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50 Shades Freed chapter 20 recap, or “This is definitely not an abusive relationship.”

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Ugh.

Ana has just found out she’s pregnant. And it’s unexpected:

A baby. I don’t want a baby… not yet. Fuck. And I know deep down that Christian is going to freak.

Okay, so, unplanned pregnancies are the worst. Believe me on this one. I know. I got pregnant with my son three months into my relationship with my husband. So… wait… just a hair under the length of time Ana has been with Chedward. And when I found out I was pregnant, I really did think, Joe is going to freak. But I never thought half the things Ana is going to think in this chapter.

I nod mutely at the good doctor as she hands me a glass of water from her conveniently placed water cooler.

It matches all the conveniently placed plot elements.

“We could do an ultrasound to see how advanced the pregnancy is. Judging by your reaction, I suspect you’re just a couple of weeks or so from conception – four or five weeks pregnant. […]”

Okay, first of all, is a patient’s shocked reaction really a reliable indicator of gestational age? I’d hate to be the lady having a baby on the toilet because I didn’t know I was pregnant, only to show up at the hospital and have Dr. Greene say, “Well, judging from your reaction, you’re very newly pregnant!” Second, I know that pregnancy “weeks” are determined from the first date of your last menstrual period, ergo you could have conceived two weeks ago and be five weeks pregnant, but then Dr. Greene asks Ana if she’s been having her period, and she says no… so how does the doctor come up with this estimate?

I nod, bewildered, and Dr. Greene directs me toward a black leather exam table behind a screen.

This isn’t how doctors’ offices in America are set up. Most of the time, exam rooms are separate from where the doctor’s desk is. But since Dr. Greene was cool with just sticking a cup of pee on her desk in the last chapter, I guess she’s into open floor plan medicine or something.

“This is a transvaginal ultrasound. If you’re only just pregnant, we should be able to find the baby with this.” She holds up a long white probe.

Oh, you have got to be kidding!

Then Doctor Greene tells Ana to relax and…

Slowly and gently she inserts the probe.

Holy fuck!

Leaving aside the fact that this scene reads like lesbian gynecological fetish porn, I’m dying at the idea of this probe being so scary and big and awful. This is a transvaginal ultrasound probe:

intra-vaginal-ultrasound-probe

I love that I had to click “Insert into post” to put this picture here.

Only about four inches of the probe is insertable, and it’s about as big around as a super absorbent tampon. So, you know. Let’s make an unkind correlation here between Chedward’s dick size the giant, terrifying 4″ probe as big around as a thumb.

So, Ana sees the “little blip” on the ultrasound screen and she’s immediately like, “It’s a baby!” just like in every Anti-Choice midwestern grandmother’s fantasy of how forced ultrasounds prevent abortion, and Dr. Greene says:

“It’s too early to see the heartbeat, but yes, you’re definitely pregnant. Four or five weeks, I would say.” She frowns. “Looks like the shot ran out early. Oh well, that happens sometimes.”

What in the actual fuck, lady?! Did they teach you that at med school? Pro-tip: if you’re doing a transvaginal ultrasound on a woman who isn’t happy about her unplanned pregnancy, “Oh well” should not be in your fucking vocabulary. “Oh well, that happens sometimes,” is what you tell a kid who’s favorite tv program is preempted by breaking news. It’s not what you say to someone who is pregnant with an unwanted baby.

Dr. People Skills prints out a photo for Ana, then tells her to come back in four weeks so they can figure out the age of the fetus and assign a due date. Okay… so what was the ultrasound for, if not to do all of that? You can set a due date right now. She’s either four or five weeks pregnant. You can give her a ballpark, and besides, even when you give her the due date, it will probably change when Chedward demands that she not go into labor until his security team has finished moving room to room through the hospital, neutralizing perceived threats.

Ana is freaking out about having a baby before thirty, and as she leaves the office she thinks:

Christian is going to freak, I know, but how much and how far, I have no idea. His words haunt me. “I’m not ready to share you yet.” I pull my jacket tighter around me, trying to shake off the cold.

Hey, remember that whole “Let’s look at a checklist of abusive relationship symptoms” game we all played during the first book? Wasn’t that fun? Let’s do it again. In this one tiny excerpt, we have:

  • Do you feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • Does your partner have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • Does your partner act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • Does your partner see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

That’s in three sentences. Ana is afraid because she doesn’t know “how far” Christian is going to go when she tells him she’s pregnant. When she tells her husband, who has stated on numerous occasions that he wants to someday have a family, that she’s pregnant, he might go “too far.” WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH WOMEN WHO FEEL THIS IS ROMANTIC?

Just in case you were worried this was going to go unpredictably feminist or anything, E.L. throws in some anti-choice bullshit:

Perhaps I shouldn’t tell Christian. Perhaps I… perhaps I should end this. I halt my thoughts on that dark path, alarmed at the direction they’re taking. Instinctively my hand sweeps down to rest protectively over my belly. No. My little Blip. Tears spring to my eyes. What am I going to do?

I’m trying hard to be sympathetic to Ana as a woman getting hit with the bombshell of unintended pregnancy while she’s in an abusive relationship. But it’s difficult when her internal monologue has certain adjectives and adverbs in it. Like “dark.” And “instinctively,” and “protectively.” E.L. James is trying to show the reader than Ana is already a mother – a protective mother with good motherly instincts – and therefore she can’t even think of abortion as an option. She can’t even say “abortion” in her head. That word is the end of a “dark path” a good mother wouldn’t go down. This doesn’t even make me angry. It makes me really sad. Because sometimes, the best way to protect the child is to have an abortion.

Ana has a very cliche daydream about a little boy who looks just like Christian cavorting in a meadow while she and Christian hold hands. And then she thinks about this happening:

My vision morphs into Christian turning away from me in disgust. I’m fat and awkward, heavy with child. He paces the long hall of mirrors, away from me, the sound of his footsteps echoing off the silvered glass, walls, and floor. Christian…

I. Cannot. Wait. To see this sequence on film. I want to fly to L.A. to attend the goddamned premier just to see this scene. It is literally all I have ever wanted, without knowing it. It’s going to be worse than the wedding nightmare Bella had in Breaking Dawn pt. 1. I’m actually crying a little imagining the joy I’m going to have watching those words transform into visuals.

Ana goes back to the office, where she accepts her responsibility in her birth control screw up:

“Ana, great to see you. How’s your dad?” Hannah asks as soon as I reach my office. I regard her coolly.

He’s better, thank you. Can I see you in my office?”

“Sure.” She looks surprised as she follows me in. “Is everything okay?”

“I need to know if you’ve moved or canceled any appointments with Dr. Greene.”

“Dr. Greene? Yes, I have. About two or three of them. Mostly because you were in other meetings or running late. Why?”

Because now I’m fucking pregnant! I scream at her in my head. I take a deep, steadying breath. “If you move any appointments, will you make sure I know? I don’t always check my calendar.”

“Sure,” Hannah says quietly. “I’m sorry. Have I done something wrong?”

I shake my head and sigh loudly.

Everyone has had that boss that tells you to do something and later yells at you for doing it. Ana is that boss. She has told Hannah to move appointments. Hannah has tried to tell Ana about appointments she’s moved. And now Ana is blaming her pregnancy on her assistant, because Ana is too stubborn to just look at her damned calendar like a grown-up.

“You see that woman?” I talk quietly to the blip. “She might be the reason you’re here.”

No. You switched birth control methods three times in four months, from condoms to the pill to Depo, without using a backup, because your spoiled man-child husband doesn’t like using condoms. This is why you’re pregnant.

I shake my head, exasperated at myself and Hannah… though deep down I know I can’t really blame Hannah.

And knowing that makes everything you just scolded her about go magically away, right? No need at all to apologize. Oh, and spoiler alert, she doesn’t apologize for the way she just treated Hannah. She gets on her computer and emails Christian with one-word replies so he’ll sense something is wrong, but she doesn’t tell him what.

Hey, ready for the domestic violence warning sign funtimes again?

When will I tell him? Tonight? Maybe after sex? Maybe during sex. No, that might be dangerous for both of us. When he’s asleep? I put my head in my hands. What the hell am I going to do?

  • Does your partner hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?

Ana believes it will be dangerous to tell her husband she’s pregnant, because in the past he’s admitted that he enjoys hurting her.

Let’s really sit and meditate on that thought a minute. I read a forum thread yesterday that a tweep passed on to me. Women were specifically discussing this chapter, and Christian’s reaction to the pregnancy. Many of them said that when Ana found out she was pregnant, they cried because they knew Christian was going to freak out and possibly hurt her. But the running theme through most of the discussion was that Ana is a strong woman, and she can handle Christian, and they so admired her for this. So, this whole time I’ve been thinking that women who love these books have been brainwashed by society into not recognizing abuse. I was wrong. They recognize that Christian is abusive. They just apparently think a “strong woman” can change an abuser.

If you were waiting for a good reason to drink yourself to death, well. Merry fucking Christmas in July.

Christian picks up Ana after work – hey, what happened to the R8 he just bought her?

  • Does your partner limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

So, she’s still getting picked up by Christian like this is preschool. Christian knows stuff is wrong, and Ana thinks:

Maybe now? I could tell him now when we’re in a contained space and Taylor is with us.

She wants to tell him when Taylor, the armed bodyguard, is there to protect her. BUT THIS IS ALL OKAY AND TOTALLY ROMANTIC.

“Ana, what’s wrong?” His tone is a little more forceful, and I chicken out.

  • Do you avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

Plus, Chedward, you’re on the way to visit her dad in the hospital. Like, less than a week ago he experienced cardiac arrest due to massive internal bleeding caused by a traumatic and violent car crash. You should definitely yell at Ana until she tells you what’s wrong, because there’s no possible way you could figure it out on your own.

Christian notices that Ana’s hand is cold, and he asks her if she’s eaten:

Well, I haven’t eaten because I know you’re going to go bat-shit crazy when I tell you I’m pregnant.

Several smarty-pants commenters have pointed out ways that Ana seems like she could have an eating disorder. You can add this one to your list. She’s afraid of his reaction, so she exerts control over her life the only way she can.

“Do you want me to add ‘feed my wife’ to the security detail’s list of duties?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll eat. It’s just been a weird day. You know, moving Dad and all.”

His lips press into a hard line, but he says nothing.

Your dad nearly dying, then being airlifted unnecessarily to a different city for my convenience is no excuse for you to buck my total, authoritarian control, Ana. And this is all boding super well for my parenting skills later, for I am the great Chedward, and all I do is just and true.

Christian interrupts my reverie. “I may have to go to Taiwan.”

“Oh. When?”

“Later this week. Maybe next week.”

“Okay.”

“I want you to come with me.”

I swallow. “Christian, please. I have my job. Let’s not rehash this argument again.”

He sighs and pouts like a sulky teenager. “Thought I’d ask,” he mutters petulantly.

That’s not asking. That’s telling her, “I want you to come with me.”

  • Does your partner control where you go or what you do?
  • Does your partner  ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

Oh, Ana. You and your “job” I so graciously let you keep. Chedward doesn’t want a wife. He wants a fucking pet he can dope up for the flight to Taiwan.

Ray is much brighter and a lot less grumpy when we see him. I’m touched by his quiet gratitude to Christian, and for a moment I forget about my impending news as I sit and listen to them talk fishing and the Mariners. But he tires easily.

If I had to talk about the same two subjects every time I got a moment of page time, I’d tire easily, too. Doesn’t Ray have any interests besides fishing and sports? Oh, of course not! He’s a man! And more importantly, he’s a man who isn’t Christian Grey, so he doesn’t need layers.

When they leave, Ana has this stomach-turning goodbye with her father:

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I kiss him. My subconscious purses her lips. That’s provided Christian hasn’t locked you away… or worse. My spirits take a nosedive.

“Come.” Christian holds out his hand, frowning at me. I take it and we leave the hospital.

You know, I’ve had my differences with that stuck-up b-word in the past, but now I’m Team Subconscious. She’s straight up telling Ana she’s going to get murdered and never see her dad again, because Christian is just that fucking scary.

This is how I’m imagining Ana’s subconscious right now:

you in danger girl

So, at home, over dinner, Ana tells Christian she’s pregnant. And it goes… not great. He asks her how, and bypassing the obvious answer, he jumps to:

“Your shot?” he snarls.

Oh shit.

“Did you forget your shot?”

Did she forget it? Or was she too busy dealing with all the drama and bullshit that goes along with be Mrs. Grey that she got too fucking busy to go get her shot? I mean, would she have even been allowed out of the house, or is it too dangerous?

“Christ, Ana!” He bangs his fist on the table, making me jump, and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining chair over. “You have one thing, one thing to remember. Shit! I don’t fucking believe it. How could you be so stupid?”

Apart from the fact that Ana being stupid isn’t a new development here,

one job

Stupid! I gasp. Shit. I want to tell him that the shot was ineffective, but words fail me.

Okay, but the shot wasn’t ineffective, Ana. You never got the follow up shot.

“I know the timing’s not very good.”

“Not very good!” he shouts. “We’ve known each other five fucking minutes! I wanted to show you the fucking world and now… Fuck. Diapers and vomit and shit!”

Five fucking minutes is long enough to get married, though? And what’s this about wanting to show her the world, but now he has to deal with vomit and shit? Do people not vomit and shit in the parts of the world he’s going to show her?

“Did you forget? Tell me. Or did you do this on purpose?” His eyes blaze and anger emanates off him like a force field.

“No,” I whisper. I can’t tell him about Hannah – he’d fire her.

HANNAH DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, BOTH OF YOU, YOU FUCKING CHILDREN! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! IF YOU HAVE SEX, SOMETIMES PREGNANCY HAPPENS! YOU KNOW THIS! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!

“This is why. This is why I like control. So shit like this doesn’t come along and fuck everything up.”

Guys who really like control and don’t want this to happen? Use condoms.

No… Little Blip. “Christian, please don’t shout at me.” Tears start to slip down my face.

“Don’t start with waterworks now,” he snaps. “Fuck.”

  • Does your partner humiliate or yell at you?
  • Does your partner criticize you and put you down?

He runs a hand through his hair, pulling at it as he does. “You think I’m ready to be a father?” His voice catches, and it’s a mixture of rage and panic.

And it all becomes clear, the fear and loathing writ large in his eyes – his rage is that of a powerless adolescent. Oh, Fifty, I am so sorry. It’s a shock for me, too.

So, as long as we can blame his shitty behavior on past abuse, that totally justifies it. Good. Glad we cleared that up.

Christian gets pissed off and storms out of the apartment, and Mrs. Jones comes in to comfort Ana:

“I heard. I’m sorry,” she says gently. “Would you like an herbal tea or something?”

My abusive husband just walked out on me after throwing a temper tantrum about the fact that I’m pregnant. Yeah, bitch, get me a Snapple, that should fix everything.

“I’d like a glass of white wine.”

