Lollerskates.

Wow, check out this GLOWING effing mention I got from likesbooks.com:

“Blood Fires: The Turning, Jennifer Armintrout (2006) – This debut by a fairly young author (she’s 26) of the first in a violent vampire fiction series isn’t a major disappointment, and it isn’t boring. It’s downright awful. My conclusion is that this is post-9/11 fiction for nihilists. Though the author created a couple of interesting characters and a difficult and intriguing tentative relationship for them, any interest I had was destroyed by one intimate scene that is the stuff of a true sadist’s dream. I’ve no problem with gore in general; indeed, an oddly favorite moment in one of Anne Rice’s vampire books features a couple of vampires literally breaking people’s bones and devouring their bodies, yet a similar moment in this book nearly brought up my lunch. This was, for me, the worst book of the year. “

Okay, wow. It’s somehow doubly harsh when someone calls your book “post-9/11 fiction for nihilists,” “downright awful,” “a true sadists dream” and “the worst book of the year,” but can’t even hate it enough to get the title right.