Jealous Hater Book Club


Jenny Trout

Jenny reads books with a reputation for having problematic content, poor writing, or ethical  weirdness. Then she tells you about what’s in them so you don’t have to spend your money or time on them.

Currently Reading: Grey by E.L. James


Monday, May 9, 2011, or, “Return of The Chedward”
Saturday, May 14, 2011, or “Lack of situational awareness makes our hero look like a serial killer.”
Sunday, May 15, 2011, or “The impossible has occurred: Ana is suddenly tolerable”
Thursday May 19, 2011, or “Misogylicious!”
Friday, May 20, 2011 or “The Hero Portland Needs”
Saturday, May 21, 2011 part one, part two, part three, part four
Sunday, May 22, 2011 part one, part two, part three


Chapter 1 Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 Chapter 5 • Chapter 6   Chapter 7  • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9  • Chapter 10 Chapter 11 • Chapter 12 • Chapter 13 • Chapter 14 Chapter 15 • Chapter 16 • Chapter 17 • Chapter 18 • Chapter 19 • Chapter 20 • Chapters 21 and 22


Chapters 1 –  3, “The Best Girl Ever” 

Chapters 4 – 6, “You don’t know you’re beautiful/that’s what makes you horrible.”

Chapters 7 – 9, “Big ass party with a crowded kitchen/people talk shh but it’s just Tessa’s internal monologue.”

Chapters 10 – 12, “Don’t forget where you belong (at this party, forever).”

Did you come here looking for my in-depth sporknalysis of 50 Shades of Grey? Allow me to provide you with handy links to all of it. At the bottom, you will find links to stand-alone posts about 50 Shades of Grey. Posts are imported from older blogs, hence the lack of comments when I address comments within posts.

Audio recaps courtesy of Beneath The Hat.



Chapter 1: Ana is the shittiest friend ever.   Audio
Chapter 2: Shopping for a serial killer’s birthday Audio
Chapter 3: Bike accidents get me squirrely in the pants. Audio
Chapter 4: Everybody wants Ana even though she’s terrible Audio
Chapter 5: Ian Sommerhalder, what are you doing?! Audio
Chapter 6: Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful helicopter and sex dungeon Audio
Chapter 7: I wish the whole book was as short as this chapter Audio
Chapter 8: This one time, I fucked a girl so hard she turned into a pirate Audio
Chapter 9: Back like a mysterious rash Audio
Chapter 10: Hot and cold running dick Audio
Chapter 11: Sign here. And here. Initial here. Are you getting hot yet? Audio
Chapter 12: Untitled, full of Wonka Audio
Chapter 13: That one time when Jen started drinking at seven in the morning to get through a recap Audio
Chapter 14: I’m pretty sure I’ve read this book before, but with vampires in it.
Chapter 15: I’m halfway done!
Chapter 16: Shit just got real
Chapter 17: Night of the moth
Chapter 18: “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up”
Chapter 19: Now with 100% more television references
Chapter 20: “Behind the boathouse/I’ll show you my dark secret”
Chapter 21: She’s leaving on a first-class flight to Georgia
Chapter 22: Mrs. Robinson on my mind
Chapter 23: Red dawn
Chapter 24: Hipster Beethoven
Chapter 25: DTF
Chapter 26: I’m a survivor, I did not give up, I did not stop, I’m gonna drink now