Mrs. Jones pauses for a fraction of a second, and I remember Blip. Now I can’t drink alcohol. Can I? I must study the dos and don’ts Dr. Greene gave me.

I thought “no alcohol” was a pretty obvious one in this day and age, but a less obvious one? No herbal teas, unless they’re mommy safe. I was going through a tea phase when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I learned to my horror that many herbal tea bags you can buy in the grocery store contain herbs that are known abortificants.

Holy crap. Double Jeez. No alcohol? For Ana? She’s never going to make it.

Mrs. Jones tries to get Ana to eat something, but she won’t. She goes to the library and reads the pamphlets Dr. Greene gave her while justifying and rationalizing staying with a man who is clearly abusive and unstable:

I can’t concentrate. Christian’s never walked out on me before. He’s been so thoughtful and kind over the last few days, so loving and now… Suppose he never comes back? Shit! Perhaps I should call Flynn. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. He’s so fragile in so many ways, and I knew he’d react badly to the news.

  • Do you  feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

Also, apparently Dr. Flynn is so fragile in so many ways. Pronoun agreement, yo.

He was so sweet this weekend. All those circumstances way beyond his control, yet he managed  fine. But this news was too much.

Ever since I met him, my life has been complicated. Is it him? Is it the two of us together? Suppose he doesn’t get past this? Suppose he wants a divorce?

That would be the best thing that ever happened to you, Ana.

He’ll be back. I know he will. I know, regardless of the shouting and his harsh words, that he loves me… yes. And he’ll love you, too, Little Blip.

Yeah, the best fix for an abusive man is to make him a father. That fixes everything, in 100% of all cases.

Ana falls asleep in her chair, and when she wakes up, Christian still isn’t back, so she texts him to see where he is.

I head into the bathroom and run myself a bath. I am so cold.

  • Do you feel emotionally numb or helpless?

In fairness, she could be cold from not eating, as that was Christian’s tip-off in the car that she hadn’t eaten anything. Which means that Ana is so close to the verge of starvation that she can’t maintain her body temperature if she misses a couple meals. This pregnancy thing might just sort itself out, and then we can all go home.

After her bath, Christian still isn’t back, so Ana puts on a nightgown and wanders the apartment.

On my way, I pop into the spare bedroom. Perhaps this could be Little Blip’s room. I am started by the thought and stand in the doorway, contemplating this reality.

The reality in which you forget about the whole “we’re building a house with a sexually aggressive architect” subplot? Or the reality in which your bundle of joy will sleep in a room one used by your husband’s contracted conquests?

Ana is asleep in the great room when Christian stumbles in:

Shit, Christian drunk? I know how much he hates drunks.

Unless he’s coercing them into sex.

So, he’s home, he’s sloppy drunk and trying to get Ana to fuck him, and a thought occurs to me… where was Taylor? I thought Christian and Ana led such an exotic and dangerous life that to even step a single foot out the door of their apartment without a fully armed staff of trained killers was to invite death at the hands of the many nefarious villains all twiddling their mustaches and trying to murder them. If Ana goes out for a drink with friends while accompanied by two bodyguards, the narrative threatens her with rape and kidnapping. If the author were making both characters play by the rules, Christian should be dead now. Since he isn’t, we must then assume that Ana isn’t in any danger from these supposed threats at all.

“Christian, I think you need some sleep.”

“And so it begins. I’ve heard about this.”

I frown. “Heard about what?”

“Babies mean no sex.”

Yup. It’s the baby’s fault. Not the fact that you had a violent outburst, terrified your wife, then left and came home crazy drunk. It’s the baby.

Christian has another one of those haunted expressions that remind Ana that he was abused as a child, so it must be a day ending in Y. Ana gets him undressed while he talks in an exaggerated drunk dialect not unlike Otis on Mayberry RFD:

“I like the feel of this fabric on you, Anastay-shia,” he says, slurring his words. “You should always be in satin or silk.”

casket lining

“And we have an invader in here.”

I stop breathing. Holy cow. He’s talking to Little Blip.

“You’re going to keep me awake, aren’t you?” he says to my belly.

Oh my. Christian looks up at me through his long dark lashes, gray eyes blurred and cloudy. My heart constricts.

“You’ll choose him over me,” he says sadly.

So, Chedward is already jealous of the baby. That’s a good sign.

“Christian, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Don’t be ridiculous – I am not choosing anyone over anyone. And he might be a she.”

I hope she is, for her sake. Because if she’s a he, and his penis touches the inside of Ana’s vagina during delivery, Christian will have to murder him. And Ana, of course, since she cheated on him.

I have managed to loosen his tie.

I have managed to loosen strangle him with his tie. There, I fixed it for you, Ana.

Ana looks at Christian and realizes that he’s handsome, so obviously, that goes a long way toward excusing his behavior. Also, he has a happy trail and she kisses it, because gosh, it’s so sexy when a guy treats you like a fucking dog who should wait at home until he gets back.

While Ana picks up his clothes, she finds his BlackBerry, and a text that reads:

It was good to see you. I understand now.

Don’t fret, you’ll make a wonderful father.

It’s from her. Mrs. Elena Bitch Troll Robinson.

Shit. That’s where he went. He’s been to see her.

Phew, I’m so glad Ana has someone to shift the focus of her anger onto. For a second, I thought she might have to be upset with Chedward. Thank god for Bitch Trolls.

171 Comments

  1. Em
    Em

    Apropos nothing because this chapter made me rage (like most chapters in this trilogy, go figure), but whenever you mention Chedward, I admit my brain immediately goes to Jedward, the Irish pop twins of Eurovision fame… It’s one way to get through this madness, I guess?

    You have my most sincere admiration.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • zee
      zee

      I’d take Jedward over Chedward any day.

      And now I feel dirty.

      July 25, 2013
      |Reply
  2. Hillary
    Hillary

    Oh my god, this chapter was seriously textbook abusive relationship material. It’s astounding to me how many women see this as romance. Christian Grey is the fucking worst.

    Just a brief comment on figuring out weeks of conception and the due date – initially, the fetus’s age is determined by the first day of the last menstrual period, and an estimated due date is then calculated using Naegele’s rule, where you add one year to the first day of the LMP, subtract three months, and then add 7 days. This gives you a rough estimated day of delivery. However, for women who have irregular periods, this can obviously be inaccurate, so a more precise date of conception and date of delivery can be determined at future gyno appointments using fetal measurements as well as physical changes in the woman’s body. Also, while the probe may not be very large, transvaginal ultrasounds can be incredibly uncomfortable, so I can understand Ana not enjoying the experience. It’s also supposed to be performed when the woman has a full bladder to enhance visualization, so how Dr. People Skills was able to see anything clearly is a mystery. Medical accuracy is clearly not EL James’ forte.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Oh, see, I’ve had transvaginal ultrasounds without a full bladder at all. I thought that was an advantage of having that, as opposed to abdominal ultrasounds, which require the full bladder. But yeah, my very first ultrasound was done directly after a pee test, so my bladder was empty.

      As for discomfort, Ana doesn’t express that it’s uncomfortable, the way it’s written makes it sound like she’s reacting to the probe itself and not the procedure. Which is what made me laugh at the notion of Chedward having a 4″ penis the size of a tampon.

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
    • ladyguinevere
      ladyguinevere

      Most definitely not comfortable. I’ve had a bunch due to IVF.

      And as a result, I can expand on the medically inaccurate. Can’t speak for the US, but i. The UK (E. L. James’ frame of reference too), they would never do that so early to check you were pregnant. At that stage it would be pee stick or hcg blood test only. Early pregnancy units don’t like scanning before six or seven weeks or if there has been bleeding they might go to five if necessary because…. it’s too small to see! Frankly, my seven week picture looked barely more than a blip. If she was only four, not gonna be any point in an internal.

      This chapter made me rage more than any other in the book (for the content, not the scan stuff)

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • Ella Bella
        Ella Bella

        Same here. In the US doctors for IVF go right to blood testing. If there’s a positive for HCG, blood is taken a coupe days later to make sure the count goes up. If so, a transvaginal is set up for 5-6 weeks. Before that, the embryo is often too small to see. The benefit to waiting until 6 weeks is that there is also usually a visible heartbeat. But if the embryo can be seen and measured, it can be dated. Ana’s “blip” could be dated. I think James didn’t do that either our of ignorance or as a way to try getting Christian to go down and fall in love with a umping dot on a screen.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
      • False positives are actually really rare for the pee stick, so the u/s isn’t really necessary most of the time. I had a transvaginal u/s with my first and it was awful, but I also had vaginal…I forget the name, but where the vaginal walls get really thin and make sex super painful. Thank God it went away when the baby was born.

        Incidentally, there’s new research that shows you can drink moderately (up to 8 drinks a week) during pregnancy – which makes sense if you consider that most of Europe doesn’t have pregnant women stop drinking. But Ana goes way past moderate, so I’ll be much happier if she stays off entirely.

        Worst pregnancy deprivation was sushi. I made my dad bring sushi to the recovery room both times.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
      • I had an IVF too, and the doctors did an ultrasound pretty early, after the pregnancy was confirmed via HCG blood test. You can’t see the embryo but you can see the bubble (not sure about the correct word, I’m German) in which it’s growing some weeks before the heartbeat is visible.
        But I’m sure that’s not common practice when the child is conceived the “normal” way.

        Anyway, the chapter is horrible and I find it very hard to believe that anyone still believes in the “romantic” relationship after reading about Ana’s fears.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
    • Annie
      Annie

      I think a lot can change from doctor to doctor, ultrasound tech to ultrasound tech, region to region, woman to woman, etc.

      The first time I had a transvaginal ultrasound I was a 17 or 18 year-old virgin and had it done to check for ovarian cysts. It hurt like hell. Didn’t help that the tech was a complete bitch and a male tech kept walking in, standing by my feet and asking the tech doing the sonogram “Why’s she crying?” like I wasn’t even in the room. Any kind of gynecological exam after that gave me panic attacks up until I got pregnant almost 10 years later. So that was fun while going through infertility exams and tests.

      When I found out I was pregnant I was only three-and-a-half weeks pregnant going by ovulation/conception (I have very irregular cycles, so this was a more accurate measurement than last missed period. So, it was roughly a week-and-a-half post-ovulation.) I had an hgc quantitative test done right away and every few days for a week because I was so at risk for miscarriage. I had a “dating ultrasound” (that was actually to check that the baby was growing properly since I was testing incredibly low for some hormones, not really to date the pregnancy. They just call an early or the first ultrasound a dating ultrasound.) done less than 2 weeks later. When the measured the baby in the dating ultrasound he measured exactly 5 weeks 3 days which was exactly how far along I was going by ovulation. I remember because the tech was going by my LMP which made the baby measure 2 weeks too small. Major red flag. She made a concerned face and when I asked what’s wrong she said that it wasn’t growing as much as they’d like. I said “Let me guess, it’s measuring about 5 weeks 3 days?” and she nearly fell out of her chair because I’d “guessed” exactly right.

      I also saw his heartbeat on that first scan, but I was really surprised and I know well it can be hit or miss at that stage.

      So, anyway, all that was to say that yeah, the doc wouldn’t have known how far along she was without doing the ultrasound, and would have been able to tell pretty accurately how far along she was that early. Also, transvaginal ultrasounds can hurt like a bitch and be intimidating, but for a 22-23 year-old sexually active woman I’m going with “probably not pleasant, but not shocking.” I also don’t think the wands are intimidating and I think that’s saying something given my first experience with one.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
  3. Lurker
    Lurker

    Oh mah glob! I just started watching Adventure Time on Netflix! I’m not very far in yet, but I love how episode 6 is all about how you will totally end up killing cute baby animals if you kidnap them and take them home, no matter how adorable they are.

    Also, ohmahglob, PB is totally Starfire from Teen Titans! And how many lumping episodes do I have to wait before Marceline shows up? Seriously, she looks awesome!

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Wholeduck
      Wholeduck

      I’ve just started too! I’ve watched Thank You ninety hundred zillion times, and LSP is my role model. I’d love to see her put the moves on Christian Grey.

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
    • Peppermint Butler
      Peppermint Butler

      Marceline first shows up in series 1 episode 12 “Evicted!”, and she is very awesome especially in series 4.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
    • Adventure Time is soooo mathematical and bloobalooby! Anyone who doesn’t like it is plopdumps. I didn’t know PB was Starfire.

      July 23, 2013
      |Reply
  4. Betty
    Betty

    I am completely amazed that Ana was able to get pregnant in the first place. Given that she is obviously very underweight and, from all indications, has very low body fat, she should have stopped menstruating ages ago. Sooo, Chedward was totally screwing himself by insisting that she eat.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Fem
      Fem

      I was going to say she has thyroid issues, I assume that’s the reason I turn blue after missing 1 meal (and I’m overweight, also because of the thyroid, so it’s not my lack of body fat), but I stopped menstruating the moment my thyroid acted up. So that too would have made it very unlikely for her to get pregnant.

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
    • Erin
      Erin

      It can be done. I’m severely underweight with a body fat percentage in the single digits, and I’ve never stopped menstruating. The other underweight women in my family have gotten pregnant even at absurdly low weight and body fat levels. They usually lost the baby around the second or third month, though, so between that and the stress, I’d be surprised if Ana managed to carry this pregnancy to term. That’s what tends to scare me the worst: not that I might get pregnant by accident, but that I’d miscarry because of my weight. It’s why I’m so obsessive about birth control.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
  5. Jessica
    Jessica

    I can honestly say I have not been this angry in I don’t know how long. How on Earth can anyone call this man romantic??? I honestly feel sick right now. And all that anti-choice bs??? It makes me want to punch something. Or more accurately a couple of fictional characters…

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  6. Wholeduck
    Wholeduck

    No abuse around here. Nope. Not an ounce.

    I can’t get the image out of my head of Christian showing Ana the world, through the medium of song, while she’s tied to a magic carpet. They’re going to Taiwan, where nobody ever shits.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • His kind of money, they can bring the kid to Taiwan. Also a nanny. So he can use his tie to tie her to the magic carpet.

      Incidentally, what does Christian Greg, Uber-Dom, keep using improvised ropes? You’d think he’d have several sets of bondage gear stashed in the likely places. You’d think they’d all be custom jobs in gray silk, actually.

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • Lindsay
        Lindsay

        That’s what confused me about his breakdown. Pretty sure since Christian is super rich he can take Ana on however many trips that he wants and either leave the kid at home with a nanny or bring the kid and the nanny. Hell, if he wants he can afford to pay other people for the kid’s entire upbringing.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
        • This is, after all, Christian Grey, who sends somebody else to buy his girlfriend underwear.

          July 25, 2013
          |Reply
  7. Okay, most of the chapters make me pretty ragey, but this made me sick. You know, I had an unexpected pregnancy, too, and you know what my partner did when I told him? He fucking hugged me, that’s what. He didn’t call me stupid, act like it was my fault or punish me by leaving me alone to think about what I’d done. He had the basic human decency to realize that if he was freaking out, then I was probably REALLY freaking out.

    Christian is a horrible fucking person. How is this book even a thing.

    (Incidentally, I’m half hoping the movie plays out exactly what happens in these books without the internal monologue there to excuse his behavior– because it would be such a chilling reality check– and half hoping that it goes balls to the wall and has the Inner Goddess and the Subconscious as actual characters on the screen playing out Ana’s imagination. I wouldn’t pay money for that, but it would make me so happy.)

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Anonymous
      Anonymous

      First of all, let me say: I love you, Jenny, the way you write, your sense of humour, everything.
      I’m reading all the 50SOG recaps on a roll, and I haven’t comented so far, so… now it’s time, ’cause this chapter really terrified me.
      WTF was that douchebag’s reaction??? What kind of “romantic hero” would react like that??

      I had an unexpected pregnancy as well [it happens a lot, hun?], and it was kinda similar… I was with my ex-husband for a year and a half, and I was changing from Selene 35 to Elanor 20; my hormones got all mixed up, and in the heat of the moment, we forgot the condom. BOOM. To be honest, wasn’t the first time we forgot the condom, and it wasn’t supossed to be ovulating at that time.
      Anyways, when I told him over the phone, after doing the blood test, it was so funny… first he went mute, then he asked me about five times “We’re gonna have a baby?” and then, he started to shout to his colleagues [he was at work]: “I’m gonna have a baby, I’m gonna have a baby, I’m going to be a father!”. Next day, when we saw each other [he was my boyfriend at the time, I lived with my family], he had bought this cutest stuffed monkey that came with a little soft yellow blanket. It was my son’s first gift.
      [I was 23 at the time, he was 26. Our boy is 4 yo nowadays.]

      So, I don’t get it how women can think of a man who reacts the way Douchedward reacted as a romantic hero. I really don’t get it. And all the pro-life stuff on her inner dialog? BULLSHIT. If I didn’t have a supportive partner or a family that I knew for sure would support me [and I’m not entering in the realm of “not wanting kids”, ’cause I always wanted; but if a woman does not want, SHE DOES NOT WANT, thus she needs to have the right of choosing], if I were in Ana’s shoes, with an abusive mother and the same character strenght of a wet noodle, then I would totally think about an abortion, blip or not.

      Oh, and Depo totally fucked with my hormones after my boy was born. I took it while I was breastfeeding, and the results were a total disaster.

      [Sorry about the clumsy english, but it’s not my mother language. Also, Adventure Time ROCKS, I watch it everynight with my son ^.^]

      January 15, 2014
      |Reply
  8. A. Noyd
    A. Noyd

    FFS, if I wanted a baby but drank as much as Ana, I would definitely abort an unplanned pregnancy and then try again when I was sober. I could never gamble with the kid’s health like that.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Erin
      Erin

      YES. THIS. I haven’t been keeping track of how much Ana’s had to drink in this book, but at five weeks of pregnancy it’s possible that she’s already done major damage to that baby. If nothing else, her risk of miscarriage or stillbirth has skyrocketed, and FAS is a possibility here, especially if the date of conception is off and she doesn’t stop drinking NOW.

      In fact, between her drinking, her stress levels, and her apparent weight, I’m going to call bullshit on this whole baby idea. It’s possible she could carry to term, but very unlikely. E.L. James could engage with a real and painful issue that many women have to face, but somehow I just know she isn’t going to do that. She refused to engage with abuse. No way is she going to deal with miscarriage.

      I hate these books so much.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
      • Ara
        Ara

        This is especially interesting to me because I just read a romance novel that dealt with miscarriage in one of the side characters, who the audience knows quite well because she was the heroine of the preceding book. And this was a Wild West romance novel where miscarriage was much more likely to kill you in addition to causing you to lose your baby. It’s dealt with as a subplot and we only see glimpses, but every one of those glimpses treats it as a traumatic thing that everyone is very supportive about, and when the hero starts getting blamed for causing it, he not only doesn’t get angry with the husband (his brother) for blaming him, but spends a little while wondering if it *is* his fault (since he threw the heroine under a desk to get her out of the way of bullets aimed at him). So miscarriage can be done in a romance novel in a way that doesn’t muck up the romance and brings two people closer together.

        But then, Linda Lael Miller is a much better romance novelist than E.L. James, so maybe James couldn’t pull it off if she tried.

        July 21, 2013
        |Reply
      • Maggie
        Maggie

        This was one of the times I felt genuinely bad for Ana. If, god forbid, the baby was born with birth defects/ health issues, Christian would be a complete shit about it to Ana and the baby, and still play the victim. And if Ana had a miscarriage, Christian would be a shit about that. If she got an abortion and had to abstain from sex for a few days/weeks, he’d be a shit about that too. If she had bad morning sickness, complications, or less interest in sex because she has heightened sensitivity/hormone changes/ hemorrhoids , he’d be completely useless. There’s nothing Christian wouldn’t be a shit about.

        Even more disturbingly, abusers escalate their abuse in pregnancy, and Christian doesn’t have a lot to escalate to. The most common cause of death in pregnant women is murder. So, with a highly abusive man who stalks, beats, rapes, and derides his partner, he’s at the center of the circle of abusers likely to commit murder. This is fucking SCARY.

        Even more fucked is the idea that strong women can withstand abuse. I suppose women can endure abuse, but the point is, they should not have to, ever, because it’s wrong. I can survive a bee sting even if I’m allergic, but I shouldn’t go running to test that theory by poking at a hive. Christian Grey is that hive.

        April 26, 2015
        |Reply
  9. whimbrel
    whimbrel

    I’ve been reading the recaps all the way from the beginning and this one really, really upset me. I am honestly appalled that there are people out there who read this book (and this scene)and think ‘That is so romantic and I would love to be Ana right then.’

    Christian Grey is terrifying as fuck and I hope Ana is able to GTFO.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  10. I can’t even rage. This just makes me nauseated and sad.

    July 20, 2013
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  11. deidredreams
    deidredreams

    Ugh! No no no NO! Fans recognize this as abuse but think Ana can change him??! Because she is so strong?! What?!
    First of all she is NOT strong! Second, when will this victim blaming-shit stop? This idea that victims of abuse are just weaklings who could’ve walked away if they wanted to? I wonder if all of those women think they’re such special effing snowflakes who are too strong to be abused. Pff!!

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • She was stupid because she thought, after just a couple meetings, that she was in love with a guy who already intimidated her, and then her willingness to make excuses for his terrible treatment of her. She’s not someone who an abuser groomed for years. Any reasonable woman would be able to identify an abuser at the start of a relationship, when there isn’t any real emotional investment, and would walk away. The time to hold Ana accountable was then, back at the very beginning, when she recognized his abusive behavior for what it was, called him out on it more than once, and still, even when he tried pushing her away, insisted on having a place in his life as his victim. She wasn’t dependent on him, as she is now, and had no emotional investment. She was a dumb young girl infatuated with a guy for his looks, wealth, and penis. I hold her equally responsible at this point as Christian. There is nothing in their lives that is entangled, no investment she’s made in him, no dependency on him, and, most important, she completely identifies him as an abuser.

      Then he started involving himself in her life in ways that probably terrified her. Accessing her bank account, getting her flight numbers, buying her place of employment, etc.. Still, at that point she could have walked, though it would have been tough. Her responsibility is waning. She can still identify his abusive behavior, though that is lessening. She’s starting to feel trapped in this period. He’s manipulating her in full force, and she’s feeling obligated and crushed down. But she still had some options. Toss the phone and call her mother or father for help without telling Christian. Let them know she’s scared, he has more info on him than he should, it couldn’t have been obtained legally, and she needs help before it’s too late. Keep in mind that this is still very early in the relationship, they aren’t living together, their finances aren’t commingled, and she knows he’s an abuser and a stalker. Unlike most real life victims of abuse, she never knew any other side of him, the other side victims usually hold out hope that their abuser will one day be again. She can’t say, “He was different when I met him, and I think he can become that again if I love him more and am more patient.”

      Now she’s married to him and has a baby on the way, and a divorce would be a massively tricky situation in a state that divides property based on who brings what into the marriage, how long they’ve been married, and who contributes what. He’d have a fortune to use on lawyers. She’d have nothing more than he chooses to give her. Regarding custody of Teddy (spoiler, that’s the kid’s name), she’d be raked over the coals while Christian enjoys having the kid with nannies under his sole custody. If there was ever a moment where Ana went from being able to walk away easily, or relatively easily, to she’s screwed beyond her own comprehension, it’s now. Now that there’s a baby involved, the product of birth control failure (because really, it’s not time for a booster shot, even though that stupid doctor claims it is – Depo is every three months, and it hasn’t been that long), she’s screwed. Horribly. Once the baby is born, she can literally never just walk away. She will have a legal link to Christian forcing her to deal with him every day at least until that child reaches adulthood, and even then that won’t necessarily be the end of having to be in contact with him.

      She can’t leave. She is trapped in almost every sense of the word. She is now 100% victim, even though she knows, on some level, that he’s abusive. She’s still scared, but is more willing than ever to make excuses because she is stuck and knows it. She’s not with him because she’s strong. Those who think this is the reason are fortunate they’ve never been there. Otherwise they’d understand.

      RIght now I have a friend hoping her abuser will become the way he was when they met. She doesn’t understand that what she is seeing now is who he really is. A good guy won’t pretend to be a jerk. But a jerk will pretend to be nice to lure a victim in. I’ve had to sit by and watch her become more and more trapped. They aren’t married, but have a baby. He’s isolated her and forced her to miss a plane back home so that she was stuck with him out in another state. All her stuff is still here. She was supposed to be home months ago. She hasn’t been back. She’s so stuck that she changes her story to try to make it easier on herself. She’ll be scared one moment, and the next, literally her next line, will be about how she’s just reading too much into him drinking away the money for food and scaring her.

      You don’t even want to know what I want to do to abusers. You’d think I needed to be committed if I told you. These sick, twisted wastes of space collectively victimize 25% of women in America, a supposedly civilized, country alone, possibly many more than 25%. Everyone who sees Christian as a romantic hero need real-life therapy and counseling to help them learn to identify abusive behavior. It’s blatant abuse that is excused.

      I need a glass of wine. Thinking about this so much, which was intended to be a short reply, has me deeply upset and my heart beating in a very irregular pattern.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        Alys, I just wanted to say that I feel for you and I hope your friend is able to get away. I hope you were able to get that glass of wine and feel a bit better.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • I didn’t get wine. Couldn’t find the stupid opener. I just moved and now my opener is lost. I’ve got a mag of muscato calling me, and a lovely bottle of shiraz.

        I’m afraid my friend won’t leave. She keeps saying “if he does this, I’m leaving,” and he’ll do it, and she’ll make an excuse. Then she’ll give him a certain time frame to shape up, and either he doesn’t and she’ll make an excuse, or he’ll marginally improve for a few days, which she sees as progress, and the predictably backslides. So far he hasn’t actually hit her that I know of (though she’s told me she’s feared at times he would), and he only hasn’t sexually assaulted her because she likes sex too much to say no. She won’t go on birth control other than pills, which he tried making it hard for her to get once already.

        Sadly part of the reason she’s staying is that she wants their son to have access to his father, and she says the creep now enjoys spending time with the boy sometimes. So the cost of living with his dad is that he’s growing up seeing this treatment of women as normal and acceptable.

        It’s a heartbreaking situation. And I truly don’t believe she’ll leave, no matter how bad things get.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • Annie
        Annie

        I’m so sorry about your friend, Alys. That’s awful.
        I’ve been there. A few years ago my best friend was with an abuser and it I always felt so helpless and impotent and I felt so much rage. Rage at her for not seeing the writing on the wall and getting out (though that rage was misplaced, and I knew it at the time, too). Rage at myself for not being able to help. Rage because there were almost not resources here for women in her situation. But, of course, most of the rage is reserved to that weasel that calls himself a “man.”

        She did get out, thank God, but it took A LOT for her to get to that point. No one could help her out. And it was infuriating at the time especially because I knew all to well that if you don’t want out, or are too afraid of getting out, no one can get you out. I was just lucky in a way that the abusive rat (that’s actually very unfair to rats) I was seeing in my late teens and early 20s was already married. He gave me the “we’re estranged. We live in the same apartment still because it’s too expensive to live alone. We’re in the process of a divorce, but it keeps getting stalled” type of excuses. It took me 2 years to realize it was all bull, that his wife probably had no idea he was telling this other girls that they were estranged and in the process of a divorce, and that he had no intentions of divorcing her and marrying me.
        It’s really sad that it wasn’t the hitting, punching, kicking that made me leave. It wasn’t the short temper that required me to walk on eggshells 24/7 even if I wasn’t with him or the near-daily insults that made me leave. It wasn’t the sexual abuse, assault and rape that made me left. It was the realization (what can I say? I was incredibly naïve. Maybe even stupid.) that I was “the other woman.” I was his mistress and that was never going to change because he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

        My friend didn’t leave until she’d realized she’d recorded a fight they’d had on her phone and she listened to it. The sound of the blows landing, him yelling, her screaming, then her toddler yelling, screaming and crying and pleading “No, daddy! No! Stop hurting Mommy! Please, Daddy!”
        After she listened to it (an hour or so after the incident) she called the cops immediately. Once she kicked him out, it was hard keeping her strong. He did all the usual abuser crap he’d done before. Saying how sorry he was, bringing her roses, or gifts, fake crying, promising he’ll get off the drugs, that he’ll change. All the same stuff he’d done 100 times before and 100 times before she’d caved and took him back. It took so much support from her family and friends and it took an enormous amount of resolve and bravey on her part to not give in.

        She and I are both now married to wonderful, loving men that truly would never hurt us. I still worry, often, about all those women out there that are essentially us in our old lives.

        July 24, 2013
        |Reply
      • You have no idea how much I wish there was a like button, so I can hit it for this reply. This comment was absolutely well said. I’m sorry to see you have a friend that’s going through an abusive relationship right now.

        I’ve had two best friends be in abusive relationships, both of them able to get out in time before things got till the point where they felt like they couldn’t leave. One of them got hit on two separate occassions. While she excused his behavior the first time, she didn’t the second time and broke up with him. The other’s ex was emotionally abusive as he tried to isolate her from her friends (which I didn’t know at the time, she admitted that years after they broke up) and manipulated her (also, he was a heroine dealer). So, I doubt both of them would like a story like this. And while I haven’t been in an abusive relationship myself, I would never hook up with someone like Christian and let him get away with it. Let alone, anyone that would give signs of being abusive (probably because I was bullied horrifically and I’m done with the abuse that I got through that).

        September 28, 2013
        |Reply
  12. It boggles my mind that women think this shit is romantic. Maybe some read it out of curiosity for the train wreck that it is just to see why it’s so popular, but it saddens me that there are many out there that see this as romantic. I just don’t understand it.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • In America we’ve got states banning tampons from federal buildings because those can be deadly if thrown, yet that allow citizens to carry concealed guns (mostly men) because guns can’t be used to hurt someone like throwing a tampon might.

