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Month: March 2017


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Happy Monday! Guess what you can do today? You can pre-order Say Goodbye To Hollywood on Amazon!


The cover is made to look like a screenplay fastened with paper brackets. There is a large coffee mug ring stain on the bottom right corner. The text reads "SAY GOODBYE TO HOLLYWOOD (a novel) Jenny Trout"

When she’s hired to adapt the blockbuster novel, Beautiful Darkness, for film, screenwriter Jessica Yates sees an opportunity she can’t pass up. The only thing standing between her and a guaranteed hit movie is the author. Lynn Baldwin’s rise from Midwestern housewife to literary superstardom has gone straight to her head, and she’s not willing to see her creation hit the screen without her total approval.

As the entire creative team struggles with the hard-to-please author, Jessica’s personal life spins out of control. When there’s more relationship drama and kinky sex off the page than on, she’s forced to reevaluate what she really wants—before Beautiful Darkness destroys her Hollywood dreams forever.

Pre-order on Amazon

*Say Goodbye To Hollywood will be available on Amazon and Smashwords on March 21, 2017. Other platforms to follow.

The Big Damn Writer Advice Column

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It’s that time of the week, when I answer your anonymous questions about writing and all that stuff connected to it. Every Thursday, I’ll be answering two questions from the Big Damn Writer Question Box.

Q: Writing a novel, especially for the first time, can take a long time. How would you suggest an aspiring author time-manage writing a novel? Should someone “quit their day job” and just start writing (extra question: how to manage finances while not working..?)? Or should an aspiring author try and write in whatever time they have and hope that it is enough time/effort spent to create a worthy final product?

A: When I wrote my first novel, I was a stay-at-home mom to an infant. I started writing the book when my son was four months old, and I did it basically when I could. If he was napping, I would write for that ten whole freaking minutes (the kid never slept) or what have you. It took me probably six months to write the first three chapters (then a panicked week to write the rest, but that’s a different story). Even after I got a contract, it wasn’t enough to live off, so I ended up getting a job, where I wrote here and there on my lunch breaks. I would never in a million years say, “You should quit your job with no financial plan whatsoever and just hope it will all work out!” If you’re a lucky person with disposable income and you can afford to put back like, six months worth of rent and bills and stick to that budget and you feel like you’re totally secure to take those six months off, sure. But that is not the advice I would give you.

The fact is, even if you get to the point where you can make a living on writing alone, you’re still going to have to make time to write. Mostly because the people in your life are not going to respect the fact that you’re working. And you’re not, either. When you don’t punch a clock, it’s really, really tempting to be like, “Ah, I can just Netflix and eat this popcorn today. I’ve done enough.” So what I would say to you now is, try to write in whatever time you have, hope that it’s enough time and effort spent to create a worthy final product, and then you’ve made good writing habits for the future. Because honestly, whenever you write a book, all you’re doing is hoping you’ve put in enough time and effort to create a worthy final product. That doesn’t change whether you’ve got ten minutes a day or ten uninterrupted hours a day.


Q: Do you think using an old personal relationship as part of the back story for the main characters in a fictional novel is a bad idea? The heroine of my novel is not meant to be an avatar of myself, even though we share one specific experience. How do you incorporate your own experiences into a character without making her a copy of yourself?

A: All of your characters are going to be coming from you, so it’s only natural that they’re going to have things in common with you. In my first book, my heroine had an ex-boyfriend who broke up with her because he thought she wouldn’t be a good mother to his hypothetical future children. It gave her a complex about motherhood, about whether or not she should even want to a mother, for the entire series. That was based on a real breakup I had, in which an ex told me, “I want to have children, and I can’t see you being a good mother.” But everything else about the character couldn’t have been more different from me. For my The Boss series, Sophie has an absentee father and that has shaped a lot of who she is, but otherwise we have nothing in common.

If I sat down and wrote a character who was a pot smoking chronic pain patient who writes books for a living, I’m going to just be writing about myself. And it’s difficult to write yourself as a fictional character and then make that character believable because what you’re going to end up doing is creating an idealized version of yourself that you’re not going to want to ascribe flaws to or put in harm’s way. Or, you’ll end up ascribing too many flaws and then when people go, “This was an unlikeable character,” you’ll be like, “I knew it! Everyone hates me!” I don’t think that would be a very fun feeling.

The very best characters feel real, and in order to write a real character, they need to be real people in your head. So there’s nothing wrong with putting experiences or traits that you empathize with or understand into their backgrounds. You just can’t limit yourself to those traits and experiences that are unique to you. Maybe include one or two things, at most, one or two things from people you admire (or can’t stand), and then spend the rest of your time getting to know the totally different person you’ve built.


Bonus Question: Will you read my questionable Twilight fanfic y/n?

A. I think I’ve read enough questionable Twilight fanfic, don’t you?

Dakota Johnson as Ana Steele in 50 Shades of Grey, right after she tells Christian there's nothing interesting about her or whatever Mary Sue nonsense the line was.


Wanna see your questions get answered (or just wanna air a grievance?) Put it in the box!

My Twitter Mentions: The Trashening

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Now, I know that I’ve said I’m hanging up my Fifty Shades of Grey critique hat. And I meant it. But just because I’m done with a thing, that doesn’t mean that thing is done with me (see also: Catholicism, ice cream with too many wacky ingredients, my three separate lifetime bans from the Sprinkle Rd. Denny’s). And last week, whoo boy. Last week, Fifty Shades of Grey was certainly not done with me.

Are you ready to venture down one of the deepest, darkest rabbit holes you’ll ever find in fandom?

The day after the Oscars, I noticed something that really grossed me out.

A tweet from "DamieForever" that reads "Bellissimiiiiii #Damie #Oscars #DakotaJohnson #JamieDornan" with heart eyes emoticons and hearts. There are three attached pictures of Dornan and Johnson presenting at the Oscars, and one photo of Dornan's wife sitting between him and Dakota. The photo has been manipulated so that Dornan's wife is in black and white.


A tweet from "Fran" that reads "Look at her like she's the only one you see #Damie" with the same photo of Dornan and Johnson with his wife between them. The photo has been manipulated to place a giant heart over his wife, completely blocking her out.

This post is going to be wildly image heavy, so follow the cut if you’re curious to see how this all plays out.

The Big Damn Writer Advice Column

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Welcome to the very first installment of the Big Damn Writer Advice Column, where I answer your anonymous questions about writing and all that stuff connected to it. Every Thursday, I’ll be answering two questions from the Big Damn Writer Question Box.

Q: What are the best ways you know to combat writer’s block?

A: Recently, I’ve struggled with some pretty horrible writer’s block. I’ve spent days lamenting that I will never write another book again, that the well has run dry, that I should hang up my hat and quit trying. As scary as it is, I’ve just taken two weeks off from writing fiction. Even with books planned for the rest of the year, deadlines looming, I knew that if I didn’t have a chance to recharge my batteries, I was going to find myself in real trouble. Something had to change.

I spent much of those two weeks engaging in hobbies that usually get shoved aside in favor of writing. Knitting, coloring, making soap, and–gasp!–actually sitting down and reading some god damn books. There seems to be a common thread among writers I know who suffer from writer’s block. If you ask them when the last time was that they got to actually sit down and read for more than ten minutes on the toilet, they probably won’t have a very encouraging answer. I fully believe that reading in a long, uninterrupted block helps rejuvenate you for writing. You don’t have to read an entire book but read for a full thirty minutes, at least. I swear, it does something to your brain. Reading a good book can make you feel excited to write your own thing. Reading helps focus your attention, so when you do sit down, words will come easier and without the temptation to get on social media.

But above all, don’t try to force yourself. And if you do feel like you have to give yourself a little tough love, do it with a small goal. “Today I’m going to write five-hundred words.” And if you don’t make that goal? Don’t beat yourself up. Just say, “Tomorrow, I’ll do better.” And if you start making those 500 word goals, up it to 600 or 700 for a few days. Part of writing is habit and focus, and those are the first two things to fall by the wayside with writer’s block. And always, always remind yourself that you can always fix your first draft. Nobody is judging what you’re putting down on the first try.

And if all else fails, you could turn to New Age spirituality:

A prayer candle with Lin-Manuel Miranda dressed as Alexander Hamilton, surrounded by amethyst and quartz crystals of varying sizes, all arranged in front of my computer screen.


Q: Do you find that writing fanfic strengthens your skills in original fiction? Have you ever used an original character from a fanfic in an original story? What are your ethics on that? 

A: One of the best tools a beginning writer has at their disposal is fanfiction. Not just writing it, but reading it, reading thoughtful critical reviews, engaging with other writers, all of that will strengthen your skill. You just have to be willing to listen without getting defensive. Fanfiction can teach you how to be a great writer, but only if you don’t close yourself off from criticism from more skilled writers in your fandom.

Do not latch on to the “hot” fandom of the time if you don’t really care about it. It will show in your writing, and with the recent P2P trend, other fans are going to suspect your intentions are to steal from the creators of the thing they love. You don’t have to be in a big fandom to forge connections with other readers. In fact, some of the most engagement I’ve gotten has been in communities with small, close-knit fandoms. They tend to be more enthusiastic in my experience.

As for the use of an original character from a fanfiction in an original story, I have done that before. The book never ended up published, but I used an original character from a Les Miserables fic I wrote years ago in a historical romance I was kicking around. But when I realized that I intended to someday publish the story with the character from my fic, I took the story down from the site it was on. I also never used any of Hugo’s characters in my novel (though if you wanted to do so, his work is public domain. Just remember how poorly received Cosette was). As long as you separate your character out, don’t borrow plot or other characters, and don’t use the fandom or your fic as a way of advertising your original work, I don’t see anything ethically dodgy with keeping a character you created.


Q: This is off topic, but I wanted to anonymously submit this to you because you’ve call out fakes and hoaxes and I love that about you. Max Monroe, the NYT bestselling secret pen name, marketed themselves from day ones as two NYT bestselling authors who secretly came together to write under the pen name, Max Monroe. It’s what brought them their fame–that story of who they might be. Turns out, it’s complete fiction, including their titles. Max Monroe is Laurel Ulen Curtis and Natalie Alcorn ( Amazon caught them first, and therefore, their bio on Amazon had to change. There’s nothing wrong with using pen names, even secret ones, but to lie about your accreditation? How many other authors are doing this? The new “Anonymous Girls XOXO” email going around seems like another copycat of both that and Erin Watts/Gossip Girls stories. It’s all so….sneaky. So many authors work really hard and now everyone’s afraid to call out these two, Laurel and Natalie, for lying because it could jeopardize their own careers. I may just be a blogger, but I think that’s wrong. If this interests you, please write about it. If not, please consider passing it along to someone who would. Thanks. Signed, Dream Crushed Blogger

B: I’m just posting this here so someone else can call them out and I can bitchily say that I loved the scene in their first book where the virgin heroine took the hero to sneak into the One UN hotel pool. It was really great and I wonder what inspired them.

giphy (2)


Wanna see your questions get answered (or just wanna air a grievance?) Put it in the box!