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Plagiarism doesn’t deserve forgiveness.

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“I was trying to find one specific chapter recap by Googling the one line that I could remember from it (“Who is Kate, E.L.? How did she hurt you?”) and I came across another blog called Rhyming with Oranges. She’s got some recaps up, too. They read like Laura Harner, if you know what I mean.

It looks like the blog is run by someone called Naomi Knight. I wasn’t sure if you were familiar with her or if you had given her permission to reblog or anything like that, but I felt it kind of unlikely since she does have some of her own thoughts (or yours broadly reworded). I apologize if this is a false alarm, I just wanted to let you know just in case.”

That was the email I received from a concerned reader named Nora yesterday. And I’ve gotten emails like that before. I go and check them out, but it usually only takes a quick scan to tell that it’s just a case of us recapping the same material, and coming to some similar conclusions.

Not the case here.

Naomi Knight lifted whole chunks of my blog to use for hers. She reworded some sections, so what read:

Christian thinks about how he doesn’t want anyone but Ana, and how maybe he might have given her the impression that he liked her with the whole inviting her out for coffee thing. Maybe going to her work with a flimsy excuse to be there might have done that too, genius. He’s going to try to think of a way to apologize to her.

on my blog became:

Christian thinks about how he doesn’t want anyone but Ana, and how maybe he might have given her the impression that he liked her with the whole inviting her out for coffee thing. Maybe going to her work with a flimsy excuse to be there might have done that too, genius. He decides he’ll send Ana an apology present and then he can move on.

on hers.

And it wasn’t just one instance. This is just an example. If I went through and found all the places she’d plagiarized me and then added a few words to throw the dogs off the scent, we’d be here all day–she even used lines where I called Grey “Chedward”, for God’s sake–and she’s already admitted to the plagiarism, so there’s nothing to prove. She didn’t just do it to me, either, or just to my Grey recaps. Readers found a Love, Actually post she’d made by smooshing together parts of one of mine with parts of Lindy West’s piece from Jezebel. As readers poured over her blog, they discovered that Naomi Knight is a serial plagiarizer.

I recently wrote about Laura Harner’s plagiarism of Becky McGraw and Opal Carew. I know that the plagiarism of her work had a tremendous emotional impact on McGraw, because I spoke with her about it. I had no idea, though, how deeply it cuts to see someone else claiming your words for their own. As I read Naomi Knight’s blog, I laughed in disbelief. Mr. Jen asked me what was so funny. I said, “I’ve been plagiarized.” My hands shook. My whole body shook. I was sick to my stomach. Then I started sobbing.

I did my deep breaths. I took two Xanax. But I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. All from just seeing my words attributed to someone else. I knew plagiarism was a serious crime; I didn’t realize it could have an affect on a person’s physical well-being.

Naomi Knight had a Twitter, so I took to that, my favorite social media platform, to call her out:

I was angry. But it wasn’t just anger. There was a lot of despair, too:

Coming on the heels of this blog post about my identity, my OCD fired up its engines. See? You can’t have anything of your own. Let’s just file that away in our Imposter Syndrome folder, shall we? Because this is a sign, Jenny. This is a sign that you’re not supposed to be a writer. This is probably a sign that you should kill yourself. Oh, and by the way, you don’t deserve anything you’ve ever created. That’s why it’s being taken from you.

I couldn’t stay in the depths of what was quickly becoming a death spiral of intellectual violation. And really, I didn’t need to. Within twenty minutes of outing Naomi Knight as a plagiarist, she deleted her twitter account. Within an hour, her blog went to invite only, then completely vanished. People sent me screen caps of her plagiarism, and notes of support. I went to see the new Star Wars and tried to put it all out of my mind.

When we got in the car and headed for home, someone alerted me to Naomi’s new twitter account, made for her art, which she claimed to have been neglecting, and that was the reason for the sudden account change. And after that twitter and site were pulled down (again, within minutes of being outed) I received an email from Naomi Knight. She tried to “apologize”. Maybe I have a cold heart, but I viewed her explanation of the situation as a cheap ploy to prey on my tender heart. I won’t go into detail because she divulged personal information, but all I could think was, “yeah, well, me too, but I never ripped off a whole bunch of people because of it.”

Asking for that apology just made me more angry. I hadn’t gotten a full twenty-four hours to process my feelings, and now she wanted me to put hers ahead of mine? I felt robbed all over again. The “apology” was just another punch in the face. I did what I wasn’t supposed to do, and used alcohol to cope with my feelings.

This morning, I have a much clearer head, except for the hangover. I decided that I’m not going to lock myself into a “Code of Silence” situation all over again. What Naomi Knight did was wrong, and no matter what’s happening in her personal life, I don’t have to forgive her or go easy on her. I don’t have to be the bigger person. I can think all the rude, malicious, and horrible thoughts I want to about her. I don’t owe her anything.

I have a really bad habit in my personal life of letting people do something that makes me feel ooky, then feeling as though I have to accept their apology because if I don’t, I’m not nice. I think it probably has something to do with being raised Catholic, and I don’t say that to be funny. It’s an entire religion built around forgiveness that’s given without hesitation, just because someone asks. There’s a whole sacrament about it. Maybe I’m still walking around thinking I should be Christ-like and forgive everyone for everything from minor annoyances to major transgressions. So I’m actually thankful for this incident; it made me examine my inability to stick up for myself when I’m so quick to stick up for others. It made me realize that I’m fully entitled to be pissed off about something, even if someone asks for forgiveness, and that I never have to tell someone “no problem” if I feel it’s really a problem. That forgiveness is something you give because you feel it, not because someone else asks for it.

But most importantly, it showed me how much love and support I really get from you guys. Within seconds of my first tweet, I had responses from people asking how they could help, what they could do for me. They went and left comments on the blog Naomi Knight deleted, and took screen shots to send to me. Hours later, it was a reader who found Knight’s “art blog” and secondary twitter (thanks, Pixelfish!). The theft made me feel alone; the outpouring of support made me feel less so.

I’m doing a lot better today. I’m going to go have lunch with my pseudo-brother, finish up some Christmas shopping, and super over-decorate my planner. I’m going to have an overall mentally healthy day. And I’m not going to forgive Naomi Knight. I don’t care what her personal circumstances are. I get to be angry, and I don’t owe her anything. She’s already taken plenty.

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83 Comments

  1. Laina
    Laina

    You owe her NOTHING. She did something disgusting to you, and you do not owe her anything. You are the One True Jenny, and she is nothing but a thief.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  2. “Because this is a sign, Jenny. This is a sign that you’re not supposed to be a writer. … Oh, and by the way, you don’t deserve anything you’ve ever created. That’s why it’s being taken from you.”

    The main reason I haven’t jumped on the “recap crappy books or good TV shows” wagon is that you do it so well, mine would pale in comparison. I’m a decent writer in my own write and my little blogging attempt wasn’t bad, but it was my thing and not someone else’s because I recognize we have different strengths and focuses. So all this really proves is that you’re so damned good at it that some creep with a personality disorder decided it was better to steal what someone else already did so well than to find her own niche.

