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How To Describe Things: An Interlude

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FADE IN
INT: BEDROOM – DAY

MR. JEN and JENNY are in bed, watching television. Jenny is a beautiful cougar aging like expensive cheese. Mr. Jen should have been nicer to her in the following conversation, but he doesn’t appreciate her descriptive flare so he can suck it. He can suck the whole thing.

JENNY
Ugh. I hurt. Like, I hurt so bad that I feel like I should be lying in one of those big beds with the thick wooden posts and the canopies… Like when you see someone and they’re laying on all the pillows, they’re kind of propped up? And then they’re like, [wheezing voice] “Bring me my eldest son.”

MR. JEN
Eldest son?

JENNY
And then the son comes in and [wheezing voice] “My son. You have a great responsibility now. The kingdom relies on you.”

MR. JEN
Wait. Are you– are you a king in this scenario?

JENNY
(continuing in wheezing voice)
“It is a great burden that you must bear.”

MR. JEN
What are you talking about?

JENNY
Yeah, I’m a king. I’m the king, I’m propped up on the pillows and I’m dying. That’s how I feel right now.

MR. JEN
[BEAT] Why do you have to be so dramatic?

JENNY
Because I am describing it at you. I’m describing at you how bad I feel right now.

MR. JEN
But why are you a king? Why aren’t you just on your deathbed?

JENNY
I am on my deathbed! I think I made it pretty clear that this is a king on his deathbed.

MR. JEN
But why did you have to pick a king?

JENNY
Who else was I going to pick to convey that image?

MR. JEN
Literally anyone!

JENNY
But it only works if I describe it well! That’s my job. I describe situations and I make people feel ways about them!

MR. JEN
I know that but you don’t write it that ridiculous.

JENNY
Everything I write is ridiculous!

There is a long pause. Jenny arranges the pillows carefully behind her, mimicking the pose of a dying king in a movie.

JENNY
I feel like I’m being stabbed in the shoulder by some kind of powerful warrior.

MR. JEN
Oh my god.

FADE OUT
FIN

9 Comments

  1. Rebecca
    Rebecca

    *simply ded*

    September 13, 2018
    |Reply
  2. Emily Breen
    Emily Breen

    And *that* was the laugh I needed so badly today.

    Thank you, my liege.

    September 13, 2018
    |Reply
  3. anonymous
    anonymous

    And THAT is how you describe some shit. *nods*

    September 13, 2018
    |Reply
  4. Tez Miller
    Tez Miller

    Oh, Mr. Jen 😉

    September 14, 2018
    |Reply
  5. Drakendottir
    Drakendottir

    That was amazing, thank you for that. I really needed that laugh today 🙂

    September 14, 2018
    |Reply
  6. Mr. Fell
    Mr. Fell

    Now I am wondering, have you ever read Wodehouse?

    September 14, 2018
    |Reply
  7. candy apple
    candy apple

    Well, clearly, the stabbing should have been done by Khal Drogo.

    September 14, 2018
    |Reply
  8. Melissa
    Melissa

    Thank you for sharing your splendid relationship so I can * crazed look * Imagine My OTP

    September 14, 2018
    |Reply
  9. Just gonna say it – you and your husband sound ADORABLE.

    September 15, 2018
    |Reply

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