      We’ve got a state that has cut funding to Planned Parenthood and calling it a win for women.

      We’ve got a state that jailed a woman for 20 years for firing a warning shot into the ceiling when her husband was attacking, an attack she did not provoke, her that turned around and let a man walk free who shot and killed an unarmed teenager in an attack he did provoke.

      This is a country where we’ve got a politically party who repeatedly voted against an act making it illegal to pay an equally qualified woman less for doing the same job as her male co-worker. (Before that, I was paid a full $10/hr less than my male co-workers though we either did the same job, or I was given more responsibility, like training our entire overseas department.)

      We’ve had politicians say it’s because women are in the workplace instead of at home “where we belong” that there is a shortage of jobs. If we’d just be good obedient little women and let the men take the jobs, then every family would have a job and the market would even out. (Not that the politicians are thinking about this, but the shortage of jobs is also making it harder for women who don’t already have decent jobs to leave. The still-weak job market has in fact resulted in many couples staying together out of necessity who would prefer to part ways. But somehow this is supposed to be good for families, so maybe in their back-room buddying they’re having a laugh about this.)

      We are hearing, at an alarmingly increasing rate, that we women are worth what the men around us deem us to be worth. Our value is increasingly in our bodies and what sexual favors we can offer. In a society where more people than every in US history are struggling to afford the basics, the ultimate form of validation may be to be seen as desirable by someone who can keep roofs over our heads and food in our stomaches even if the cost is being abused. Between this or worrying sick every month over having enough money for rent, ramen, and keeping the lights on, some people may prefer the misery of worrying about abuse, combined with the hope of change, to worrying about whether next month’s address will be a park of under a bridge.

      (I want to make sure to clear that I do NOT think all men are like this. Too bad the men in power are far more likely to be. They’re the ones with the national pulpit from which to preach our negative value and how we need protecting from out own selves while arguing that neither we nor the good men in our lives deserve living wages.)

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
      • I really truly hate how our society think that ALL mothers should be stay-at-home moms. My husband and I have talked very long about this and when we have our first child, he will be a stay-at-home dad. I am in a place in my career where I will not be able to either work from home or take an extended leave of absence (except when the baby is born.) I like the idea of being the main breadwinner of the family and my husband is happy to let me have that role. I’m glad I have a supporting husband and just pray that no one talks down to me about how i’m such a horrible mom because I’m not at home with the kid.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
    • “Maybe some read it out of curiosity for the train wreck that it is just to see why it’s so popular”

      I’m in this group. I was in the same group when I read Twilight. That way, the fans can’t use “you can’t say shit about it until you’ve read it” arguement because I have read it and I still didn’t like it.

      September 28, 2013
      |Reply
  13. SandorClegane13
    SandorClegane13

    How in seven hells are people not seeing this for what it is?! What is wrong with people? Christian Grey has to be the worst fictional character I’ve had the displeasure of reading about (through Jenny’s recaps; I’d rage-quite society if I tried to read the actual books). Hell, I think he has fucking Joffrey fucking Baratheon beat! At least Joff’s behavior isn’t romanticized and he gets what he deserves eventually. We all know Chedward’s going to be rewarded for his bullshit in the end with his happily ever after.

    I agree with Samantha J. Mathis when it comes to the movies. No inner monologue, just the abusive relationship at face value. Maybe that will wake some folks up. Maybe not. My faith in humanity is so non-existent that I doubt the drooling fans will recognize it on screen any more than they do in text.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • I hope she finished it, but there’s a fanfic started by one of the frequency commenters here (last I saw she didn’t want to be identified?) called Couple Shades of Taylor that (among other things) shows the outside perspective of Christian’s behavior. It’s very well-written, and I’ve enjoyed it so far. Writer Waterslave Hotfish on fanfiction.net

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • That’s me. 🙂 I’m tickled to have been mentioned! I’m definitely going to be finishing it. I’ve been derailed by a surgery having a much tougher recovery than I expected and then an unanticipated move thanks to a jerkass manager where I was before. I moved just two days ago and I’m sitting on the floor right now waiting for my furniture to meet me here. 🙂 I’m currently behind in my “real job” now, and need to catch up ASAP. Right now is break time with apple pie and to bang my head for starting so many sentences with “I.”

        I’m trying to keep it as much in line with their characters as possible, and to try making sense out of the nonsensical, such as Christian supposedly running this massive business while spending so much time jet-setting and bailing on business meetings in the middle of them. I’m starting to drag my feet a little because I’ll be hitting to point soon of needing to re-read the books to make sure the events line up. In just a few chapters I’ll hit the start of this mess, so no more prequelish stuff.

        Taylor’s going to be livid when he finds out Christian’s reaction to a new baby and that it’s because he doesn’t want to deal with diapers and vomit when Christian obviously has the money to hire nannies galore whereas Taylor’s never been rich and it’s canon that part of Taylor’s pay includes Christian paying for Sophie’s schooling that Taylor couldn’t afford otherwise, and since nothing ever said Taylor and his ex married, chances are Sophie was unplanned too Yet Taylor has never given any indication of resenting his child like Christian.

        The closeness between Taylor and Gayle (which is her middle name in my fic) is really convenient for getting the info on things Taylor doesn’t see. She was there during Christian’s blow-up at dinner and can tell Taylor about Ana being terrified.

        http://www.fanfiction.net/u/4574521/Waterslave-Hotfish

        I promise a new chapter will be posted by *next* Sunday. Then I’ll go to an every-other-week cycle until I’m caught up on work and finishing stuff for my book (giveaway here: http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/52595 ). Then weekly again.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
      • SandorClegane13
        SandorClegane13

        I will have to look at that one. Taylor’s about the only character in this mess I find the least bit interesting!

        July 21, 2013
        |Reply
      • That’s me. 🙂 I’m tickled to have been mentioned! I’m definitely going to be finishing it. I’ve been derailed by a surgery having a much tougher recovery than I expected and then an unanticipated move thanks to a jerkass manager where I was before. I moved just two days ago and I’m sitting on the floor right now waiting for my furniture to meet me here. I’m currently behind in my “real job” now, and need to catch up ASAP. Right now is break time with apple pie and to bang my head for starting so many sentences with “I.”

        I’m trying to keep it as much in line with their characters as possible, and to try making sense out of the nonsensical, such as Christian supposedly running this massive business while spending so much time jet-setting and bailing on business meetings in the middle of them. I’m starting to drag my feet a little because I’ll be hitting to point soon of needing to re-read the books to make sure the events line up. In just a few chapters I’ll hit the start of this mess, so no more prequelish stuff.

        Taylor’s going to be livid when he finds out Christian’s reaction to a new baby and that it’s because he doesn’t want to deal with diapers and vomit when Christian obviously has the money to hire nannies galore whereas Taylor’s never been rich and it’s canon that part of Taylor’s pay includes Christian paying for Sophie’s schooling that Taylor couldn’t afford otherwise, and since nothing ever said Taylor and his ex married, chances are Sophie was unplanned too Yet Taylor has never given any indication of resenting his child like Christian.

        The closeness between Taylor and Gayle (which is her middle name in my fic) is really convenient for getting the info on things Taylor doesn’t see. She was there during Christian’s blow-up at dinner and can tell Taylor about Ana being terrified.

        fanfiction DOT net/u/4574521/Waterslave-Hotfish

        I promise a new chapter will be posted by *next* Sunday. Then I’ll go to an every-other-week cycle until I’m caught up on work and finishing stuff for my book (giveaway here: goodreads DOT com/giveaway/show/52595 ). Then weekly again.

        July 21, 2013
        |Reply
        • I’m glad you replied – I wasn’t certain whether you were still doing the anonymous thing. I hope life starts to get a little smoother for you!

          July 23, 2013
          |Reply
    • Maggie
      Maggie

      While I think that the lack of internal monologue would help, a ‘romantic’ or ‘sexy’ background music might give it the right gloss. I’ll also bet some of the shocking stuff will be cut out.

      April 26, 2015
      |Reply
  14. So, I am super happy that I bought the ginormous bottle of wine while I was at the grocery store this afternoon. I feel like I need it.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  15. Pam
    Pam

    The Blip must have been a serial killer in its past life, because I don’t know what else it could possibly have done to deserve these assholes as its parents.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  16. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    50 shades of grey, causing drinking problems around the world!

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  17. Steph
    Steph

    Your description of this made me feel ill- I can’t imagine actually reading it. I completely understand being scared of telling your SO you’re pregnant when it’s unplanned, but to feel like you’re in danger?! How did people justify this chapter? I can occasionally see the mental gymnastics people do to see this as romance, but not this time. The fact this has sold so many copies makes me sad… 🙁

    It baffles me that I don’t like Ana and I feel terrible for her and want her to GET OUT, but people who are fans want her trapped in that godawful mess. Because true love isn’t true if you place ANY limitations on it, even when it affects your mental/physical wellbeing. Ugh.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  18. Yeah. The whole scared-of-Chedward’s-reaction thing is what does it for me, too. And by ‘does it for me’, I mean ‘makes me wonder how any woman could desire a guy like him’.

    And yep. I keep thinking of Jedward too. Even they couldn’t be as annoying as this goatfucking douchenozzle.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  19. “I hope she is, for her sake. Because if she’s a he, and his penis touches the inside of Ana’s vagina during delivery, Christian will have to murder him. And Ana, of course, since she cheated on him.”

    When I read that I nearly spewed my mouthful of coffee onto my laptop.

    Seriously though – because of the overtly abusive tones to this magical relationship, when I picture Chedward and Ana in my mind I now imagine them as Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. That this crappy piece of fiction has the ability to do make me think in those terms upsets me.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Sarah
      Sarah

      Holy shit you’re right (about Paul and Karla, aka Ken and Barbie) The only major difference I can think of really is that Ana is just a naive idiot for the most part and Karla (while also naive and an idiot) is god damn crazy.

      July 27, 2013
      |Reply
      • “Naive” isn’t the word I would use for Karla Homolka. She was well aware of what was going on from the beginning. She helped him drug rape her own sister – who died by choking on her own vomit. That’s not naive; that’s evil.

        August 8, 2013
        |Reply
  20. Mojitana
    Mojitana

    I read all 3 books before I found your re-caps. I never found the books “sexy” or “hot”. I found them dull,boring and unbelievable. But this chapter was the one that made me feel something. That feeling was anger. After that I just slogged through it and cursed the fates that blessed this wretched creation.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  21. Ceedee
    Ceedee

    Wow this is really unbelievable. What a dick, he is such a little child with a big chip on his shoulder.
    Has anyone seen the commercial for audio books (at least in the US) they show 50 Shades as one of the possible books…..gag.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  22. Win_Rawr
    Win_Rawr

    I can’t. I just cannot even.
    So instead of the abuse, imma point out something else. “Little Blip” is the exact same as Bella’s “Little Nudger”. Because E.L. is a talented author who comes up with her own ideas.
    It’s like she got so far along with her plagiarism-mobile, and then thought “fuck it, they’ll work out this is Twilight anyways, I might as well directly take stuff without trying to hide it.”
    Kudos, E.L. Someone, quick, get her a Pulitzer.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  23. Laina
    Laina

    I haven’t had a period on my own since… probably 2010. Maybe earlier. How many weeks pregnant does that equal and when do I get my elephant? 😛

    Also to be fair, there’s a difference between sex and the ultrasound probes. You’re supposed to be, you know, aroused for the sex part 😛

    Also what kind of birth control was Anna on again? Depo, right? Every three months? (Yeah apparently if I keep reading it says that, surprise.) Depo has, like, an amazing rate for birth control. The failure rate is like 0.3%, even if you’re a week or two late getting the next shot. So either she wasn’t actually ON anything because she waited so long to go to the doctor or she’s carrying Jesus 😛 Seriously, she didn’t have a birth control failure. She had an “Ana is an idiot” failure.

    …how can you take a picture in an ultrasound and not date it? Aren’t you basically just seeing the birth sac at the point? Considering the heartbeat can’t be found yet. Also if the heartbeat can’t be found… how do we actually know this is a viable pregnancy???

    UGH and the worst thing is the book managed to ruin my annoyance at Ana because of that scene -_-

    LOL okay I got better, because now the way he says Anastasia sounds like Rasputin from… well, Anastasia.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • What didn’t make sense to me is that she was on Depo, which has a three-month cycle, and they’ve known each other about three months. Since she was using other stuff first, how on earth is it time for a booster?

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • Laina
        Laina

        Oooh, good point. Depo has a 12 week cycle, I know that, and then aren’t you supposed to have a withdrawal bleed at some point? Because I swear that I read that a lot of women prefer to have a “period” between shots. And she had a period in the first book and then started the pill – also was she on the pill or the mini-pill? – and then she would likely have bled from jerking her hormones aroud like that stopping and starting stuff (*eyeroll*).

        And actually if it’s been that long since her last shot that she ovulated, shouldn’t there have been some kind of withdrawal bleed? (I don’t know for sure, I don’t know a ton about Depo.)

        Seriously, the timeline of this is messed up. And then if she’s supposed to be about a month pregnant, you’re running into when the shot is still active, seriously, 0.3% failure rate. Abstinence has a higher failure rate than that, thanks to Jesus and fertility treatments 😛 It just doesn’t make sense.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
      • Some women have breakthrough bleeding and some don’t. Some women think that they need a period between shots because of a mistaken belief that there’s tissue needing to slough off, but there’s not. Many women don’t have any bleeding at all. A good friend of mine hasn’t had a period in years because of Depo, and I’m so jealous.

        Ana was on the mini-pill at first, which doesn’t make sense for someone as flighty as her. Regardless, Christian used condoms for the first week, and the same for Depo. Hormonal whiplash or not, she had the Depo far enough back for it to be effective, but not so far that it was wearing off. If memory serves me right, she conceived on her honeymoon, or right before it. So much of nothing happens in such a short time in these books it’s hard to keep the timeline straight at times. But long story short, she wasn’t late for a booster. Falling into the extremely small number of women who get pregnant anyway on Depo (happened to my best friend last year!) would have been believable, but then it wouldn’t have enabled Christian to accuse her of missing a shot on purpose.

        If there’s something this chapter should bring to mind it’s the lack of non-condom, non-permanent methods of birth control for men. I know many who want it. A lot of people of both sexes don’t like condoms, and not every man never wants kids. So this does place the burden on women. There’s a form of hormonal birth control in the works for men, but it’s years away and some rumor has it that it won’t make it to market. There’s a lot more money in birth control for women, and of course men head up a lot of the committees and don’t want anyone messing with their junk. Too scary for them, I guess.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
      • Laina
        Laina

        Ally, I figured it was a case-by-case situation. Depo wasn’t a good option for me so I didn’t know a ton about it, but if she was on the mini-pill, there probably should have been SOME bleeding between switching, right? Because it’s a progestin and usually when you go off it, you bleed. That’s actually a part of how they start fertility treatments sometims. I dunno, it just seems like there’s a lot of convenient switching around and absolutely no side effects. Considering I had a horrible time on one birth control and even on the one I like, I initially gained about 10 pounds which, while not a bad thing, was a different thing, it seems weird Ana had NO side effects.