    So this just means that, yes, you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. And doing it well.

    Feel sorry for this woman. She’s a sad, sad human being who thinks so little of herself (or so much?) that she can’t even create anything of her own. Her email was an attempt at manipulations. She isn’t really sorry. She’s just a bad human being. Don’t let bad human beings influence how you feel about yourself.

    I missed it all in real time. I have Twitter and I follow you, but I go on there about once a year. 🙂

    Glad you’re feeling better. You don’t owe that horrible woman anything.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • My own “right,” not “write.”

      Freudian slip? Bad pun? I have no idea.

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
    • Zweisatz
      Zweisatz

      Could you maybe refrain from mentioning that personality disorder because I really don’t see how that figures into the whole thing – except for making people with personality disorders look bad in general.

      Jenny handled the topic well by mentioning that Naomi’s struggles don’t negate Jenny’s or justify Naomi’s behavior and that’s IMHO all there is to say.

      December 23, 2015
      |Reply
      • Sure. If you could maybe go have a close personal relationship with a narcissist or a sociopath and come back and say that to me again.

        Cheers. 🙂

        December 23, 2015
        |Reply
        • Lieke
          Lieke

          I don’t really see the need for the rude comment.

          Zweitsatz just pointed out that we don’t know whether Naomi has a personality disorder, so mentioning it is irrelevant. And indeed a bit prejudicial. Just because someone behaves like an asshole doesn’t mean that they have a personality disorder.

          December 24, 2015
          |Reply
        • Zweisatz
          Zweisatz

          My father is a narcissist, but I don’t see how that is any of your business.

          You might want to look at all the groups on the right: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder This is not only about narcissists and sociopaths. Borderliners and schizophrenics get shit on enough without you helping it along.

          December 24, 2015
          |Reply
          • Renee
            Renee

            First, someone who actually HAS borderline is a bad person. Most people (especially women) diagnosed with it don’t actually have it. They often actually have PTSD and a lousy therapist. Most in the psychology profession (with degrees and stuff) are starting to say borderline isn’t even a thing, that it’s a false diagnosis and doesn’t exist at all, in fact. It’s kind of like when my daughter had a UTI when she was 5 and her doctors said she had “a summer virus” for four weeks. There’s no such thing as “a summer virus,” but it was the diagnosis du jour that year for pediatricians who didn’t want to run diagnostic tests that might actually find out what a child actually had.

            Second, schizophrenia isn’t a personality disorder. You can spout about this if you want, but you might want to actually know what you’re talking about. I’m not going to continue the argument, but if you want to take it up with the Mayo Clinic, you can do it here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/schizotypal-personality-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20027949.

            No, we don’t know she has one. But she’s clearly displayed some pretty major signs of it and I’m comfortable with assuming. She stole other (MULTIPLE) people’s work, put her name on it and when caught not only made some stupid, manipulative excuse about it but then did it again immediately.

            Now I’m done. My main reason for responding at all is because you were incredibly wrong about what you said and it needed to be corrected. I’ll take the Mayo Clinic over Wikipedia as a source. Thanks, though.

            December 24, 2015
          • Courtney
            Courtney

            I’m responding here because I can’t respond to Renee’s comment directly for some reason.

            “First, someone who actually HAS borderline is a bad person. Most people (especially women) diagnosed with it don’t actually have it. They often actually have PTSD and a lousy therapist. Most in the psychology profession (with degrees and stuff) are starting to say borderline isn’t even a thing, that it’s a false diagnosis and doesn’t exist at all, in fact. ”

            No, you’re wrong. I AM a therapist (with degrees and stuff), and it is entirely untrue to say that “most in the psych profession” are starting to say borderline isn’t even a thing. That is 100% completely untrue. While some people with BPD are misdiagnosed that’s hardly unique to BPD, and even good therapists misdiagnose occasionally. Diagnosis is a living, organic thing that can change over time. It’s not a perfect science, unfortunately.

            It’s also completely untrue that people with borderline are bad people. No they’re not– they’re not bad people in any greater proportion than the general population. Are some people with borderline Bad People? Yes, of course. Some people without borderline are Bad People too. Your blanket statements about people with BPD are offensive and stigmatizing. Please reconsider what you’re saying here.

            December 30, 2015
          • Courtney
            Courtney

            (And I know I’m late to the party here, but I couldn’t let Renee’s comment go without correcting some of the misinformation for anyone who might read through this in the future.)

            December 30, 2015
        • Crystal
          Crystal

          Wow, well, Renee just outed herself as an awful person. Good to know.

          December 27, 2015
          |Reply
  3. Stormy
    Stormy

    I’m constantly amazed at the lengths people will go to when committing a crime (metaphorically or literally). I mean, sure, copy/paste is easy enough, but to go through the trouble of changing things just so? And doing so consistently? I always think “You know, you’re clearly not lacking in dedication. Maybe if you put this kind of effort into creating something new, you’d be a lot better at it than you think.” Basically, you might do better on the test if you keep your eyes on your own paper.

    I’m very sorry this happened to you. You’re completely justified in feeling angry, betrayed, and hurt, and no one is ever required to accept an apology.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  4. Janine
    Janine

    I’m sorry this happened to you, and that it happened to wade into a sensitive, OCD-trigger area that you’ve spoken about before.
    I know you’re not asking for assurances, but I’m a nurturer (dammit!) so I’m going to give you some anyway.
    Your blog, writing style, and personality is fantastic, and it’s not accidental. You deliberately created a “brand” that resonates strongly with me and thousands of other readers. Your hard work has created a public persona that is UNIQUE and glorious.
    Your work is the only romance work that I read, your recaps broaden my appreciation of media that I already love and articulate things I sense in media I don’t. Your social advocacy aligns with my own and makes me feel supported, even though I don’t know you at all.
    What I’m saying is that you’re amazing, and you’re one-of-a-kind. I know this likely won’t touch the depths of what you’re feeling, and it’s not really supposed to. I guess what I’m really trying to do is to thank you for being you.
    So thank you.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  5. Pax
    Pax

    Let me guess, her ‘apology’ involved “but I just wanted people to like me because [insert bad event here] and I thought this was the best way”?

    If she was really sorry, she wouldn’t have set up her brand new Twitter to promote her ‘art’ of someone else’s work within, what, eight hours of being caught? (And interestingly enough, the fastest of Twitter searches brings up a romance writer called Naomi Knight so call me cynical, particularly in light of your recent blog post but I consider the originality of even her name suspect.)

