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Let’s Get High And Watch The Craft!

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Hey everybody! You may recall that to celebrate Valentine’s day, I got high and recorded a Fifty Shades of Grey DVD-commentary style track that you could put on while watching the movie, and I make snarky little comments, etc. And some people liked that, so I decided that I would do it again. And then I was like, maybe I’ll do it more than once. So, today I offer you, perhaps for your Friday night viewing pleasure:


The Craft movie poster, with four goth girls in Catholic school skirts walking in front of lightning.

That’s right, dear readers. I rolled three joints and took a trip down memory lane. If you join me up on this journey (cannabis optional), you’ll get to experience such Trout-household hits as “Jenny trails off mid-sentence as she tries to remember which movie she’s seen that person in before” and “Jenny confuses all the 90’s teen movies with Scream“. You’ll also hear me arguing with my grouchy old man dog (I think he barks twice toward the end of the movie, once where the bugs and shit are crawling all over the house, and the other during the very last scene), and the plaintive whining of my youngest dog, who got locked out of my office.

You’ll also get to enjoy the maddening click of my thirsty rat drinking almost an entire water bottle, because the only time that little fucker gets thirsty is when…you know what? I just realized why he might get that thirsty only at certain times.

Carry on.

You can download the .mp3 here. Hit play just after the Columbia Pictures music ends.

Is there a particular movie you’d like to watch with me via the magic of doing this? Leave it in the suggestion box. I can’t promise I’ll do all of them, but I’ll definitely do some.

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Here for the first time because you’re in quarantine and someone on Reddit recommended my Fifty Shades of Grey recaps? Welcome! Consider checking out my own take on the Billionaire BDSM genre, The Boss. Find it on AmazonB&NSmashwords, iBooks, and Radish!


  1. candy apple
    candy apple

    I live in Utah. 🙁 The only high we’re allowed here is the altitude.

    But I’ve never seen The Craft and this sounds like fun!

    June 3, 2016
  2. Wooo, I love this idea! And I adore this movie. Can’t wait to hear your commentary, Jen. The Fifty Shades one was pretty entertaining.

    June 3, 2016
  3. Kate

    I watched this the first time a few years ago and I just remember being so disappointed because it started so well. I really fell in love with their friendship and then the ending totally undermined it. I agree with you. I’d love a movie in which women bond through witchcraft and then it doesn’t turn to shit.
    This film is pretty much a cautionary tale against women’s sexuality. I’m interested as well in the queer-coding (which isn’t stated but is implicit) and the intersecting of power/sexuality/queerness/insanity. Nancy’s ending is especially horrifying when considering the history of queer women being institutionalized. And it is a trope because BtVS had that metaphor of witchcraft serving as the catalyst for Willow’s queer awakening, but also a metaphor for addiction and going dark and losing control.
    And yeah, they way this movie addresses consent is so uncomfortable and again, super dodgy when coupled with the queer subtext because it paints queer women as predatory. Which is another thing BtVS did when Willow tried to control Tara with magic and effectively raped her.
    There’s a lot to like about The Craft and since supernatural movies about women tend to be a mixed bag, I’m pretty forgiving. But wow there’s a lot of bullshit.

    June 4, 2016
    • Mandi Rei Serra
      Mandi Rei Serra

      There’s the movie Practical Magic, about a family of witches; Stockard Channing, Diane Wiest, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman.

      Sandra Bullocks character disdains the hereditary magic, but ultimately draws upon it and family ties to handle a not-pleasant magical mishap.

      June 5, 2016
      • Betsy

        This is legit my favorite movie. The book is way better, but the film holds a special place in my heart. It’s so rare to see movies where women do nothing but hold each other up.

        June 27, 2016
    • Lisa

      Where is the queerness in The Craft? I don’t recall any indication that Nancy was queer, but maybe I just need to see it again?

      June 6, 2016
      • Kate

        Subtext. It’s in the movements and gestures. It’s implocit. Not stated, but there’s still a kind of coding going on.

        June 7, 2016
  4. mydogspa

    Ooh! Ooh!

    Do “Aliens!”

    I can just imagine a stoned Jenny ripping into Gorman (“I would’ve knocked you out hours ago!!!!”) or Hudson’s whining (“Just for that sniveling I’m throwing you to the queen myself!!!”)

    Hey, I can dream, can’t I? 🙂

    June 6, 2016
  5. Tessany

    I’d be interested in The Cell starring Jennifer Lopez/Vince Vaughn/Vincent D’Onofrio but that one might not exactly be 420 friendly considering the trippy dream quality of it.

    June 6, 2016
  6. Melissa

    This made re-watching this movie SO much fun! I lost it when you started putting them in the different Hogwarts houses. And then yelltexting your husband about Papa John’s. Dying! i’d love you to do more 90s movies, like Jawbreaker and Cruel Intentions.

    June 7, 2016
    • Emerald

      Oh second vote for cruel intentions! 🙂

      June 9, 2016
  7. Alex

    This movie used to be on Netflix, now it isn’t. Figures, the ONE time I might actually finish the movie…

    June 14, 2016
  8. mitzy247

    I would enjoy a Mannequin commentary just based on the opening credits animation.

    June 18, 2016

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