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Wednesday Blogging: 10 Random Things About Me

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This week’s Wednesday Blogging topic is ten random things you didn’t know about me. Which is going to be difficult, because I’m pretty much an open book on social media. But I’ll try.

I cry every time I hear the song “Little Wonders” by Rob Thomas.  In part because I am an epic Disney nerd, and it reminds me of the beautiful Walt Disney quote woven into the movie Meet the Robinsons. But mostly because my BFF Jill and I are coming up on our twentieth friendiversary in September, and we trade that song back and forth as a little friend note on Spotify. It reminds me of how much I love her, and I get choked up.

Literally nothing on this planet scares me more than the looming spectre of my own mortality, and WebMD isn’t helping. This one is a little odd, for someone who spent the last four years battling suicidal thoughts, but I am terrified of dying. Every little ache or pain I have, I attribute it to some possible disease I’m surely going to succumb to before my time. So I get on WebMD’s symptom checker, find out I have every possible cancer, and then stay up all night panicking.

Whenever I need a lift, I watch YouTube videos of turtles/tortoises humping things and each other. These shelled bastards are apparently full-time horny, and indiscriminate about their sexual partners.

This one is a boot.

This one is a bag of trash (this one is gold for both the fact that this turtle is humping a bag of trash and the inquisitive child in the background whose mom provides hilarious off-the-cuff answers).

When I was younger, my friend Holly and I used to have weird shared dreams. I don’t believe in most supernatural stuff, but my friend Holly and I used to have frequent dreams wherein we could call each other the next day and know what we said to each other in our dreams the night before. It was never, ever important stuff.

I’m actually a pretty good singer. Not at karaoke or anything, that’s just for fun and generally ends in tragedy. But I’ve received both classical training and musical theatre training. I’m a bit rusty (haven’t had a class since 2008), but I do try to practice and keep up on my skills. I’m a lyric mezzo with a high tessitura. I’ve done solos in a few musicals and have a fucking excellent amount of Sondheim in my personal repertoire.

I believe I have been messed with by aliens. Not in a funny, quirky, hey guys, I’ve been abducted way, but in a really disconcerting way. I was fifteen, riding in a car with my friend Holly and her parents when all four of us saw a really bizarre thing in the sky. It was dark, so we couldn’t see the actual object, but there was a crazy bright light– the intensity of the light on the cop car that shines right into your fucking side mirror when they pull you over, but a bluer white– that would dart forward, disappear, then reappear a distance behind its position when it disappeared. We figured this meant some part of whatever this aircraft was had some rotation to it. Anyway, the next day all of us distinctly remembered seeing the object. But we couldn’t remember getting home. All of us were “missing time” from just after we saw the thing to the next morning, and all of us had slept in our clothes.

im-not-saying-it-was-aliens

If something can be cooked on the George Foreman Grill, I will cook it on the George Foreman Grill. Even if it seems wholly unadvised, I will try. I have cooked swordfish on the George Foreman Grill.

Due to a misunderstanding regarding change of address and voter registration, I did not vote in the 2000 election. To this day, I am convinced that I am solely responsible for George W. Bush’s presidency.

I'm sorry I'm so sorry

 

 Speaking of Presidents, I spent my thirteenth birthday at the White House and The Pentagon. My uncle was in the US Air Force, and he was on a flight that was awarded the Mackay Trophy, which, if you’re unfamiliar, is a BFD.  They received the award for “extraordinary resourcefulness and unusual presence of mind during an unprovoked attack in international airspace,” and you can see the info here. My family got to travel to Washington, D.C., for the ceremony and fun stuff like meeting congress people and generals and stuff. On my birthday, we toured the White House, then the Pentagon, where the ceremony was held. We even got a special Air Force escort who had a lot of impressive decorations on his uniform. Even though it was basically an amazing birthday already, my aunt and uncle were worried I would feel like my birthday was overshadowed, so they got me a cake and presents and we had a party in the hotel room.

 I have really ugly feet. They’re like a horror show of thick and peeling dead skin, malformed toenails, weirdly bent toes and corpselike discoloration. Mr. Jen says he loves me in spite of my feet. That’s how bad they are. They are such a nightmare, I wouldn’t show them for my Jenny Tries column about foot scrubs. They’re just hideous.

Check out ten random facts about these other authors:

Bronwyn Green
Jessica Jarman
Kelsey St. James
Kris Norris
Leigh Jones 

29 Comments

  1. Tennnnnaaaaaannnnntttt!

    I need an app that flashes random Tennant pics at me every morning to start my day off right.

    I think the WebMD thing is fairly common. Lord knows I do it too.

    April 9, 2014
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    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      That would be a great idea for an app. You’re gonna make millions.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  2. Jon
    Jon

    *sympathy and such like with the hypochondria* I have something similar and I hate it. I only look up diseases I don’t worry about and even then tend to skip the symptoms section!

    April 9, 2014
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    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      I always latch onto one symptom that could really be anything, and decide I’m dying.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  3. I prefer to blame second Bush presidency on my step father. I’m convinced he found a way to vote multiple times.

    April 9, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      I was working at a nursing home then, and people would fill out their comatose parents’ ballots. It was gross.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  4. Promise
    Promise

    Don’t worry, all feet are gross. There’s no such thing as nice, attractive feet. Even the feet on foot models are disgusting.

    /I guess one of the facts about me is that I hate feet. I have the opposite of a foot-fetish.

    April 9, 2014
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    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      HA! “The opposite of a foot-fetish” made laugh.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  5. AD
    AD

    A) Aliens are freaky
    B) I just finished The Bride and I’m begging you to give us something like The Hook-Up to break up the next looooong year until The Ex! 🙂

    April 9, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      I would love to. I hope I can!

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  6. I’m with Promise: there’s no such thing as attractive feet, only less ugly feet. Yours sound pretty similar to mine. I like to go without shoes as much as possible and it shows.

    I used to love the Foreman grill. Our old one died about ten years after we got it, so I bought one of those fancy Foreman grills that can make waffles and shit to replace it. That fucker broke about six months in. I have been waffle-less ever since.

    April 9, 2014
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    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      Yeah, I have hobbit feet, too. All thick on the bottom.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  7. Kelsey
    Kelsey

    Oh my god the sounds the turtles make. Oh my fucking god.

    April 9, 2014
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    • Kelsey
      Kelsey

      Also I never actually considered the fact that turtles would hump things reallly slowly. Haha.

      April 9, 2014
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    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      RIGHT?! I wonder if they think people sound weird having sex.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  8. Alexis
    Alexis

    Your second one oddly comforted me. I’m currently going through my annual spring existential crisis (I guess something about sunlight and rebirth makes me think of dying) and I am currently convinced that I have stage five lung cancer and will be dead like next week. Good to know I’m not the only one who does that. Note: I did the same exact thing last year–lung cancer and everything–and nearly gave myself a nervous bteakdown. The brain never learns…

    April 10, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      I just had a shave biopsy for what turned out to be dermatitis. I feel your pain.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  9. Katiedidwhat
    Katiedidwhat

    My best friend in high school and I did the dream thing once. Ours overlapped: she could describe where I was in my dream and picked up describing the scene where I left off upon waking up, only from her point of view. I have never, ever heard anyone describe anything like that before or since (except for a weird case of dreaming/astral projection that might have just been a ghost story, not actually a real thing).

    Glad to share that experience with someone else who wasn’t involved.

    I wasn’t abducted by aliens, though. Glad not to share that one, but that potentially sucks for you. Like when the eggs finally hatch. (I’m sorry if that makes your WebMD sense tingle, but you’re fine. Promise. It wasn’t aliens. Anyway, you’ve got three other friends it might happen to first!)

    April 10, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      I do wonder if they put a tracking device in there. But isn’t the dream thing bizarre? I figure it has to do with the fact that separation is an illusion and we’re all touching.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  10. Flo
    Flo

    Thanks for the laugh this morning Jenny–especially the George Bush part!!!

    April 10, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      Yeah, my bad on that one.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  11. Siobhan
    Siobhan

    1) I run a test on symptom checkers — I put in “chest pain” and “left arm numb/tingling” and if it doesn’t tell me I am having a heart attack, I move on. Not ONE has ever said “CALL 911 RIGHT NOW, DUMBASS!” None have even given a correct diagnosis. OTOH, whenever I have flu-like symptoms over my period, I always go to the doctor and tell them I am wearing a tampon. THE PACKAGE INSERT SAYS I HAVE TO DO THIS.

    2) in 2000, I lived in Massachusetts, which was a 100% safe Gore state according to Nader-trader. I walked into the voting booth prepared to vote for Nader, to make a statement, and at the last minute, fear of a W. Presidency made me vote for Gore. Massachusetts went for Gore. YOU’RE WELCOME.

    3) I have very pretty feet — when people ask me what my best feature is, I mention my feet (it’s sure as hell not going to be my weak chin, flabby arms, or prominent forehead). My feet look like people imagine a dancer’s feet SHOULD look — high arches, dainty toes… IOW before dancers have ruined them by, like, DANCING on them.

    April 10, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      I get “go to the hospital immediatly!” all the time! But I guess the TSS risk had something to do with super absorbent rayon tampons or something? IDK, a doctor told me that once.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  12. Laura
    Laura

    This is a really great 10 things! But the best part is the aliens. Not in a funny way, but in an OMG I think you were abducted by aliens way. Have you ever thought about writing something based on that? And if not, would you think it was weird and exploitative if someone else did, or cool and interesting?

    April 10, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      It would probably be cool and interesting. I would never write it, because like… I don’t have any details about it. It’s basically just a story about going to bed in your clothes.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  13. OMG, I didn’t put my WebMD problem on my list. And you know it’s a problem, Jen. LOL I feel cruddy, I look sypmtoms up and am soon telling husband, “I really believe I have #&((*#&$(#* Mediterranean Fever and should probably go it.” He looks up from whatever he’s doing, looking so calm in the face of what I’ve told him, which is just wrong! And says, “Honey, you’re not of Meditarranean descent, you do not have that. Go to bed.”

    *sigh* This happens to often than I want to admit.

    And you have an AMAZING voice. Granted, I’ve never heard you in a “professional” setting and I have zero knowledge of music (that skipped right over me), but I know what I like and have been around enough professional music stuff that….fuck it all, you’re amazing. Period. So there.

    April 10, 2014
    |Reply
    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      You and I need to make a pact to not get freaked about webmd.

      April 13, 2014
      |Reply
  14. Dude, I totally believe you on the aliens thing, because my mom had an alien encounter. Not the experience of losing time, but she was driving and saw alien ships *racing* her, before speeding off and disappearing in a flash of light. Apparently aliens get frigging bored up in Yukon and need to race the locals.

    I’m also pretty sure I’ve seen ships in the sky — lights that didn’t move like any human aircraft I’m aware of. But I didn’t get the same close up view my mom did — the ships racing her were parallel to her car on a long stretch of highway — so I’m not entirely certain.

    Anyway. I’m a total Mulder when it comes to aliens (except on the History channel, jfc), so I got your back bro.

    April 16, 2014
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    • JennyTrout
      JennyTrout

      It amazes me how many people will believe without a doubt that ghosts are real, but aliens seem CRAAAAZY, lol. Glad to meet another Mulder.

      April 18, 2014
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