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Merlin Club S04E01, 02: “The Darkest Hour” or “Haunted Sparkle Vagina Full of Ghosts”

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Merlin club is a weekly feature in which Jessica Jarman, Bronwyn Green, and myself gather at 8pm EST to watch an episode of the amazing BBC series Merlin, starring Colin Morgan and literally nobody else I care about except Colin Morgan.

Okay, I lie. A lot of other really cool people are in it, too.

Anyway, we watch the show, we tweet to the hashtag #MerlinClub, and on Fridays we share our thoughts about the episode we watched earlier in the week.

So, here’s a quick rundown of episodes one and two: A year after the season three two part finale, Morgana is wheeling Morgause across the countryside in a little cart, when she’s stopped by the Camelot knights. She whips their asses with magic and takes Morgause to the Isle of the Blessed, where she sacrifices her sister to open the veil between the realms of the living and the dead. A bunch of angry skeleton ghosts get unleashed, and they go all “This is Halloween” through Camelot. The only way to close the gaping haunted sparkle vagina of the netherworld is by making another sacrifice. Arthur goes to sacrifice himself, but he’s got a line of people to get through first, because Lancelot and Merlin both intend to make themselves a sacrifice. Lancelot is the one who actually does sacrifice himself, though, and Gwen blames herself, because she told him to protect Arthur.

This is really the perfect Merlin Club for Halloween, because skeleton ghosts.

If I had written this episode, I would have changed: I love this two-parter. The only thing I would have probably changed is the part where Percy carries all the children to safety. It was so cheesy, and made more so by the fact that his armor doesn’t have any freaking sleeves. It’s like, we get it, okay? Percy is strong.

The thing I loved most about this episode: Uther is a broken shell of a man with nothing left to live for. Also, skeleton ghosts. And I’ve never been a Lancelot fan, so I was fine with him being gobbled up by the death snatch (seriously, it looks like a vagina).

The thing I hated most about this episode: I understand that Gwen is a good person, and she wants to help Arthur, but I just find it so unspeakably cruel that she’s the full-time caregiver to the man who murdered her father.

Something I never noticed before: I’m coming to realize more and more what a douchey little teacher’s pet Leon is. I really liked him the last time I watched the series, but now… not so much.

Favorite Costume: Morgana’s creepy hoodie.

Screen Shot 2014-10-30 at 9.48.26 PM

Here is proof of some random headcanon I created: Nothing here.

What object would Bronwyn steal from this episode? Whoa, have we seen these chairs before? If Bronwyn doesn’t dig them, then I certainly do.

Screen Shot 2014-10-30 at 9.55.12 PM

What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? There are aaaaaaall sorts of Merthur moments in this one. Merlin is constantly trying to rescue Arthur from certain death, and Arthur is all about protecting Merlin. This is like porn to Jess.

Check out Jessica Jarman’s take on the episode here

Check out Bronwyn Green’s take on the episode here

That’s it for this week. Join us next week for S04E03, “The Wicked Day,” Monday,  8pm EST on the hashtag #MerlinClub.



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  1. It really is. I’ll own that. There’s a reason these episodes rank high on my fave list. Merthurrrrrrr!

    And how did I not notice those chairs? (Probably because I was raging about Gwen falling for Greasy Agravaines BS) Damn, I want those!

    October 31, 2014
  2. Rachel

    Percy has no sleeves because his arms are to giant! Also, you do not hide that light under a bushel (of sleeve)!

    October 31, 2014
  3. Emily

    I love Percy’s commitment to sleeveless chainmail. Completely impractical for him, but so very practical for people like me who want to admire those arms…

    November 1, 2014
  4. OMG! Those chairs!!! They need to be in my house immediately.

    Also, I’m gonna be laughing about Death Snatch for days.

    November 1, 2014
    • Angelee

      I knew I could count on Jenny to see the death snatch! It was literally all I could think about whenever it was on screen.

      January 3, 2017

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