I was going to schedule this for Monday, but since I’ll have an Apolonia recap that will be done by then and since it’s been a long time since I was able to have fun with Twilight or whatever this movie is, I thought what the hell, I’ll just post it when I’m done.
Continuing the mockery of this cultural phenomenon that has swept in like some sort of alien invasion where only some human bodies got snatched and the rest of us were unaffected and had to pretend to be Nicole Kidman pretending to have been body snatched, I present to you:
DAKOTA JOHNSON’S FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE SHOWING US HOW MUCH THIS MOVIE IS PROBABLY GOING TO SUCK.
In this Vanity Fair interview in mid-2014, Johnson is filming her role as Anastasia Rose Steele-(spoilers)-Grey. The fist thing I noticed about this interview is how awkward she seems talking to journalists. She reminds me of another young actress, who played a similarly awkward role, in film based off of a bestselling novel that was almost exactly like this one except it had vampires in it.
The second thing I noticed was how much Johnson resembled a woman predicting her own imminent death. I don’t want to guess at Johnson’s state of mind, but her face, at least, seems to know that this movie is not going to be heralded as a critical achievement.
For example, this happened as she answered a question about working with her co-star and director:
Now, of course, we know that the production was an absolute fucking war zone as Sam Taylor-Johnson and E.L. James fought each other over apparently everything. Of course, the production wants you very much to believe that everything was super fine. Producer Michael De Luca told Vanity Fair:
Was there a time you thought Taylor-Johnson, or James, was going to walk off the set? I ask De Luca. “No, because it wasn’t something that could ever be allowed to happen,” he says. “Our mantra through the whole movie was ‘When debates come up, we’re going to work it out, because this thing is going to shoot, and it’s going to wrap, and it’s going to get released.’ None of us are going anywhere, so we might as well lock arms and have a good time.”
But in the same article, director Sam Taylor-Johnson said:
“I kept trying to remind myself that they hired me for a reason. Some people said to me, ‘I’m surprised you haven’t quit.’ I was like, ‘Why would you think I’d quit?’ I never quit anything. Not without a fight.” She admits, of James, “We battled all the way through. She’d say the same. There were tough times and revelatory times. There were sparring contests. It was definitely not an easy process, but that doesn’t mean to say that it didn’t come out the right way.”
If there was such can-do, teamwork spirit behind the scenes, why would people ask if the director wanted to quit?
Then there’s the co-star component. Lots of people have commented on how uneasy Dornan and Johnson seem around each other. But I’ll just present this:
On the left we have the cover of Entertainment Weekly just after casting was announced, in November 2013. On the right we have the cover of Glamour magazine’s upcoming March issue (scanned by DakotaJohnsonDaily.com, who also have the transcript of the article), over a year and the filming of an entire movie together later. They have more chemistry in the first picture than the the last, in which Johnson and Dornan seem reluctant to touch each other.
So, what happened when Johnson, working on this totally not fraught and probably not disastrous movie, was asked if she would be sad when filming was over?
The only time she seems genuinely at ease is when she’s talking about how boring Ana is:
Now, is all of this irrefutable proof that the movie is going to suck? Not at all. We won’t know until it’s out. But I think it should probably make fans nervous to see interviews like this one, from last July, in which you can’t tell if the stars are joking about their lack of chemistry, or grimly acknowledging it to each other while thinking, look at us, trapped in our mutual hell as they all laugh from the other side. Well. We’ll see who has the last laugh…
Or something possibly less threatening.
To be completely honest, I saw a set of pictures from the movie today and I thought to myself “Kristen Stewart would have been good for this, I think. She’s got that vacant expression thing down way better than this chick.”
And then I remembered. And hung my head in shame.
Marcia Gay Harden, who portrays CG’s mother in the movie based on the novel FSo absolute sh*te, (my words) is quoted in the Belfast Telegraph….
“The director is letting the cast see the movie but not right now.” [sic]
“I’m going to see it right before the fans do… but this is a movie that is protected…It’s like they’ve got a chastity belt around the movie itself.” [sic]
Subliminal message????? Holy Crap! My inner goddess hopes so
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/entertainment/news/fifty-shades-cast-havent-seen-film-30948167.html
My parents spent Christmas with me and the trailer for the movie came on, and before the title came up I asked ‘what genre do you think this is a trailer for?’ ‘horror? Thriller?’ Romance didn’t even occur to them.
