Skip to content

Month: May 2014

How to write a hit pop song

Posted in Uncategorized

Take someone else’s! Preferably somebody from the ’80’s, because no one lives who will remember that time! Throw in a more recent hit–not one that became big enough to be described as ubiquitous! Strangle the song until it’s dead! Skin its face and paste it to your own! Fashion its teeth into a similar but not legally prosecutable necklace! Dance on its bones! BATHE IN ITS BLOOD!

Example 1:

Example 2:


Example 3:

Example 4:

Example 5:

Example 6:

Example 7:

Example 8:

Example 9:

Merlin Club S02E03 “The Nightmare Begins” or “The Mindfuck Begins”

Posted in Uncategorized


Merlin club is a weekly feature in which Jessica Jarman, Bronwyn Green, and myself gather at 8pm EST to watch an episode of the amazing BBC series Merlin, starring Colin Morgan and literally nobody else I care about except Colin Morgan.

Okay, I lie. A lot of other really cool people are in it, too.

Anyway, we watch the show, we tweet to the hashtag #MerlinClub, and on Fridays we share our thoughts about the episode we watched earlier in the week.

State of The Trout: Go look at some stuff edition

Posted in Uncategorized

Hey everybody! I’ve got some links for you!

First of all, Shanti Maharaj interviewed me for her piece on, “Don’t  Call It Mommy Porn.” I’m super psyched to have been a part of such an awesome story.

Second, if you’re absolutely dying for more The Boss related stuff, the entire series is currently on a virtual book tour! Author Karen Swart hosted an interview with Neil Elwood, and at Erotica for All I dish on the real life sex toys featured in the books!

In personal news, I’m totally psyched about some stuff I have coming in the mail, and my husband’s car just got out of the shop! I know that was the big scoop you were waiting for, so I won’t overwhelm you with too much more info, except to say that if you’re having trouble finding a plus-sized bikini for the summer (like I was), look no further than They have several really cute styles that will not require you to take out a high-interest loan.

Merlin Club post tomorrow, and have a good weekend!

Wednesday Blogging: These are a few of my favorite things, book edition.

Posted in Uncategorized

I hate, loathe, and despise telling people what my favorite things are, but I’ve made a commitment to this Wednesday blogging thing and damnit, I’m going to keep it.

The reason I hate telling people about my favorite things is that I’m inconsistent and my “favorites” often change. There are a few that never change:

Les Miserables, Victor Hugo. I only read this book because when I was twelve, I saw the musical. I wanted to read the book, so I went to the library and got this woefully abridged version– and when I say “woefully abridged,” I mean the whole beginning of the book with Bishop Myriel meeting the revolutionary was gone, the passage about Waterloo, so much of it was missing. One of my teachers saw me reading this totally useless version and said, “You know, there’s a better translation.” In the past twenty years, I’ve read Les Miserables from cover to cover fourteen times, and it gets better every time.

Moby-Dick, Herman Melville. I’ve liked this book since high school, but I wasn’t as in love with it as I am now until my honeymoon. My husband and I went to the Berkshires for our honeymoon, and while we were there we visited Arrowhead and a few other sites Herman Melville had frequented with his “friend” Nathaniel Hawthorne. I reread Moby-Dick and Billy Budd and researched more about Melville’s personal life, at which point I was like, “Wow, this dude was totally gay, and he was expressing it in his work.” It gave his writing, those two pieces in particular, a completely different depth, and I’ve become a little obsessed with Melville and Hawthorne. I guess you could say I ship them. Since this huge revelation wherein I figured out what literally millions of people had already picked up on before me, I’ve read Moby-Dick several times, but I do skip over some of the whale biology.

The Vampire Lestat, Anne Rice Do I really need to give an explanation for this one? It’s Lestat. It’s Lestat. While I agree with critics who say the series began to decline with The Tale of The Body Thief, I am in this for the long haul. Because Lestat.

Those are three favorites that will never change, unless I get some kind of personality changing injury in the future. But I’ve got this habit of saying, “This is my favorite [blank],” about stuff that a few years later I’m “meh” about. Or, I look back on it fondly, but I’m not as in love with it as I once was. Examples of these books are:

The Vampire Diaries series, L.J. Smith Can I just say right off how fucking shitty it is that they kicked L.J. off the franchise that she’d made popular the second it got a frickin’ TV show? Anyway, I’ve grown and changed from the tween who devoured these books, but I still look back and remember the good times we had. They really influenced my own writing, too, so I’ll always like them.

New Moon, Stephenie Meyer Okay, I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t care. I loved the Twilight series when it came out, then I hated it after Breaking Dawn, then I read 50 Shades of Grey and I love it again because Edward is cast in a way better light when compared to Christian Grey. But New Moon was the best book of the entire series. I lived Bella’s breakup. I laid on my couch and cried when they broke up. I will always love this book out of a sense of nostalgia, even though in hindsight they’re all pretty silly.

And then there are recent favorites I worry about including and somehow slighting or hurting the feelings of the other books on the list. Which is silly, but I just imagine Jean Valjean going, “What do you mean this book is your favorite? Don’t you love me anymore?” and my heart crumples into a thousand pieces. But these are what I like to call my current favorites, since it doesn’t require a commitment that might hurt Jean Valjean’s feelings:

A Song of Ice and Fire series, George R.R. Martin I am one hundred percent obsessed with this series. I’ve mentioned before that I know the geography of Westeros better than the geography of my own country, and I feel no shame about that. Granted, it’s taken me over a year to finish A Dance with Dragons, but that’s not a reflection on the writing, it’s because I got to page 913 and threw the fucking thing against the wall in a blind, wailing rage.

Lux series, Jennifer L. Armentrout I am always the last person to catch on to any freaking trend, I swear. I just recently gave the first book in this series a try, and then I got sucked in. It’s everything I loved about Twilight with nothing I disliked about Twilight. The heroine, Katy, has an actual personality. The hot guy has a legitimate reason he needs to protect her, rather than just, “You’re a weak human, let me help you, weak human.” Plus, it’s a paranormal YA that isn’t about your traditional monster. I’m shotgunning this series.

The thing that I really hate about these favorites lists is, I have too many favorites, I guess. I’m looking at my keeper shelves right now and going, “But what about All The Sweet Tomorrows by Bertrice Small? What about Into The Forest by Jean Heglund? What about Ian McEwan’s Atonement or Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes? And how could I possibly leave Stephen King off the list?”

Well, that last question is pretty easy to answer. Stephen King is in his own class. If we do a Wednesday Blogging topic about our favorite Stephen King books, I’ll be ready to go.

Want to fill yourselves with other Wednesday Blogger favorites? Check them out:

Gwendolyn Cease • Bronwyn Green • Jessica Jarman • Kris Norris • Kellie St. James
Tessa Grant

Jenny Reads After chapters 7 – 9: “Big ass party with a crowded kitchen/people talk shh but it’s actually just Tessa’s internal monologue.”

Posted in Uncategorized

Before we get into recapsville, I wanted to tell you that author Karen Swart is hosting a character interview with Neil Elwood today on her blog right here, as well as a really cool giveaway that’s a part of the Boss series virtual book tour. So, if you want a chance to win Sophie’s lipstick vibrator from the first book (US entries only on that prize, sorry), head over there.

Okay, we’re into chapters 7 – 9 of After, I’ve got Midnight Memories all queued up on Spotify, let’s do this:

IF EVER I WOULD LEAVE YOU cover reveal and giveaway!

Posted in Uncategorized

Today, authors Bronwyn Green, Jessica Jarman, and Jenny Trout unveil the cover of their upcoming anthology:

If Ever I Would Leave You
(July, 2014)

Keep reading for a chance to win an Arthurian-themed DVD prize pack or a $25 Amazon gift card!

Bronwyn Green

A year after Tabby Nolan’s sister vanished from the Lake Michigan shore with her boyfriend, Liam, Tabby visits the spot where the two were last seen– and finds herself pulled into the crumbling world of Avalon.

Since his disappearance, Liam has been trapped in the mythical land, with no link to the world he knew. Now, their shared memories of Tabby’s missing sister are all they can cling to as Avalon dies around them.

But Tabby doesn’t want to be a replacement for her sister, and her growing attachment to Liam feels like a betrayal. As Avalon fades around them, Liam and Tabby must rely on each other– or be lost with the ancient kingdom forever.

Albion’s Circle: The Deepest Cut
Jessica Jarman

For nineteen years, Anna has been plagued by dreams of lives lived only in legend. Finally free from the family that believed her hopeless and worthless, she’s ready to start her life over—alone.

When Anna meets an enigmatic stranger claiming to be the legendary wizard Merlin, she is forced to question the very reality she’s struggled to accept. With the mythic figures from her dreams intruding on her waking life, Anna learns that she’s been reborn to fight an ancient evil alongside King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.

Caught in an ages old conflict, Anna is the key to stopping a dark magic that will destroy the world—and Merlin wants to make sure that this time, Anna isn’t alone.

A Choice Fit For A Queen
Jenny Trout
writing as
Abigail Barnette

For perpetual overachiever Madison Lane, a summer studying Arthurian mythology in the Welsh countryside with professor Thomas Evans is a dream come true, and the adventure of a lifetime.

Of course, the enormous crush Madison developed on the professor after a semester of his lectures at U of M has absolutely nothing to do with her desire to learn more about the enduring legend of Camelot. At least, that’s what she’s telling her parents.

When Madison meets fellow student Rhys Crewe, sparks fly, throwing her plans for wild fling with Professor Evans completely out of whack—as do her unexpectedly complicated feelings for Thomas. With tales of Arthur and Lancelot haunting her every waking moment, Madison has to make the most difficult choice of her life.

Jessica Jarman is an author, blogger, and rather
obsessive fangirl. Having grown up in Upper Michigan and currently living in Minnesota, she is a Midwestern girl through and through. And wouldn’t have it any other way.
When Jessica isn’t working to get words on the page, she passes the time with her amazing husband and four children, attempting to be crafty (and failing miserably), squeeing uncontrollably over her favorite shows or curling up with a good book. 

Bronwyn Green is an author, blogger and compulsive crafter. She lives Michigan with her husband, two sons and three somewhat psychotic cats. When not frantically writing, she can be found helping in her youngest son’s classroom or binge-watching Netflix while working on her latest craft project.

Abigail Barnette (Jenny Trout) is a writer, blogger, and funny person. She has written award winning and bestselling erotic romance as Abigail Barnette. Writing as Jennifer Armintrout, she made the USA Today bestseller list with Blood Ties Book One: The Turning. Her novel American Vampire was named one of the top ten horror novels of 2011 by Booklist Magazine Online. She is a proud Michigander, mother of two, and wife to the only person alive capable of spending extended periods of time with her without wanting to strangle her. Visit her on twitter (@Jenny_Trout) or at her blog,



Click Here & Enter to Win an Arthurian-themed DVD pack or a $25 Amazon gift card! 

The Big Damn Buffy Rewatch S02E10 “What’s My Line part 2”

Posted in Uncategorized

In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone just ate all those donuts. She will also recap every episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer with an eye to the following themes:

  1. Sex is the real villain of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer universe.
  2. Giles is totally in love with Buffy.
  3. Joyce is a fucking terrible parent.
  4. Willow’s magic is utterly useless (this one won’t be an issue until season 2, when she gets a chance to become a witch)
  5. Xander is a textbook Nice Guy.
  6. The show isn’t as feminist as people claim.
  7. All the monsters look like wieners.
  8. If ambivalence to possible danger were an Olympic sport, Team Sunnydale would take the gold.
  9. Angel is a dick.
  10. Harmony is the strongest female character on the show.
  11. Team sports are portrayed in an extremely negative light.
  12. Some of this shit is racist as fuck.
  13. Science and technology are not to be trusted.
  14. Mental illness is stigmatized.
  15. Only Willow can use a computer.
  16. Buffy’s strength is flexible at the plot’s convenience.
  17. Cheap laughs and desperate grabs at plot plausibility are made through Xenophobia.
  18. Oz is the Anti-Xander
  19. Spike is capable of love despite his lack of soul
  20. Don’t freaking tell me the vampires don’t need to breathe because they’re constantly out of frickin’ breath.

Have I missed any that were added in past recaps? Let me know in the comments.  Even though I might forget that you mentioned it.

WARNING: Some people have mentioned they’re watching along with me, and that’s awesome, but I’ve seen the entire series already and I’ll probably mention things that happen in later seasons. So… you know, take that under consideration, if you’re a person who can’t enjoy something if you know future details about it. 

Merlin Club S02E02: “The Once and Future Queen” or, “Dickbag Redemption”

Posted in Uncategorized


Merlin club is a weekly feature in which Jessica Jarman, Bronwyn Green, and myself gather at 8pm EST to watch an episode of the amazing BBC series Merlin, starring Colin Morgan and literally nobody else I care about except Colin Morgan.

Okay, I lie. A lot of other really cool people are in it, too.

Anyway, we watch the show, we tweet to the hashtag #MerlinClub, and on Fridays we share our thoughts about the episode we watched earlier in the week.

(This week’s alternate title comes from the file name Bronwyn Green used when she sent me a file of one of my book ideas. So I guess the hero needs work.)

Jenny Reads After chapters 4 – 6: “You don’t know you’re beautiful/that’s what makes you horrible”

Posted in Uncategorized

Good news! Tessa has been cast in the fanfiction sidebar!

Maybe she was before, but I’m almost 100% certain that there was no listing for Tessa the last time I looked at this. But whatever. The role of Tessa has been filled by Indiana Evans:

indiana evansAs some of you have pointed out in the comments, Anna Todd’s bio lists her favorite book as Fifty Shades of Grey (“No!” readers cry out in shock. “I would have never guessed!”). So I find it really fun that Tessa is someone Ana would hate: a blonde.

In other news, I can’t figure out how to make the quote feature not be all italics, all the time, so any use of italics in the fic will be represented by underlined text.