I WAS PREY edibles game

Have you seen the absolutely bonkers show I Was Prey? I started watching it on Discovery+ and I became hooked. The marketing explains that the show “recounts the hauntingly true stories of people who found themselves in a life or death situation, face-to-face with a dangerous animal.”

What they should have said was, “recounts the hauntingly true stories of people who made fucking terrible choices and ended up getting mauled by something. Come look at this guy’s stump.”

The formula of the show is pretty simple to understand. An episode tells two stories, cutting back and forth between them to keep viewers on the edges of their proverbial seats. Most episodes are what Mr. Jen calls “surf n’ turf,” because one tale will take place on land (a bear, for example) and the other in the water (almost certainly a shark), and they’re told in first person by the, well, prey. While bears, sharks, and gators lead the pack, you also get the occasional moose or hippo. Frequently, the stories are pretty hilarious. One time, a raccoon pulled a lady’s pants down. Another time, a man was shot twice by his son-in-law while being actively mauled by a grizzly (“Skeet saved my life,” the man tearfully recounts about the man who, I cannot possibly stress this enough, shot a person being attacked by a grizzly bear. Twice). A scientist with knowledge of animal anatomy shared the stunningly bad-ass realization he had while a shark ate his legs: “I know how to get that eye out.”

The gentleman did, indeed, go on to rip a shark’s eye out.

While the individual circumstances of the stories are what really make them pop (a man bitten by a rattlesnake realizes he left his cellphone in his locked truck; a ranger decides that today is a good day to leave the bear spray at the office), there are a lot of common themes and events that occur in each episode and that’s part of what makes it fun to watch. It’s one thing to laugh at the misfortunes of another (in my defense, these people survived), it’s another to be able to indulge in running jokes with the people who watch the show with you. It gives it that extra bit of oomph to place hypothetical bets on whether or not this shark attack segment will result in a dramatic stump revelation, or if the mountain lion’s breath will be described as smelling like death.

These hallmarks of the show give Mr. Jen and I so much joy, we decided to make I Was Prey into a drinking game. Lately I just haven’t enjoyed drinking alcohol. I do, however, enjoy watching I Was Prey while apocalyptically high, so I’m turning this into an edibles game. If you live in a place where you have legal access to marijuana-infused edible treats, consider the following recommended “doses” of treats for each event.

Unofficial and Unaffiliated I Was Prey Edibles Game
Every time one of these events occurs, take the suggested dose of THC. You will get fucked up.

• “It seemed like a lifetime.” Any time the survivor describes time as slowing/freezing/standing still, says it felt like a lifetime (“I was only under the water for probably thirty seconds… but it felt like a lifetime.”) or an eternity, take 5mg.
  
• When the survivor mentions how bad an animal’s mouth stinks, take 5mg. If they specifically mention that it smells like “rotten meat” or “death,” take 10mg.
  
• When an episode isn’t a surf n’ turf, i.e., if there are two attacks on land and none involving water or vice versa, take 20mg.
  
• When the animal returns after the initial attack to strike again, take 10mg for the second attack, 5mg for each subsequent attack.
  
• “Suddenly, I’m on the ground.” When the survivor describes being knocked down by the land predator, take 5mg.
  
• “I felt something bump me.” When the survivor describes the first hit from a water-based predator, take 5mg
  
• If the episode is bearless, take 20mg
  
• If the episode is sharkless, take 20 mg
  
• If the episode has neither bears nor sharks, take 50mg
  
• “I knew I was going to die.” Take 5mg at the moment in the story that the survivor realized they were in mortal peril.
  
• Anytime the title cards are in passive voice, i.e., “Sally is being attacked by a mountain lion” instead of “A mountain lion is attacking Sally,” take 5mg.
  
• If the survivor dramatically reveals their horrible scar, take 5mg.
  
• If the survivor dramatically reveals their missing limb, take 20mg.
  
• “I could feel his teeth in the back of my skull.” Whenever the survivor describes teeth in their skull, take 5mg.
  
• When the survivor punches the animal, take 5mg.
  
• When the punches are underwater, take 10mg.
  
• When the punches do nothing, take 5mg.
  
• When the survivor is wounded by something other than the animal during the attack. For example, Skeet, who shot his father-in-law twice while the poor guy wrestled with a grizzly, or the guy who stabbed himself with his pocket knife while a mountain lion attacked him. Take 20mg.
  
• “I had to survive for my kids.” Everyone on this show has to survive for something. When they state what that thing is, take 5mg, unless…
  
• The survivor’s motivation to survive the attack is their dog. If that’s the case, take 10mg.
  
• The survivor accidentally left behind life-saving equipment. If, for example, the ranger forgot his bear spray that day, take 5mg.
  
• The survivor intentionally left behind life-saving equipment. If, for example, the ranger intentionally left his bear spray in his vehicle because he’d never needed it before, despite being deep in bear country, take 10mg

You will likely ingest between 100mg and 200mg if you find the right episode. I recommend closing your eyes, scrolling, and surprising yourself. And if you’re not into substances, making it a hydration game and take a drink of water instead of edibles. Just be careful not to get water-drunk.

Does anybody in Trout Nation watch I Was Prey? Let me know if you check out the show or try the game.