Thing The First: My grandparents brought over a box of those pre-made Rice Krispies treats for the kids. You know, I remember a time when my grandparent bought ME those pre-made Rice Krispies treats, but whatever. I bitterly digress.
Anyway. I was trying to get the box open. If there is one thing I am not good with, it’s packaging. Even simple, non-window bearing envelopes give me troubles. And this box was glued shut. So, I asked my husband for help, and he just walked away. Sensing that I would perhaps exercise poor judgement in this situation, he returned to find me using one of those rounded-blade, metal icing spatulas to jimmy the box open. Picture Steve Martin in Roxanne using the credit card to open Daryl Hannah’s front door, and but with a fat lady and a box of treats. Obviously, my husband had to stop this, because he didn’t want to drive me to the ER. He muscled me out of the way, manfully tore open the box, and lifted the lid so that I could gaze upon the bounty within.
It was like looking into the Arc of The Covenant, but your face doesn’t melt off and there aren’t any Nazis standing around. Oh, and the Arc of the The Covenant is full of Rice Krispies treats.
I’m about to reach out and take one. My fingers are nearly inside the box. And that asshole slams the lid down and puts the entire stash where I can’t reach it. Not on the highest shelf in the cupboard, but on top of the very cupboard itself.
I have seen the face of true evil, my dear, dear readers. And his name is Joe.
I stood there, silently mouthing my screams of “Why! Why! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” so that my anguish would not awaken our children and disturb them or alert them to the eating of Rice Krispies treats.
And Joe said, “Why would I open the box and show it to you, like a treasure chest, then put it up on the highest spot, where you can’t reach it? For this. For this moment.”
Thing The Second: As I explained the Ana-Steele-is-Mary-Bennet slam in my recent 50 Shades Freed recap:
Jenny: “Trust me, you don’t get it because you’ve never read Pride and Prejudice, but that is a sick burn.”
Joe: “Oooh, yeah. Girl burn.”
And yes, “girl burn” was said in admiration.