    Like Jaine says, I know you’re not looking for assurances, but you are awesome. I know how difficult it is to tell your brain to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, but you are a talented woman who’s made such an impact and deserves every last little bit of the success she’s fought for. This woman doesn’t deserve the forgiveness she appears to think she’s entitled to. You fought for what’s yours and put in the hard work when you were afraid you couldn’t; she stole because she’s too weak to put in the effort and she deserves nothing but contempt.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • Pax
      Pax

      *Janine, thank you keyboard (and sorry Janine)…

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
  6. Susannah
    Susannah

    I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Not that you need anyone’s validation, but I agree, she doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. It isn’t okay to steal. It’s a violation and it happens too much — the “new norm” in our small bookish world.

    Good wishes to you, and enjoy your easy mental day.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  7. I feel like your instincts are dead on about this apology. It’s not sincere, she doesn’t actually care, she’s just annoyed she got caught. A week from now she’ll probably have a new blog with content pilfered from someone else.

    It took me a long time to realize that if I consistently feel like someone is full of shit, they probably are.

    And I’ve been plagiarized too – not even anything important, just a short piece for a writing contest. The entries were posted publicly and someone didn’t even properly search+replace names when they copied my entry. I tracked the guy down and his “reasons” were stuff like “It was a mistake, my friend posted that, I was hacked, I just thought yours was really good and I couldn’t think of anything.” Denial and excuses to the end.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • Laina
      Laina

      Mine was “totally gonna credit me” or at least “the website they copied it off of” which was *drumroll please* the website I posted the thing to, which had my name and everything on it. And they totally didn’t know it was wrong!

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
  8. jo bourne
    jo bourne

    There are standard rules for what you do when you’re caught plagiarizing.

    (1) You confess publicly
    … on your Twitter, on Facebook, on your blog account and everywhere else. You list the people you’ve stolen from and give details of what was stolen.
    You leave these accounts in place for one year with that as the final posting.

    (2) You apologize publicly
    … on all those sites. You say. “What I did was wrong. There is no excuse for my behavior. I am very sorry. I will never do this again.”

    (3) You don’t ‘explain’.
    You don’t make excuses. You don’t ask forgiveness or sympathy or ‘understanding’.
    You don’t make presumptuous demands on a person you’ve already wronged.

    (4) You write each person you stole from an apology. Rules (2) and (3) apply.

    (5) You give back the money.
    If you’ve made money from the plagiarism, (for instance, if your blog is monetized in some way,) you offer all the money to the person you stole from.
    If they don’t want to receive it from you, you contributed every penny to a charity you think they will approve of.

    (6) You go silent.
    You do not post on your public accounts for one year.
    You don’t open new ones under another name.
    You don’t comment in any forums.
    You gag yourself.
    This demonstrates your genuine remorse.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • All that assumes the offending person isn’t a narcissist and is capable of genuine remorse.

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
    • PixelFish
      PixelFish

      I think this is generally a good starting point. I’d add “respect boundaries” but I think that’s what you have under point six.

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
    • Manna Francis
      Manna Francis

      That would be nice. Sadly, my fandom experiences suggest the standard response to being caught plagiarising is actually:

      1. Delete all evidence.
      2. Disappear without explanation or apology.
      3. Wait a while.
      4. Reappear under a new pseud and carry merrily on.

      December 22, 2015
      |Reply
      • Jo
        Jo

        Yep. The asshole who plagarized my fic that one time did exactly that. The mods at the forum where we were had to ban her because she tried to create another account withing minutes of being caught.

        December 22, 2015
        |Reply
      • jo bourne
        jo bourne

        You’ve summed it up.

        December 27, 2015
        |Reply
  9. Angelee van Allman
    Angelee van Allman

    Hi Jenny, I read your blog regularly (and check it far more frequently than you update it, because you’re my favorite) and I don’t think I’ve ever commented before, although we’ve chatted on Twitter a little. ANYHOW.
    Fake apologies are one of my major triggers. A real apology comes without justification. It is, “I was wrong, I wronged you, I’m sorry about that. You feel bad and it’s my fault and I’m sorry.” NOT “I’m sorry BUT,” or “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or anything other than “I’m fucking sorry.”
    If there needs to be an explanation, there can be, but it needs to be stated and restated that the explanation justifies nothing.
    Also, asking for forgiveness right away is uncalled for. Forgiveness is the prerogative of the wronged, not the right of the offender.
    Forgiveness, now, that’s a whole other thing. You said you forgive because YOU feel it, and that’s true. Forgiveness is for you. Entirely for you and not for her. You forgive because she does not deserve the space she’s taking up in your head. That’s not to say, brush it off because she’s not worth it. No. You get to be angry until you’re done being angry, and when you’re tired of it, when her usefulness as a rage stimulant wears off, you can forgive her because otherwise she’s getting energy that belongs to you and SHE’S STOLEN ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT ALREADY for real.
    I hate it when stupid shit happens to people who deserve better. I also love it that when stupid shit happens to you, you share it in all its ugly glory. It makes me feel less alone in my own bullshit.
    All the hugs.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • Lieke
      Lieke

      Yeah, that’s the thing I love about forgiveness. It’s not about the person receiving it at all. It’s really only about and for the person who is doing the forgiving. It’s an ‘I’m done with being angry at you, because this anger is doing nothing for me. I’d like to not expend energy on you anymore. I’ve got better stuff to do with my life.’

      It’s NOT an ‘I’m totally okay with what you did. Let’s be friends!’ Nope to the nth degree. You can forgive something and still want nothing to do with them.

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
      • Angelee van Allman
        Angelee van Allman

        Word.

        December 21, 2015
        |Reply
  10. Petra (Merlinslaugh)
    Petra (Merlinslaugh)