Those poor actors are just trying not to say anything horrible and clearly can’t think of anything else to say…
I thought the same thing! I thought the opening was so creepy. It could’ve totally been a horror movie. Listen to it and imagine a young girl going to an old man’s house for an interview… then struggling to escape and being chopped into tiny pieces. (At least that’s what I imagined.)
OMG my boyfriend’s mom said the same thing! She was like, “I saw the trailer of a new movie on tv… Fifty Grey Shades or something… Is it any good?”
And I was like, “Yeah, no, well, I don’t think it’s your genre… You wouldn’t like it… It’s erotic or something”
And she replied, “Really? I thought it was a thriller, you know I love those! I would’ve watched it if it was a thriller!”
I know I already posted this in a previous comment section but it is too perfect to not post again. They did a perfect job making the stalking and harassing actually creepy like it would be in real life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahQIioT0STE Granted the actress in this is too good to actually play Ana in any other context but she does a great job playing the Ana that we wished existed, but then the book would have ended in the first chapter.
I kept thinking it was a Gone Girl trailer or something!!!
And the dialogue in the trailors is all so horrible! Wh otalks like that???
The thing that really made me laugh/jaw drop in shock was EL James saying she’d said from the beginning that she’d wanted to find unknowns to play the roles. Back that truck up a minute! Not only was this a Twilight Fanfic so basically a fantasy about a character that looked remarkably like Robert Pattinson but the Vanity Fair piece specifically said James wanted Pattinson for the role. I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere about James being better at media rewrites than she was with her text but that to one side, I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people look less like they want to be in the same room, never mind the same movie. Every time I see photos/ interviews with Jamie Dornan he’s wearing a more constipated expression than the last. I’ve also read that Dakota Johnson is considering going and living on a ranch for a while after the movie comes out. All I can say is ‘start packing the truck girl’. The sad thing is Sam Taylor Johnson is actually a talented visual artist and her last movie about John Lennon’s early life (“Nowhere Boy”) wasn’t terrible but from the Vanity Fair piece, it sounds very much like anytime she wanted to deviate from the book (and let’s face it who can blame her) E L James shut her down. I suspect that, alongside the chemistry deficit in evidence here, the imprint of E L will have a lot to do with how the movie turns out.
“The thing that really made me laugh/jaw drop in shock was EL James saying she’d said from the beginning that she’d wanted to find unknowns to play the roles. Back that truck up a minute! Not only was this a Twilight Fanfic so basically a fantasy about a character that looked remarkably like Robert Pattinson but the Vanity Fair piece specifically said James wanted Pattinson for the role.”
YESSSS! I remember watching that and transforming into Kathy Bates to scream “LIIIIIIEEEEEESS!”
OMG. She was trying to pull a Mr. Darcy/Colin Firth/Marc Darcy stunt on us.
Only… You know… Minus the great character, timeless classic, great actor, gorgeous man, fun reimagining parts.
…Is it just me or does Johnson have a very stereotypical-battered-woman look in the first magazine cover?
I think it’s the way his fingers are digging into her arm; she looks like she’s trying to worm away from the pressure, and she’s touching her mouth like she’s nervous. Even her eyes are looking out at the viewer as if to say “help me.”
These fucking books.
That photo made me extremely uneasy and this may be exactly why.
That’s not just you, I felt the same… She looked very scared.
What is crazy is that Dornan is a very sweet person in real life. Although maybe he was just too good at playing a creepy stalker, since on of his best roles before this was playing a serial killer.
I said yesterday that it’s a testament to how awful a character Christian Grey is that “serial killer of several women” is somehow sexier than “billionaire with handcuffs.”
Yeah, I read an article written by a woman who had said she wouldn’t mind him showing up at her door as the serial killer but if he showed up as Christian she would not open the door to him. I can’t remember where I read it though since it has been so long since I read it otherwise I’d post the link because I’d love to spread the love of the hatred of 50 Shades… if that made any sense.
He said himself “I’ll always have The Fall, no matter what else happens in my career”…think that says volumes about his opinion of FSOG.
In the 2nd cover Dornan has a “help me” look.
Also, maybe if this movie sucks we’ll be spared a second and third movie? That would be AWESOME!
I just want to comment on how she really looks and acts her age in that interview, which makes the really nasty comments I see about her appearance (and how “old” she looks) all the more baffling. Someone even said she looked like she was in her 60s. What??
D:< WTF? This just further proves how infantilized Ana is in this book jfc.
I think that lipstick color is just super unflattering. Seriously, take away that fuchsia lipstick and she looks fine.
I was thinking the same thing. It makes her look very washed out, or sickly.
I thought I was the only one who thought the fuchsia color was god awful on her.
The thing is, she is really pretty but for some reason people are incredibly mean. The lipcolor doesn’t quite work for her in that specific interview but I haven’t seen too many unflattering photos of her so I’m a bit confused about the nasty comments. Did people want her to look 12?
I personally think she can look good with it (then again, I just know that if I wore anything like that shade, my whole skin would turn yellow).
It’s just that those critics don’t know that they can’t do any better (and hell, they’re probably used to seeing women who were dolled up to look younger than their actual age and Ana’s characterisation doesn’t help since sometimes she acts like a 14 year old).
I myself am relieved that Emma Watson didn’t get sucked in on the job (like how so many people were hoping for). I do NOT want to see one of my fave child actors get abused and pushed around on screen.
Come to think of it, those who identify with Ana are probably going to be horrible people anyway since she is such a horrible person so I really shouldn’t be so surprised by the nasty comments. The ones that I have seen have been from average women, the fans of the books, which is why I was so surprised by the vitriol at first. After some thinking I realized that I was thinking like a nice person..lol. Like someone who isn’t threatened by another woman being successful.
I doubt Emma Watson ever really thought of doing that film. She seems far too intelligent and thanks to HP she doesn’t need the money.
Emma is also a real feminist (unlike Ana) and seems like she would identify the real problems involved in the story. I doubt EL would have been happy with her because Emma would probably insist on certain changes being made.
she posted a tweet once, like “Did anyone actually think I was going to do it? Seriously?”
I think Emma Watson is way too smart to get sucked into a gig like this.
Well, they succeeded in making Grey look insane on those covers at least. :/
I’m still trying to get used to the fact that this garbage became popular in the first place, let alone got a film deal.
Now excuse me while I go find a FSoG fan to vomit on…
Because it’s my new favourite thing I made this:
http://i1180.photobucket.com/albums/x415/Blinvy/no_zpsuim2awik.gif
Oh please, please release that into the wild on Tumblr. This needs to become A Thing.
Mannnn. That awkward long pause after the “are you sad it’s ending” question just seals it.
Yeah, and then the other woman makes the ‘maybe it’ll never be over’ joke and Johnson looks absolutely horrified.
We need a Gob meme “I’ve made a terrible mistake”
I don’t know if it’s only in my head, but I didn’t see almost any emotions on Dakota’s face. She was staring blankly through most of the interview. And even if her mouth was smiling, the same couldn’t be said for her eyes. I don’t how she’ll be able to portray all the blushing mentioned in the book.
I just can’t wait for the Honest Trailer of this movie!
She was so uncomfortable throughout the whole thing. She had to work overtime to make sure she answered all the questions in the best PR-way possible.
If the movie flops, so will her career; if it’s a massive “$uccess” she’ll be forever associated with this role. Either way, it seems like she loses, it makes me feel bad for her.
I was getting my hair done last week and a bunch of the stylists were talking about this movie and wasn’t the book soooo gooood and they can’t wait to see it cuz Jamie Dornan’s sexy.
I told them to watch The Fall. I might be evil.
Have you noticed how much Dakota Johnson resembles E.L. James?
She was getting inside Ana’s head… considering competing for space with the inner goddess and subconscious plus what ever else goes on in there I suppose we should feel sorry for her.
From the fourth paragraph:
“The fist thing I noticed…”
What a completely relevant typo! 10/10
I admit, I’m just curious whether the film is going to show all the stuff with her inner goddess and subconscious.
