Skip to content

Balloon Animals: An Interlude

Posted in Uncategorized



JENNY TROUT lounges on her bed, pondering all the vast scope of the cosmos within. Also, she’s recently smoked marijuana. Her husband, MR. JEN, sits annoyedly beside her, trying to watch a television show.

You know what would be an amazing job? If you could make those balloon animals.

Mr. Jen doesn’t not answer or acknowledge her.

Just think about it. That business is all profit. You can buy a bag of those balloons for like, a dollar. Then you sell, what, you make swords and flowers? And you go, okay, this sword is two-fifty. Or two dollars. You sell just one and that’s it. It’s pure profit from one sword or whatever. There’s practically no overhead. All you have you have to do is learn to make those balloon swords and animals.

Mr. Jen sighs heavily. The volume of the television rises, not subtly.

There’s no overhead. I would do that.

You’re terrified of balloons.

If I wasn’t afraid of balloons. I would do it if I wasn’t afraid of balloons.

During a lengthy pause in the conversation, Mr. Jen visibly relaxes, trying to enjoy his show.

There’s no overhead.

Mr. Jen has finally had it.

There’s your time! You’re losing your time!

Right, but that’s any job. And you’d be making ninety percent profit.

Except for the alcohol.

What alcohol?

All the alcohol I’d have to drink to cope with that fact that your job is selling balloon animals!



Did you enjoy this post?

Trout Nation content is always free, but you can help keep things going by making a small donation via Ko-fi!

Or, consider becoming a Patreon patron!

Here for the first time because you’re in quarantine and someone on Reddit recommended my Fifty Shades of Grey recaps? Welcome! Consider checking out my own take on the Billionaire BDSM genre, The Boss. Find it on AmazonB&NSmashwords, iBooks, and Radish!


  1. APE

    ok, so my college job was making balloon animals (on stilts, but that’s not strictly necessary) and….you’re not 100% wrong.

    at the time i could get 250 balloons for $6 (the good ones, too…i have no idea what they cost now), and generally speaking people would tip a dollar per balloon, sometimes more (sometimes less, but there will always be jerks). i could average about $30/hr in the right place at the right time. the trick is knowing where the right place/time is and being willing/able to deal with entitled/whiny people (yes, part of any job, but it was worse in that job than most of the others i’ve worked since).

    if you and/or mr. jen ever go down that road, here’s tip from me to you: when you’re ready to kill your line and go home, make an end of the line balloon (just inflated/untwisted is fine) and give it to the last person in line. tell them that they are going to be the absolute last people to get a balloon out of you, so don’t let anyone in line behind them. somehow just telling them is totally ineffective, but giving them the balloon to hold makes them feel powerful and they’ll start turning people away for you.

    July 18, 2017
  2. Anon123

    Perfect punchline. A+

    July 20, 2017
  3. saint_buffy

    I like Mr. Jen. He reminds me of my husband, Mr. Buffy. Well, the humorous anecdotes you share about him anyway.

    July 21, 2017

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *