lynn M
    Lynn M

    Isn’t it hilarious how they didn’t even try to hide the lines between the strips of astroturf making up the Brady’s lovely “lawn”?

    May 21, 2014
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  5. Andrea
    Andrea

    How come no picture of said pony?? I like ponies!!

    May 21, 2014
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  6. aimee
    aimee

    I work at a pet resort. We don’t have grass, we have turf.
    So I guess what I’m really saying here is: you’re fucking spot on, yo.

    May 21, 2014
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  7. Cassie
    Cassie

    What is it about turning thirty that triggers allergies?!? I did some (poor) mental math the other day and realized that it was about the same time for me. It’s like a greeting card from Nature, but instead of ‘hi’ it reads ‘welcome to impending middle age, where nothing fucking works right anymore’.

    May 22, 2014
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  8. trynn
    trynn

    I can’t believe I never noticed growing up that it was fake…

    Actually, they got rid of Tiger because the dog playing him actually died. They had to bring in a replacement to complete the show where Jan thinks she’s allergic to him.

    They left the doghouse up to cover a hole in the stage. Bobby and Cindy used to go in there and make out.

    May 22, 2014
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  9. Carol
    Carol

    Red maple AND lilac? Sorry about your allergies!

    May 22, 2014
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  10. SandorClegane13
    SandorClegane13

    Your yard is seriously gorgeous! It’s such a bitch with allergies though. This season has been particularly awful. Maybe that creepy villain with the bowl-cut in that CG Lorax movie was on to something.

    May 22, 2014
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  11. Christine
    Christine

    Your real yard is way cooler than Brady Bunch’s yard! Sucks about allergies, I get them too but nothing really helps that doesn’t make me loopy. Power through?

    May 22, 2014
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  12. Flo
    Flo

    Allergies are the pits. Some days I wish I could live in a bubble. Nothing really works all that well for me, I’ve tried them all. The only thing that seemed to help was Nasonex, very expensive but has kept me from a sinus infection for several years now, it used to be an annual spring ritual. Like you, I also went through a drastic change after I hit 30, I never suffered from seasonal allergies before that.

    The yard is gorgeous though! I’m assuming since the Brady clan was fake, so was the dog crap 😉

    May 22, 2014
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  13. Dude! Suck it up, buttercup!…okay, Bronwyn got me a shirt with that on it, so… it’s my new motto. And that’s why we have allergy meds. One a day, people. One a damn day. And when they’re bad, Benedryll by the handfuls.

    But yeah, I hate allergies, especially the ones that literally can kill you. But having a pony as a neighbour… that I’d like 😀

    May 23, 2014
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  14. Ayu Ohseki
    Ayu Ohseki

    Also, there shouldn’t be any spiders, especially not ones big enough to eat motherfucking cat food out of the cat food bowl, right, Jen?

    May 24, 2014
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  15. Debbie
    Debbie

    I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but a tablespoon of locally harvested honey daily works really well. I discovered it by accident when I gave up sugar and started using honey to sweeten my oatmeal. After a while, I noticed a huge improvement. My nephew has horrible, send him to the hospital, allergies from every allergen known man. I recommended the honey and he started taking it. Now he calls it his daily “Allegra”, because it works so well. He hasn’t stopped his meds but he definetly takes a lot less. It’s worth a try. Can’t hurt and it’s better than medicating.

    May 27, 2014
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