Chapter 1: This totally wasn’t one long fanfic cut into three parts in a desperate money grab.
Chapter 2: Kinky Fuckery
Chapter 3: All hail King Jerkface
Chapter 4: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson
Chapter 5: Everything is unrealistic, because it’s more dramatic that way.
Chapter 6: Party Poopers
Chapter 7: Nothing says romance like forced birth control
Chapter 8: I won’t participate in the plot and you can’t make me!
Chapter 9: Isn’t that how Natalie Wood died?
Chapter 10: So little conflict, so many words.
Chapter 11: Right makes might
Chapter 12: Piano for Dummies
Chapter 13: My precioussss
Chapter 14: Yes, but what about the Volturi?
Chapter 15: 50 Shades Derper
Chapter 16: A Treatise on Spreader Bars and Human Anatomy, with a Focus on Physics
Chapter 17: The One About The Car
Chapter 18: 50 Shades’s Greatest Hits
Chapter 19: 50′s Greatest Hits Vol. II
Chapter 20: I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with someone who doesn’t have a helicopter or a yacht.
Chapter 21: The shorty skirt catches the worm
Chapter 22: Every episode of Dynasty, ever.


Chapter 1: MINE.
Chapter 2: The one where they almost do peeing stuff
Chapter 3: Wherein Jenny uses the fuck word nonstop for thirty pages
Chapter 4: Tickle-me Chedward
Chapter 5: False Tension Blowout! (ft. the most boring car chase of all time)
Chapter 6: In Praise of Vague Anal
Chapter 7: Are you fucking kidding me? Starring Kristen Wiig.
Chapter 8: Guys, you’re going to need a cigarette, for real.
Chapter 9: Fuck this, just fuck all of it.
Chapter 10: Merlin edition
Chapter 11: The chapter where there was nothing funny to say, because it was too fucking sad.
Chapter 12: How’s your Aspen?
Chapter 13: Ana is the only gay in the village.
Chapter 14: My god. My god, there is something correct in this book.
Chapter 15: Take the blue pill, it’s just better that way.
Chapter 16: Blind to Recursion
Chapter 17: Grey’s Anatomy
Chapter 18: It wasn’t called “Jack & Karen, but it should have been.”
Chapter 19: I did not see that coming
Chapter 20: This is definitely not an abusive relationship.
Chapter 21: Lysistrata
Chapter 22: A dumbass walks into a bank
Chapter 23: THE FOG
Chapter 24: How very dare you save my sister’s life!
Chapter 25: My race is almost run
Epilogue: : This is what E.L. James has wrought, and we all have to live with it.


An open letter to 50 Shades of Grey fans and ardent defenders

50 Shades and Abusive relationships

Why BDSM doesn’t need 50 Shades defenders

44 thoughts on “Jealous Hater Book Club

  1. Hi Jenny! My hubby and I decided to join you in your quest through the “Buffyverse”. So when we hit Angel season1 episode 4, I had to come tell you about it! It’s titled “I fall to pieces”. You’re probably wondering why I’m putting this here but if you watch it I think you’ll get it. The girl in need is Melissa (a much smarter version of Ana) and the dastardly villian is a derange rich neurosugeon who shares many ummmm… “protective” tendencies as our dear Christian. In the first fifteen minutes we find out that Melissa is smarter than Ana because she actually saw Dr. Do-no-good for what he is instead of thinking stalking is the height of romance. So she hires our beloved vamp for help. I think you’ll it as much as we did!!!! Thanks for all you do! ~Cindy

  2. Pingback: Beneath the Hat
  3. I can’t wait for the last few chapters of “50 Shades Freed” to be posted!!! Reading your chapter by chapter recaps make my day and validate everything I’ve ever said, thought, and felt about this disgusting plague of literary shit to ever befall the human race! Thank you for being awesome!!!

  4. By the way Jenny, Kate did the audio for three more re-caps. You should totally link her ’cause she is so amazing. Your recaps, plus her awesome audio = pure awesomeness

  5. Whenever I read your recaps I can’t help but imagine Christian and Ana to be my boyfriend and I. It’s driving me nuts because I know it’s due to the transparancy of these stupid characters. It just makes the whole thing even more disturbing because I feel involved now. ._.

  6. I don’t believe this is a love story nor is the true ending a happy one. I think there must be a reason why EL James uses symbolic references like Icarus, Tess, The Doomed Courtesan. Why is she referencing tragedy ?

