The Big Damn Buffy Rewatch S02E11, “Ted” TW: child abuse

In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will spend way too much money ona  sexy lady Giles cosplay costume. She will also recap every episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer with an eye to the following themes:

  1. Sex is the real villain of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer universe.
  2. Giles is totally in love with Buffy.
  3. Joyce is a fucking terrible parent.
  4. Willow’s magic is utterly useless (this one won’t be an issue until season 2, when she gets a chance to become a witch)
  5. Xander is a textbook Nice Guy.
  6. The show isn’t as feminist as people claim.
  7. All the monsters look like wieners.
  8. If ambivalence to possible danger were an Olympic sport, Team Sunnydale would take the gold.
  9. Angel is a dick.
  10. Harmony is the strongest female character on the show.
  11. Team sports are portrayed in an extremely negative light.
  12. Some of this shit is racist as fuck.
  13. Science and technology are not to be trusted.
  14. Mental illness is stigmatized.
  15. Only Willow can use a computer.
  16. Buffy’s strength is flexible at the plot’s convenience.
  17. Cheap laughs and desperate grabs at plot plausibility are made through Xenophobia.
  18. Oz is the Anti-Xander
  19. Spike is capable of love despite his lack of soul
  20. Don’t freaking tell me the vampires don’t need to breathe because they’re constantly out of frickin’ breath.

Have I missed any that were added in past recaps? Let me know in the comments.  Even though I might forget that you mentioned it.

WARNING: Some people have mentioned they’re watching along with me, and that’s awesome, but I’ve seen the entire series already and I’ll probably mention things that happen in later seasons. So… you know, take that under consideration, if you’re a person who can’t enjoy something if you know future details about it. 

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State of The Trout: Stress coping technique and The Boss series goes on sale

The Girlfriend and The Bride are on sale for $0.99! From now until the end of Authors After Dark in Charlotte, NC, the entire Bossverse series is available for under two dollars. As always The Boss and The Hook-Up are free.

On the stress relief front, I have hit a stress wall! If you’re new to the blog, welcome to an ongoing account of my struggle with mental illness! It’s always more difficult to manage my mental state when I’m under stress. Right now, the stress is all good stress, caused by good things, but stress is stress, and I need a constructive coping strategy.


I could build a bog-out tent out of Rugrats sheets…

Photo on 7-18-14 at 12.18 AM

and I could hide in it and get high with Samantha…

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and spend some quality time on Tumblr…

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I’m doing awesome, though, and expecting good things. Also, due to my super rad tent, expecting to wake up in a bed full of thumbtacks, bleeding slightly.



Merlin Club S02E13: “The Last Dragonlord” or “Did you really expect for this to not happen, Merlin?”


Merlin club is a weekly feature in which Jessica Jarman, Bronwyn Green, and myself gather at 8pm EST to watch an episode of the amazing BBC series Merlin, starring Colin Morgan and literally nobody else I care about except Colin Morgan.

Okay, I lie. A lot of other really cool people are in it, too.

Anyway, we watch the show, we tweet to the hashtag #MerlinClub, and on Fridays we share our thoughts about the episode we watched earlier in the week.

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State of The Trout: Exhausted

Hey everybody! Just a quick update to let you know what’s happening. Thank you all for your kind words and your support with the bikini thing. I know it’s a trite and corny thing to say, but I actually have a little more hope for humanity.

So, in case you missed it: I was on Good Morning America and If Ever I Would Leave You came out.

Stuff coming up: I’m in talks with a syndicated daytime show to come on and do a make-over type thing where fat women step out of their comfort zones and do a reveal on TV. Stuff like being afraid to wear a swimsuit or show your arms, that kind of thing. If you’re interested, email me and I’ll forward your name along to the producers.

News on The ExThe Afflicted, and the sequel to Such Sweet SorrowI’m about 40k words into The Ex, and 11k into the sequel to Such Sweet Sorrow. I am hopeful that The Ex will release ahead of the projected spring 2015 date. I’ll reveal the cover at the end of August, and it’s another hot one.

News on the Buffy recap: I swear to you, it’s on the way. I just have a lot to say about this episode, and I’ve been wicked busy. Things are going to calm down, though. I swear this. Don’t give up on me. I won’t give up on you. I’ll never let go, Jack. *Lets you drift gently to your watery grave.*

I’ve been asked to recap an episode of The OC, even though I’ve never watched the show and have no idea what it’s about: SnarkSquad asked me, “Would you recap season one, episode twenty-four of The OC?” and I was like, “I’ve never seen that show ever in my life,” and they were all, “That’s even better!” If you haven’t checked out the recaps, they’re going on right now. I think mine comes out in August or something. I’ll post the link when it goes live. I’m just bringing it up now because I’ve got to do the second half today and turn it in because my deadline is tomorrow and I live on the edge.