        Seriously, if she’d been late enough for it to fail, fine. If it had just failed, fine. (A low failure rate is not a perfect failure rate. Although your friend is a rare one!!!) But pick one or the other, because both doesn’t make sense!

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
      • Sophie
        Sophie

        Why didn’t Christian just force the doctor to give Ana an implant? They last three years and there’s nothing for her to forget to do. i mean, within the logic of this crazed book where he can force medical decision on anyone because he is all powerful, etc

        July 21, 2013
        |Reply
      • Ara
        Ara

        About the birth-control-for-men thing: they *have* a birth control for men. It’s called RISUG, and it’s one shot into the penis, non-hormonal, completely reversible, clinical trials suggest it’s as effective or better than the Pill or condoms, and it lasts for ten years. It’s in Phase III trials in India, but nobody wants to manufacture it because it *is* just one shot that lasts for ten years. Not only is it not a cash cow in itself, but if it caught on it would probably also mean they make significantly less money on sales of other types of birth control because a lot of women in committed relationships would be getting their men to use it.

        So since in America the FDA is in Big Pharma’s pocket and all the clinical trials are conducted by Big Pharma, it’s never even going to be approved in America, let alone manufactured. (My mother thinks the other reason it’s never going to be approved in America is because men can’t stand the idea of having anything shot into their penises.)

        July 21, 2013
        |Reply
        • Maggie
          Maggie

          A shot in your penis? Ouch. I don’t have one, but I wouldn’t wish that on any man.

          April 26, 2015
          |Reply
      • Ara, that’s the one. I think your mom is correct that a shot into the penis won’t go over well with many men. But also ten years is a LONG time and may as well be permanent. Depo starts to lose its effectiveness after 12 weeks and implants can be removed. There’s no reversing the male shot if he decides five years down the road he wants to be a dad. I also think you’re right in that Big Pharma won’t want to market it here when there are drugs that make them a lot more money. They’d have to make in the range of $2400-$3000 or more off each shot to beak even with the pill, and the actual cost will be more after factoring in overhead. Few men will have that laying around, we wouldn’t expect women to pay that for birth control, and good luck getting insurance companies to pay tat even though they have no problem paying for 100% elective for-convenience c-sections that cost several times more. We’ve got a really messed-up system.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • Ara
        Ara

        Yes there is reversing it– you missed the part where I said “completely reversible”. Everything I’ve read about it says that while it hasn’t existed long enough to be absolutely certain that it stays reversible in the long term, they can’t see any reason why it shouldn’t be. (And if it isn’t reversible in the long term, it most definitely is in the short term, so at most there’s an argument for removing it and getting a new shot every so often… which would go over less well with men, presumably, but possibly more so with people who make the things and want to make money.)

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
  24. This chapter literally made me nauseous, it reminded me so much of what interacting with my abusive ex was like.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  25. Jessica
    Jessica

    Seriously. Reading this was pretty scary. I can’t even begin to imagine what abuse victims felt like reading this. I’m so shocked. What was E.L even thinking? It just makes me so angry that something like this can be published and passed off as romantic.

    Im on the depo shot and let me tell you a would littlee story. I was laying in bed with my bf when I noticed a few drops of what must be milk come out of my right boob. I squeezed and more came out. Natuarally I freaked out. I thought i was somehow pregnant even though I was on my second cycle of the shot. I started bawling my eyes out at the prospect of the possibility of having a child at my age, all my ambitions and dreams down the drain (or at thr very least put on hold). Don’t get me wrong I want to have children….just not right now. So my bf rushed us to the nearest convinence store (this being at midnight where there are virtually no late night pharmacies where I live)aand bought a pregnancy kid. I’m not pregnant. You can imagine my relief. And it turns out being on depo can make you lactate even though its very rare and doesn’t even mention it as a side effect on the pamphlet.
    But you know what was amazing? My bf didnt even flinch or freak at the possibility of me being pregnant. He was calm, loving and supported me. He drove me into town late at night when he had work early next morning. He said it is what it is and if I was pregnant everything would be ok, he said he would stand my be no matter what no matter what decision I chose to make. To me thats romantic not this creature called christian grey.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • *adds to my collection of weird facts about lactation*

      I’m so glad your boyfriend was such a sweetheart about it. That would really throw me for a loop. I’ve got the mirena in (which I love) and my body was acting super-weird a few weeks ago and I was very scared that I was pregnant – for one thing it’s dangerous with the mirena in and for another our youngest is less than a year old and that’s just too much baby. But then my period showed up (my periods are super irregular even without the mirena and breastfeeding) so all is well.

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • Jessica
        Jessica

        Thanks. He’s pretty awesome 🙂
        Ah yeah I don’t know anything about baby symptoms (except for the obvious nausea and vomiting etc) but im pretty sure leaky boobs is one of the last symptoms you get in the later stages of the pregnancy. I dont really know but it was worrisome. And its good to hear, sometimes periods can be a godsend. Being on the depo you don’t get it which is awesome but equally also not so awesome because if you did fall pregnant you wouldn’t really know till much later.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
  26. Sophie
    Sophie

    So many questions!
    a/ how does poor Hannah not say ‘er excuse me but you TOLD me to cancel these appointments’? Anyone being unfairly accused like that would. Anyone.
    b/ how does Ched not murder the Dr for touching his asinine wife ‘down there’ with her ‘omg it’s ginormous’ instrument?
    c/ Is Ana going to go out with Jose now on her own without telling Ched where she is going? Please please please can she do that?i want to experience the hypocrisy implosion
    d/ I understood the early weeks are the ones where you have to worry about Foetal Alcohol Syndrome. Why does the Dr not ask Ana how much she drinks? Still, alcohol is at least a source of calories, perhaps it is all that’s keeping her alive.
    e/ Does Ched have cataracts? why are his eyes ‘blurred and cloudy’? perhaps he just has conjunctivitis?

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Anonymous
      Anonymous

      I can answer the first one! That would be, “Someone who’s got bills to pay and doesn’t want to get fired for ‘insubordination.'”

      July 23, 2013
      |Reply
      • Zee
        Zee

        I believe that’s the same type of person who then commits to adding spit to every coffee she has to make the bitch.

        July 26, 2013
        |Reply
  27. Andi in NZ
    Andi in NZ

    I wish there was a ‘like’ button for these posts, and the comments!

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Reenie
      Reenie

      There is! just say LIKE! 🙂

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • Andi in NZ
        Andi in NZ

        LOL, then I ‘LIKE’ them all – far more common sense on display here than anywhere in the books, that’s for sure. 🙂

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
  28. Reenie
    Reenie

    MMMMM transvaginal ultrasounds. I love it when they talk sexy. This book is way hot.

    Seriously what is the genre of this book now? Because it certainly isn’t a sexy type, nor a guidebook type either, because well, this relationship is about as appealing as the thought of having my nipples twisted off by crab claws.

    Also I’m honestly surprised that Cristian doesn’t have a “D.I.Y. Abort-your-sub-at-home” kit. Because he can do that, ya know. He can do anything. He knows everything. He’s the all powerful, all knowing Oz.

    What medication was E.L. on when she found this, any of this… book sexy ? (I’m even loathe to write the word ‘book’, because I like books, book are good, so this can’t be a book).

    I am not in any way a violent person. I would happily rip off E.L.’s writing arm and beat her to death with the bloody stump.

    Oh I feel better now.

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
    • Reenie
      Reenie

      I just realized I spelled Christians name wrong. Normally that would bother me. It doesn’t. tee hee.

      July 20, 2013
      |Reply
      • It probably would have freaked me out. I know a guy who spells his name: Cristian.

        July 20, 2013
        |Reply
    • I would put this in the “horror” genre

      September 28, 2013
      |Reply
  29. This whole chapter gets this face from me:

    July 20, 2013
    |Reply
  30. Jessica
    Jessica

    Also I got to add, what makes me so angry about this is the sheer audacity that Christian can blame Ana about getting pregnant (like it takes only one person to do it) and then say this is why I need to be in control. As Jenny states if he wants control so much why didnt he use condoms? Oh thats right because hes a little immature twerp! Cos condoms are so icky right.
    Do you know what happens when you havesex Christian? Babies happen. Even with contraceptives. You just have to realize that maybe you will be that one unlucky woman out of 1000 where contraceptives dont work and you fall pregnant or you could even be that one guy out of 100 on his millionth time doing the deed and your condom breaks. Its a fact of life and no contraceptive is 100!% safe proof. He is just being an utter dick about it. If you cant handle the prospect of being a father then don’t have sex. Simple. Ugh.

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
    • Oh, that reminds me of how people will actually say “She went and got herself pregnant”…. whenever I hear that, I just want to scream.

      August 5, 2013
      |Reply
      • I always shake my head when I hear people say “She went and got herself pregnant” like women can magically get pregnant on their own. If that were true, women wouldn’t need men unless they really want to be in love with a man (a real man, I might add…someone who knows the concept of what consent is, isn’t an abusive fuckwit, supports you, respects you, and makes you happy rather than scared).

        September 28, 2013
        |Reply
  31. The Great Dragon
    The Great Dragon

    I felt like I was going to vomit just reading this recap. And I’ve never been in an abusive relationship. Seriously, this book is so passed bad we need to invent a new word for it.

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
    • I felt the same way when I read the chapter earlier this year, and I’ve also never been in a relationship. As for the word to use, let’s use horrific. I mentioned to someone else that inquired what genre that this book should be in and I suggested horror. Because it is a horror book with horrible and horrific things going on in it

      September 28, 2013
      |Reply
  32. Jennie
    Jennie

    “We’ve known each other five fucking minutes!”

    lol oh so NOW things are moving too quickly for him?

    THIS. FUCKING. GUY.

    honestly if i was that foetus i’d already be applying for emancipation from my parents because goddamn

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
  33. I.D. Blind
    I.D. Blind

    As always i read 1/3 of Jenny’s post. I never can go farther. I can’t read that book even in such small dozes.
    I am weeping for everyone who likes this crap, but then I realize those are very sad, unhappy, sex hungry women with very small brains and no self esteem, and I truly feel for them 🙁

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
  34. Reenie
    Reenie

    Oooo! If Christian really doesn’t want to have kids he could have a vasectomy. I’ll do it for him. For free. Anyone want to help me?

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
    • Jennie
      Jennie

      i have a chainsaw you can borrow if you want…

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
      • zee
        zee

        Better to use Alan Rickman’s rusty spoon. He might get an infection too, if we’re lucky.

        July 25, 2013
        |Reply
    • Me and my friend after couple of beers.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
  35. Just a quick word on Depo-Provera before I go back and catch up with reading the rest of the comments.

    Whenever I get my jab, the nurse gives me a piece of paper with a date written on it. “Week beginning [insert date here]” which is exactly eleven weeks from that day. Apparently it runs out after 12 weeks, but they like you to get the next jab any time in the seven day period which begins 11 weeks ahead. This is so there’s an overlap.

    I’ve never experienced any withdrawal bleeds and in fact don’t menstruate at all when I’m on depo. The first time I took it, they advised me to come off after two years because “Most women decide they want kids after two years.” I was in my 20s at the time and knew I never wanted them, but whatever. I came off it.

    It took me a full year to bleed again, and after that, another six months, after which I became somewhat regular.

    TMI?

    This time I’ve been on it for more than two years because I basically said “I’m 37; I’ve been saying for over 20 years I never want kids; when are you lot going to start believing me?” So my doctor spelled out the risks and said if I was happy to stay on it, she was happy to keep prescribing it so the nurse could keep administering it.

    So there you go – my experience. You make the appointment for the week beginning eleven weeks from “now”, and not everyone experiences bleeds of any sort while on it. Or even for quite some time after coming off it.

    And now to read through the rest of the comments! My unused reproductive organs thank you for your time and attention. 🙂

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
    • SandorClegane13
      SandorClegane13

      I may have to look into this. I hate needles with a mother-fucking passion, but I think for years without menstruation I could handle a shot every 11/12 weeks.

      July 21, 2013
      |Reply
      • Jessica
        Jessica

        I’m on it too!
        I don’t get any bleeding either which is awesome cause I hate periods and I don’t have to remember to take a pill which im pretty bad at.
        The side effects do slightly worry me though but I figure I’ll have kids in two-three years so I should be ok.

        July 21, 2013
        |Reply
    • Andi in NZ
      Andi in NZ

      Wow, scarlettparish, I don’t need to pry into your personal situation (already possibly TMI, as you said? :)), but I find it hard to believe that you are still using hormonal birth control in your late thirties. Not because you don’t need to, but because there’s been no permanent alternative offered to you?

      I don’t know much about the US health system, to be fair, and from the outside looking in, it looks like a real mess. But if you were adamant that you didn’t want children, and had been on hormonal birth control for so long, then how is it that a more permanent solution than depo hasn’t been offered to you?

      I am a similar age to you. My experience was that I determined quite early in life that I didn’t want children, used the Pill for more than 10 years after meeting my guy, and I guess fortunately (?) for me, it was one of the higher dose combined pills that there was a scare about blood clots with a few years back. My family history meant I had an increased risk. So I explained all this to my doctor, he looked at it and basically said ‘see me in six months (my next prescription repeat time, and I’d no issues with the pill while I’d been on it), and if you feel the same, we’ll do something about it”. I did, and he did, and I had a tubal ligation well before I turned 30. At the time, I was the same age that many women were having their first babies.

      Are tubal ligations not done much there? Is it cost related? Political? We do have universal health care here. Some people have private medical insurance, because waiting lists can be long, but for an elective surgery like mine, that wasn’t a particular problem – and I got in really quickly due to a cancellation, as it turned out.)

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
      • Stella
        Stella

        I’ve been asking my GPs (I’m in the UK) about sterilisation since I was 19 (I’m now 30). Every one of them has been discouraging because I’m so young—which was probably fair enough when I was 19 but IT HAS BEEN A FREAKING DECADE—and not in a relationship. Obviously if I meet the ~right man~ I’ll want to have HIS babies, even though I’ve never wanted a baby at any other point in my life, so I should maintain my fertility for this hypothetical dude even though the thought of pregnancy and giving birth is itself incredibly offputting to me.

        Not that that can’t happen, of course. It may well happen to me. But I doubt it.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
        • I get the ‘right man’ thing a lot. Usually from people telling me I’ll change my mind when I meet him, which is a) heteronormative and b) misogynistic. Yes, I’m hetero (mostly; youthful experimentation notwithstanding) and to address the B part, I know my own mind.

