Skip to content

The night Cinna ascended

Posted in Uncategorized

My cousin Desiree– known to the citizens of Trout Nation as D-Rock, destroyer of worlds– had a gerbil. Its name was Cinna. D-Rock bought this poor creature when she saw it in a tank all by itself at the pet store and an employee remarked, “He has to stay in there because he’s a bully.”

The bully part was the selling point, I’m pretty sure.

From the moment it was purchased, D-Rock devoted as much time and energy as possible to make sure this gerbil had a rad life. In a huge glass tank, she assembled a veritable city of cardboard boxes and wood shavings suitable for burrowing. Cinna was king of a deserted city, master of all it surveyed.

While D-Rock was recently on vacation in Mexico, Cinna lived with me. It was, without doubt, the most ill-tempered rodent I have ever seen. As I sat at my desk working, Cinna would come out of its little box houses and challenge me, standing on its hind legs and chattering, then dropped down beneath the lip of the cage and popping its head up for surveillance. When I fed it, it ate its bowl. When I gave it water, it flipped the dish. And ate it.

Last night, when D-Rock went home from my house (we watch TV together nearly every night) she found that Cinna had passed from the realm of her cardboard kingdom, into the universal consciousness.

So she tweeted it.


Falcons are a recurring theme with D-Rock. It has been foretold that purchase of a falcon will be the final straw in her marriage, but we all know that bird is coming someday.


Yes. She constructed a funeral pyre, whereupon she cremated the body of the Gerbil.



Rest in peace, Cinna. You gave no fucks and lived life by your own rules.




Did you enjoy this post?

Trout Nation content is always free, but you can help keep things going by making a small donation via Ko-fi!

Or, consider becoming a Patreon patron!

Here for the first time because you’re in quarantine and someone on Reddit recommended my Fifty Shades of Grey recaps? Welcome! Consider checking out my own take on the Billionaire BDSM genre, The Boss. Find it on AmazonB&NSmashwords, iBooks, and Radish!


  1. I had a white mouse named Algernon in college. He did the same thing. And when I found him dead atop his overturned food bowl, my roommates gave him a pyre in the parking lot.

    February 25, 2014
  2. Vicious little beasties, gerbils. They’ll eat their own babies. I had one when I was young whose dad had eaten off his hind feet so he had two stumps for back legs. His name was Nibbles 😀

    February 25, 2014
    • That seems to be most rodents, not just gerbils.

      February 26, 2014
  3. ErrantEndeavour

    And now her watch is ended.

    Sorry, I just felt it was the appropriate thing to say. My deepest condolences, D-Rock.

    February 25, 2014
    • Lieke

      That’s respectful but funny at the same time.

      Losing a pet is so… I don’t know. Sometimes other people respond (right after it happens) by pointing out that it was ‘just’ a dog/cat/gerbil/fish/whatever. Fuck you, people with zero empathy, I KNOW that it was a dog/cat/gerbil/fish/whatever (this is starting to sound like some awesome, yet frightening hybrid creature). But it wasn’t ‘just’ anything.

      So, I’m sorry, D-Rock. At least Cinna had a pretty sweet gerbil-life.

      February 26, 2014
  4. That is simultaneously depressing and hilarious and I feel bad for laughing. Condolences D-Rock. I made my dad help me build a coffin and bury my fish when I was a kid. They wouldn’t let me get another one after that… People say that you don’t get attached to smaller pets like rodents and fish as much but to them I say ‘bullshit!’

    February 25, 2014
  5. Bunny

    Sorry. I know how we get attached to our little critters. That funeral pyre rules.

    February 26, 2014
  6. It’s always sad losing a pet but at the same time that had me guffawing my head off. Sorry. Snortle.

    February 27, 2014
  7. Rest ye well, Queen Cinna of Cardboardalon.

    February 27, 2014
  8. Hav

    I had a hamster once who was just like that. Her name was Saga and she really hated everyone and everything. I think the hate was what kept her alive because she lived twice the expected lifespan of a hamster. She only got a coffin with a flower bed in it and was buried in the back of our garden tho.

    July 5, 2015

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *