Author: JennyTrout

At Barnes and Nobel there was a book called “Depression for Dummies.” Wouldn’t being called a dummy make you more depressed?

Doing dishes while listening to The Smiths makes you way more depressed than regular doing the dishes.

I AM HUMAN AND I NEED TO NOT BE DOING DISHES.

Here’s something I’ve been thinking about. I’m reading a book, and I’m getting little quetionzies in my head. The biggest of which is:

If you were a powerful vampire with a sprawling mansion and gobs upon gobs of money, would you buy a BMW?

If you answer was “Um, no,” you are correct. If your answer was, “Yes, but only for target practice,” you are also correct. If your answer was, “That is the fanciest car I can think of,” CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PUBLISHING SUCCESS.

What on earth are some authors thinking? If you have an enormous, heavily fortified castle, loads of servants, and piles of gold bullion just lying about, you’re not going to buy a car the moms at my kid’s school drive. You’re going to buy something awesome! Something fast and shiny that can reach dangerous speeds because you’re A DOGGAMNED VAMPIRE.

YOU ARE GOING TO BUY A BUGATTI VEYRON. 0-60 IN 2.5 AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WEAR YOUR SEATBELT, CHESTER, BECAUSE YOU ARE A VAMPIRE.

Alternately, if you like something a little less flashy, something you can drive without everyone thinking you have a penis the size of a gnat, you could get a Maybach 62.

BMW DOES NOT ENTER THE EQUATION.

That is all.

I am not kidding when I say this: I told you the wrong name of my third book. My third book is not “Goddess of Light.” It’s “Veil of Shadows.” VEIL OF SHADOWS. I don’t know how I got that all messed up, but I did.

Also, if my blog ramblings and podcasts aren’t inane enough for you, check out my Twitter Tweets.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfLAv3JHRwY&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1]

And I would not tell a lie. World premier of Lightworld/Darkworld, right now. Right here. Okay, it’s just the cover. But it’s the first time it’s been seen by eyes other than at Harlequin or my writing group.

Click the image to enlarge it and read the back cover copy. Oh, and the awesome quote from Gena Showalter.

100 PAGES! 5 DAYS!

BALLOONS AND CONFETTI!

I AM THE SUN GOD RA!

THAT WAS ALMOST A HAIKU!

I am close, so close, to 100.

Diet Coke no longer working.

Pages will be delivered on the alcohol-soaked wings of a Grey Goose.

Nineteen pages to go.

I am Hercules, I am Zeus.

I am the scourging fire that burns down the plain, cleansing the earth and renewing life.

I need more Diet Coke.

Troutbot demands fuel.

Troutbot is a diesel machine.

Day four, and I need to improve my posture. Hours slaving at the keyboard will leave me with a dowager’s hump. Twenty pages a day, and I’m still on track. How long can I keep up this manic pace? I don’t know. My feeble mind might crack under the pressure.

Since someone asked, this is one hundred pages on the same work. Not on several different works. Because I want to be done with Lightworld/Darkworld for now. The end is in sight, and I’m racing toward it.

I will take the weekend off, and maybe do another hundred pages next week.

Maybe I will write twenty pages a day, forever. And become the most prolific author of all times, next to the sophisticated android that replaced Nora Roberts in the late 80’s.

Oh yes, I will become Troutbot XG-9, and I will travel the galaxies, spewing stories from my internal word processor, and maybe, just maybe I will finally learn to crochet.

Here I am, on day 3 of my “100 pages in five days” challenge.

Help me.

HEEEEEEEELLLLLP ME.

Last night, I couldn’t get to sleep. I’d done my twenty pages, but I wanted to do more. My mind was racing, planning out what would happen next. I had the entire end of the book plotted out. It was brilliant.

Then, I fell asleep. I lost the drive. But there are still twenty pages to go today.