Time for me to be 100% real with you about the future.

As I type this, I have -$267 in my checking account.

Yup, it’s me again. Asking for financial support. But this time, it’s not the same kind of appeal. This one comes with the reality of being a working writer.

Within the span of a few months, it is no longer viable for me to be a full-time writer. My sales have plummeted. I was unable to recover a large amount of money from the Facebook hack. We were already reeling from the money we lost in our failed move. And while the Patreon support continues to be incredible, with rent, utilities, car payment, gas, food for a family of four plus pets, a thousand dollars a month isn’t going to make it, even with my husband’s pay (which is over $15/h, but still not a living wage). I’ve applied for jobs, but until I hear back from anyone, we’re faced with having to get through August, September, and realistically into mid-October, when quarterly royalties will start trickling in.

For the first time, I’m not viewing going back to working retail or food service as a failure. I’ll be frustrated at how a day job will cut into my publishing speed, both for books and content here, on Patreon, and YouTube, but I won’t be going to sleep sick to my stomach anymore. I’m not asking the universe for a seven-figure bestseller or a fat traditional publishing advance. What I want more than anything at this moment is for one of these many jobs I’ve applied for to contact me and say, “Yes, we will give you money to work here.” I want to be able to know that my paycheck is going to arrive, instead of being the nebulous “maybe?” that it has been for the past twenty years.

Instead, I’m looking at a negative bank balance and no certainty that I’ll be able to secure employment. There are other ways to make money. I can sell my books, for example. I have an event in September that I committed to months before Facebook hackers stole thousands of dollars from my business, but I can’t afford to buy books to sell there. If I don’t go to the event and sell the books, I can’t make much needed income, let along make back the money I spent on the nonrefundable hotel room. If I could afford to sue PayPal in small claims court, I could get back the rest of what the hackers stole, but I don’t have the money to file or a way to appear in court in California. Everything that could make money at the moment costs money. Soon, I’ll have a Shopify store up and running to sell signed books, but not in time to deal with the immediate problems that I have. Like the negative bank balance and over a thousand dollars worth of bills still due to come out of it.

It’s so frustrating to come here for the second time in a year and shake the tin cup at you. But if you feel like you have the resources and/or spoons to lend a hand, here are some things that I would very much appreciate:

Direction donations via KoFi. When someone likes my work and wants to toss a tip my way, it’s always appreciated, no matter the size of the donation.

Patreon subscriptions. If you’ve been meaning to check out my Patreon, this would be a great time! There is so much content over there, from recaps to videos to weekly chapters of the Fablemere series. Plus, sometimes there is real life drama that is too juicy or wild to share with no paywall. Like my trip to the opera.

Word of mouth. Telling people about my books and my Patreon is so much more effective when it’s not coming from me. If you enjoy my books or my content and want to tell people about it, that’s rad.

Job-getting Witchcraft. Manifest me actually getting a call back from some of these places I’m applying. I’m not going into some highly competitive field here; it’s just sandwich shops, dispensaries, and grocery stores. Nobody wants to work anymore, is what I’m told. From my experience over the past couple of months, that means hiring managers, too.

Patience. Things are going to slow down in Trout Nation when I get a job. Please, I’m begging everyone: don’t forget me. I don’t want to give all of this up. I just need to be able to eat and put gas in my car and have electricity and feel like I can breathe without stress-vomiting. Unfortunately, I’m still disabled. I don’t know how much energy I’ll have to dedicate to writing. My hope is that absence will make the heart grow fonder. Just don’t forget I exist.

Things have picked up before. They might pick up again. I might go back to being a full-time author and blogger someday. I might have to work until the day I die. Who knows? But I’m proud of myself for separating my self-worth from my monetary worth for the very first time since the beginning of my career. Granted, that’s an easier mindset to get into when the catastrophic career and financial downturn is just a natural consequence of an election year, plus the nature of publishing, rather than someone actively sabotaging you. The first time I had to stop being a “full time writer,” I thought I was a failure who was letting someone else “win.” Now, I just think I’m a writer and this is how it goes sometimes.

I care about being able to live comfortably more than I care about my ego.

I wanted to make a much different post, though. A post where I would come on here and wax poetic about my new job and this new era in my life with positivity, probably with some asshole words like “transformation” or “freedom” or whatever. I really wanted to not have to ask for any help at all.

But on the other hand, asking for help is what ultimately got The Boss published and saved my ass the first time. Maybe asking for help will generate the energy to get the job I need. Maybe humbling myself like this will shift some kind of vibe in the universe for me.

I’m beaten down, but I’m not beaten. I’m still going to be a writer until the day I die. I’m not quitting. I’m taking care of business.

Keep on rocking in the free world.