I heard they’re not. I was hoping beyond hope that it would be like Lizzie McGuire’s cartoon internal monologue, just because it would up the WTF factor.
That’s a shame, they help hammer home how stupid everything is.
She looks so annoying as I imagined Anna, so it’s a perfect match.
So that’s what a fanfic author looks like. Neat.
Unfortunately, because of FSoG fanfiction is going to get an unpleasant reputation, and yet I’ve read some really good, well-written humorous fanfic that doesn’t treat readers like idiots and doesn’t do its canon a disservice. Fanfiction may be looked upon by some ‘real’ published authors as a trivial waste of time, but it actually serves as good practice, especially if you’re interested, as I am, in writing for TV and in that sense, building on characters other people have created.
Then again, some fanfiction is utter tripe. Obviously, FSoG is of the latter variety…
Just curious… did you expect her to have two heads?
The sad thing is, this actually had the potential to be a great trilogy. If, instead of making it a ‘romance’, E L James had turned this into a horror/erotic thriller, with the first book more or less the same, with Ana falling in love with Christian until she realises he’s an absolute fucking psychopath, then books two and three could have focused on her desperately trying to escape him (with the help of Taylor?).
It would have been dark, creepy, and a great backlash against all the ‘abuse as love’ tropes that are sickeningly prevalent in our media (see: Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries)
Gossip Girl? Or Gone Girl?
Yeah I don’t know why the role of Taylor wasn’t expanded on, either. He could have rebelled against his employer and helped Ana escape, but he mysteriously had very little to do with Ana by the end of the first book. After that, I can’t comment, i didn’t read the sequels.
it’s just a movie! The actors look similar to the characters from the book, so u guess that’s Why they chose them. They do seem to have an awkwardness between them.. but we need to see how that is translated on screen!
I really do hope they capture my interest since it’s suppose to be an. Erotic film.
The quote by the producer “this thing is going to shoot, it’s going to wrap, and it’s going to get released” reminds me of my mom telling us if we didn’t like dinner “like or lump it and take it down the road and dump it”. I also especially liked it the second interview Jamie trying to avoid the question of if Christian Grey was like him…the look on his face was saying “I’m not actually a serial killer, you know.”
She looks horribly uncomfortable, and not even in a cute kstew way.
After recently watching season 2 of The Fall I gotta say….. Jamie Dornan DOES have the creepy sexy serial killer vibe going.
Which is actually exactly what 50 Shades needs
I stumbled across this article about the dumbest things in 50 Shades, it is pretty good.
I’m happy to see these things in the mainstream media because it shows me that not all people are completely obsessed with this goddamn book.
http://www.yourtango.com/2015251910/17-dumbest-most-disturbing-moments-50-shades-grey?utm_source=zergnet.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=zergnet_384113
You wanna know THE single most upsetting thing about this movie…Jennifer Ehle is playing Anna’s mom. NOOOOO! ELIZABETH BENNETT CAN NOT BE A PART OF THIS. YOU CAN’T HAVE HER!!!
And now this… http://www.nzherald.co.nz/entertainment/news/article.cfm?c_id=1501119&objectid=11395938 I wouldn’t want anyone watching either…
IRL Christian and Ana should look awkward together. Those pictures capture the chemistry (read: abusive nature of their relationship).
I stumbled across this bit of casting news in my macabre desire to find some actual reviews of the movie. Taylor is going to be played by this guy: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0242882/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1.
He makes, obviously, poor role choices but he’s got the steamy hotness for the many Taylor fanfics I’ve worked out in my head. So…there’s that?
He was in Pacific Rim so I wonder if he got on board because of Charlie Hunnam and wasn’t able to back out the way Hunnam did?
Whoa, he has my birth date!
It’s sad isn’t it that the guy playing Taylor has more chemistry by himself than the two leads do?
This article is full of delicious morsels for people who know what a suckfest nightmare this movie will be! (But unfortunately I’m sure it will still make lots of money and tne we’ll be subjected to even worse sequels.)
http://defamer.gawker.com/50-shades-of-sigh-the-disastrous-50-shades-of-grey-p-1683492446