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Wednesday Blogging: Clear My History When I Die

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This week, we’re supposed to blog about what our internet search history says about us.

Hooh, boy.

1. I am struggling to find the perfect pattern to knit for Billy Joel’s Christmas present. That’s all one could possibly construe from the eleven tabs open to Ravelry and Wikipedia articles about Billy Joel’s songs. I don’t want to ruin the surprise for you, Mr. Joel, but I think it’s going to be the brown shawl Claire wore in last week’s Outlander.

2. I am struggling to find the perfect pattern to knit for the Baltimore police department’s Christmas present. Same reasons as above, except for the part about Billy Joel’s discography.  Merry Christmas, Baltimore PD. I think you’re getting this lace work shawl.

3. I’ve missed seven dentist appointments. Just look at my google calendar!

4. I look at way too much porn. Bullshit. No such thing. Plus, it’s research that I’m looking at all these highly inappropriate .gifs of men in suits forcing their fingers into hot brunettes’ mouths.

5. I’m trying to help Billy Joel send his Nintendo 3DS for repairs. That’s the only explanation for why I’ve visited the lyrics page for “Allentown” thirty times in the past four days, and why this UPS label .pdf is open in Chrome.

What confusing or horrible things will your internet search history say about you?

Check out what these Wednesday bloggers don’t want you to see in their bookmarks folder:

Bronwyn Green • Jessica Jarman • Gwendolyn Cease •

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  1. Alexis

    Well I have absolutely googled both “manatee penis” and “panda penis” in the past, so that looks…untiward. Also my bookmarks are currently a weird mix of bridal bitdcage veils (the wedding’s in two days!) and BDSM porn. And one Mario flash game. Someone should probably just burn my laptop if I die.

    September 17, 2014
    • JennyLouWho

      Yay wedding!!! I hope you take time to enjoy your day and feel surrounded by love.

      September 17, 2014
  2. Gwen Cease
    Gwen Cease

    Too much porn?? There’s no such thing! Besides I call stuff like that research. I mean we write erotic romance so yeah we have to look at porn. It’s required. My history also has stuff about the coroner and where it is in town, but hey I can’t be arrested for that. Can I????

    September 17, 2014
  3. That I’m boring and spend too much time on Facebook, on writing sites and gardening sites, and that I have a problematic car because I keep looking up car problems and how to fix it.

    September 17, 2014
  4. Amber

    Er… that I am five years old, judging by the roughly a dozen Etsy shops that sell My Little Pony plushes.

    That I have an obsession with making fun of things. Which is why there are several sites dedicated to making fun of book covers, such as:

    Porn. Because, come on. I’m human.

    That I can’t handle not knowing how things end, which is why I have plot summaries open for a couple shows and books i’m into right now.

    September 17, 2014
  5. Billy Joel is going to look stunning in that shawl.

    September 17, 2014
  6. Gray

    I am obviously looking for a job. If it is writing related, that would be perfect. If it has something to do with The Hunger Games or more specifically, the upcoming third movie, then much better. LOL. I have also googled a lot about this celebrity vet that I have recently fallen in love with, and well, of pictures of him shirtless. So. Hmm.

    “Plus, it’s research that I’m looking at all these highly inappropriate .gifs of men in suits forcing their fingers into hot brunettes’ mouths” —> just so you know, I totally made pterodactyl noises when I read this. Something that vaguely sounded like “NEILANDSOPHIETHEEXOMGPLEASE”

    September 18, 2014
  7. ScarlettP

    That I have a horrible skin disease, perhaps caused by some kind of insect infestation I may have picked up while visiting a temple in Indonesia, but that I like to keep my beard neatly trimmed.

    I’m a professional translator, so my search history is all over the map, dictated by whatever sort of text I’m translating at any given moment.

    September 18, 2014
  8. Tori

    All my porn watching is done incognito, so none of that. If I die, anyone looking is going to wonder if I did anything else besides read Avengers fanfic. Especially if they check my phone’s history. It’s all facebook and AO3. Oh I also googled which male celebrities have the best butts for a comment on Jezebel the other day. SHOCKINGLY, a couple of those happened to be in the Avengers. God I’m pathetic.

    September 18, 2014
  9. Flo

    Should we warn Billy Joel???

    September 19, 2014
  10. might I humbly suggest blogging your watching of Outlander? 🙂

    September 19, 2014
    • Heidi

      Yes, YES, PLEASE!!

      September 19, 2014
  11. Mitzy247

    I’m currently obsessed with the possibility of buying The Sims 4, so there’s a ton of searches for reviews and fan sites. Many searches for movie and TV characters to copy into the game.

    Searched for asthma symptoms since we just got my son diagnosed.

    I think the weirdest thing was a search I did after finding out there’s such a thing as a grown-up Sofia the First and Cedric shipper. Someone made some beautiful art for it.

    September 20, 2014
    • Kait

      That’s what mine is too! Sims 4 and asthma/recurring pneumonia (boyfriend) symptoms. I caved on Sims 4. Origin gives a 24 hour request refund. It reminds me of the first Sims, but with better graphics and interactions. The new interface is hard to get used to but I think it needs expansions soon 🙂 my 2¢

      September 21, 2014

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