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A Comprehensive Guide To Commonly Used Mario Kart 8 Terms*

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*applicable to the Trout house, only.


Green Shell Green Shell

Red Shell Red Shell

Spiny Shell No, everybody!

Banana Peel Banana Shell

Any of the triple items Rotating [item]

Boomerang Australian Come-backer

Star Star Man

Fire Flower Ahhh bababababababababababababy I’m a fireball *imitate the horn line*

Blooper Squid Ink

Item Box Power Up Question Mark

Super Horn Sound Block

Bob-omb Bomb

Crazy 8 No! Oh holy shit I’m going to die I got the eight! I got the eight!



Princess Peach Princess Pee

Donkey Kong Dongly Knob or Knobbly Dong

Toad Tod

Toadette Todette

Baby Mario BM

Baby Peach Baby Pee

Tanooki Mario Mario 3

Cat Peach Cat Pee

Dry Bowser Dry Boner

Roy Woo-Woo

Baby Luigi Butthole Linguini

Pink Gold Peach Pink Gold Pee

Do you have any stupid names for characters in games you play? Are they as juvenile as most of these?

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  1. Alex

    Nope! And, nope! xD But I like yours.

    February 16, 2017
  2. Now THIS is the kind of quality content I follow your blog for! 🙂

    Seriously though, this is adorable. I don’t have nearly as many clever names, except:

    Spiny Shell: the “Fuck You” Shell
    Tanooki Mario: the Furry
    Triple Items: “Spinnies” or “the Circle of Death”

    Also, just . . . like, the normal names with “fucking” or “goddamn” in front of them, because I almost exclusively apply profanity to family-friendly situations.

    February 16, 2017
  3. Laura

    While we don’t play Mario Cart my brother and I used to play Yoshi’s Island pretty regularly. To this day I’ve still got toothmarks on the controllers from his ‘bites of frustration’ and Yoshi is always referred to as ‘Fuckin’ Yoshi’, in as angry a growl as possible.

    February 16, 2017
  4. candy apple
    candy apple

    I mostly just play The Sims, where I conduct breeding programs that would give Dr. Mengele pause. And this one time, a sim was rude to my sim at a party, so I made the rude sim pregnant (seven times, all with different fathers) using a cheat, then gave her the “Dislikes Children” character trait. Her life became a living hell. Don’t imply my sim’s mother was a llama, bitch.

    February 17, 2017
    • ElBandito

      ‘I mostly just play The Sims, where I conduct breeding programs that would give Dr. Mengele pause.’

      Late to the party (rough week) but this literally made me laugh my ass off! I didn’t do that sorta thing–but as a kid, I decided to create a haunted mansion in the Sims 1 by combining elements from ‘Da Hip Hop Witch’ and The Haunting remake (basically stuff I saw from the high shelf of a VHS rental store, and thought was aesthetically cool). I’d make this weird-o house, move some sims in (usually club kids, but were occasionally ‘regular’ families) and then I kill them in various ways and wait for them to come back as ghosts.

      Unfortunately, I made SO MANY ghosts in that lot that I eventually *broke* the game. After killing one too many sims (I think I had 38 graves in that mansion alone), instead of making ghosts appear every 3 am–the game just loads Playboy Bunnies. And so every night, when the clock strikes the witching hour–a horde of sultry Playboy Bunnies in gold suits would suddenly appear in the mansion graveyard.

      I eventually had to delete my haunted mansion because it couldn’t load properly after I quitted the game. It was still a totally fun (if confusing) end to the play-through.

      February 22, 2017
      • Karin

        ‘I mostly just play The Sims, where I conduct breeding programs that would give Dr. Mengele pause.’

        I’m often amazed how devious people get playing the sims. The most evil thing I did was removing the swiming pool stairs.

        I used to play rollercoaster tycoon a lot. I often picked up an unsatisfied guest and drop it in the water. I rescued it juuuust at the last moment, and figured the near death experience would make them appreciate the park more. Strangely, that never worked. So eventually, I let them drown or banish them to the iseland of disgruntled guests. Where they were left to wander aimlessly and had to fight for the one bench where they could rest their tired legs.

        February 26, 2017
    • ElBandito

      Me and my family didn’t have any special names for the Mario characters in Mario-Kart (well, except Baby Bowser who me and my siblings affectionally call, “Lil’ B.B.” (for Baby Bowser, obvs). But when I was little, I used to play Yoshi’s Story with my brother. Yoshi’s story is an old N64 game where you play as little yoshis that were trying to find their stolen fruit tree–and it’s basically like a good ‘starter game’ for really young kids to get into the Nintendo hype.

      HOWEVER, in Yoshi’s Story–every time you successfully clear a level or story progression, the yoshis would sing an uber-cutesy song that goes like, “Be Careful” (which unfortunately–probably because it was sung in Engrish–sounded a LOT like “The @sshole”). You’d seriously HAVE to listen to it on youtube, cuz it’s pretty…’special’.

      February 22, 2017
  5. Tom

    Every time someone uses the blooper on me I scream “Squid!” at the top of my lungs, because it’s the most evil of all items.

    February 17, 2017
  6. Dorth Vader
    Dorth Vader

    Not silly names, but I change Hamilton lyrics to fit whatever I’m doing in No Man’s Sky. I also talk to the animals like they’re my cat.
    OH! I did name a planet “Planet of the Doggos” and every animal was a different type of doggo. The only one I remember is “Flying Doggo.”

    February 17, 2017
  7. Karin

    As a kid, I played super mario 3 a lot. At the end of a world, you’d get a thank you from some toadstool king, and a letter from the princess, containing some item and hint.
    I’d always read aloud this letter in my most whiney voice, because I thought this princess was the most useless lady ever, just getting kidnapped and sending out stupid letters while sitting on her precious ass waiting for a guy to rescue her.

    Nowadays, I like the fantheory that princess Peach and Bowser are madly in love and derive some sort of sadistic pleasure in watching this backward plumber trying to be a hero. I imagine her writing this letter, while Bowser laughing in the background, snorting: “and add one of those useless clouds so he’ll be encouraged to continue seeking his death, bwahaha.” Peach would giggle, finish writing hastely, just in time for Bowser to contain himself before he ravishes her on the desk. Maybe an inkwell would spill, too.

    Imagine the disapointment when that silly selfrightious plumber actually manages to ‘rescue’ princess Peach.

    Somehow, everyone got tired of this charade, so they went go-karting like some sort of happy, murdering bunch, trying to cause deathly accidents using koopa bodyparts.

    February 26, 2017

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