Jenny reads books with a reputation for having problematic content, poor writing, or ethical weirdness. Then she tells you about what’s in them so you don’t have to spend your money or time on them.
Currently Reading: BEAUTIFUFL DISASTER, JAMIE MCGUIRE
Chapter 1, “Red Flag” or “No shit, ya think?”
Chapter 2, “Pig” or “Yes, still incredibly accurate.”
Chapter 3, “Cheap Shot,” or “It Doesn’t Stand For Students Against Drunk Dancing, You Irresponsible Fucks”
HANDBOOK FOR MORTALS, LANI SAREM
Introduction and Chapter 0, The Fool or “There Must Be Something More Than This Technicolor Dream Hair Life”
Chapter 1, The Magician or “That’s Not How Any Of This Works”
Chapter 2, The Hermit or “Cifnaf Annataz”
Chapter 3, The Hierophant or “Nothing Happened”
Chapter 4, The Empress or “Star Trek Season 1 Episode 14 ‘Court Martial’”
Chapter 5, The Emperor or “Dive And Blush And Blush And Dive And Blush And Blush And Blush.”
Chapter 6, The Moon or “Total Drama High School”
Chapter 7, Strength (part one) or “Rebel Without A Clue”
Chapter 7, Strength (part two) or “Circus Of The Stars”
Chapter 8, The Star (part one) or “If you’re in love, show me! Show me!”
Chapter 8, The Star (part two) or “Have you ever noticed how much I say ‘um’? YOU WILL TODAY.”
Chapter 8, The Star (part three) or “Carrie, But With Lemonade”
Chapter 9, Temperance, or “I’m sorry that people are jealous of me…but I can’t help it that I’m popular.”
Chapter 10, Internalized Misogyny, Rinse, Repeat”
Chapter 11, The Devil or “Readers’ Digest Condensed Boring Parts”
Chapter 12, The Sun or “Art Imitates Life”
Chapter 13, The High Priestess or “The Big Skew”
Chapter 14, Wheel Of Fortune or “Fifty Shades of Mac”
Chapter 15, The Tower (part one) or “The first time the card in the chapter title was actually applicable to what happens in the plot”
Chapter 15, The Tower (part two) or “This is the part where adapting the screenplay into a book got hard”
Chapter 16, Justice or “Girlfriend in a coma/I know it’s serious”
Chapter 17, The Lovers or “Shot through the heart/and you’re to blame/darlin’ you give love a bad name”
Chapter 18, The Chariot (part one) or “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”
Chapter 18, The Chariot (part two) or “No One Is Responsible For Their Actions”
Chapter 19, Death (part one) or “Super easy, barely an inconvenience.”
Chapter 19, Death (part two) or “THAT’S IT I’M SETTING THIS BLOG AND THEN MYSELF ON FIRE.”
Chapter 20, Judgment or “Aptly named, considering what I’m about to do to it.”
Chapter 21, The World or “You’re never going to guess where the plot finally shows up.”
Bonus: Jenny reads the HfM screenplay.
JENNY READS FIFTY SHADES OF MIDNIGHT SUN:
Incomplete due the book just being so incredibly disturbing.
Monday, May 9, 2011, or, “Return of The Chedward”
Saturday, May 14, 2011, or “Lack of situational awareness makes our hero look like a serial killer.”
Sunday, May 15, 2011, or “The impossible has occurred: Ana is suddenly tolerable”
Thursday May 19, 2011, or “Misogylicious!”
Friday, May 20, 2011 or “The Hero Portland Needs”
Saturday, May 21, 2011 part one, part two, part three, part four
Sunday, May 22, 2011 part one, part two, part three
This is the only recap ever started out of sheer personal spite after the author took the side of a shady scam of a publishing house for suing a blogger who’d written an exposé on the company not paying its authors.
Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 • Chapter 10 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 12 • Chapter 13 • Chapter 14 • Chapter 15 • Chapter 16 • Chapter 17 • Chapter 18 • Chapter 19 • Chapter 20 • Chapters 21 and 22
JENNY READS AFTER.
This recap was abandoned after I learned more of the circumstances surrounding the author and the acquisition/publication of her book.
Did you come here looking for my in-depth sporknalysis of 50 Shades of Grey? Allow me to provide you with handy links to all of it. At the bottom, you will find links to stand-alone posts about 50 Shades of Grey. Posts are imported from older blogs, hence the lack of comments when I address comments within posts.
Audio recaps courtesy of Beneath The Hat.