    Firstly Jen I am so so sorry this happened. As everyone (and I’m sure more people will as they read this blog post) here has said there are a hell of a lot of us out here who think both you and your words are brilliant. As far as your readers are concerned there is no ‘imposter syndrome’ when it comes to you; you are the real deal, we read it in your novels, your tweets, your blog and we know it. As someone who considers herself an (Internet/ long distance) friend all of that goes double for me.
    It’s why I think it’s important to seperate this into two distinct issues. The first is what she, Naomi Knight, did and the second is how it made you feel. I think the distinction is vital, not only because she isn’t fit to wipe your shoes on, never mind have any power or relation to you and secondly because if the focus is on how it made you feel then she can take her apology and shove it; her words have nothing to do with how you feel and whatever steps she takes (the email apology) have zero baring and she can fuck right off.
    Naomi Knight apparently has no conscience, no morals, no talent of her own and is clearly lacking in empathy and self respect. One of the things that I’ve struggled to grasp is why anyone would want to steal work. Taking someone else’s novel and making money off of it is one thing but from everything I’ve read about blogging (correct me if I’m wrong here), it’s a labour of love for most bloggers and so there isn’t a huge cash incentive to rip someone else off. I think part of the reason I’ve struggled with the why of this is because I work towards the positive qualities I mentioned above as being lacking in Ms Knight and try not to display the negative ones. When you steal someone’s else’s work, any kudos you receive isn’t for you; it belongs to the person you’ve stolen from. When you steal someone’s work you can’t be gaining any self respect, confidence or joy from the act of creating something, because you didn’t create it. Any praise the plagiarist gets isn’t theirs. The person they present themselves as is a very pale imitation of the person they stole from and the implications of that on the plagiarist’s true nature can only be negative. There is no valid reason, excuse or ‘get out of jail free’ card they can play. The only possible reason I can come up with for stealing someone else’s work and passing it off as your own is that the act of stealing and pulling the wool over people’s eyes gives this person a warm feeling of superiority inside and all that tells me is that they are a shitty, shitty person who isn’t deserving of any more time and attention.
    What is worth time and attention is the way this made you feel and for that I am truly sorry. While we’ve often stated on this blog that words/books/blogs aren’t our children, they are personal. Someone stealing them and putting them out there as their own is a violation as well as a theft. If you place it in the context of say, a house burglary, so often people say part of what hits them the hardest isn’t so much the stuff that got taken, but the thought of the thief being in their intimate space and riffling through their lives. In this analogy this woman came into your blog space and riffled through your thoughts, cherry picking what she wanted and then stealing them. That’s beyond a shitty thing to have happen and of course it’s going to have a negative impact. I think any reaction you’ve had to this is completely justified and not something to beat yourself up about. You also don’t have to accept her apology, (why make her feel better about something that just going to feel awful for you?) or strive to be the bigger person when, out of the gate, you already are. Fuck that. She hurt you and did wrong. Let her stand in it. She was quick enough to want to ‘own’ your words, she should own the consequences.
    Apologies for the length of this post – the body of it is from an email I had mostly written yesterday to send to you, but I really wanted to put this ‘on the record’, in public. Your words have lifted me up when I’ve been down, made me giggle when I didn’t think I could laugh, have distracted me from tremendous pain (which trust me, is a huge deal). All of that is yours and Naomi Knight can’t even get close to it.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  11. You don’t owe her anything, she may have gone through bad times herself, but taking the hard work you’ve done doesn’t mean she’s owed forgiveness because she said the magic words. I’ve never been plagiarized, I’m sure it’ll happen one day if I make it big enough, but it’s never happened to me. I can empathize with the feelings of guilt at not accepting the apology. I grew up in a Christian household kinda (Mum very much was, Dad not so much) and was taught from a young age that if someone does something wrong and they say sorry you *have* to forgive them, which has taken the past fifteen years for me to realise it’s a crock. Forgiveness isn’t earnt by an “I’m sorry” and it’s not always able to be earnt. Sometimes people do things that aren’t forgivable and sometimes even if so and so does forgive you, someone else with the same issue won’t. If you act like an arse, and expect your sob story to make people forgive you you’re very much mistaken.

    I hope that you have a wonderful mental health day and I hope that you have a great Christmas/Holiday period. You are supported and you are cared for, even by people who don’t know you anywhere near as well as others. At the end of the day, you wrote those recaps and they are YOURS only. As is every other word you’ve written.

    Have a good one! *squishes*

    Joey

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  12. Screw this “I only stole your work because of my fill-in-the-blank personal issue”. It’s not an excuse it’s an emotional hammer to use on you to guilt you into believing that if you were a truly “good” person you would, of course, forgive the morally bankrupt little thief because, obviously, their problems are more important than your feelings of outrage and, yes, violation.

    Really, you weren’t using those words anymore, they were just lying around in a not too recent blog post so if dear, sweet, emotionally overwrought Naomi just happens on them when she is too overcome by overwhelming personal issues and scoops up them up and takes them home and uses them for her own- what’s the big deal? She needed them and you obviously can always write some more.

    I’m so freaking tired of the excuse of “personal issues”. When I have “personal issues” I don’t go looking for someone else’s work to steal, I go looking for chocolate or beer, or chocolate and beer. Sometimes mac and cheese or mashed potatoes. Cookies. Bacon.

    If you need to take a break for whatever reason you can always just do it or reblog something you wrote previously or ask to post someone’s amazing blog. But if you go off and lift someone’s work and do a little judicious rearranging to try and disguise your theft, well, that’s just a little too cold and calculating to be the actions of someone so emotionally swamped they can’t write a blog post.

    So screw the forgiving because she hasn’t asked for forgiveness, she’s asked you to be her victim again. Please kick her lying, thieving ass every chance you get so maybe, just maybe, she’ll think twice before she steals someone else’s words.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  13. tessany
    tessany

    ugh… What is wrong with people???

    Jenny, without going into a long ramble about just life and my own issues, I just want to say, I am REALLY glad you exist. I’m glad you’re on this earth, writing this kickass blog, and creating happiness.

    Have an awesome holiday with your family and try to forget about this black hole of toxicity. ~Hugs from Canada~

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  14. harpie
    harpie

    I didn’t see it happen realtime, since I never check twitter, but it angers me how quickly someone will try to “back track” from something they’ve done wrong. Plagiarizing is one of the worst things a writer can do to another, and it astounds me that anyone is willing to do it.

    It’s also not lost on me that she stole your recap of what is pretty much a plagiarized work.

    Humans are weird.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  15. nico
    nico

    I detest plagiarism. All through university they hammered it into our heads “do NOT plagiarize”.

    Of course that didn’t stop someone, in the first week of a writing class, submitting a completely plagiarized paper.

    I just have no respect for plagiarizing. Its lazy and its theft. I don’t care how or why someone did it. There’s never a reason.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  16. Jemmy
    Jemmy

    I am teaching my kids that sorry isn’t a magic word that fixes everything. That being sorry and saying sorry doesn’t mean the person you hurt will magically be fine now. That ppl have the right to still be upset with you. Too many ppl see ‘sorry’ as an auto absolution and as long as they say sorry later they can do horrible things now.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • iheartbusterk
      iheartbusterk

      Thank you! So many people out there think that merely saying “I’m sorry” wipes the slate clean, even if they don’t mean it. Now I could do something terrible like get rip-roaringly drunk and kill me your family by getting behind the wheel (

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
      • iheartbusterk
        iheartbusterk

        Hit enter before I could finish.

        I was going to say that drunk driving is something that I would never do as an aside.

        And NO number of “I’m sorrys,” no matter how much remorse I had would EVER wipe that slate clean.

        December 21, 2015
        |Reply
    • Cherry
      Cherry

      Thank you for that! I think a lot of people, not just kids, need to understand that.

      I sometimes babysit some kids in my town and they can be really awful. (I suspect at least one of them has AD(H)S and their mother is too soft with them and basically lets them do whatever they want most of the time.) The son sometimes behaves especially terrible and when you call him out on it, he says, “I am sorry,” shakes hands with you and goes off to do it again. All he learned was, “I just have to say I’m sorry and everything is fine!” and that’s bullshit. I now don’t accept his apologies anymore and he completely flips out because I am just so mean, he *said* he was sorry, why do I still discipline him, that’s not fair!
      Well, maybe because you don’t mean it and just say it so I won’t bother you anymore, and maybe because either way, you still did something wrong and this fact doesn’t magically disappear.

