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Balloon Animals: An Interlude

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FADE IN

INT. BEDROOM, DAY.

JENNY TROUT lounges on her bed, pondering all the vast scope of the cosmos within. Also, she’s recently smoked marijuana. Her husband, MR. JEN, sits annoyedly beside her, trying to watch a television show.

JENNY
You know what would be an amazing job? If you could make those balloon animals.

Mr. Jen doesn’t not answer or acknowledge her.

JENNY
Just think about it. That business is all profit. You can buy a bag of those balloons for like, a dollar. Then you sell, what, you make swords and flowers? And you go, okay, this sword is two-fifty. Or two dollars. You sell just one and that’s it. It’s pure profit from one sword or whatever. There’s practically no overhead. All you have you have to do is learn to make those balloon swords and animals.

Mr. Jen sighs heavily. The volume of the television rises, not subtly.

JENNY
There’s no overhead. I would do that.

MR. JEN
You’re terrified of balloons.

JENNY
If I wasn’t afraid of balloons. I would do it if I wasn’t afraid of balloons.

During a lengthy pause in the conversation, Mr. Jen visibly relaxes, trying to enjoy his show.

JENNY
There’s no overhead.

Mr. Jen has finally had it.

MR. JEN
There’s your time! You’re losing your time!

JENNY
Right, but that’s any job. And you’d be making ninety percent profit.

MR. JEN
Except for the alcohol.

JENNY
What alcohol?

MR. JEN
All the alcohol I’d have to drink to cope with that fact that your job is selling balloon animals!

[FADE OUT]

THE END

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3 Comments

  1. APE
    APE

    ok, so my college job was making balloon animals (on stilts, but that’s not strictly necessary) and….you’re not 100% wrong.

    at the time i could get 250 balloons for $6 (the good ones, too…i have no idea what they cost now), and generally speaking people would tip a dollar per balloon, sometimes more (sometimes less, but there will always be jerks). i could average about $30/hr in the right place at the right time. the trick is knowing where the right place/time is and being willing/able to deal with entitled/whiny people (yes, part of any job, but it was worse in that job than most of the others i’ve worked since).

    if you and/or mr. jen ever go down that road, here’s tip from me to you: when you’re ready to kill your line and go home, make an end of the line balloon (just inflated/untwisted is fine) and give it to the last person in line. tell them that they are going to be the absolute last people to get a balloon out of you, so don’t let anyone in line behind them. somehow just telling them is totally ineffective, but giving them the balloon to hold makes them feel powerful and they’ll start turning people away for you.

    July 18, 2017
    |Reply
  2. Anon123
    Anon123

    Perfect punchline. A+

    July 20, 2017
    |Reply
  3. saint_buffy
    saint_buffy

    I like Mr. Jen. He reminds me of my husband, Mr. Buffy. Well, the humorous anecdotes you share about him anyway.

    July 21, 2017
    |Reply

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