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***CONTEST*** Name Chedward’s Penis! CLOSED!

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As you may recall, in chapter nine or ten or whatever, I don’t really care anymore, Christian Grey waves his dinghy in Ana’s face and tells her to be on a first name basis with his throbbing love shaft. But then he never tells her what its name is. In fact, I’ve read the whole book and I don’t remember him ever telling her what he named his penis. How is a girl supposed to be on a first name basis with it if you don’t even introduce them properly?

That’s where you’re coming in, dear readers. You’re going to name Chedward’s (pronounced like “cheddar”, since someone asked) little friend. You’ve got from the time of this posting until 6pm on Friday, May 11, to submit your names. Submit as many as you want, knock yourself out. Then my cousin D-Rock and I (someone once you can tell you’re a certain type of country dwelling folk if most of your stories start out, “My cousin and I..”) will read the names and pick out the top ten, based on cleverness and also just plain stupid or fucked-upness. Whatever makes us laugh the hardest. If you’re #’s 10 – 4, you’ll win the satisfaction of having your suggestion mentioned. But if you’re #’s 3-1, you’re going to win some fantastic ebooks as a prize!
For third and second place winners: You’ll receive Wolf’s Honor (historical shape shifter romance) and Long Relief (contemporary baseball romance) by Abigail Barnette. Which is my pen name, so, basically, you luck out by winning my erotic novellas. Try not to get too excited.
First place winner will walk away with:
  • Your choice of two titles from The Raven Books, graciously donated by Michelle M. Pillow and Mandy M. Roth!
  • One digital title from Leigh Ellewood’s backlist!
  • The Succubus Gift by BR Kingsolver!
  • Long Relief and Wolf’s Honor by Abigail Barnette
  • One digital title from Bronwyn Green’s backlist!
  • Put Out The Zombie, by Billy London
So, get posting your penis names, and maybe you’ll walk away with a whole heap of ebooks! Or not, whatever. Maybe you’ll just have a good time. And then, in a way, you’ll be the big winner, too.
I think I probably had too much wine with dinner.

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Here for the first time because you’re in quarantine and someone on Reddit recommended my Fifty Shades of Grey recaps? Welcome! Consider checking out my own take on the Billionaire BDSM genre, The Boss. Find it on AmazonB&NSmashwords, iBooks, and Radish!

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