      December 22, 2015
      |Reply
      • Jemmy
        Jemmy

        Yup, and really if you say sorry and then go back to doing the thing you just apologised for, you aren’t sorry.

        My daughter (10) has a bad habit of throwing sorry out and then thinking that’s the end of the matter. So I asked her one day to imagine how she would feel if I destroyed all her stuff and then said sorry. Would she be okay with me destroying it? Of course not. It makes her look at the other side of things a bit more. We still have a ways to go, but I’m doing my utmost to make her understand that doing the wrong thing has consequences, no matter how sorry you are.

        The 3.5 yo is an early work in progress. Miles to go with that one 🙂

        December 22, 2015
        |Reply
        • Tamara
          Tamara

          We ran into that, too. Our usual method is to have the kid tell US, in their own words, the rule that was broken, why the rule exists, the consequences of their actions, and what should be the disciplinary result.

          For example, if my eldest leaves his lunch box at school again, which is an ongoing problem with him, he will have to tell me that he left it. Then, he will tell me why it’s not okay to pay no attention to his responsibilities. After that, he explains why he’s not supposed to leave things at school, and we go in depth – the people who clean up the school after hours don’t deserve to have his stuff in their way, if he loses the lunch box we will have to buy another one, and the expense comes out of his allowance, he will have to take a paper bag to school for lunch the next day and he can’t carry as many goodies in it. Then, he gets to have input on his discipline. This is where I can tell if he’s phoning it in, because if he is actually remorseful he tends to suggest punishments more severe than I had in mind, like grounding him from his DS for a week. If he’s just mouthing words, his suggestions amount to little more than “I should lose Netflix for the day.”

          But yes, getting kids to realize that “I’m sorry” is not a get out of jail free card is difficult, and I think it is because “I’m sorry” is the first thing we teach kids when it comes to negotiating social pitfalls.

          There is no reason for an adult to have the same attitude toward apologies as my toddlers. My toddlers have the excuse of not having a frame of reference. Someone old enough to be interested in 50SOG recaps ought to have a little more experience behind them.

          December 23, 2015
          |Reply
    • CIB
      CIB

      That’s a *really* good idea. I imagine it’s tough to convey the subtlety of the concept as well, so extra points for that. I’m still trying to hammer home with my 4 year old that just asking nicely doesn’t mean the request is granted automatically…

      December 23, 2015
      |Reply
  17. Artemis
    Artemis

    *offers hugs* I am sorry that this happened to you, Jenny, but also learning to stick up for yourself is awesome. I just wish we didn’t have to go through awful bullshit to learn it.

    I’ve struggled with a lot of the same stuff re: Catholicism, apologies, and forgiveness, and it’s really difficult. Catholicism (as an institution, not individual Catholics, many of whom are lovely people) can pretty much suck my dick.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  18. PixelFish
    PixelFish

    I’m glad we could be there for you when you were having anxiety over this.

    I did recommend she apologise to everybody she stole from when I chatted with her on Twitter, and I’m sorry if that triggered anything further for you. Generally I do not think that Apologising is the same thing as Asking for Forgiveness. I think that folks who transgress owe apologies, as a basic act of acknowledgement. How the folks transgressed against deal with it is up to them and I don’t think you owe anything in return. But I should have asked before telling her to pony up with the apology.

    Aside: A good apology in my mind is one that doesn’t make excuses, that acknowledges what you did was wrong, and that you will respect further boundaries. Short and sweet. I also recommend that it mirror the arena the offense took place in. ie. if you screwed up in public, you apologise in public. That way the people that were taken in by your behaviour are also aware.

    (Reading back, I see that Jo Bourne also already made an approximate list of steps for What To Do When You Are Caught Plagiarising. It’s more in depth but roughly aligns with my thoughts.)

    I also did recommend to her that she pursue her own passions. I feel that when you steal from somebody, you betray the lack of passion. I guess I feel if you really loved it to the same depths, you would have your own filter, your own point of view that is unique and non-replicable. I honestly hope she learns from this, but you shouldn’t have to expend more energy on her when she’s already stolen from you.

    *hugs* We got your back.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  19. falalala
    falalala

    First of all, plagiarists fucking suck. There’s really no excuse for that shit. (I mean, okay, “someone literally held a gun to my head and said if I didn’t pass someone else’s work off as my own they’d kill me” might be a valid excuse, but I have a sneaking suspicion that that wasn’t what happened.)

    Second, I just wanted to say that, as another lapsed Catholic, I totally hear you on having a complicated relationship with the concept of forgiveness. I stopped considering myself Catholic more than a decade ago, but I still sometimes reflexively say Catholic prayers in my head when I’m anxious, because the ritual is familiar and comfortable and calming even though the words don’t really fit what I believe. But over the last several years, after being profoundly mistreated by others (I’ll avoid going into details; suffice it to say major trigger warnings would definitely be required), I’ve found that I can’t say the end of the “Our Father” anymore, even as a reflexive, meaningless set of words, because some people who trespass against us don’t fucking deserve to be forgiven. That’s not me being mean or selfish or un-Christlike. That’s me having a backbone and saying, “There is nothing those people could ever say or do that will make the way they treated me okay, and I don’t have to be okay with it.” I can live out the rest of my life being angry at the people who hurt me, because I damn well deserve my anger. I don’t care if any of those people had sob stories that influenced them to act the way they did. It’s not okay. It won’t ever be okay. And it’s not a moral failing on my part to believe that I deserved better, because I did and I do. So now if I start to reflexively say a prayer I don’t really believe in, I try to alter the ending to “And forgive us our trespasses, if we have earned that forgiveness” – because some people haven’t earned it, won’t earn it, can’t earn it, and that’s on them, not on the people they’re asking forgiveness of. You have every right to your anger. Someone stole something that was yours, and yours in a more profound way than any physical possession, and that’s not something you ever have to be okay with, no matter how sorry they claim to be.

    tl;dr: Catholicism does weird things to one’s brain, not forgiving people isn’t a weakness, you’re a badass, and having someone rip you off doesn’t mean you’re an impostor who doesn’t deserve good things (and boy, do I know those feels), but rather that you’re so awesome that sad, selfish little people want to pretend to be as clever and cool as you.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  20. Tymber Dalton
    Tymber Dalton

    I’m SO fucking sick of plagiarists (and their 1st cousin, file sharers/pirates) who come up with all manner of “excuses” to STEAL from people.

    I have arthritis, fibromyalgia, CFS, and an as of yet undiagnosed other condition that my doctor and cardiologist are working on trying to figure out. I STILL write my own fucking books without stealing content. I literally do NOT have time to write all the ideas I have sitting in folders, and these fucking dickcheese scumwads want people to feel sorry for them because…reasons??

    FUCK. THEM.

    They are stealing from us, it’s THEFT when they do it, and FUCK THEIR EXCUSES. I guarantee you if they went and stole from Walmart and got caught whatever excuses they threw out there wouldn’t hold a damn bit of water with the cops or district attorney or WalMart’s lawyers who’d prosecute them.

    FUCK. THEM.

    I’m sick of people thinking writers are all rich jetsetters. The VAST majority of us are barely getting by, and THEFT HURTS. Whether it’s a blog post or a book file, it’s part of our income, part of our brand that’s taken.

    FUCK.

    ((HUGS))

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • Laina
      Laina

      You remind me of a pet peeve I have – people who say that stealing from Walmart doesn’t hurt anyone because Walmart has so much money. Sure, it doesn’t hurt Walmart. But the cashier working for minimum wage? Yes, it does.

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
      • PixelFish
        PixelFish

        Also Walmart’s overall structure is already designed for loss-prevention and is basically subsidized through tax breaks, etc. So stealing from Walmart might be emotionally satisfying but is actually worsening that relationship between Walmarts bone-cutting cost measures, its tax subsidies, and the extremely low wages it pays its employees. You’re actually contributing minutely to a system that screws everybody when you steal from them.

        Here’s Terry Pratchett on stealing from others:

        “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
        shouted Moist. “You can’t just go around killing people!”

        “Why Not? You Do.” The golem lowered his arm.

        “What?” snapped Moist. “I do not! Who told you that?”

        “I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People,” said the golem calmly.

        “I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!”

        “No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”

        ― Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

        December 21, 2015
        |Reply
        • Laina
          Laina

          I also find people use “Walmart” to mean “big box store chain” without actually knowing that store’s policies about firing people over loss or bonuses related to loss. Pet peeeeeeeeeve.

          December 21, 2015
          |Reply
  21. jen
    jen

    Hi Jenny, I’m so sorry this bs happened to you. You don’t have to accept any body’s apology or offer forgiveness. I have also read that really forgiveness is for the person wronged, to help them survive the wrong, so to ask someone for forgiveness is kinda ridiculous. It’s for if/when you are good and ready. But that’s not from religion. And tbh, there are people I’ve never forgiven bc they are terrible, and I’m ok. Maybe it’s my tiny coal heart ;). Anyway, still reading your blog. Fuck this person.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  22. Leelee
    Leelee

    I was catching up on my twitter feed so saw your tweets quite a few hours after you posted them, but I was so angry on your behalf. You are a brilliant writer and all of us readers know how much thought and effort you put into your recaps and blog posts (and, y’know, books). I hope your overall mentally healthy day goes really well, and as I originally mistyped that as an “overall metally day” I hope you have a metal-as-fuck day as well.

    Also, @PixelFish, I bloody love you for that Going Postal quote.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
    • PixelFish
      PixelFish

      Awwww, thanks. GNU PRATCHETT!

      December 21, 2015
      |Reply
  23. I have a sign in my classroom that says, “I think you’ve confused reasons with excuses.” Whatever sad reasons she gave you for why she did that, they don’t excuse it. Stay strong.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  24. H2
    H2

    This: That forgiveness is something you give because you feel it, not because someone else asks for it.

    I think I read somewhere (or heard from someone) that ‘forgiveness’ is about yourself; about letting go of the feelings for YOU. What this person is asking for from you with their apology is ‘absolution’. They want to be relieved of their guilt, which you have no obligation to fulfill for them. As soon as you say ‘yes, okay, I forgive you’, they can go back to happily skipping among the (stolen) daisies like nothing ever happened.

    The best part is – you can forgive them w/o ever TELLING them that you have. You only have to tell yourself. (Assuming you ever feel the need to do so.)

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  25. Alison
    Alison

    You are totally right about forgiveness. There are people in my life who have done things to me that I haven’t forgiven. It isn’t even about anger. I’m not angry anymore, but when I think about what they did, I still think “fuck that, there is no reason to forgive this person.”

    Forgiveness isn’t something you owe.

    Also, sorry this happened to you. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and you have good support people. I hope you have a super Christmas / holidays.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  26. Dark Eyed Saint
    Dark Eyed Saint

    Nope, you don’t owe her a damn thing. I had to deal with a similar thing recently and while I feel that a single mistake should not define a person, a mistake they consciously choose to make over and over again, knowing it’s wrong, SHOULD define someone. It defines that person as only being sorry she got caught. Frankly, people like that can gently ride a chainsaw off into the sunset.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  27. Dani
    Dani

    I’m glad you didn’t accept her apology. She made a conscious decision to steal from you. Hell, she had to have seen your previous posts about plagiarism. She’s not sorry for it, she’s just sorry she got caught.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  28. secondkas
    secondkas

    Hello! I’m Catholic and living in a country that’s predominantly Catholic, I (and I’m sure a lot of other people here) get frustrated whenever I hear news about heinous criminals who are pardoned or corrupt politicians whose cases are dropped and these incidents are always associated with the so-called values of mercy and forgiveness. To forgive doesn’t mean to forget. The hurt doesn’t have any obligation to forgive if they don’t want to and accountability should be taken. To paraphrase one comment from a fellowman, Don’t say mercy is a Catholic virtue as if justice is not.
    Hope everyone has happy holidays.

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  29. Amy
    Amy

    I think this Louis CK quote applies here: “When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” I also like to add to it that the person doing the hurting isn’t the one who decides when the other person has to stop feeling hurt.

    As a fellow “Catholic in recovery,” I seriously relate to this. I had a sibling with serious behavioral problems, and when they lashed out at me, *I* got punished if I didn’t want to forgive them immediately. That’s BS. No one gets to tell you how to respond when you’re the one who’s been hurt.

    As far as whatever she has going on in her personal life, that doesn’t excuse behavior. It’s like I tell the kids I work with, it’s okay to feel. Feelings are never good or bad, they just are. Behaviors can get you into trouble. Regardless of how you feel, you’re still responsible for what you do.

    Hang in there!

    December 21, 2015
    |Reply
  30. Thea
    Thea

    I cannot write anything better than these fine people have already contributed. I sure wish there was a “like” button on here.

    I’m sorry you have been wronged. I’m sure you will never take it as a compliment that you’ve touched that individual that does not deserve to be named with the intensity worthy of ruining whatever career she may have nurtured over time if she put her own efforts into it.

    Maybe you are tired of people saying nice things to you, but in case you want a little more… I am in a group on FB with a couple thousand members and the discussion got kind of heated, I think it was related to eating disorders and body positivity and I could only hear your words in my head. I knew I couldn’t say it as well as you could so I went to your blog and I hunted down the passage i had in mind, i copied the link to it and posted it into the group. (note, i did not copy your words and call them my own). I had lots of people like the link and people replying that they were really interested and were going to go check out your blog. 🙂 I think this is the right way to “use” you.

    (I guess I was wrong, I did have a little to add). Love you Jenny, I hope you found a way to clear your mind for a while!

