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Jealous Haters Book Club: Handbook For Mortals Chapter 8 (part three) or “Carrie, but with lemonade”

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Now, this may be me being overcautious, but there’s a very small instance in this recap where I quote lines that sound like the language used in abuse situations. I’m just giving you a heads up. Because it’s fairly creepy. It’s very brief and comes during an altercation at a lemonade stand.

Yeah, that’s what you’re in for with this one.

The Worst Person I’ve Ever Met (Part 2) or “No, it’s my wedding day.”

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Miss Part 1? Read it here.

Note: While I believe “Cathy” was very likely mentally ill, I’d appreciate it if we could refrain from diagnosing her in the comments. Cathy was a terrible person and probably mentally ill. She wasn’t a terrible person because she was probably mentally ill.

Jealous Hater Book Club: Handbook For Mortals, Chapter 8 The Star (part 2) or “Have you ever noticed how much I say ‘um’? YOU WILL TODAY.”

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I’ve just spent three days working on the longest video in the history of long videos. Like, “pointless story about how much I love fall on a foodie blog” long. So, so long. If you don’t watch it, that’s cool. You’ll only miss me getting frustrated to boring visuals.

I’m also going to include (because I’m like this), a short scene from the first draft of Baby Makes Three, in which Penny gives herself a three card Lenormand reading. I actually did the reading for Penny and as a result, it made sense in the text. Because it’s a real reading and not just someone picking out the cards that describe what they think is happening (but isn’t really happening) in their story.

Well, let’s get into what is so far the most perplexing and frustrating chapter of this book so far.

The Worst Person I’ve Ever Met (Part One) or, “I blame you, J.K. Rowling.”

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Last year, I wrote a post about the worst writer person I ever met, a person who started writing M/M romance for the money while being unabashedly anti-gay in her personal life. I named names, and everyone freaked out because I might hurt her career. And I was like, “I’m going to be a better person and not do that again,” despite my belief that someone who hides behind a pseudonym to profit from fetishizing gay men while voting and advocating against them in real life doesn’t actually deserve to have a career doing that and maybe that’s a position that a queer person is allowed to take and has a right to call out but whatever let’s not rehash that.

I’m not going to name names in this series of posts, not because I’ve grown as a person or I’m suddenly nice to wretched people, but because I’m legitimately afraid that speaking the name of evil will summon it forth. She’s also not profiting from the misery she causes, so revealing her identity wouldn’t be merited. However, I have been itching for a long time to tell you this story, and I know there are more of you out there who will have had similar bad experiences with people whose toxic and destructive behavior pushes the boundaries of that which can be believed.

It is the story of the worst person I’ve ever met.

Some of it is funny, in a “can you believe the nerve of this woman?” way. Some of it is sad, in a “what happened to this person that she’s like this,” way, and a “how horrible that she maimed so many innocent bystanders with her shitty, shitty behavior” way. Some of it is heartwrenching to me, because of the severe emotional and spiritual damage my brief association with her was. I guarantee you will not believe some parts of the story, either because they are too bizarre, or because they deal with spirituality and not everyone is into that. But I’m still going to tell it. Because it’s a doozy.

Jealous Haters Book Club: Handbook For Mortals, Chapter 8 The Star (part 1) or “If you’re in love, show me! Show me!”

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I apologize for not having a recap last week, but as you’ll see, there’s so much to deal with in this chapter that it’s required double the time to write it.

If you’re looking for a few eye rolls today, check out this interview with Lani Sarem at Mike Mauthor’s blog, wherein she plays coy about her possible “cameo” in the film, says she believes that acting gives her extra insight into writing (I’m sure her experience as an uncredited extra in Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 more than qualifies her to be an author), and changes her story about the New York Times debacle yet again:

Well, I’m the only person that’s ever had that happen to them…people jumped to a lot of conclusions without all the facts and then started saying things that weren’t even close to being true…I hope people will take the time to understand what really happened and enjoy the book for what it is….

In case you’re getting liar whiplash, the story so far has gone:

  • I didn’t cheat, we sold this book at conventions based on Thomas Ian Nicholas’s star power
  • I didn’t cheat, I did things the way we do them in the music industry
  • I didn’t cheat, YA authors are just jealous of me
  • Okay, maybe I cheated, but isn’t it the publishing industry’s fault for not being as smart as me?
  • Tee hee, I cheated, might as well use it in my marketing

And now we’ve arrived at:

  • I didn’t cheat, people just jumped to conclusions without all the facts and then lied about me

The thing is, you can’t really say that people jumped to conclusions without facts when it was their dogged pursuit of the facts that got you found out in the first place. This is probably the most well-documented YA scandal in recent memory. The facts are there. A better strategy might be to discourage people from checking into them.

But it’s not all gaslighting and self-aggrandizement, dear readers. No, no. There is so, so much more for me to share with you today.

There’s a book trailer.

 

Note how the lush, verdant forest calls to mind the book’s gritty, Las Vegas Strip setting. Wonder at the clips lifted from copyrighted sources (such as Disney’s Enchanted and Cirque du Soleil). Marvel at how clunky and weird it is to announce a guest appearance by the Plain White T’s in your novel.

This is why I don’t have book trailers, guys. Well, this and the fact that they’re so freaking expensive.

Let’s get recapping the first part of this monster chapter.

State Of The Trout: SAY GOODBYE TO HOLLYWOOD audio release and other stuff!

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Good morning, Trout Nation! I have items that must be addressed!

I’m so excited to share that Blunder Woman Productions and narrator Lucy Rivers have brought Say Goodbye To Hollywood to audio!

The audio cover of Say Goodbye To Hollywood features a red high heeled pump with the title written along the curve of the shoe. The words "A novel by Jenny Trout" are above it. The background is pale pink.

When she’s hired to adapt the blockbuster novel, Beautiful Darkness, for film, screenwriter Jessica Yates sees an opportunity she can’t pass up. The only thing standing between her and a guaranteed hit movie is the author. Lynn Baldwin’s rise from Midwestern housewife to literary superstardom has gone straight to her head, and she’s not willing to see her creation hit the screen without her total approval.

As the entire creative team struggles with the hard-to-please author, Jessica’s personal life spins out of control. When there’s more relationship drama and kinky sex off the page than on, she’s forced to reevaluate what she really wants—before Beautiful Darkness destroys her Hollywood dreams forever.

Get it on Audible!

And I’ve also got news about a fun opportunity for 2018! Literary Love Savannah (July 26-29) is a romance convention geared entirely toward you, the reader. I do this organizer’s events as often as possible because they’re super fun. This year, there’s going to be an inflatable slides party, a burlesque carnival, a movie night, karaoke, a candy party, and everyone always gets amazing swag and one-on-one time with authors. Plus, the hotel is right on the river in Savannah, meaning you can walk to all the swingin’ nightlife. The best part is, the conference fee is only $210 (hotel not included) and gets you four meals and into all the parties, panels, and signings! It’s a really super fun time and I hope to see some of you there!

And before I go I just want to thank everyone who has been donating via the ko-fi link. Thanks for showing appreciation for my work and this blog!

That’s all the news I have for now!

True Blood Nopesday

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I have to cancel True Blood Tuesday this week owing to a monstrous headache. It feels wrong not to have a True Blood Tuesday post on Halloween, but then again, Buffy taught us that there aren’t any monsters out on Halloween, anyway!

Keep on keepin’ on and I’ll see you next week!