It’s that time of year again. The time of year when Facebook status updates turn from “Anyone want 2 naughty children?” and “My husband is my best friend. Repost if your husband is your best friend,” to “Some dumb bitch at Target had the nerve to say Happy Holidays to me, like I’m a goddamned Satan worshipper or a Jew or something. HOW VERY DARE THEY! CHRIST IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!” and other such very, very tolerant Christian nonsense.
I’m a Catholic. Yes, I realize this means that to about 95% of the other Christian religions, I’m a godless Mary worshipper and not a Christian, but believe me, there is a lot of Jesus happening in our branch of Catholicism. So let me just make this plea, on behalf of all sane and rational Christians in the word. GUYS STOP ACTING LIKE WE’RE PERSECUTED.
From the annual “Happy Holidays is taking the Christ out of Christmas” explosion to the recent “Good for Lowe’s for pulling ads from that show that makes Muslims appear to be fellow humans” nonsense, I’ve just had it. At least twice a day I get emails or I see status updates on facebook that urge me to copy/paste if I’m not ashamed of Jesus. You know what? I’m not ashamed of Jesus. I’m just worried that someone might think I’m full on Shirley from Community.
I think my fellow Christians and I are missing a really big point. We don’t need our government to celebrate our holidays. We don’t need to see only Christian material on television. We need to do what Jesus wants us to do. We need to treat our fellow humans with respect. Early Christians, the ones who had to hide for fear of their lives, the ones who were killed for their beliefs, would want to fucking smack us for calling our offense at a cashier giving us vague holiday wishes “persecution”. Stop attaching Jesus’s name to things he couldn’t care less about, like whether or not a muslim family has a reality show or a nativity is on a courthouse lawn.
Also, Jesus wants us to save Community. And he wants The Talking Heads to start making music again. JESUS WANTS IT, DAVID BYRNE. JESUS WANTS IT.