I was giving an interview the other day, because I’m very glamorous (I was topless, wearing sweatpants, and hadn’t showered in a while), and I commented on the fact that I get so much email about 50 Shades of Grey, with links and pictures and fun stuff, and I know there’s no way I can share all of it.
And then I was like, “Yes, you can. Remember how you were going to post about the 50 Shades drinking game someone sent you? Why not put all the links and stuff in that post, and then have a grilled cheese sandwich?” And I was like, “Yeah, self. That’s a great idea. But how about I do the sandwich now, and make the post in a few days?” And self was like, “You know what? You’ve earned it. Have two. And listen to Justin Timberlake’s ‘Damn Girl’ while you eat them, because you know that if JT knew you, he’d find your sandwich consuming skills– and those sweatpants– intensely erotic.”
These are in a very particular order. The order that they’re stacked in my inbox. If you sent me something and you don’t see it here, it’s probably because it’s lost in the depths, or someone sent the same thing first. Also, the bulk of what I receive are links to news stories that like, thirty people send me at once. I assume that if something has been on a major news outlet, y’all have heard about it. But if you have something like that, leave it in the comments and it totally counts.
Kathy sent me this post on a NSFW Tumblr, Things I Need Done To Me Today. I love that the author describes herself as “A PROFESSIONAL ‘SOCCER MOM’ TYPE BY DAY, AND A TOTAL FUCKING WHORE BY NIGHT” Autofollow RESCINDED as it turns out she’s an MRA. Come on, lady. You were so cool.
Courtney sent this hilarious blog post: The Worst Book That Ever Was And Ever Will Be: A Review of 50 Shades of Grey.
Wendy brought this book to my attention by actually buying it for me. So, Wendy gets the gold star for the day. I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but it comes highly recommended: Whatsoever He Might Kind of Want or Desire.
Artistically inspired read Kelsey made some bootleg book covers for the recaps, and I think she really captured the true essence of this project:
Jaecen made me this:
50 Shades of O’Reilly. Incoming wounded, indeed.
The Unofficial 50 Shades of Grey Drinking Game
(and official sport of Troutnation)
Lacey, Troutnation’s Minister of Booze and Getting Sloshedness
Take a sip every time: (Sip, not shot, unless you’re indestructible)
- “in that way”
- Christian says some controlling dickish thing
- Christian says some pretentious ass thing
- bites her lip
- “oh my”
- whenever she refers to him as “Fifty”
- “what you do to me”
- “fair point well made”
- subconscious/inner goddess
- whenever Christian marks his territory
- down there/other vague euphemism for vagina
- “Dios mio!” (see: racism)
- arguing over food/”hungry, but not for food”
- stupid denigrating bitchy names for other women/supposed sexual competitors (see: misogyny)
- “he starts to move, really move”
- “it’s so hot”
- creepy childish language/picture of Chris Hansen
- “laters, baby”
- The Situation
- she is irrationally jealous of another woman, especially during an inappropriate time
- she thinks about how much she needs to think about something/they talk about how they should talk
- whenever Taylor is awesome (it helps to picture him as Jesse Porter on Burn Notice)
- “peek up through my eyelashes”
- she thinks thirty is ancient
- someone rolls their eyes
If you really want alcohol poisoning, drink every time:
- “jeez”/”holy crap”/”double crap”/”holy cow”
- bitchy comment about Kate
- she says something about being terrified/afraid of him, wanting to hide or escape from him, &c.
- she refers to him “beating” her
- she does something she doesn’t want to do
- “fifty shades of fucked up”
- he commands her to orgasm
- someone else calls her bright/intelligent
- she does or says something incredibly stupid/clueless
- someone else tells her how perfect she & Christian are, or how much she’s changed him
- something happens or someone says/acts completely overdramatic
- references to literary works, especially “Tess”
- they communicate through music like 7th graders
- “cocks their head”
- she hugs herself
That’s all I’ve got for now. Please don’t play the drinking game, you’ll die. I don’t want “50 Shades related Alcoholism” to be the leading cause of death in Troutnation. More links to come, probably, as I continue to sift through my inbox.