    How can someone like Christian change in such a short space of time ? How can a person change in 26 days (since they met to the time he proposes to Ana) ? Tell me does that sound logical to you ?

    “How can your compulsion just go, Christian? Like I’m some kind of panacea, and you’re—for want of a better word—cured? I don’t get it.”
    He sighs once more. “I wouldn’t say cured . . . You don’t believe me?”
    “I just find it—unbelievable. Which is different.” Fifty Shades of. Grey Darker.
    See what I mean ? Ana doesn’t believe it too !

    There must be something more to it. In fact I believe the BDSM is a distraction for the real issue.

    Here is my theory to explain the absurd timeline and to prove to people it isn’t truly love and Christian’s apparent change (“As we talk. It strikes me that he’s turned from Hardy’s Alec to Angel. debasement to high ideal in such a short space of time”). I had to go down to the subtextual level like I would with any Hardy novel- look at subtextual and intent and read all the clues. Tell me what do you think ?

    Christian’s Pov
    “Are you gay, Mr. Grey ?”
    Shit! that’s going to be in a newspaper. People are going to start questioning, maybe they’ll find out about my lifestyle. Fuck !I don’t want that – it could really tarnish my perfect public image and it would be bad for business. Okay, damage control… Let’s see .. I can’t use any of subs or give them more because they are trained and people would recognise them as belonging to that LIFESTYLE – maybe I’ll use Ana Steele – she doesn’t have one assertive bone in her body- she can be trained as my sub, she’s a virgin, no boyfriend -never had one (press would think we dated all along in secret) and she looks like my crack whore mother- perfect. I will take every photo opportunity to pose with her so the press would know I am not gay. I will give her more … “Have you had to sacrifice your family life for work, Mr Grey” – Fucking great idea, bag yourself a trophy wife and a family say in five months- the world would love the wholesome family man image. Make this trophy wife believe in this illusion( remember the poster on the wall The Matrix, Fight Club, Truman Show). She is an idiot who can’t put two and two together anyway. Strong woman ?!!! What woman needs an assistant to take care of scheduling her own birth control shots ???

    All this is merely Christian’s diabolical plan to conceal his BDSM lifestyle. Ana is just the woman who walked in with the right criteria at the right time to be his fulfil the trophy wife role. This adequately explains the short space of time and his so called change.

    Grey solved … And that’s romantic hero, ladies !!! Christian doesn’t give Ana the space or time to think clearly.

    Trouton Abstract may hold a clue.
    “They are exquisite – a series of mundane, forgotten objects painted in such precise detail they look like photographs. Displayed together, they are breathtaking.”

    Look like photographs – deception -image of something- superficial view (Ana’s)- erotic romance

    But painted – has some real element or truth behind the illusion (Christian’s) – a diabolical plan of deceit.

    Forgotten objects- when we let our desires over rule our jugdement – Icarus- we lose our true selves, our moral core.

    Tess represents – true self.
    Angel – image, idealism. Public self
    Alec – corruption

    Ana – desire
    Christian – corruption of the truth, image and illusion.

    Ana can be easily corrupted because her values are misplaced – her inner Goddess is actually her libido.

    Appearance versus reality.

    Ana should have ran away – like Icarus she was she so overcome by that giddy feeling of desire that she couldn’t see danger ahead. That’s the recklessness of youth – if only she listened. “A strong woman who recklessly throws away her strength, she is worse than a weak woman who has never had any strength to throw away.” Tess of the D’urbervilles – Thomas Hardy

    If you want the tragic factor, look at the history behind Elena, history always repeats itself to Hardy.

  7. It would have been nice if the real Americans had noticed or even bought or gasp even read 50 Shades. sigh Too late now but you think the brits would have included a little foresight before they make junk like this up about the Americans.

  8. If your books are even half as funny as this blog, I’m going to have to go out and buy ALL of them. (I’m also totally feeling your depression-be-gone playlist, but that’s neither here nor there.)

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