Merlin Club S02E12 “The Fires of Idirsholas” or “It’s all downhill from here, Morgana.”


Merlin club is a weekly feature in which Jessica Jarman, Bronwyn Green, and myself gather at 8pm EST to watch an episode of the amazing BBC series Merlin, starring Colin Morgan and literally nobody else I care about except Colin Morgan.

Okay, I lie. A lot of other really cool people are in it, too.

Anyway, we watch the show, we tweet to the hashtag #MerlinClub, and on Fridays we share our thoughts about the episode we watched earlier in the week.

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If Ever I Would Leave You IS OUT NOW!

Get your coat and grab your hat and stuff, because If Ever I Would Leave You: Arthurian Stories for a New Generation comes out tomorrow. Three all new stories inspired by Arthurian mythology, folks. That’s what we’ve been up to:

If Ever I Would Leave You

 Amazon • Smashwords

I’ll be adding the buy links when the book becomes available on Smashwords and Amazon tomorrow. In the meantime, Have some blurbs!

Bronwyn Green

A year after Tabby Nolan’s sister vanished from the Lake Michigan shore with her boyfriend, Liam, Tabby visits the spot where the two were last seen– and finds herself pulled into the crumbling world of Avalon.

Since his disappearance, Liam has been trapped in the mythical land, with no link to the world he knew. Now, their shared memories of Tabby’s missing sister are all they can cling to as Avalon dies around them.

But Tabby doesn’t want to be a replacement for her sister, and her growing attachment to Liam feels like a betrayal. As Avalon fades around them, Liam and Tabby must rely on each other– or be lost with the ancient kingdom forever.

Albion’s Circle: The Deepest Cut
Jessica Jarman

For nineteen years, Anna has been plagued by dreams of lives lived only in legend. Finally free from the family that believed her hopeless and worthless, she’s ready to start her life over—alone.

When Anna meets an enigmatic stranger claiming to be the legendary wizard Merlin, she is forced to question the very reality she’s struggled to accept. With the mythic figures from her dreams intruding on her waking life, Anna learns that she’s been reborn to fight an ancient evil alongside King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.

Caught in an ages old conflict, Anna is the key to stopping a dark magic that will destroy the world—and Merlin wants to make sure that this time, Anna isn’t alone.

A Choice Fit For A Queen
Jenny Trout writing as Abigail Barnette

For perpetual overachiever Madison Lane, a summer studying Arthurian mythology in the Welsh countryside with professor Thomas Evans is a dream come true, and the adventure of a lifetime.

Of course, the enormous crush Madison developed on the professor after a semester of his lectures at U of M has absolutely nothing to do with her desire to learn more about the enduring legend of Camelot. At least, that’s what she’s telling her parents.

When Madison meets local hottie Rhys Crewe, sparks fly, throwing her plans for a wild fling with Professor Evans completely out of whack—as do her unexpectedly complicated feelings for Thomas. With tales of Arthur and Lancelot haunting her every waking moment, Madison has to make the most difficult choice of her life.

Wednesday Blogging: If I had super powers

So, I guess this week is about having superpowers. To be honest, I’m on the fence about superpowers. On the one hand, if I had, say, the ability to bi-locate, or teleportation, or even just some kind of flying power, that would be pretty rad. But I’m afraid of getting a shitty power, like on Misfits, where the one guy’s power was controlling milk. I mean, he used it to kill people. But I’m not sure murder by dairy is the best super power.

So, I guess if I were going to have a super power, mine would be:


I know that’s technically not a power, and also, I’ve never seen the movie, but in the preview dude writes a bestselling book and shit in a few hours, and get hot chicks, and something in there involved Robert De Niro. Like I said, I don’t know what exactly the plot was, because I was more concerned with the part where he became a super productive and successful novelist, but those movies where people make Faustian bargains always work out, right? There’s no chance of being addicted to super high-powered performance enhancing drugs isn’t going to be a positive for me, right?

lance dickstrong

“Do it, Jenny! What could go wrong?”

Failing that, I would love to have the ability to time travel. Although, I think for something like that you have to have an actual time machine, which is less a superpower and more a Time Lord thing. So forget I mentioned it.

For more talk about superpowers and what we would do with them, visit the other Wednesday bloggers:

 Gwendolyn Cease • Bronwyn Green • Jessica Jarman • Kris Norris • Kellie St. James

Leigh Jones


Watch me on the danggum internet TV, y’all

Hey there everybody! Quick heads up to let you know that I’ll be on HuffPost Live this afternoon. The show starts at 1:45pm EST, my segment will be around 1:50pm EST. Tune in if you can!

If you missed it, you can watch it here:

I’m on after the lady who’s being targeted by a bunch of douchebags trying to get her excommunicated from the Catholic church. By the way, I throw my support behind her 100%. If the church is not going to excommunicate cho-mo priests, they clearly don’t need to be excommunicating anyone else.