JENNY READS 50 SHADES OF GREY:
DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL, ALL OR MOST OF THE IMAGES IN THE 50 SHADES OF GREY RECAP ARE NOW GONE. THIS IS A SITUATION THAT I WILL TRY TO SLOWLY BUT SURELY RECTIFY, HOWEVER MOST ARE LOST FOREVER. SORRY ABOUT THAT. DON’T EVER DELETE A WORDPRESS BLOG.
Chapter 1: Ana is the shittiest friend ever. Audio
Chapter 2: Shopping for a serial killer’s birthday Audio
Chapter 3: Bike accidents get me squirrely in the pants. Audio
Chapter 4: Everybody wants Ana even though she’s terrible Audio
Chapter 5: Ian Sommerhalder, what are you doing?! Audio
Chapter 6: Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful helicopter and sex dungeon Audio
Chapter 7: I wish the whole book was as short as this chapter Audio
Chapter 8: This one time, I fucked a girl so hard she turned into a pirate Audio
Chapter 9: Back like a mysterious rash Audio
Chapter 10: Hot and cold running dick Audio
Chapter 11: Sign here. And here. Initial here. Are you getting hot yet? Audio
Chapter 12: Untitled, full of Wonka Audio
Chapter 13: That one time when Jen started drinking at seven in the morning to get through a recap Audio
Chapter 14: I’m pretty sure I’ve read this book before, but with vampires in it.
Chapter 15: I’m halfway done!
Chapter 16: Shit just got real
Chapter 17: Night of the moth
Chapter 18: “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up”
Chapter 19: Now with 100% more television references
Chapter 20: “Behind the boathouse/I’ll show you my dark secret”
Chapter 21: She’s leaving on a first-class flight to Georgia
Chapter 22: Mrs. Robinson on my mind
Chapter 23: Red dawn
Chapter 24: Hipster Beethoven
Chapter 25: DTF
Chapter 26: I’m a survivor, I did not give up, I did not stop, I’m gonna drink now
JENNY READS 50 SHADES DARKER:
Chapter 1: This totally wasn’t one long fanfic cut into three parts in a desperate money grab.
Chapter 2: Kinky Fuckery
Chapter 3: All hail King Jerkface
Chapter 4: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson
Chapter 5: Everything is unrealistic, because it’s more dramatic that way.
Chapter 6: Party Poopers
Chapter 7: Nothing says romance like forced birth control
Chapter 8: I won’t participate in the plot and you can’t make me!
Chapter 9: Isn’t that how Natalie Wood died?
Chapter 10: So little conflict, so many words.
Chapter 11: Right makes might
Chapter 12: Piano for Dummies
Chapter 13: My precioussss
Chapter 14: Yes, but what about the Volturi?
Chapter 15: 50 Shades Derper
Chapter 16: A Treatise on Spreader Bars and Human Anatomy, with a Focus on Physics
Chapter 17: The One About The Car
Chapter 18: 50 Shades’s Greatest Hits
Chapter 19: 50’s Greatest Hits Vol. II
Chapter 20: I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with someone who doesn’t have a helicopter or a yacht.
Chapter 21: The shorty skirt catches the worm
Chapter 22: Every episode of Dynasty, ever.
JENNY READS 50 SHADES FREED
Chapter 1: MINE.
Chapter 2: The one where they almost do peeing stuff
Chapter 3: Wherein Jenny uses the fuck word nonstop for thirty pages
Chapter 4: Tickle-me Chedward
Chapter 5: False Tension Blowout! (ft. the most boring car chase of all time)
Chapter 6: In Praise of Vague Anal
Chapter 7: Are you fucking kidding me? Starring Kristen Wiig.
Chapter 8: Guys, you’re going to need a cigarette, for real.
Chapter 9: Fuck this, just fuck all of it.
Chapter 10: Merlin edition
Chapter 11: The chapter where there was nothing funny to say, because it was too fucking sad.
Chapter 12: How’s your Aspen?
Chapter 13: Ana is the only gay in the village.
Chapter 14: My god. My god, there is something correct in this book.
Chapter 15: Take the blue pill, it’s just better that way.
Chapter 16: Blind to Recursion
Chapter 17: Grey’s Anatomy
Chapter 18: It wasn’t called “Jack & Karen, but it should have been.”
Chapter 19: I did not see that coming
Chapter 20: This is definitely not an abusive relationship.
Chapter 21: Lysistrata
Chapter 22: A dumbass walks into a bank
Chapter 23: THE FOG
Chapter 24: How very dare you save my sister’s life!
Chapter 25: My race is almost run
Epilogue: : This is what E.L. James has wrought, and we all have to live with it.
JENNY BLOGS ABOUT 50 SHADES: