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The Coffee People

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If you were even slightly aware of broadcast television in the 80’s and 90’s, you’re probably vaguely aware of the coffee people. They started out in commercials in the UK, then later in the US, in a kind of viral-marketing-before-viral-was-a-thing on-going serial that featured two very sophisticated people meeting and falling in love gradually through increasingly far-fetched coffee related interactions. At the height of the coffee people craze here in America, TV Guide actually ran advertisements about when the ads were going to be on. No, seriously, people were that wrapped up in the ongoing drama of these two coffee-obsessed commercial characters hooking up that they actually tuned in just for the commercials.

Last night, D-Rock and I were watching Manchild with Bronwyn Green and Jessica Jarman, via Yahoo! Messenger and Dropbox because we are not bound by the constraints of traditional face-to-face socializing. Anyway, while we were watching, I brought up the subject of the Nescafe Gold/Taster’s Choice commercials Anthony Head starred in during the 1980’s and 90’s. The conversation between D-Rock and I went something like this:

Me: Do you remember those commercials about the neighbors who liked coffee or whatever, and it always seemed like they were gonna bang?

D-Rock:Kind of?

Me: You know, where the woman comes over to borrow coffee or whatever, and then you’d have to watch the next ad to see if they were gonna hook up? This was in the 80’s or the 90’s? They were on for like, ever.

D-Rock: Oh my god, yes! I totally forgot those!

Me: Right?

D-Rock: And people were into those!

Me: Tony Head was in those.

D-Rock: It creeps me out that you call him Tony.

Me: Well, he was in them. He was the coffee guy.

D-Rock: Do you think those are on the internet?

Me: Everything is on the internet.

Well, dear readers… the internet did not disappoint:

Maybe it’s that time is a sort of varnish on people and events, and when you revisit those things the finish wears off a bit, or maybe its because these were five years worth of advertisements compressed into one eight minute video, but when you watch these ads all together like this, they become deeply weird. Oh, and before we get into this, if you’re weirdly sensitive about liking shitty coffee, this post may offend you. But really, if you’re that prone to dramatic reactions over beverage choices, there’s nothing I can do to help you.

The advert opens with this lady– I don’t think we ever learn their names, so I’m going to call her CL, for Coffee Lady–

CL1

showing up at the door to the Coffee Guy (CG)’s apartment. This is CG:

CG1

CL is in a pickle, because she’s having a dinner party, and she’s run out of coffee. CG invites her in, then he makes a face like, “I’m gonna tap that… even though this is 1987 and ‘that’ is probably constrained in layers of pantyhose and giant nylon underwear because for some reason contemporary women’s fashion dictates that any garment worn on the lower body must reach a minimum vertical height of the wearer’s bottom rib.” He goes to the kitchen and gets the coffee, Nescafe Gold Blend, and then he says:

CG: “Will Gold Blend be too good for your guests?”

Okay, back it way the fuck up, Baby Giles. You just met this woman, and you’re like, insulting her friends? Gold Blend is what is marketed in the US as Taster’s Choice. It’s freeze-dried instant coffee. It’s literally the worst thing you could ever put in your body. There should be something in the Geneva conventions saying you can’t use this shit to torture prisoners. Is he being sarcastic? Like, he’s making a jab about his embarrassing taste in coffee? I don’t know. All I know is, CL handles it like a boss:

CL2

See that face? That’s the face a cat makes when it finds its prey amusing, but ultimately it knows it will end up eating the mouse alive. CG is that mouse. If you haven’t watched the video (and why would you deny yourself?) let me assure you, the sexual tension is palpable.

Back at her dinner party, a friend asks CL if she’s met her new neighbor, and she says she’s gone over there for coffee. And it’s like, right away, you know something is up.

This ad, by the way, aired in November of 1987. Viewers had to wait until June of 1988 to see the next installment. I wonder if a second installment was ever intended, or if the restrained British heat of the first commercial formed an audience that demanded closure. But for whatever reason, people had to wait like six months for the next one.

This ad opens with… WHO IS THIS BITCH?!

thisbitch1

How dare she? We have waited six long, agonizing months– and these are 1987 months, so they’re like, thirteen times as long as the months we have today because of inflation– and CG is having dinner with another woman?

Well, CL rings his doorbell, and she says:

CL: “You saved my life the other night.”

CG: “The dinner party?”

CL: “The coffee. Very successful.”

CG: “How can you ever thank me?”

CL: “I’ll try and think of something.”

Oh, you know how she’s going to thank him. Other woman having dinner in the apartment? You better not pin your romantic hopes on CG. Because he’s taken, and he doesn’t even know it yet. CL brought him another jar of shit coffee to replace the shit coffee she borrowed, but he doesn’t invite her in, because, you know. That other woman.

CG: “Look, I’m in the middle of something right now, but perhaps–“

CL: “Perhaps.”

And then they leave it like that. They leave us teetering perilously on the very edge of ecstasy.

You know who I feel bad for? The woman in the apartment having dinner with CG. Because he’s going to go back to that table, make polite conversation, he might even fuck her, but he’ll be thinking about CL the whole time. He’ll make some vague promise to call her, but he won’t.

Man. I’m sorry, other lady. I’m sorry I called you a bitch.

And I'm sorry that this file is  named "thisbitch2.jpg"
And I’m sorry that this file is named “thisbitch2.jpg”

The next advertisement didn’t come out until October. Seriously, October. How long did it take to make a commercial in 1988?

CG is showing up to a dinner party, super late. The hostess is annoyed and tells him that they’re already on the coffee. And he sees it’s Gold Blend and he slaps her right across the face, because only the very worst people would ruin a fancy dinner party by ending it with freeze dried coffee. No, just kidding, he’s totally fucking psyched that they’re having Nescafe Gold. So psyched, he says the brand name out loud.

CG and the hostess go into the dining room, where he spots CL at the table. The gaze they share is positively dripping with unfulfilled longing:

CL3
CG2

The hostess tries to introduce them, but CG says he already knows her, and CL answers:

CL: “We, uh… share the same taste in coffee.”

The same terrible, terrible taste. CL asks CG if he’s always late, and he says he won’t be late tomorrow when they have dinner, which is smooth as hellllll.

CL: “What makes you think I’ll accept?”

CG: “You can’t resist my coffee.”

Now I want to know what’s wrong with this dude’s personality that the only thing he has going for him is coffee. And it’s really, really shitty coffee.

Midway through 1989, the Coffee People returned to us. They’ve just had dinner. One assumes this is the night after the dinner party they were at six months ago, so they are really stretching out the suspense here.

CL: “If this were a restaurant, they’d be putting chairs on tables about now.”

CG: “And I would be asking you back to my place for coffee.”

Look at this suave motherfucker right here:

CG4

He has her over for dinner at his apartment, so the question of whether she’ll come back to his place or not is pretty much answered. Then, of course, they banter about coffee. They end up pretty cozy on the couch, so you just know that tonight is the night.

makeouttime

Just when you think they’re going to make the artistic choice that sends their storyline the way of Moonlighting, CL gets up and says she has to go home, because she’s on an early flight to Milan:

CG: “That’s terrible.”

CL: “Why?”

CG: “They don’t serve Gold Blend in Milan.”

Damn Italians and their appreciation for good coffee.

The next ad came out in November of 1989. I’ve seen paranormal romance series that released faster than these commercials. How on earth did this captivate people for so long? I remember when the American ads were airing, people scheduled their viewing around them. People talked about them. I specifically remember my grandmother saying, “When are these two going to sleep together, already?” For some reason, my memories led me to believe that all of this happened within a few months. But this craze went on for years.

So, the next installment begins with… WHO IS THIS BITCH?!

thisotherbitch

CL says she’s going to go get changed. CHANGED! With another man in her house!

The homewrecker sees a cup of Gold Blend just sitting there, and he fucking picks it up like he owns the place:

coffee

So, CL goes to change, and of course, that’s when CG rings the bell, and this fucking joker answers the door. CG is visibly crushed:

CG5

That is the face of a man with a broken heart, and the restraint necessary to keep his fists from flying.

Then the interloper, the vile, vile interloper, has the fucking nerve to ask CG if he wants a cup of Gold Blend. I say again, how very dare you!

CL comes back from changing and asks who was at the door. And that jackass jerkwad guy in her house, who shouldn’t even be in her fucking house, says it a neighbor and that he told the neighbor that she was in the bedroom. And look at how pissed off she looks:

CL5

She’s upset because the guy, the homewrecker guy, didn’t tell CG who he was. The ad ends on this suspenseful note.

Fuck that homewrecker guy.

In June of 1990, the next installment aired. Are June and November considered sweeps weeks or something for British television? Because these are always right around those times. So, anyway. When we last left them (a paragraph ago) CG had just had his heart broken when he found another dude in CL’s apartment.

You know what I’m just starting to think? How the hell did people keep track of this story? It started in 1987, and it’s now 1990. That’s three years. Three years, and these things are like forty seconds long. How did people keep track of this convoluted romance?

Anyway, the commercial starts with CG going on a trip:

CG6

The elevator doors open and:

CL

I’m so glad she has her keys in her mouth. Because she was too perfect. She was just unbelievably perfect and beautiful and able to resist the strong sexual advances of 1980’s Anthony Head. She had to do something to make her seem more realistic. And who among us hasn’t been caught doing something momentarily embarrassing in an elevator?

CG tells CL that he’s going on a business trip for a month. Actually, he says he’s going on business and she’s like, “Long?” and D-Rock said, “Yes. Very. With some girth.” Which is probably why we don’t write ad copy.

CG: “I called round last night, but you had company.”

Oh snap, he’s calling her out on the dude in her apartment. Homewrecker is about to get his comeuppance. But it turns out that homewrecker is her brother! Oh my god, what a completely unanticipated turn of events! This changes everything!

Also, I’m sorry I called your brother a bitch.

And that this file is named thisotherbitch.jpg
And that this file is named thisotherbitch.jpg

But now CG’s going away on business for a month.

D-Rock: What the fuck kind of business is he in that he has to go away for a whole month?

Me: International drug dealer.

CL is having a cup of coffee (natch), when her phone rings. Guess who it is?!

CG7

It’s CG! He’s calling her from the airport, so you know they’re in true love! He tells her he’ll be in New York, and she asks if he took Gold Blend with him, and he’s like, “Why the fuck would I? That stuff is terrible. They have real coffee in America.” But actually, we still have shitty Gold Blend here, it’s just called Taster’s Choice. So either way, he’ll be fine. He also tells her that he’s going to be staying at The Plaza.

Now, what is she supposed to do with this information? The two of them live in an alternate timeline, wherein a day is equal to six months. These commercials come out literally every six months, and it’s always the next day. So, if she decides to go to New York to meet him, the next two commercials are going to just be booking the flight and checking into the hotel.

Of course, she wouldn’t have to check in. She could just stay in CG’s room. *eyebrows*

December, 1990. Okay. This is the one. This is the big one. Gird. Your. Loins.

CL is at work. It’s late. Everyone is going home. And then, who should show up, but:

CG8

CL: “You were supposed to be in New York.”

CG: “I didn’t like the coffee.”

This is really the first time when the coffee seems intrusive. Here’s why: every other situation they have been in has called for coffee. When you end a dinner party, when you have someone over, when you’re entertaining people in your home, generally, you offer coffee. No big. But this is like, she’s at work…

CL8

and she’s using the same fucking coffee cup. In fact… everyone is using the same fucking coffee cup:

coffee

makeouttime
CG2

And I'm sorry that this file is  named "thisbitch2.jpg"

 

So, there’s another frightening aspect of this alternate universe. Not only does time move differently, but there is only one kind of coffee mug. And it is super small.

CG says he thought CL would have come to New York, and she tries to play it off like she wasn’t planning on it… but her plane tickets are right the fuck on her desk. This is the moment, dear reader. No more pretending.

This

kiss2

Is.kiss3

Happening.

Just as they’re sharing their first, delicious, probably coffee-flavored kiss, the one we have been waiting for, at this point, for three years, the phone rings, interrupting them, and the ad is over.

Now, the next installment didn’t come until over a year later. A year. Can you imagine? Something like two whole days will have passed in their universe. What happened during those days? Did someone invent a new kind of coffee cup?

CG is at work, which is awesome, considering he was supposed to be in New York for a month and he came back because he didn’t like the coffee there. I mean, obviously, that’s a thin excuse, because he’s drinking instant coffee, so it’s not like he can tell the difference between good coffee and bad coffee. But still, why didn’t he get fired? He’s on the phone to CL. And things aren’t going well:

CL: “I  don’t think this is going to work.”

CG: “You may be right.”

CL: “We…we don’t seem to have much in common.”

Except for the fact that you’re both more in love with Gold Blend coffee than you are with each other. That’s something in common.

They list all the ways they have nothing in common, then arrive at the inevitable conclusion: they only thing they have in common is their coffee.

Later that night, CL calls CG, who is already in bed, and tells him she wants to see him.

Do you know how long they made everyone wait to find out what happens?

Not as long, actually. The next ad rolled in December 1991, if the YouTuber who uploaded it is correct. CG answers his ringing doorbell, expecting to find CL. Like, he hasn’t even bothered to get dressed, because he knows what is going to go down. But the woman on the other side of the door?

thispersonwhoisprobablynotabitch

Now, I am hesitant to call this person a bitch. Because she might not be. I can’t allow myself to keep having these anti-feminist knee-jerk reactions, especially when the couple I’m rooting for is on the rocks, anyway. But I’m a little pissed off that this woman gets a name– Laura– when I don’t yet know the name of my beautiful, perfect Coffee Goddess.

We’re sticking with CL for her, by the way, because two CGs would just be confusing.

Laura just waltzes on in to the apartment, while CG tries to explain that he’s expecting someone. And Laura asks for a cup of coffee. Excuse me, Laura, but the man is expecting someone. He is expecting someone while in his bathrobe. He is busy.

CG answers the door for CL, and she’s totally psyched to hook up, but as she’s kissing CG, Laura comes in and starts talking:

kiss4

And Laura is drinking coffee. Probably Gold Blend. Out of the same damn coffee cup:

Laura

And CG is like:

thefuck?

The fuck?

Okay, can we just consider for a moment that this advertisement is actually working against the product it is trying to sell? Seriously, this is a ballsy move. In the past, the coffee has been the thing that brings them together. Remember, it’s the only thing they have in common. The coffee is the glue that holds their fragile union together. And then this b–Laura waltzes in and just takes it. Why didn’t CG order her out? Why did he let her stay and have coffee? This doesn’t even speak highly of the fact that this is instant coffee. This advertisement is saying, “If you use this coffee, it won’t be finished fast enough that your girlfriend or ex or whoever isn’t still standing in your living room drinking it when the hot piece next door comes by for a booty call.”

Speaking of booty, go back up to the top and rewatch those commercials, but mentally substitute “booty” for every time they say “coffee.” Thank @esposa_de_olivia for that one.

So, now we’re associating Gold Blend with the destruction of a television relationship we’ve been invested in for four years. Who thought this was a good idea?

The next ad doesn’t come out to clear up whatever was going on until August of 1992. In it, CG pulls his car up next to CL’s and tries to explain about “last night.” He says Laura is just an old friend, and CL seems pretty unconcerned about the whole thing, but in that way women seem unconcerned about stuff when they’re suuuuuuuuper pissed.

At work, using the same damn coffee cups, a suave Italian gentlemen compliments CL’s choice of Gold Blend, and her presentation, and asks her to dinner.

Italian

Here he is, clearly confused by the English custom of talking mainly about coffee.

On their way out of the building, a receptionist stops CL to tell her that “he”– the unnamed CG– has called five times. So, he’s seriously trying to get her back.

The saga concludes in the advertisement that aired in December of 1992. Let’s really get our heads around this: it has been five years since CL first batted her big doe eyes at CG and asked to borrow some awful coffee. And in the interim, it’s been a whole week. A whole week! So what the world viewed as a torturously unrequited love affair was really just a whirlwind courtship between two people who get serious with romantic partners way too fast.

Anyway, this is how the story ends. CL is at dinner with the Italian businessman.

Oh my god. The Italian Businessman’s Coffee Lady. It could be a Harlequin Presents novel.

Anyway, she’s at dinner with the Italian businessman, and who should show up to crash it?

CG9

He runs up to the table and says:

CG: “Always the same restaurant. I thought we had this thing under control.”

CL: “What?!”

CG: “Can we afford another scandal? Even the children are starting to ask questions–“

IB: “Excuse me–“

CG: “I’m sorry, you wouldn’t happen to be Italian?”

IB: “Yes–“

CG: “Opera lover? It’s always Italians.”

Basically, he just shows up and makes it seem like he and CL have a much deeper commitment than they actually have. Keeping mind, it’s only been like, what? Seven days? Even if we gave it the benefit of the doubt and said, “Okay, he was in America for some time, possibly weeks,” this is still incredibly creepy behavior. Even worse, he physically lifts her out of her chair and ushers her away.

creep

At another table, I assume at the same restaurant and not, you know, at the second location, they have this conversation:

CL: “I don’t know why I let you do that.”

CG: “Because I s–“

CL: “Because you serve better coffee.”

CG: “[something I can’t quite catch] Because I love you.”

He loves her. Really think about the timeline of this thing. Maybe this kind of stuff is normal in the nightmare hellworld they inhabit, where awful coffee isn’t just the only available beverage, but the only topic of conversation, but it’s not normal in real life. The genius of these ads, however, is that they doled out the crazy in small doses, over a wide swath of time, so that the viewer probably ignored all that “last night” business and mentally reconfigured the timeline.

CL never responds to CG’s declaration of love, and there weren’t any more ads. Well, there were, but they were in America for Taster’s Choice, with the same actors using unconvincing and mildly insulting American accents, and the whole courtship angle started over and went off into a different storyline. If only, if ONLY, there were some way to find out what happened after that night. If only I could spend more time with these people in their strangely fascinating alternate universe. If only–

love over gold cover

This is on Amazon right now. Say thank you to @Kinelfire for this.

I am not even going to pretend that I did not buy this book IMMEDIATELY. And my expected delivery date is VALENTINE’S DAY.

It’s like they know.

 

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68 Comments

  1. Laina
    Laina

    I have no idea what’s going on here, but I’m kind of enjoying it XD

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  2. Jessica
    Jessica

    I’m counting on you to give us a detailed recap of that book.

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  3. “Gold Blend is what is marketed in the US as Taster’s Choice.”

    Which tells you all you need to know about how vile coffee was in the UK at the end of the 80’s. I know. I was there.

    Fortunately, it got better 🙂

    I saw these ads but I’ve never been into sagas, so never really followed this or paid any attention. When Head became Giles (whom I adored) I was so pissed off that I’d missed the chance to adore him sooner!

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  4. Megan M.
    Megan M.

    I love this! I kind of remember those commercials but I was too young to really “get” the story. Pre-Giles is delicious, though. And yes, you HAVE to recap that book. Pleeeeaaaase!

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  5. Kate Bryan
    Kate Bryan

    I’m almost 100% sure there was a different story and cast for this in Australia.

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        Awwww should have read the whole thing first, seems Rhonda is wildly popular lol.

        January 18, 2014
        |Reply
      • I remember the Australian ones. The lady had long wispy hair and she had just moved to the country. I can’t find anything about it on the net but I’ll try again later. Was it Blend 43 or Gold? I’ll keep looking.

        January 18, 2014
        |Reply
      • So this was bugging me so much, I had a team of people helping me look it up. And look. Here’s the first one. Where city lady moves to the country and shares the first of many coffees with single dad.

        http://youtu.be/qf-gfh8-CBc

        And this is the last one, where she helps the daughter tell her dad she wants to leave small country town.

        http://youtu.be/qf-gfh8-CBc

        there are a lot in between, but that’s a start.

        January 19, 2014
        |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        Great google-fu Kate. I’d forgotten how….. pan-pipey those ads were.

        January 20, 2014
        |Reply
  6. Anonymous
    Anonymous

    Man I LOVE Adventure Time! My husband and I have just caught up on the current season, but my boyfriend is lagging in a way that is just unacceptable.

    The whole Simon and Marcy thing has me gripped though and I wanna see more of it like nowwwwwwwww

    Have you read the comics?

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  7. My memories are kinda fuzzy but I remember a series of ads with neighbours insult-flirting each other over what my mother called coffee for lazy people. Only she did so in German and am pretty sure we had German cast, too.
    On a side note, Australia is enjoying a series of ads about a holiday romance of ‘safe driver’ Rhonda with a Thai (?) Hotel employee named Ketut for about 2 years now. Its for an insurance and they wanted to stop it, as they weren’t sure about the theme anymore and the actors wanted to move on, but people protested as the romance had not come to conclusion…
    Search the names on YouTube and “smile like a sunrise”…:)

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
      • The insurance themselves have put them all on youtube, lol, if you want to see them all user aamiinsurance …(eh, not working for them, but I knda liked the theme actually, especially the casting)

        January 17, 2014
        |Reply
    • Anonymous
      Anonymous

      Ketut is Indonesian, more specifically Balinese. In the final ad he says ‘saya cinta kamu’ which means ‘I love you’ in Indonesian. Finally 5 and a half years of high school Indonesian came in handy! Haha.

      January 18, 2014
      |Reply
      • Oh! Didn’t know. =D very cute.. Indonesion-Australian love affair, not exactly what is happening in politics currently but hey…

        January 18, 2014
        |Reply
      • Anonymous
        Anonymous

        You know it suburp.

        January 19, 2014
        |Reply
  8. Miss Mo
    Miss Mo

    According to the wiki entry, they did a different storyline and (kinda bad) American accents for the Taster’s Choice story. I could only find one online. I need the rest, gahdahmmit!

    I vaguely remember that Coffee Lady had a son, and wasn’t he the cockblocker, rather like the Brit brother?

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  9. This is so fucking amazing. I can’t even express how hard it was for me to stifle my laughter so my poor husband can get some sleep. Thank you, Jenny. I needed that.

    January 17, 2014
    |Reply
  10. I had completely forgotten about the coffee couple! I think their story is more enjoyable through your retelling. Hilarious post! And I’m probably going to buy that story…

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  11. Some ads have better story than some books…:-D

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  12. I just have to express how adorable it is that you called Anthony Head “baby Giles” lmao

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  13. Flo
    Flo

    That was great Jenny, loved it! And Tasters Choice really was shit coffee, my grandma used to drink it–blech!!!!!

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  14. Ahaha! I was reading this, smiling, thinking it was just a cute recap about the coffee couple and then BAM turns out it’s a lead in to a book. A book I dearly hope you’ll be recapping for us as soon as possible because I NEED to know what happened to the coffee couple!

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  15. Clare
    Clare

    Coffee Girl = Sharon Maughan (British actress)
    Sharon Maughan + Trevor Eve (British actor) = Alice Eve (US-based British actress)

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  16. Zee
    Zee

    At first! this rang no bells, but I was two for the first advert, so maybe that’s why. But then I remembered the later ones as you carried on with this blog post. I never knew they were actually so popular, they just got in the way of my cartoons.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
    • Zee
      Zee

      Ignore that exclamation mark, my iPad had a life of it’s own that post. Was hard enough making it read what I was saying, without worrying about random extra punctuation.

      January 18, 2014
      |Reply
  17. Ilex
    Ilex

    I’d forgotten all about those commercials! And wow, Jen, thanks for making me laugh, hard, at a time when I really need it. What a great idea for a post. And I can’t wait to hear about that Love Over Gold book.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  18. Sara
    Sara

    Jenny, is Neil Elwood based on Anthony Head? I can totally picture Anthony as Neil especially this wonderfully creepy and incredibly sexual commercial 😉

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  19. manybellsdown
    manybellsdown

    I love that the tagline on the book is “the untold story of TV’s greatest romance”. Greatest. Romance.

    Because the 80’s didn’t have, like, “The Thorn Birds” or anything.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
    • Highlander II
      Highlander II

      “The Thorn Birds” is awesome. That is all.

      January 20, 2014
      |Reply
  20. Regina Chapman
    Regina Chapman

    I love you. That is all.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  21. Betty
    Betty

    This is like the twitter version of a soap opera.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  22. Kelsey
    Kelsey

    So I see this post, but have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. So I begin scrolling past it to get to the next post.

    … And then Anthony Head screencaps happened.

    Now I have to go back and read it.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  23. Elisa C
    Elisa C

    This. Is. AMAZING.

    January 18, 2014
    |Reply
  24. Ren
    Ren

    Haha, yeah. We’ve done a few of these here in Britain since then. There was a chocolates one I think… The most recent one is the BT (British Telecom) couple/family. It’s been going on for a long time now, and they were really high profile for a while. BT even had people voting about whether or not they should get married etc. The adverts are still continuing with the couple’s son now that he’s in university.

    January 19, 2014
    |Reply
    • zee
      zee

      Is that the link? I only used to like those because they had Nick from My Family in them. What happened to him after Love, Actually?

      January 19, 2014
      |Reply
      • Ren
        Ren

        He was in an accident of some sort I think, which is why he had to stop doing the adverts :/ He’s ok now though, he’s just started in the tv comedy/crime show ‘Death in Paradise’. 🙂

        January 20, 2014
        |Reply
    • zee
      zee

      I am looking for that show!

      January 20, 2014
      |Reply
      • Ren
        Ren

        It’s on series three now I think which is where he first arrives. The first two series are about another detective who is equally as cool and worth watching 😉

        January 21, 2014
        |Reply
  25. I remember these! Every time one aired my parents would launch into a rant about how shitty the coffee was. 😀

    January 19, 2014
    |Reply
  26. Thank you Jenny for sharing this wonderfully witty interpretation of these commercials for that – um – wonderful coffee. (eeeewww!) I laughed so hard and loud my cat went and hid. You are right! The coffee was shit, but the commercials managed to captivate us. The eighties and nineties were weird! Thank you for the walk down memory lane. Loved it!

    January 19, 2014
    |Reply
  27. Highlander II
    Highlander II

    While looking for the US versions of the commercials, I found this: http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-23026797.html

    These silly commercials went on in the US for 8 YEARS! And ended w/ a viewers’ choice vote of which guy the CL would end up with – CG or her ex-hubby (I think that’s who he was). I’ll let you guess who won. =)

    January 20, 2014
    |Reply
  28. Dracon Ra
    Dracon Ra

    To bad, we didn’t have Anthony Head.

    We had him:

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b_BidjAQZQ&w=420&h=315]

    January 20, 2014
    |Reply
  29. V
    V

    Wasn’t there also another coffee series around the same time, or maybe a little later, that had a family? I think it was Folger’s.

    January 20, 2014
    |Reply
  30. You know, none of the middle ones would have made any sense at all for people that hadn’t seen the first ones. This is horrible marketing, lol!

    January 21, 2014
    |Reply
  31. This is awesome. My husband actually remembers the commercials. When I was reading this post to him he said “She’s going to give him a cup of her decaf…complete with cream and sugar…” and I completely lost it. He also even remembered the name of her plane tickets. I think he was one of those consumers who followed the coffee couple.

    Yes, blog the book. Do it!!

    January 21, 2014
    |Reply
  32. So, I never saw these commercials, possibly because my TV viewing was incredibly limited in the 90s, or possibly because I’m Canadian.

    But your post was hilarious and I laughed several times, and now I will watch them. Also, I’m pretty sure Tim Horton’s has been attempting to harken back to the Coffee People commercials with their latest holiday commercial, but it just comes off as creepy and stalkery (even Mr. Katje was like, “Yep, coffee commercial for stalkers.”).

    It’s also for very shitty coffee.

    Tim Horton’s “Hi” commercial

    January 24, 2014
    |Reply
    • Ok now that I’ve watched them…

      Anthony Head could almost convince me to drink that shitty, shitty coffee. ALMOST.

      January 24, 2014
      |Reply
  33. I like your website substance dialect right much,can I on my website reprint your article?

    February 3, 2014
    |Reply
  34. Oh and I am not a Liverpool or Chelsea supporter, even so the way the Liverpool fans were still singing You’ll Hardly ever Walk alone when their team was losing and the game was almost finished was pretty. Big respect.

    February 3, 2014
    |Reply
  35. seo
    seo

    Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

    February 4, 2014
    |Reply
  36. Rachel Oz
    Rachel Oz

    Found your page through a cross-posting from Jessica W. Luther. HILARIOUS! I’m also loving your Buffy re-watch.

    February 7, 2014
    |Reply
  37. Ash
    Ash

    I actually became wicked emotionally invested in these. I almost want to go out and buy Gold Blend and hit on my gorgeous neighbor.

    December 30, 2014
    |Reply
  38. Cristin Easton
    Cristin Easton

    This. This post right here. This is one of the many reasons I heart you so much, Jen. OMG WE NEED TO GET A CAST TOGETHER AND MAKE SPOOF ADS OF THIS OVER THE SUMMER!!!!!! Make it be so. Also, please a Card Against Humanity for “Unrequited alternate dimension British Nescafe love stories.”

    March 20, 2015
    |Reply
  39. […] Choice coffee people ads (here one of my favourite authors / bloggers, Jenny Trout, gives us a complete recap on the series and it’s brilliant), or the old lady who wailed piteously “I’ve […]

    March 26, 2015
    |Reply
  40. Is it just me or does the assistant at the end of the one where she heads out for dinner with The Italian look and sound like Shirley Henderson, who played Moaning Myrtle? The internet is, frustratingly, not offering up any proof for or against this.

    April 20, 2015
    |Reply
  41. Wartgin
    Wartgin

    While you’re talking commercials, does anyone remember or can find the recycling commercial which starts with the camera panning a beautiful forest glade while the voiceover talks about karma being the concept that one gets rewarded in the next life for good actions in the previous one. Eventually the camera focuses on an SUV sitting in a beam of sunlight while the narrator continues “in its last life this was a VERY good washing machine.”
    I think it was from the U.S. Steel Council.

    December 4, 2020
    |Reply
  42. Grand Teton wildlife viewing is regularly referred to some of the best in the US. Bear, Bison, Moose, Elk, Pronghorn, Eagles, and more are regularly seen throughout the park. Looking for the best place to see bears in Grand Teton National Park? These places change regularly, and your best option is to ask at a Visitor Center or Activity Desk once you are in the park. The Activity Desk at Jackson Lake Lodge keeps a log of recent animal sightings. However, some of the best spots for wildlife viewing generally are the Willow Flats in front of Jackson Lake Lodge, Oxbow Bend, Elk Ranch Flats, and Moose.

    April 17, 2021
    |Reply

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