In part one, I told you of the wonders of blue alien peenus.
Now, we’re gonna talk about jacking off minotaurs.
It’s not a joke, it’s not a Chuck Tingle book. Morning Glory Milking Farm is an urban fantasy romance set in a charmingly bonkers world in which various fairytale creatures live and work side-by-side with people in the normal, boring world. It’s part of a series by C.M. Nascosta, but at this point, I’m only recommending Morning Glory Milking Farm because I DNFed the other book due to reasons we’ll discuss within this review.
On cover alone, this book would have never ended up on my Kindle. And to be perfectly honest, now that I’ve read the book? The cover is fucking gross. However, what’s inside the cover is what matters with this one. And yes, what’s inside the cover is a story about a woman who jacks off minotaurs…into old-school glass milk bottles.
You know what? Let’s not focus on the cover.
The human heroine, Violet, is struggling financially when she finally lands a well-paying job with a pharmaceutical company in nearby Cambric Creek, a community of mythological creatures. Turns out, minotaur semen has scientific and medical applications, and these guys make a little extra cash for selling it. Violet’s job is to, well.
Look, she jacks off minotaurs. There’s no other way to put it. That’s the job. she sits under a massage-table type bench with a hole in it and jacks them off. It’s clearly inspired by milking table porn, so if that’s your kink, there’s plenty of that going on in here and it’s surprisingly hot. Just like with Ice Planet Barbarians, it’s a story that you could find on Literotica.com, in the best possible way. There’s solid worldbuilding, there’s heat, there’s humor, and a surprisingly slow burn on the romance plot, considering the heroine gets well acquainted with the hero’s undercarriage as the meet-cute.
Rourke is a minotaur whose POV we’re never in, so despite how much I liked this book, I can’t say that I know anything about his character beyond “he’s hot and has a fancy minotaur dick.” This is another part that has confused me; the way his dick is described, it sounds more like a horse dick than a bull dick, but that doesn’t really matter when as a minotaur, he’d just have a regular human dick, right?
Don’t get hung up on the dicks. Violet is likable, the scenes at the “milking farm” are hot, and eventually, someone fucks a minotaur. The worldbuilding is exciting to me. I mean, it’s mythological creatures living human-ish lives among humans in human-style settings. I was so excited when I realized that was the set-up. I wanted to call up C.M. Nascosta and be like, “HEY, ME TOO!” Those types of settings are so fun to write and read, and this is like if she took ’00s urban fantasy worldbuilding and went, “you know what would look great in this? Minotaur erotica.”
Now, my original intent was to finish another of Nascosta’s monster romances set in Cambric Creek, Girls Weekend. The concept was cool and I really expected to be adding it to this post as another “must-read” but I can’t. Unfortunately, Girls Weekend falls into a trap that that’s hinted at near the end of Morning Glory Milking Farm: species becomes a stand-in for race.
Once Violet and Rourke are dating, she meets his neighbors, an orc and an elf who are in a romantic relationship together. Their story is one of the plot threads in Girls Weekend, which I DNFed when it started to read a lot like sex tourism fantasies of visiting far-off places and having sex with the not-white men who live in them. In this case, the orcs read like they were a green-washed version of porn-fetishized Black guys and the pastel-colored heroines talk about them like sex is a sure thing because orcs are sex-hungry brutes. The fact that one of the elves meets up with a character who’s, for lack of a better word, biracial, and immediately describes him as having a narrower nose than other orcs was a red flag; so was the fact that upon finding out one of his parents was an elf, the elf character notes that this makes him more attractive to her.
The problem is, species getting swapped for race in fiction is a 90º slope that’s marked as a bunny hill. You’d think you could avoid doing it by accident, but unless you’re hyperaware of stuff, you can end up rolling down the hill ass-over-tea-kettle. The monster erotica subgenre is a pounding avalanche of that trope right now, and unfortunately, Girls Weekend is another snowflake added to the pile.
But Morning Glory Milking Farm doesn’t delve quite so deeply into the idea of “biracial” orcs or interspecies relationships. The human/minotaur incompatibility of Violet and Rourke is largely constrained to stuff like having to get special detergent to break down the quarts of bull semen that end up on her sheets when he ejaculates and how to make a relationship work when one of you can’t comfortably fit inside the other’s apartment. There’s a brief conversation with the couple from Girls Weekend in which the elf hints at difficulties being in an interspecies relationship, but the culture clash element isn’t a major theme in Morning Glory Milking Farm.
I really loved and highly recommend Morning Glory Milking Farm, because it’s a fun time. Girls Weekend let me down, but I’ll give another book by C.M. Nascosta a try, in the hopes that Girls Weekend is just a dud and the same mistakes won’t get repeated. And you should give Morning Glory Milking Farm a try. It’s cute, it’s funny, it’s filthy, and it surprisingly lives up to its hype.