          The right man for me doesn’t want children, so even if I fell in love with a guy and only THEN found out he wanted kids, I’d finish things. No point going with someone whose preferences are so different to mine. Not that I’d leave it to the ‘in love’ stage before asking if he wanted kids or not.

          It’d be first date matter for me. “What are you having for the starter? And I hope you don’t want kids, because I don’t. Shall we go for red or white wine?” 😀

          July 22, 2013
          |Reply
      • I asked to get my tubes tied when I was 22. The doctor flat-out said no because “You’ll change your mind.”

        I don’t mind the depo because it’s a once every three months thing and it stops me menstruating. That’s the big plus for me. When it comes to risks such as osteoporosis, I’d take that over having a kid any day. (That’s not to insult maternal women out there; you do a very difficult job – so difficult, in fact, that I decided twenty years ago I didn’t want it!)

        I don’t think they do tubals on child-free women who are still of reproductive age. It’s always “in case you change your mind”. In reality? It’s probably cost. Over here, it’s all on the NHS unless you want to go private which I can’t afford. Tubals would be classed as elective surgery for a woman who doesn’t have any life-threatening illnesses in her ladygarden.

        I’ve only got three or four years to go before my bits dry up anyway. 😉

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • SandorClegane13
        SandorClegane13

        @scarlettparrish

        “I asked to get my tubes tied when I was 22. The doctor flat-out said no because “You’ll change your mind.” ”

        THIS. RAGE. I know exactly what you mean. I’m not going to have kids. Ever. I’ve known that since I was at least freshman in high school, maybe earlier. I’m twenty-four now and every passing year the idea of having kids appeals less and less. I brought the subject of endometrial ablation up with my doctor about a year and a half ago (tube tying does the trick for avoiding pregnancy, but does nothing about pesky menstruation), and she said ‘we usually only do that for older women who have problems with their cycles.’

        Honestly, I figure if I can pony up the cash to pay for it, I should be able to get my ass sterilized whenever I want. If they want to have me sign a waiver that says I can’t sue them should I change my mind about having kids, fine. I’ll sign it. Just shut this damn uterus of mine down already.

        Also, I agree so hard about bringing up the desire not to have kids early on in a relationship. I know it’s a big deal-breaker for some people so it’s best to get it out there fast!

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • The hypocritical thing about telling women they’ll change their minds about having tubes tied is that no one says that to a teenager who wants to have a baby. We are told to respect the reproductive choices of people who aren’t even legal adults, and are only allowed to get mad if the older partner’s age is of such a span than the sexual relationship is illegal. It doesn’t matter that it’s harder to undo having a child if you change your mind (it does happen!) and that it’s a decision that directly impacts not only the woman’s life, but a child’s life as well.

        If we are expected to respect the reproductive choice for a 16-year-old to get pregnant, or anyone for that matter, including druggies and people like Octomom, then the choice of a woman to have her tubes tied should be respected. Shame on the doctors who have no problem helping 18-year-olds still in high school get pregnant faster, but who turn round and tell adults they might change their minds about not having kids!

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • I got my tubal ligation at 36, after asking for one for 10 years. I finally managed to convince the powers that be that I don’t want a baby and they should listen to me… wait a minute. I didn’t. They finally concurred that it was a good idea because I was diagnosed with ALS. It still makes me incredibly stabby that doctors told me I was too young, or would change my mind. They know better, right?

        Anyway, about Depo – I was on it for years and loved not having a period. I do miss it sometimes, about every 24 days. sigh.

        July 23, 2013
        |Reply
      • Andi in NZ
        Andi in NZ

        Wow, from your replies, it sounds like I got lucky, thanks to that Pill scare. Especially considering that my doctor was an older gent, who may well not have agreed with my choice. If so, he never presumed to express that to me. I had expected to have to argue, but didn’t have to.

        It might have been very different if I was single at the time, though.

        Certainly, I got all the ‘you’ll change your mind, your biological clock is ticking’ arguments from friends and family, also ‘it’s different when it’s your own kids’, and ‘it’s selfish not to have them’ – I have never really understood that last one particularly, which came from my mother.

        (Selfish to whom? Unborn children who aren’t wanted in the first place? The planet, which already has billions of humans? My partner, who didn’t want them any more than I? I suspect the real answer is actually to my Mum, who desperately wanted to be a grandmother, but in the end never got the chance. It’s a shame, but that’s life, and it makes no sense to have babies you don’t want to be raising because someone else wants you to… :()

        If I had changed my mind later in life? Well, each make our choices, the best we can, and live by them. Sometimes that can lead to regrets – but not in this case.

        Actually, the theatre nurse did ask ‘are you sure about this?’ as they were prepping me for surgery, and at the time it seemed late to go down that road, especially since I’d got the referral from my doctor, met with the surgeon, and I’d turned up at short notice after a cancellation, but obviously she felt she needed to ask…

        July 23, 2013
        |Reply
      • SandorClegane13
        SandorClegane13

        @Andi

        I’ve never understood the ‘selfish’ argument either. I will admit that several of the million+ reasons I don’t want children stem from selfish places, but they’re not the whole picture. Besides, what’s wrong with not wanting kids when you’re not up for investing all the time and energy and money that’s required to give your children a healthy start in life? My parents only had me, and it still boggles my mind how much of their lives they turned inside out for me alone. They don’t regret it and I’ll always be extremely grateful for their sacrifices, but I know I don’t have it in me to do the same. I think it would be more selfish of me to pop out a kid for the sake of passing on my genes when I’m not fit to raise a child than to just say ‘it’s never going to happen’ and spare an innocent person (who’s not canine) the trouble of utterly depending on me.

        I hope your mom learns to respect your decision regardless of your reasons. After all it’s your life and your body, not hers. Of course if you and your partner are crazy dog people like me you can get a puppy and say ‘here mom! Here’s your grandchild; happy now?’ 😛

        July 23, 2013
        |Reply
      • What really infuriates me about these stories about women having such a hard time getting ligation is that I had 3 kids by c-section, at 25, 27, and 29. With the second one — I was 27, mind you — I was asked 3 times if they wanted me to get my tubes ties “while they were in there”. With my third, it was EVERY APPOINTMENT, and multiple times while I was in labor waiting for my anesthesia. I wasn’t thirty yet, and everyone was pressuring me hard, as if because I was having kids early, I must be stupid and careless and should be sterilized for my own good.

        And yet people who want the surgery can’t get it. It’s really vile.

        July 23, 2013
        |Reply
  36. 1242
    1242

    I had my music on shuffle, and ‘Tainted Love’ came on as I read this recap.

    I did that thing where you laugh for a second but then get sad because of the implications behind the funny.

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
    • Trigger for me. Yikes. I’ve mentioned my abusive ex who was like Christian, and that creep considered “Tainted Love” to be “our song,” and jokes about not knowing who was running in which direction. Oddly enough, it was when he decided this was “our song” that I started to see him for the abuser he was. I didn’t see it when he didn’t let me have food for days (and we were far enough in the country and he always took the phone with him, so I had no way to get help), nor when he raped me repeatedly for years. I just took those are things people in relationships put up with. No food for me meant money to buy the comics that made him happy, and what right did I have to say no to sex? But that song and his amusement by what it meant told me he knew something was wrong.

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
  37. This. Was. Awful. Not your commentary, obviously, but the fact that this pile of flaming garbage ever got published. It reads like some really, really, really bad fanfiction that I might have stumbled upon when I was in my early teens… And yes, I do know that this did start as fanfiction.

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
  38. Ok. awesome recap is always. Just two things, I don’t agree with.
    1. Yes the pregnancy is definitely not Hannah’s fault but Ana and Christians and Ana should’ve checked her calendar, however she doesn’t really mistreat or “Scold” Hannah. She just calmly suggests that Hannah should warn her next time around, which she should have. If the moment Hannah tried talking to Ana wasn’t a good time, than she should try later. Plus, people in abusive relationships lash out at others, right?!
    2. Also (and please have in mind that I am not very qualified to talk about this, but) this isn’t really “anti-choice bullshit”, well not “bullshit” anyway. This topic is very personal and emotional. And (I think that) if I was pregnant in a not a great time, I wouldn’t be considering abortion and I would be “instinctively” putting my hand on my stomach. I did a research for a ethics class discussion once and… did yoiu know that a fetus’s hert starts beating 18 days after conceiving? That means it’s alive. Also abortion is breaking all the bones of the baby – a doctor that had been doing it for years, had a change of mind and became anti-abortion after he realized how disgusting it all was.
    Also, there isn’t any “choice” to be discussed here. Ana doesn’t want to terminate the pregnancy, she is thinking: “Maybe abortion will be the best thing for my abusive relationship”, which is truly atrocious.
    Plus, if I was Ana, I’d choose my baby over Christian any day. And if he divorces her, he’ll have to pay huge alimony (because they didn’t sign a prenup and every judge in the world will make him pay up if the divorce reason is “She got pregnant.”) AND child-support and Ana can finally find a great guy or you know… Kate, or Gia, whatever works. So yeah, that really would be the best thing to happen to Ana.

    July 21, 2013
    |Reply
      • Errant Endeavour
        Errant Endeavour

        It should also be noted that pinpointing when something is ‘alive’ is extremely nebulous. After all, the sperm is ‘alive’, the egg is ‘alive’. It is better to speak of personhood, which is formed by the brain – once called the soul (now simply metaphorically so) – developing to a certain level of complexity. In all honesty, I can’t recall exactly when the brain is developed enough for a human to become a human being, i.e., sapience, but I feel quite safe in stating that it’s at the latter stages of pregnancy.

        Jen, and all others who have read this series in its entirety, have my admiration and sympathy. I have struggled to make it only to chapter 10 or so of Darker. Knowing that this chapter is in my future, well, bottoms up!

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
    • Erin
      Erin

      The divorce thing sounds nice in theory, but if she has that child she will NEVER be free of Christian. Custody, visitation, child support: he would have the perfect excuse to keep a leash on her, even if she did leave him. Under Washington state law, he could file an objection with the court to keep her from leaving the state. You’re also assuming that she would get custody, and with Christian’s money, that might not happen.

      Most importantly of all, though, what possible guarantee does she have that he won’t abuse the child? How could she prove in court that he acts abusively towards her? She’s a 22-year-old with a useless degree, no money, and no real power. He owns the company she works at, so she’d be jobless and probably blackballed in the area before she knew what hit her. A young, unemployed woman against a sadistic, manipulative millionaire: this is not going to end well for Ana. She has no resources to protect herself or her child.

      Calling bullshit on the bone-breaking thing, too. At 4-5 weeks she would have a medical abortion. Two doctor’s visits to take medications, some bleeding, and a third visit to make sure the abortion is complete. The embryo can’t stay implanted and grow, so it is expelled. Like Laina said, there aren’t any bones to break and even if there were, Ana’s (theoretical, nonexistent) abortion wouldn’t break them.

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
    • I live in Washington and have researched divorce laws here. Alimony after such a short time won’t happen. No way. Not by a long shot. She also wouldn’t get any of his assets. Washington considers what each person brought into the marriage and what they contributed. For her, that’s nothing worth mentioning. Best case scenario for her is getting child support, but since attorneys would be involved, Christian could hire the best and she’d be on her own. Chances are Christian would win, and Ana could be required to pay child support because, even though her pay would be a drop in the bucket, she’s still responsible for support. Erin pointed out how Christian could file an objection, regardless of who has custody, to prevent Ana from leaving the state with the baby. This is almost always considered to be a reasonable request in the eyes of judges as leaving with the child is a tactic used by many parents to prevent the other parent from being able to see the child. So judges order the child to be kept in the state in the hope that both parents can see the child. If the custodial insists on leaving, custody will be overturned.

      Truly this isn’t a good thing to have happened. Getting pregnant for me is one of those things that would take an act of a god I don’t believe in, or tens of thousands in fertility help, but if I miraculously got pregnant by someone like Christian, I’d rush out to take some RU-some numbers, the abortion fill, that causes a miscarriage. This won’t work past the time the baby has the ability to feel pain. Like you, I find the way abortions are done to be abhorrent because non-medical ones do require ripping a body apart without anesthesia. There should be anesthesia to prevent pain. We don’t make death painful for condemned murderers even though it would be quick. We shouldn’t make it painful for an innocent life.

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
      • Laina
        Laina

        @Alys: Sources on that fact about “ripping a body apart”, please. And if you’re talking about a D&C, you know those are often used when people miscarry but aren’t passing the fetus, right?

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • “Pain is an emotional and psychological experience that requires conscious recognition of a noxious stimulus. Consequently, the capacity for conscious perception of pain can arise only after thalamocortical pathways begin to function, which may occur in the third trimester around 29 to 30 weeks’ gestational age, based on the limited data available. Small-scale histological studies of human fetuses have found that thalamocortical fibers begin to form between 23 and 30 weeks’ gestational age, but these studies did not specifically examine thalamocortical pathways active in pain perception.” Link This article also explains why anesthesia for a fetus that doesn’t even feel pain could increase the risk to patient having the abortion.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        @alys I’m assuming you are talking about the lethal injection for murderers, if you are, then I’m sorry to tell you but it does cause them pain – often times because they botch it up, but mostly because the anathestic prescribed can easily wear off. I dunno where I read it or heard it but I’m pretty sure one of the injections is to make it look like to witnesses they are dying peacefully but inside they are often not, and because they are paralyzed from the other injection they have no way of protesting. It’s a pretty sucky situation.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
      • KitKat
        KitKat

        I was going to say that I’m sure Kate would let Ana move back into the apartment, then I realized now Kate lives with Elliot, and Elliot has a connection with Christian. Unless Elliot is miraculously intelligent enough to know Ana needs protection from abuse, Christian could use Elliot to get to Ana. Even Ana’s safety network is compromised. Christian has the ability to destroy her and her family’s lives if she leaves him. She’d basically have to go into a witness protection program or something, and even then, I feel like in this universe, Christian would find her. This book is terrifying. I can’t fathom how so many people don’t see it.

        I also think women should NEVER feel the need to get an abortion out of fear of their partners, community, or anything else. I don’t believe in abortion personally, but I COMPLETELY understand that there are times when that seems like (or is) the best choice for the mother, the baby, or both. It’s such a tragedy that a woman would get an abortion of a baby she wanted to protect it from the people in the life it would be born into.

        I don’t even know what to do, because this reminds me so much of an internet friend I had that was taken to another continent and forced to marry a man who raped and abused her constantly. She was in a strange country with a language she didn’t know, and her family, the people who were supposed to protect her, were the ones who sold her into that situation. She completely disappeared a long time ago, and most likely she’s either dead by her own hand, by her illness, or by her husband. I hope she’s in heaven and feels like everything that happened was several lifetimes ago.