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  31. Milly
    Milly

    Jenny, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope this doesn’t ruin your holiday season. You’re right when you say you don’t owe this person your forgiveness. You don’t owe her anything at all. If YOU want to forgive her, then go ahead and forgive her. If you want to stay angry and maybe make a little voodoo doll of her, then go ahead and do that instead. It sounds far more fun IMO.

    I haven’t commented on here very much, but I’ve been reading your blog ever since I first discovered your 50 Shades recaps. You’re a fantastic writer, and I always give a little squeak of excitement when I see you’ve posted something new. So thank you for all the enjoyment you’ve given me over the years.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  32. Danielle W
    Danielle W

    Im so sorry that this happened to you. You owe this woman nothing.
    Don’t ever doubt yourself about that. If you ever do, remember Neville Longbottom saying ‘Im worth 10 of you, Malfoy!’. Except you’re worth a thousand of her, and I’m sure that everybody here would wholeheartedly agree.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  33. Manna Francis
    Manna Francis

    I’m really sorry this happened to you. I’ve seen plagiarism happen many time in fandom, and while some people are lucky enough to feel able to laugh it off, it’s much more common for the writers who’ve had their work plagiarized to feel hurt and violated. Writing is such a personal thing.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  34. Earthed Angel
    Earthed Angel

    Everything everyone has said already! Also fuck her for using my maiden name. }:(
    We love you Jenny. Take the time you need to heal.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  35. Jo
    Jo

    As a fellow ex-Catholic compulsive forgiver, I know how hard it is to say “Fuck you, you don’t deserve forgiveness”. I’ve actually had a lot of issues for forgiving people when I was still angry at them and I’ve had to “unforgiven” them to work through them. So kudos, Jenny. Like many people had said previously, this person probably is sorry that she got caught, not that she stole something from you and made you feel like shit. So fuck her. I missed the whole thing, but I’m glad you found support through it, and I hope this asshole doesn’t show up again any time soon. Have a great week!

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  36. Plastraa
    Plastraa

    I draw fat (yep, love the ‘f’ word) ladies for empowering reasons for myself and my subjects and I am constantly being alerted to my work being appropriated by fetish porn sites, without my permission (which wouldn’t be given considering that’s NOT the reason for the art…my ladies aren’t even naked for crying out loud, just fat). I think I’ve become inured to the online theft of my intellectual and emotional property.

    I do remember feeling those feelings you’ve articulated here. It just sucks, people need to keep their eyes on their own work, if only there were internet nuns to rap the knuckles of plagiarists. 😉

    And though you don’t need my permission, take care of your emotional needs first and foremost! 🙂

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  37. Promise
    Promise

    You know what? Fuck her.

    Seriously pissed off that someone hurt you, Jenny.

    Plagiarists are losers.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  38. mydogsPA
    mydogsPA

    Whuh? She copied your BLOG? It’s less work to write an entire new blog than to copy/paste/edit and make it coherent!!! It’s a blog, fer Chrissakes! Naomi, WRITE YOUR OWN GODDAMN BLOG!

    Jenny, I’m going to agree with what everyone said above to support you on the direct, ‘front door’ approach and offer all kinds of *hugs* and support.

    But I’m also going to be a bit different and take a different approach from outside the box and offer this:

    You wrote:

    “Coming on the heels of this blog post about my identity, my OCD fired up its engines. See? You can’t have anything of your own. Let’s just file that away in our Imposter Syndrome folder, shall we? Because this is a sign, Jenny. This is a sign that you’re not supposed to be a writer. This is probably a sign that you should kill yourself. Oh, and by the way, you don’t deserve anything you’ve ever created. That’s why it’s being taken from you.”

    No Jenny, she copied YOU. OK, maybe a little of Lindy West, but it was mostly YOU. She didn’t copy me. Nor PixelFish, nor Amy, or any of us. She copied YOU. And to me that means YOU had something to say, something that was WORTH REPEATING.

    Yes, she was an evil troll for copying it, but my take on it was the exact opposite of your interpretation. You DO deserve everything you’ve created. You ARE a writer, and a good one, enough that someone wants to copy it, albeit they’re weak-willed and unable to create their own. You are NOT the impostor. SHE is. Don’t you DARE kill yourself because of THAT impostor. Because all of us would be shortchanged of a GREAT writer if you did that. Please don’t. Please continue to write. We love your writing. Because it’s YOU.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  39. Merry Christmas! I’ve just had a similar heads up from a helpful someone telling me that this same thieving little shitbird has been merrily copypasting sections from my own abandoned review of Grey! (Which at the time I was hoping was just an excrescence in the back of Fifty Shades Freed which would hopefully go away. Sadly turned out not to be the case, as we all know.)

    Here’s the post for comparison.

    https://annajroberts.wordpress.com/2015/06/16/heroin-buttchugging-and-the-young-conservatives-why-i-will-not-be-reading-grey/

    Thanks for bringing this to light, Jenny. I am fucking speechless at the nerve of said shitbird. If you’re reading this, shitbird, avoid me. Really.

    December 22, 2015
    |Reply
  40. Jayme
    Jayme

    Hi Jenny!
    I’ve been reading your blog for about a year but I’ve never commented before.

    I know you didn’t write this post looking for sympathy or reassurance because I’m sure you’re badass enough to not need that from random people on the internet, but regardless, I really wanted to let you know that I look up to you immensely.

    I’ve struggled with OCD and depression (and, as a result, suicidal tendencies) since I was eleven, and I’m also going into a creative career (I’m in college for game design right now- not the same as writing novels but still, putting my work out there is scary), and knowing that you managed to kick that doubtful little voice in your head to the curb to write books and a hilarious blog is pretty damn inspiring to me. So thank you for that! And thank you for being open about your mental health, not many people are.

    Anyway. Yeah. Thanks for being you. I’m sorry that your work got plagiarized. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you definitely don’t owe her an apology. I hope your subsequent days have been better. Keep hanging in there.

    December 23, 2015
    |Reply
    • Jayme
      Jayme

      **don’t owe her forgiveness

      My brain kind of short circuited there. Whoops.

      December 23, 2015
      |Reply
  41. *big big hugs*

    You absolutely don’t owe her anything, no matter what kind of sob story she might have given. There’s no excuse to rip people off. And I get that ground-in sense of needing to forgive people their transgressions (former Catholic with depression here). There’s always that feeling of needing to smooth things over and not make situations uncomfortable – and yet still tons of guilt for just about everything else, at least in my experience. But then it blows up on you eventually. I think you have every right to be angry and unforgiving, especially so soon after the fact. They are your feelings and they are valid.

    [[Violence warning here]]

    Back in second grade (Catholic school, btw), a boy in my class attacked me and began to choke me while the teacher had been out of the room. My grandmother, who was otherwise a wonderful woman and also worked as the secretary for my school, tried to convince my mother not to go to court after the boy was removed from our school. She didn’t want to make a fuss, basically. Not too long after, I was obviously still dwelling on it and made some comment about the kid in class. Another student told on me (still not sure why or what I said but it was “mean”) and the teacher pulled me aside to reprimand me. I was in tears. I realize now that I had never been given a chance to deal with what had happened and that bullshit idea of forgiving and forgetting was a major part of it. We didn’t even have a school psychologist or anything, we were just expected to go to Confession and then be told to pray. Frankly, I’m still pretty mad about it.

    So yeah, don’t think that you have to accept her apology or forgive her. And you know we all have your back.

    December 23, 2015
    |Reply
  42. Vivacia K Ahwen
    Vivacia K Ahwen

    Having been raised Catholic, myself, the whole “forgiveness” thing continues to confound me. There’s so much talk of it, these days (such as the book *Radical Forgiveness*), and that old chestnut “Unforgiveness (sp) is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” The nature of forgiving needs to be redefined.

    Also, “just forgive” is potentially dangerous. How many women remain in abusive relationships trying to “practice forgiveness?”

    December 23, 2015
    |Reply
  43. teacupfangirl
    teacupfangirl

    …so she thinks having shit go on in her personal life excuses stealing someone else’s writing and trying to pass it off as her own? Can I steal a TV from a store and use that as my defense in court? “I’m sorry, your honor, I’ve had some bad shit going on.”

    Whether or not the bad shit is going on, nothing excuses stealing someone else’s hard work. I’ve had my fanfic plagiarized repeatedly, and they always give dumb excuses or try to lie and say that they wrote it first despite plentiful evidence to the contrary. I wish they would just suck it up and say, “I fucked up. I thought I could get attention by stealing your work, and I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, Jenny. It is a really awful feeling, and I don’t think you have to be nice or forgive anything until (or if ever) you feel ready for it.

    December 23, 2015
    |Reply
  44. Queenofsheba
    Queenofsheba

    This just sucks. I wish I could figure out why people continue to be shitty to others, but I give up. I work with high needs behavioural students from kindergarten to a senior in high school. I have had countless conversations with people about the differences between a reason and an excuse. Sometimes my kids can’t help their actions. There is a reason why they act and react the way they do. However, that is never an excuse to be awful to someone else. Take responsibility and do better next time. That’s why I’m working with them! We figure that out together. So can I understand why they punched me in the face at lunch? Absolutely! Can I have compassion for what they are dealing with? Without a doubt! Do they get to treat me like that with no consequences? No. We can understand the reasons why someone behaves the way they do without excusing it. And we don’t need to forgive.

    December 23, 2015
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  45. Selena Durante
    Selena Durante

    Jenny, I hope your mentally healthy day was everything you needed and wanted. I haven’t posted here before, but this post moved me to try. I once turned in an exceptionally stupid teenage wanna-be model who not only posted plagiarized material to an age-restricted archive, but included her real-world contact info, her age, and portfolio pics on her bio page.

    I reported it to her parents. You’d think I had accused her of being a drug mule. Their daughter, I was told, didn’t need to plagiarize because she was so naturally talented, and there was something wrong with me for snooping on underage girls.

    No-one *needs* to plagiarize, regardless of intelligence. Plagiarism is a choice, made by the lazy. Jenny, you’ve written enjoyable works. I squee endlessly about your WattPad serial. You’ve made more than novels and short-stories: you’ve made a community here at Trout Nation. I know it’s hard to shut off the mental nay-saying, hard to believe when others say good things, but good is just as real as Bad. Hold on to your good, Jenny. It. Is. Real.

    December 24, 2015
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  46. drmaggiemoreau
    drmaggiemoreau

    I am so sorry. Nobody deserves to be stolen from, and you have every right to be mad.
    My uncle stole a large sum of money from my grandma, and gave a whiny apology in the vein of “Boo boo, life is so hard for me.” So my little Catholic grandma ripped that letter up and told him to GTFO. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. I do believe in forgiveness, with the caveat that the person is actually sorry. And it sounds like she’s not all that sorry.

    December 24, 2015
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  47. Carolina West
    Carolina West

    I keep wanting to write a comment about how imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but flat-out copying is pretty much the same as mocking someone. But for some reason it never comes out once I start writing it. This woman doesn’t deserve anything resembling forgiveness, but I will say she deserves something along the lines of a paintball to the face. She’s an arrogant, sad little cheater and that’s all she’ll ever be. Don’t let her actions, or anyone’s, darken your view of your awesome-as-all-hell-self. You deserve everything you’ve gained, and here’s hoping you gain a hell of a lot more! =D =D

    December 24, 2015
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  48. Jen, big hugs to you. I am sooooo sorry this happened. Mean people suck. Thieves suck.

    You know who doesn’t suck? You. You are an awesome writer and an amazing person and you didn’t deserve this.

    You just go on being your badass self, ma’am. We’re here for you.

    December 25, 2015
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    • To clarify: when I said “didn’t deserve this” I meant the plagarism. Nobody deserves to be stolen from.

      As for your considerable success? You deserve all that and more! Because your talent and amazing hard work got you here.

      You are in a wonderful place, among friends. You are in a genuine place of real accomplishment, where that horrible thief will never be.

      December 25, 2015
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  49. Thea
    Thea

    What occurred to me is that this thief skulked around here anonymously (I’m sure) to find the content worth stealing. I bet she is still returning to see herself getting beaten up. She definitely deserves the criticism, and I hope she reads every word and learns something from this.

    December 31, 2015
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  50. “See? You can’t have anything of your own. Let’s just file that away in our Imposter Syndrome folder, shall we? Because this is a sign, Jenny. This is a sign that you’re not supposed to be a writer. This is probably a sign that you should kill yourself. Oh, and by the way, you don’t deserve anything you’ve ever created. That’s why it’s being taken from you.” -Jenny Trout (look what I did there!)

    I wish I could take these thought patterns away from you! I wish I knew how to convey my thoughts better, but I get a strange block between my emotions/thoughts and my words that keeps me from expressing myself well. But if I may try: Your thoughts and words are your own, no matter who else repeats them or steals them. I LOVE what you write and how you say things that I agree with but can’t verbalize myself. I LOVE that you have the creativity to create characters, motivations, conflicts, and realistic dialogues in your books. I love your analytical brain when it comes to picking apart other works of…literature? (I guess I wouldn’t go so far as to describe 50shades that way) I’m envious of your abilities and talents, and admire the hard work you do to share your work with the rest of us. I WISH I HAD YOUR WAY WITH WORDS.

    But I would never take them from you without the credit, because while I do envy your skills, I have a fucking conscience and respect the person that these words come from. They are yours, you made them. I don’t take things that don’t belong to me. It’s pretty fucking simple.

    You are not an imposter. You are you, and your words are a big part of you. I don’t wonder that you had such a strong reaction to this crazy bitch’s theft. I hope she gets the worst punishment for plagiarism there is in exchange for causing you such grief.

    PS. I love sharing your blog with other people because I think you are fantastic! Your 50 shades recap is one of my favorite things on all the internet.

    January 2, 2016
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