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Tense Tooth Fairy Negotiations

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The last time my daughter, Wednesday, lost a tooth, it was at the dentist’s office.

“Are you going to leave that for the Tooth Fairy?” the dentist asked, moments after he wiggled the super loose tooth from her head.

She shook her head, looked him in the eye, and said, “No. She only gives you a dollar for your teeth. My teeth are worth more.”

The kid wasn’t joking. She didn’t leave her tooth for the Tooth Fairy that night, and she still has it put away somewhere for safe keeping.

Yesterday morning, she lost another tooth. Or, I should say, night before last. She woke up, frowned, and spit a tooth into her hand. This one, she informed me, was going to go to the Tooth Fairy, but it would be the last one if her financial demand wasn’t met: “If she doesn’t give me a hundred dollars this time, she’s not getting another damn tooth.”

We went about our ritual of sealing the tooth in an envelope and putting it in the Barbie Dream House for the Tooth Fairy to find. This morning, however, included in the envelope of money with a crudely drawn sigil of a tooth and a dollar sign, she received this letter:

tooth fairy

We read it together. She thought it over. Finally she said, “Okay, I get it. But I still think my teeth are worth more than a dollar.”

I guess my six-year-old is looking for someone willing to buy her teeth, is what’s happening here.

UPDATE: Wednesday just came home and said, “You’re the tooth fairy! You are!” I asked her how she figured it out, and she said, “Because you have money.” She’s very pleased at how smart she is, and she sounds like a detective in a television show: “At first I couldn’t figure out how you got the money in there… then I realized, you were sneaking into my room the whole time!”

 

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33 Comments

  1. Cat R.
    Cat R.

    ROTFLMAO!!! *Just* what I needed this morning! Thank you, ever-creative Jenny 🙂

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  2. frances
    frances

    Now THAT is how you keep the magic alive for your kid. Well done, Jenny. 🙂

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  3. Promise
    Promise

    I simply love it! You’ve got an amazing kid, there! The Tooth Fairy’s letter is such a great way to handle the situation!

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  4. Ha! My own six-year-old has yet to even have a tooth loose (she’s the only one in her class to not lose one yet), so we haven’t even talked about the tooth fairy. Good to know what the going rates are!

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  5. Hilarious. Have you asked her how she determined her tooth’s fair market value?

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  6. Delta Juliet
    Delta Juliet

    This whole post is awesome.

    The last tooth my son lost had a huge filling in it. I tried to convince him that since I had spent a lot of money on that tooth, maybe the tooth fairy should pay ME, but, no dice.

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
    • goddesstio
      goddesstio

      They fill baby teeth? I had one tooth with a cavity as a child and they said just leave it til it falls out. I wasn’t aware that wasn’t a common practice

      January 6, 2015
      |Reply
      • Delta Juliet
        Delta Juliet

        Well, at that dentist they did. Although to be honest, I never cared for them and now go to a different dentist. The other one did always feel like they were trying to bring in the money.

        January 7, 2015
        |Reply
      • LolaZeta
        LolaZeta

        It’s actually getting more and more common for cavities in baby teeth to be filled, as cavities left unchecked can cause problems down the road. If the teeth are falling out left and right, it might be fine to leave it, but I’d hate for a toddler to have to walk around with growing cavities.

        January 7, 2015
        |Reply
  7. Pansy Petal
    Pansy Petal

    What a lucky kid to get a personal letter from the tooth fairy. That is quite valuable all by itself. Very few kids get something like that. I hope she knows just how lucky she is!

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  8. Gwen Cease
    Gwen Cease

    I love that the “TF” explains that $100 per tooth is “prohibitively expensive” so awesome! I was lucky to get a quarter so she she be dancing for 1.00.