        These books make me think of her experiences, my own, and so many others’. To deny the abuse in them and call it romantic is to spit in our faces. No one deserves what we’ve gone through, not even Ana, who’s such a bad person it’s kind of hilarious. I don’t blame the author; I blame the society that created her and made the books best sellers. It’s the same society that taught me abusive relationships were normal to the point that I didn’t realize I was raped by my boyfriend until months afterward, when I was away from him. It’s the same society that taught someone to ask “Did he rape rape you, or did you just regret it afterwards?” when I opened up about it. All of it makes me feel so angry and hopeless.

        August 1, 2015
        |Reply
    • A. Noyd
      A. Noyd

      Sounds like you wouldn’t recognize bullshit if you saw it squirt out of a man-cow’s anus with your own two eyes. If you don’t want an abortion, by all means, never get one. But disclaimering your ignorance doesn’t excuse your repetition of anti-choice lies and emotional appeals.

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        LOVE! The Original poster is a clueless moron.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
    • I had an abortion when I was five weeks pregnant. I doubt there were any bones to break. And even if there were, who gives a shit? It’s not like it could feel it. It totally is “anti-choice bullshit” in this chapter. When I made the choice to abort, it wasn’t a “dark path”; it was the best decision for me and that’s that. Ana choosing to keep it? Well fine. I respect the choice a woman makes regarding pregnancy, but calling the other choice a “dark path” is most definitely bullshit. When my sister became pregnant unexpectedly, she chose differently from me. Had I been in her situation, I’d have aborted, but I didn’t shame her for not doing so. If abortion isn’t the right choice for you, don’t get one. But that doesn’t entitle you to suggest it’s the wrong choice for anyone else. I’m sorry, but that doctor you mentioned sounds like an idiot. Stopping because it disgusts you? Fine. Becoming anti-abortion? Fuck off.

      July 23, 2013
      |Reply
    • Not done yet. Most abortions occur in the first trimester, when miscarriage is at a fairly high risk anyway. My abortion involved no bone-breaking or ripping apart. There was a vacuum that sucked it out and took all of five minutes.

      July 23, 2013
      |Reply
    • Qora
      Qora

      It’s perfectly fine to not want or consider abortion, but you are an insensitive and clueless jackass if you characterize the women who would or do as not being good mothers. A lot of women who get abortions already have children or will go on to have them. Using the topic of abortion to paint Ana as a saint is heartless and ignorant thing to do, period. It’s like gay marriage- if you don’t like it don’t get one but other than that its not your fucking business.

      July 26, 2013
      |Reply
      • LIKE THIS COMMENT A LOT

        September 28, 2013
        |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        PREACH. IT.

        January 15, 2014
        |Reply
  39. Leah
    Leah

    The dialog in this chapter hit too close to home in regards to my parents.

    Definitely not word for word, but Christian calling her an idiot and making fun of her opinions is my dad. This chapter was really gross and scary.

    July 22, 2013
    |Reply
    • I have a friend going through this right now. She keeps holding out hope that the idiot will go back to “how he used to be.” I keep telling her that how she thought he was was a farce, and that what he is showing her NOW is who he really is – and he lets his own friends and family where they now are do the same to her, and since they live with some of his family, she never gets away from hearing how lazy and awful she is. They’ve already got a baby. He’s already made her miss a plane back home so that she’s trapped away from all her friends and family. But she keeps making excuses. He’s just stressed because there’s no money (he can drop $100 a week on BBQ for his friends, really that much, but there’s no food money for his kid). He’s tired from working a whole 30 hours. He’s depressed because his knee hurts. Etc., etc., etc..

      Oddly enough she recognizes Christian as the abusing freak he is. She doesn’t see her boyfriend, who does all the same and gets drunk regularly on top of it and lets others treat her the same way, as an abuser.

      July 22, 2013
      |Reply
      • jussayin
        jussayin

        Alys, I know you are just trying to relate to people but, to me, you come off as trying to make everything about you. You’ve told this story twice here now. Not that it isn’t relatively pertinent, but it just seems a bit insensitive to me. Maybe I am the only person who feels this way, but I’m definitely noticing it as I read comments on these recaps.

        July 22, 2013
        |Reply
  40. Sushi
    Sushi

    You know, Kate Middleton is in labour now. I’ll bet it’s going down with way less fuss than Ana’s labour will. I mean, they didn’t even have a police escort!

    July 22, 2013
    |Reply
    • XD Oh god that’s funny!

      I don’t mind the eye-color-compared-to-gemstones thing though, as long as it doesn’t become a thing. If a dude’s eyes are the color of sapphires, I would use that word to describe them. It’s that, or “really dark blue.” …I think “Sapphire eyes” wins over “deep blue eyes.” To me, “sapphire” pinpoints the color, so I prefer it to just dark blue; and emerald to… “leafy-green?” I guess? But if it’s for every character, it gets old. I’ve read stories where I could substitute people’s names for “Peridot,” “Emerald.” “Ruby,” etc. Because everyone had some sort of rocks for eyes. …And that, is lame. If it’s one character though, I think it can work, it’s romantic as long as it doesn’t get spread around to the point it’s overbearing.I’m working on (by working on I mean in my head, my lazy ass will never actually get around to typing it) an epic poem where I use “sapphire eyes” as a thing for the lead male, but it is told in past tense from the lead female’s perspective, and his eyes are the feature I wanted to pinpoint for him, so I wanted to be dramatic about it, But then, it’s a poem – and a love poem at that – so some melodrama is forgivable, if not expected.

      July 23, 2013
      |Reply
  41. Christian controls every single aspect of Ana’s life, except birth control? Even though Ana getting pregnant is the worst thing that could ever happen? That’s really inconsistent. I would have thought he’d escort her to the doctor himself to make sure she got the shot.

    July 23, 2013
    |Reply
  42. Definitely one of the chapters that made me particularly ragey. The next one too, when he threatens to rape her and also continues to blame her for the pregnancy.

    Also, maybe it’s just because I’ve had an abortion and regard that as a viable option, but it really bothered me that the doctor was all “Congrats on your new baby, let’s set up a due date!” Really? That’s your reaction to a pregnancy you know was unplanned? Why couldn’t it have been, “You’re pregnant; here are your options.” It was like she just assumed that Ana was totally going to keep the pregnancy, or even kind of guilted her into it.

    I live in Canada, so when I had my abortion, they made sure I couldn’t see the ultrasound, but Dr. Greene just sprung that on Ana. I was never given a transvaginal ultrasound either, which I’m thankful for because I was still a virgin at the time (you can get pregnant without penetration) and the abortion itself turned out to be painful enough as it was.

    And yeah, fuck the “dark path” bullshit. Choosing abortion didn’t feel “dark”; it felt like not drowning, and once it was over, I felt overwhelming relief. This chapter is just…the whole thing just has an incredibly icky anti-choice feel.

    July 23, 2013
    |Reply
    • Jessica
      Jessica

      Wow. I’m glad? That it all turned out well for you and everything. Can I just ask, and you obviously dont need to answer if it’s too personal, but how did you get pregnant? Are you Mary? I just never heard of that before . sorry if I am prying too much into your life.

      July 24, 2013
      |Reply
      • Stella
        Stella

        I’m not Alex and I don’t know her life, but it is definitely possible (sperm on fingers or other object, fingers or other object in vagina). There’s a reason the instructions in a condom packet tell you to get that bad boy over the penis ASAP.

        July 27, 2013
        |Reply
      • Well, at the risk of TMI, no condoms were used and my then-boyfriend came right up against my vag. One of my good friends definitely made Mary jokes, though. lol

        July 30, 2013
        |Reply
  43. Andrea
    Andrea

    Does anybody else imagine “Ms Elena Bitch Troll Robinson” as looking exactly like a blonde EL James?

    July 24, 2013
    |Reply
  44. Promise
    Promise

    My mom had to have C-sections with both me and my younger sister because her pelvis is shaped funny. Anyway, she and my dad planned on 2 kids only. period. the end. So, the plan was for her to have tubal ligation while she was still opened up from the C-section from delivering my sister. The fucking doctor leaves the operating room with my mom lying there, abdomen wide open and talks to my dad out in the hall. The doctor was trying to convince my dad to not have the tubal ligation done so that my parents could try again for a boy. Thank God my dad’s not an asshole and he was adamant that the doctor get his ass in there and due the tubal and close up my mom. My dad was really pissed at the doctor for acting that way. I’ve never understood why my mom continued to use this guy as her OBGYN for the next 20 years after he pulled that crap.

    July 24, 2013
    |Reply
    • That doctor. That fucking doctor.

      Wow. Number 1, trying to convince the dad- because obviously the man is the only one who matters… 2, the reason being to try for a son, because only sons are valuable… 3, I’m sure some risk is involved in leaving someone open on the operating table to have a pointless discussion… 4,Once you’ve had a C-section, subsequent C-sections are more and more risky, but oh of course it would be worth it if mom suffered or even died for the great goal of having a SON!

      I’m hating this doctor more than Chedward at the moment, as at least Chedward is fictional.

      August 5, 2013
      |Reply
  45. “My abusive husband just walked out on me after throwing a temper tantrum about the fact that I’m pregnant. Yeah, bitch, get me a Snapple, that should fix everything.”

    As someone who just delivered this month (and had one beer my entire pregnancy, at my shower, because I really REALLY craved a Guinness), I was laughing so hard at this sequence, I nearly woke the sleeping baby. OMG… hysterical.

    July 24, 2013
    |Reply
    • Sarah
      Sarah

      That would be so damn cool if she chose option B.

      July 27, 2013
      |Reply
      • Stella
        Stella

        Or both! There are always two Sith, after all…

        July 27, 2013
        |Reply
  46. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    OMG! You HAVE to see this video! It’s different interviews of Robert Pattison combined where he keeps saying how bad Twilight is etc.
    After seeing this I really don’t think the rumors are true that he went out with EL James to tell her he was interested in playing Christian, because he clearly thought Edward was a psycho http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtZAuieMCVQ

    July 27, 2013
    |Reply
  47. Me
    Me

    To be honest most of the time I’m not too fond of being a female. I sometimes seriously wish I was a guy ( and no, I’m not transgender or confused about my gender). And it might sound mean but I feel no sympathy for Ana’s plight. Even though how people don’t see this as abusive is beyond me. After reading these recaps I realized that I have a friend in an abusive relationship, and I think she knows it at least subconsciously, but her excuse is money. She likes expensive toys, she told me once that having a boyfriend was good because they “buy you things” but that’s not a good enough incentive for me, especially since I lean more towards being an aromantic asexual anyway. But she’s always doing things cus (well call him X) X said so. Cus he knows better and she pretty much has given up all autonomy cus why should she know these things, she has X who is unconditional. To be honest she annoys me w/ her talk of X since he has no personality, he doesn’t like any of the little things that people like. An example he refitted her something because he thought shed like it cus it was kinda tacky, something mind you that someone had taken time to get him. I know the abuse is 2 sided in this situation she uses him as a wallet w/ a dick, but she still gets the short end of the stick because she has no life. One time we hanged out and then he started calling her and calling her until she left because “he missed her”. So yeah he might not hit her or rape her, but he’s brainwashed her to the point that all she ever talks about is him and her family.

    July 27, 2013
    |Reply
  48. I love how, anytime she thinks about children, another Christian, being happy with a family, she thinks about a boy. Never a girl. That’s the first time in three books she thinks about having a girl. I wonder if it means something.

    July 28, 2013
    |Reply
  49. Feathers
    Feathers

    So ten days late and 133 comments later…

    I’d just like to say my job overexposes me to the celebrity media machine. Whenever another celeb is pregnant, everyone starts hauling out the term “baby bump”. It drives me crazy! It sounds childish and dismissive of something very wonderful. Like, what are we, 9 years old? Actually, the way they fawn over the celebs, that may not be too far from the truth.

    After reading this recap though, I think “little blip” is poised to top “baby bump” in my list of hated pregnancy terms. Even worse, I know it’s supposed to be an affectionate nickname but it’s just not doin’ it for me. It sounds ridiculous. But I suppose “little one” or something like that would be too sappy.

    Finally… I haven’t watched a lot of Adventure Time, but the episodes I’ve seen, I’ve been quite amazed. In the “wow, this is such an awesome story/concept/plot” kind of way. I happened to see “Thank You” (s3e17) with the snow golem and the fire wolf pup and I think I almost cried at the end! So touching! More recently I saw the adventures of Fiona and Cake and the bizzaro-world spin on everything (and everybody) was such an awesome twist. I really gotta start watching Adventure Time more regularly.

    Keep up the great blogs, I love reading them.

    August 1, 2013
    |Reply
  50. “So, this whole time I’ve been thinking that women who love these books have been brainwashed by society into not recognizing abuse. I was wrong. They recognize that Christian is abusive. They just apparently think a “strong woman” can change an abuser.”

    This was maybe my biggest head-desk, facepalm reaction, so far, to how ridiculously society is behaving toward these books.

    Here I thought it was strong for me to realize I should seek out a non-abusive partner to begin with, rather than possibly die trying to change an abuser.
    Gosh, I guess I just don’t want a real challenge, huh? It has to be that, rather than valuing my life, right? Ugh.

    Just, shit shit shit shit shit.
    Oh, and Holy Crap.

    August 5, 2013
    |Reply
  51. lams, labs, and lafs
    lams, labs, and lafs

    Jen, I am a long-time follower of your wonderful insight..this is the first time I am writing back. In my head I always planned to speak with intelligence, as a result of whole-heartedly agreeing with many things you have said, and possibly offer a bit of my own piece of wisdom- I am somewhat new to technology. I did not own a cell-phone until about 8 years ago or so. And they were ancient up til about a year ago. My phone is too smart for me. Where I am trying to go with all this is that you are my first experience with a blog. Ever. And I fell in love. So many times I have laughed out loud so hard, that Kitty would pull her ears back, all concerned, and then run away and chase dust balls. Or in public or at work, gazing at my phone and braying like a donkey-oh Jen, the looks I got!

    I even turned a 50 shades fan-the one co-worker girl who said that title to me (I remember vaguely hearing the title mentioned somewhere around before) and that it was a “good book” and I should read it…I turned her on to your 50 shades recaps, and now suddenly she began to see all the obvious, very disturbing shite that was shoved right into all of our faces, the horrible thing that compelled me to “curl my mouth” in disgust before hurling the “book” (haha! yeah right!) at the opposing wall and hear it slide down the wall and spread open onto the floor, so I could step on it while huffing out the room, wailing for humanity. You are an inspiration to me. Opened me up to a whole (previously mysterious) world of wonderfully, soul-elevating snarkines, where collectively, like-minded souls get together to discuss and illuminate one another about the sick, sad reality of terribleness our planet has been exposed to_ and we make humor out of it, because humor touches a wider audience, and I believe brings people together. And so on and so fourth…I cannot summarize to save my life. But in a nutshell-an extremely positive addition to my life, and I thank you. Through you, I am inspired to explore not only numerous talented, wonderful individuals who inspire me with their words and encourage me to find my own. Like-minded individuals, smart people who are awake and see bullshit for what it is, or at least aspire to in some way-through fabulous snarky blogs, recaps, honest recounts of personal experiences, the commenters, story-tellers, and more. Those who contribute honest and real thought and to better moods and laughter all around…I am also comforted by knowing humanity entirely doomed. There are a lot pollution in this world, and it’s hurting ppl..loved ones even! But for this extreme intensity is that type of frequency, there is equally an extreme intensity in smart people, good and natural people. realness. and people are standing up for those principals. So I have hope and faith for humanity yet..