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  9. pinkoeria
    pinkoeria

    That’s a great letter, I really love your creativity! My 8-year old still believes in the Tooth Fairy, but he did say to me very seriously: “Why does the Tooth Fairy want children’s teeth, what does she do with them?”, mirroring Terry Pratchett’s observations about the Tooth Fairy in one of his books (can’t remember which one off the top of my head). A very good question though.

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  10. Candy Apple
    Candy Apple

    Now you’re going to have to explain why you won’t cough up the hundred bucks, since it’s really you and not a strapped-for-cash Fairy Conglomerate who has to fund 1.9 billion children’s-worth of spare tooth expenditure as the letter stated…

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  11. Jessica
    Jessica

    This is an amazing story, hilarious and uplifting.

    Great idea, using the dollhouse as the drop-off point. Trying to sneak under a child’s pillow seems like a mission bound to fail. That being said, I don’t ever remember catching my parents.

    January 6, 2015
    |Reply
  12. Lieke
    Lieke

    This is amazing! I would have loved to get a letter from the Tooth Fairy when I was a kid. Unfortunately, I never considered negotiating a better price for my teeth.

    January 7, 2015
    |Reply
  13. Katherine
    Katherine

    I love that kid!

    January 8, 2015
    |Reply
  14. Steph
    Steph

    As a kid, my mom would write letters to my sister and I from “Santa” if we were misbehaving on a frequent basis. The letter would terrify us because it would warn us to be good or no presents for us. We were amazed that “Santa” actually did know if we were being bad or good :p
    As for the Tooth Fairy, my mom ruined that for me when I was 5 or 6 🙁 I was out running errands with her and, as she has an annoying habit of thinking out loud, she was going over things she needed to get/do. Suddenly, she blurts out, “Oh, and I need to get something for [my sister] from the Tooth Fairy” – as she’d just lost another tooth. I looked up at my mom in horror and, loudly, proclaimed “You’re the Tooth Fairy?!” Childhood ruined, thank you Mom :p

    January 10, 2015
    |Reply
  15. GLC
    GLC

    Your kid’s name is Wednesday? Do you really like Jasper Fforde’s books? (Cool name, though).

    January 10, 2015
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      No, but I really love The Addams Family. Her name is Wednesday Addams [Last Name}. 😀

      January 11, 2015
      |Reply
  16. Hieronymous Pseudonymous
    Hieronymous Pseudonymous

    [facepalm] Just as I thought… except for that middle name. [facepalm again]

    I think there ought to be a law against naming children for fictional characters.

    January 12, 2015
    |Reply
    • Lieke
      Lieke

      Good sir, I would advise you to take your facepalms elsewhere. For Wednesday (with or without the middle name Addams) is a fucking awesome name.

      January 12, 2015
      |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      But there isn’t so my reign of terror continues unchecked. I GOT OVA FOR DAYS IS THIS A GAME TO YOU?

      January 12, 2015
      |Reply
      • Hieronymous Pseudonymous.
        Hieronymous Pseudonymous.

        “I GOT OVA FOR DAYS IS THIS A GAME TO YOU?”

        I don’t understand.

        January 14, 2015
        |Reply
        • JennyTrout
          JennyTrout

          Like, I’ve got lots of reproductive cells left, so I can have more kids and name them more silly names until a law stops me.

          But I won’t, because all the eggs I have left are probably the worst ones, all shriveled up from age.

          January 14, 2015
          |Reply
      • drmaggiemoreau
        drmaggiemoreau

        Wednesday is an awesome name. I remember I had a Wednesday Addams costume I wore for 2 Halloweens in a row, which is a big deal when you’re 8/9. And people put way too much stock in having a conventional name. Nobody will ever say “I forgot your name” nor will there be those weird mix ups when they call the wrong person with the same name.

        October 14, 2015
        |Reply
  17. Hieronymous Pseudonymous
    Hieronymous Pseudonymous

    I see. (I wasn’t familiar with the expression “for days.”)
    I still don’t understand your asking if it’s a game to me, though…

    January 15, 2015
    |Reply

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