    August 6, 2013
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  52. lams, labs, and lafs
    lams, labs, and lafs

    sorry about the novels..just want to be your cheerleader for a moment..thank you for trekking through this “impossible muck!” you are truly a heroine to us all. You are doing good for the world. you have gotten people to see the light-so to speak. and you bring us so much joy. please do not give up, you’re almost done! please put every bit of passion you’ve got to conclude this awful social experiment imposed on us all. And with you, we turn the tables back on them. Let James and the non-existent editors hang their heads in shame for selling out. And kick ass as you naturally do so well. From your conviction in which you speak your mind, to the endearing little things you do (your very special child-hood doll in particular, forgot her name…the one that now has her red lips stain down her chin, looking creepy-lovingly like blood, that whom you so cleverly and sweetly (at the same time!) like to sneak in and place in various locations to look at your husband while he tries to play video games (Here, I related to you as soul-sister in shared experiences messing with our husbands!). You must continue on to the bitter end with relish, and I admire you all the way. I read only the first book, reading on in confusion and disgust…waiting for the punch-line that never came. Then, in my search for like-minded individuals to confirm I am not crazy, I found you-my first and favorite blog. And I know you are busy with important projects of actually writing material with intent to entertain your readers and bring them joy, (not to mention replenishing the brain cells lost to this “50 shades of terror” cause) but please know we are rooting for you, and we will patiently wait for you to reach the time that is right to finally put this monster to bed- and when that time has come, we will all celebrate together, the conclusion of this fascinating study of “idiocricy”, and dissecting its this awful agenda.

    August 6, 2013
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  53. So, I’ve had it with Goodreads and all the women defending this “love story”. Apparently none of them understand that rape comes in all forms, the abuse is obvious, and that Christian should not be a romantic hero. I just can’t believe how much of this women inflicted misogyny has been allowed to permeate our culture and has been accepted and seen as being okay, or even normal! The circular arguments occurring with people that “just don’t see it” when it’s like a neon sign is mind boggling. I’m sorry I’m venting a bit here, but I feel like Jenny’s blog is a safe place with enough people that get it for me to ask this (probably) stupid question: what is it going to take to make the madness stop?

    August 24, 2013
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  54. Sophie
    Sophie

    “I wanted to show you the fucking world!

    dude you won’t even let her leave the fucking HOUSE.

    August 30, 2013
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    • The-Great-Dragon
      The-Great-Dragon

      Best comment.

      September 26, 2013
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  55. Simi
    Simi

    omigosh abortion is so bad! Ana, if you aren’t ready to be parents, then its okay to abort, fyi. My cousin who thought he could pull it off made life miserable for the poor baby. ok? MTP is fine if you aren’t ready.

    September 4, 2013
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  56. Tesria
    Tesria

    Coming late to the show, but:

    //Christian gets pissed off and storms out of the apartment, and Mrs. Jones comes in to comfort Ana:

    “I heard. I’m sorry,” she says gently. “Would you like an herbal tea or something?”//

    You know what this made me think of? That scene in Titanic where Rose’s *violent fiance we’re supposed to hate* yelled and broke china, and the maid came over after he left to clean up and try and comfort Rose. Interesting that this time we’re supposed to like the guy.

    Not that Titanic is a brilliant, unproblematic movie, but Ana needs a Jack Dawson-like-character to inspire her (because clearly she’s not going to get it on her own).

    September 4, 2013
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  57. While there were many WTF moments throughout the series that made me see red, this chapter pissed me off the most. Fuck, where do I start? First of all, I read this chapter when I was pregnant (in my second term). I couldn’t imagine telling someone like Christian that I was pregnant when I knew how he would react. If Christian did to me what he did to Ana when he found out about the pregnancy, that would be the last straw and I would’ve left him. I wouldn’t want someone as abusive and immature as Christian to be the father of my child (thank my deities I have my SO who is the opposite of Christian).

    Second of all, I don’t get why Ana didn’t feverently say “Your preferred birth control method, you know the one you forced on me, failed.”. I would’ve loved if she said that to his face because then it would’ve been his fault for forcing her to use a birth control method that wasn’t good for her. Yes, I realize that it was Ana’s fault too for not keeping on track with her appointments. However, I can’t go much into DEPO as I’ve never been on it (just the patch-ugh, and the pill).

    Third of all, I do agree that it is anti-choice bullshit because while it’s not anti-choice for Ana to choose to carry to term, it is anti-choice for her to say that a reproductive choice like aborting a pregnancy you don’t want is a dark path and a “good mother” wouldn’t choose it. I guess Ana would see one of my best friends as a horrible mother and going down a dark path because she aborted to save her life from a fucking ectopic pregnancy (and you have people that are against abortion for even this reason, which I wonder what they’re trying to save since the fetus will die too if the woman dies…whether if she willingly chooses to die since she doesn’t like abortion or someone denied giving her an abortion).

    To be frank, I was shocked that Christian didn’t force her to abort given that he’s forced her to have sex with him and forced DEPO on her since he sees her body as being his. However, after thinking about it, he would probably use a child to keep her tied to him which is probably why most abusive assholes like him are against abortion (and probably giving the kid up for adoption)…so they can keep their power over the women they victimized.

    September 28, 2013
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    • Amazingly, I’m not done yet. I got one more thing to rant about that is a bit related to what I said about my best friend aborting to save her life from an ectopic.

      It pisses me off when people imply that pregnancy and childbirth are a fucking walk in the park as a way of trying to get women not to abort. Yes, I realize that there are women out there who are very lucky to have an uncomplicated pregnancy and childbirth. I’m one of those women. However, I’m *also* one of those women that have had a life threatening complication related to pregnancy.

      When I was pregnant the first time, I miscarried. Originally, I thought I was having a period. Imagine my surprise when I began to bleed like there was no tomorrow on the last day of this so-called period. I went to the hospital and found out there that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I lost the fetus by that point, and I was in the process of losing my own life because I was bleeding too much. What happened was while I was miscarrying (particularly the last day of this so-called period), my blood and the fetus’ blood mixed together. This is normally not an issue unless A)you are a woman with a negative blood with a fetus that has a positive blood type (which can lead to Rh incompatability unless you’ve gotten an RH globhin shot) or/and B)You have O negative blood. For anyone that is aware of how blood types and transfusions go, you can only get O negative blood if you’re O negative. If anything else mixes with O negative blood, it will be disasterous. I began to bleed out because my body was that desperate to rid itself of the other blood type that mixed in with mine. If it wasn’t for a D&C procedure and a blood transfusion (yes, I bleed that much)…I would be dead now. Yes, this isn’t common with miscarriages. In fact, I’ve only read one other woman that went through the same thing as I did and she also had O negative blood. Because of this, my blood was monitored throughout my last pregnancy and when I gave birth to make sure my blood type and the fetus/baby’s blood type weren’t mixing. However, you can bet your ass if I had another complication with this last pregnancy, it would’ve been the last time I gotten pregnant. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can sympathize with women who don’t want to be pregnant when they have gone through a life threatening complication related to pregnancy and childbirth even though I choose to try to get pregnant again despite what had happened to me because it’s all about what each individual wants rather than the collective (especailly since they’re the ones that don’t have to live with the decision or deal with the aftermath of whatever decision is made).

      September 28, 2013
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  58. Lieke
    Lieke

    Every single time Ana has reason to be angry with Christian for something dickish he’s done, she shifts her anger to something relatively minor. Every. Single. Time. Here it’s Christian meeting with Elena. Which Ana is mad about for all the wrong reasons as usual. Because she’s jealous. But this way Christian can ‘explain’ why he went to Elena and promise never to do it again and everything will be fine. We can forget about addressing the actual problem: his reaction to her pregnancy with the blaming and the yelling. It drives me crazy. There’s no resolution for anything, ever.

    October 12, 2013
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    October 31, 2013
    |Reply
  60. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    This reminds me, forcibly and unpleasantly, of the time I had to tell my abusive ex- husband I was pregnant after he got arrested for beating the shit out of me. I was so scared, I bought him alcohol to try and lessen the blow. He reacted… Well, see above. Then he spent my entire pregnancy telling his family I was faking (after I peed on a digital stick right in front of him, and got an ultrasound, and, well, yeah…) even though I had HG and lost 25 lbs in 3 weeks and had to be hospitalized and had a ND feeding tube put in, twice because I vomited so hard that I threw the first tube up. Yup, up from my small intestine, and it hurt like a mofo, and I cried for an hour afterward alone in the hospital without my husband, the person who is supposed to love and support me. I’m pretty sure the combination of the stress inflicted by him and his family harassing me daily over “faking” it — faking what, how do I fake this shit?!? — and the HG/weight loss/malnutrition thing caused me to miscarry at almost 11 weeks. Then, of course, I REALLY was faking cause, LOOK, I’m not actually going to give birth after all! Even though I did, alone, in the middle of the night, on my toilet, and cried, and cried, and cried.

    People love this series, and it is NOT OK!! I am not a hateful person (I pray for my ex by name every night, I work hard to forgive him and his family for all of this stuff), but I HATE EL James! She offends me as a Domme (who loves her sub and treats him with respect, who Domme’s him because he GIVES that to me willingly, because he LOVES me and TRUSTS me, and who would never, EVER make him feel bad for safe wording… WHAT THE FUCK?!), she offends me as an avid writer of fanfiction in my “youth” (I love you, JK!), she offends me as a writer (because this book is appalingly, disgustingly, badly written!), and she offends me as a human being. I almost wish she had come out to say, “I wrote this book as an example of an abusive relationship, this isn’t a romance, this is serious!” but NO. She is fucked in the head and has dollar signs for pupils and I really, really hate her!!

    November 29, 2013
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    • laina1312
      laina1312

      I am so sorry for your loss.

      November 29, 2013
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    • Annie
      Annie

      Oh, I’m so sorry. What a thing to endure.
      I had hyperemesis during my one pregnancy and I’m sure that the only reason I made it through was because of the constant support of my husband. We tried for years to get pregnant, and I desperately wanted a baby, but still those months of pregnancy were complete hell. And no matter how hellish they were for me, I think they were even worse for him. He was working full time, running me back and forth to doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds, the ER, the hospital, the pharmacy. He watched me waste away and become pale and sunken while he couldn’t do anything to help me for months on end. There were so many times that I didn’t think I could get through one more hour of it and at those times he would sit by my side holding my hand all night long, even though he had to work that morning, telling me I was strong enough and that we would get through it.

      I wish no woman had to endure HG. Even in it’s mild forms it’s hellish. I’m so sorry for what you went through, not just because of the HG and that you lost the baby, which believe me I am incredibly sorry for, but also because you *should* have had a loving, supportive partner there with you. He should have been there holding your hand, bringing you the little things like hair ties and meds. He should have been rubbing your back and assuring you that you had the strength to get through it no matter what comes.
      I am so, so sorry that he wasn’t there. He should have been! He should have been, damnit!
      I’m a bit awestruck that you’re determined to forgive him and his family. You’re a bigger woman than me because I am *furious* at him on your behalf.

      I’m also furious at EL James for all the reasons you named. I’m even more furious that so many people are eating up her drivel and put it up on a pedestal as something to strive for literarily and romantically.
      I strove for a relationship similar to the one in these books when I was younger. I strove to keep that relationship for quite some time. Then I realized that not only was this “relationship” dysfunctional, it was abusive. Very abusive. I’m so glad for these recaps because I wouldn’t have been able to handle the books. It’s scary reading from the perspective of being in Ana’s head and read her thinking and saying the EXACT same things I thought. Reasoning to my self why this relationship was worth maintaining in the EXACT same way. Sometimes word-for-word. I can’t wrap my head around how James was able to so accurately portray the thought processes of an abused woman while insisting the relationship is *not* abusive. And it seems that it’s quite possible that EL James really and truly didn’t intend to portray an abusive relationship and that truly baffles me more than anything else, I think.

      December 3, 2013
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    • Maggie
      Maggie

      There was only one good part of this story, the part where you said he was your EX husband. And I am so, so happy that you found a loving relationship. I wish you all the hugs.

      April 26, 2015
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  61. Mets
    Mets

    This guy! This fucking guy!

    When I got pregnant with my son (he’ll be 20 next month!) and I told my husband I was “with child” he was shocked! “How did THAT happen?” he said, and I just laughed…”would you like to go to the video?” LOL

    As for drinking, I didn’t even do caffeine, but eat? Gods I ate like someone uncorked my face! When he was born he was the only boy on the ward, with 11 other babies…all girls. And he had flame red copper penny hair! (First in my family!)

    I *almost* rage quit when she kept “delaying the inevitable” about telling Chedward…I would’ve been like, “oh and by the by (since *all* Americans say that *rolls eyes*) I’m having the Son of Lucifer, SUCK IT!” and have Taylor shoot him in the head with a bazooka.

    Major bonus points: my daughter’s name is Taylor, and she ROCKS. 🙂

    November 9, 2014
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  62. […] responsibility to protect themselves, both from assault and from pregnancy. (You know, because Christian freaks the fuck out at his wife and calls her “stupid” for getting pregnant when he chose her birth […]

    February 10, 2015
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  63. Yvonne
    Yvonne

    “You see that woman?” I talk quietly to the blip. “She might be the reason you’re here.”

    ~ Fuck you, Ana. Take responsibility for YOUR actions, dipshit.

    On my way, I pop into the spare bedroom. Perhaps this could be Little Blip’s room.

    ~ Stop calling it that! Do you even KNOW how a fucking ultrasound works? A fetus, no matter how small and undeveloped, does NOT look ANYTHING like a blip! A blip isn’t even something you see, if you want to get technical. It is a SOUND made by a RADAR!!! Godamnit, Ana, you’re too stupid to reproduce.

    The reality in which you forget about the whole “we’re building a house with a sexually aggressive architect” subplot?

    ~ Um, how is Gia sexually aggressive? Nothing she ever said or did accurately matches the dictionary definition of “sexually aggressive.”

    It’s from her. Mrs. Elena Bitch Troll Robinson.

    ~ And you’re a fucking CHILD, Ana. Is that any better? No mature, rational adult uses terms like “bitch troll.” “Bitch,” fine. “Troll,” maybe. Depends on the context. “Bitch troll” just sounds like something a bratty 13-year-old says on the internet, and definitely never in real life. Because even 13-year-olds know it sounds stupid in real life. And once again, you clearly have NO idea what a troll is. Elena fits none of the definitions of the word.

    August 16, 2015
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